Have you come out to your wife? Do you plan to?

This topic contains 64 replies, has 48 voices, and was last updated by  Nancee Smith 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #132713
     Nancee Smith 
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    My interest in dressing has a firl began at 8 or 9 . I was 23 when I married my first wife. We dated since high school and I was positive she would never accept any form of crossdresssing . But being young and naive I felt that getting married would eliminate my desires to dress. Obviously we all know it doesn’t work that way . The desire was always there but I did hold off for about 5 yrs. At that point I was convinced even more that she wouldn’t accept it , not even panty wearing . Around year 8 I slipped up and she found two pairs of panties in the pocket of my work pants . She accused me of cheating at which time I revealed to her that they were mine. My theory was correct , she wouldn’t accept any of it and was almost hostile about it. At her request I went to counseling which she thought would “cure” me . Again we all know it doesn’t work that way . I purged and promised to not wear , which lasted less then a year . I wasn’t very good at hiding things and she found panties and other lingerie a number of times . In a strange twist she would keep the panties and wear them herself ( I’ve never figured that one out any help with that one would be appreciated  ) for a number of reasons not related to crossdressing I decided to seek divorce after 35 yrs . It was an ugly 4 years where she outted me to our children, family and friends.  Actually if that’s what it took to get out of the marriage I gladly paid it . I remarried his year to a fabulous women who might understand my crossdressing if I told her , which I haven’t . I have figured out through the years that dressing up is something I enjoy doing on my own, private time just for me . I’ve never worked at being passable. I have really no desire to go out in public . I enjoy being a man. A man who also loves  wearing women’s clothes . I don’t think I’d be comfortable dressing in front of my wife . This may change as I get older but I don’t think so. Do any other girls here feel that way ?

     

     

     

     

  • #127416
     Jessica Summer 
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    I have told my wife and children. One child is not happy others are doing good trying to get use to the change.

    🤗😘

    Jessica

  • #127319
     Nancy Gamms 
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    • Started dressing young mostly panties and pantyhose, some of moms skirts or dresses sometimes
    • in college had lingerie, heels, and a sweater dress but no makeup or wig, also lived with a girl and tried on a few of her things secretly when she would go home for a weekend
    • was living with her when I met my wife, I told her I liked to dress before we moved in together after graduating; she was not very accepting and I tried to purge, she took my box of stuff to her apartment
    • I dressed a time or two in her apt when she was not there, I have no idea if she went through the box or not
    • We move in, she finds her shoes out of place, I tell her what lingerie I wore and she tries to give it to me cause she isn’t going to wear it
    • Few years later she found hair from a wig (my first); i purge
    • I begin to get my own things a few years later and I start traveling with work which give some opportunities
    • Few years later she found panties in the washer, and threw them out and told me; I did not purge then but have a number of times not listed here
    • Few years later (2014) she found a closed work case that had my stash in it; didn’t say anything until I took the case on a driving trip and texted that night saying she knew I took my stash; I was fully dressed while texting; I asked when she found the out to which she replied “20 years ago”; purged again;
    • we have never really talked about it and I have no idea what she assumes but she must know/assume it isn’t going away and I do it when I travel.  But I don’t think she knows the extent of it or what she thinks I look like.  I treat it as don’t ask don’t tell.
    • I have more stuff now than I ever have; some is stashed with xmas things and some is in my closet in zip up suit bags; I need to thin it out a bit.  I don’t plan to purge again and hope to push for under dressing once our youngest kid goes to college next year and see where it goes from there.
  • #124125
     Anonymous
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    When I knew she was ‘the one’ I  discussed my dressing. She in turn discussed some mild lesbian encounters when younger. She helped me dress in her clothes initially, then we progressed to my own outfits. Many years on, its a mutually agreed special occasion. She doesn’t mind me dressing alone, but it’s extra special when we both dress together. X

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  • #122577
     Anonymous
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    No. I experienced such a strong reaction to her discovering that I was underdressing with panties and Camis that I am not willing to destroy my marriage and my wife’s mental health by admitting to an even wider interest in female clothing. To be fair at one stage my wife did say it was up to me what undergarments I wore asking as she did not see it but it was very soon after that her dominant internal view that what I was doing was a perversion came out in a very intense discussion and I purged and promised to battle the desire. Ironically my desire has now  grown to outer garments as well but need to keep it very much in the closet and only comes out at home alone times which are rare as we are retured but did manage a couple of short excursions in the car en femme when I had a few days home alone recently.

  • #122330
     Anonymous
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    <p><br data-mce-bogus=”1″></p>

  • #122310
     Charlotte Rose 
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    I couldn’t have started this journey without the support of my wife. I also talked with her about it before doing anything. We don’t have any secrets between us and this would have been a big one.

    She is helping me find my personal style and we are having fun with it.

  • #121324
     Skyler 
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    Just found this thread and thought I’d share my experience. I proposed to my soon to be wife earlier this year. Before I proposed, we had jokingly in passing talking about me dressing for Halloween. I don’t think she expected anything if it. A couple months ago I decided that honesty would be the best policy I wanted everything on the table before we got married. She knows everything now. I walked her through my introduction to cross dressing, how i feel myself and at peace when I dress, and how much more confidence I feel when I let myself come alive.

    She was totally understanding about everything. That weekend we went lingerie and pajama shopping together. We stopped on the way home to find make up to match my skin tone and we started experimenting. If I’m not mistaken her first reaction was “Wow baby. I didn’t think this would work, but you make a very cute girl. Now you need a more feminine name.”

    And with that, Skyler was born. I now keep my body completely hairless, have my own wardrobe going, and as for underwear? She bought me a bunch of really cute panties and we thew out all male underwear. I haven’t built up the confidence to go out in public just yet, but she’s working on getting me there. We’ve taken drives with me all dolled up and it’s helping a bit. I know I’m naturally small and have a more feminine figure and facial structure (under the god aweful stubble), I just hate the feeling of rejection. I’m sure I’ll break through that soon. We’re taking a girls trip in winter to spend some romantic time together as girlfriends.

    So in short, coming out was the best thing I’ve done. The right person in your life will love you for who you are, not who they want you to be. I couldn’t imagine being with a better woman. ❤️

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  • #119381
     Candy 
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    My wife knows I experimented a little long ago. She’s noticed in the last year I’ve been buying women’s jeans and belts and shoes. Her only comments have been “Your jeans don’t have to be skin tight, you know” and “Those shoes make you look like a fag”. She has her suspicions, but nothing else has been said. 99 percent of it I have still kept hidden but I’m getting a little tired of hiding. I do have a plan. She’s had some health problems so I have taken over all if the houshold duties- the washing, cleaning, cooking. With Halloween coming up I made the comment “since I’m doing all the women’s work around here then I might as well dress like one on Halloween”. She didn’t bat any eye. Offered to let me borrow a dress. I want her to see me fully dressed. See how comfortable I am dressed. See me not want to take it off. I’m hoping this will lead to some conversation and maybe bring at least a few things out in the open. I’ll let you know Nov 1.

  • #119373
     Jessica Summer 
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    Coming out to my wife was actually easy. She already new I was bisexual and trying to find more about myself speaking with a therapist. I began telling her the things my therapist and I spoke about. One night she had me try on pantyhose and some clothes. This opened the door and took the chains that bound me off.  Now I have also came out with me wanting to be Jessica and my bisexuality to my daughters. I have to find a way to come out to my son.  My wife and I went shopping for panties and hooserie. My oldest daughter started helping me learn to put on makeup. I’m happy I have some support here but inside me still seems to fear what bad may come. However, I have to be me since that is were I find myself happy.

  • #117973
     billie pink 
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    Yes I told her in small steps stating my love for panties to wanting to go full dress with breast form. She is okay with everything at home but not in public.

    • #118086
       rebekka moore 
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      I had told my SO at one point, and she was not happy about it.  She knows I’ve done this in the past and certainly knows I’m doing it now in my “hybrid” mode, even in public.  It’s difficult for her I know, and I feel bad about that, but I love the fact I’m doing this.  It feels so good in so many ways.

  • #111453
     Lynnette James 
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    When I was approximately 9 years old my babysitter of the day thought it would be ‘fun’ to dress me up in her little sister’s clothes.  My parents were both very involved in their jobs and never seemed to have time for me, so when someone wanted to share their time I was a willing participant.  I loved it!  This became a routine whenever she watched me, and it escalated to full makeup and wig.   This was back in the 70’s so digital cameras didn’t exist but Polaroids did.

    As I got older and no longer needed a sitter, I found that I missed these sessions and started to raid my mother’s lingerie drawer, or my girl cousin’s.  I started to have quite the panty collection, but they were ‘boring’ being either Mom style or cotton early teen girl starter style.  Once when on holidays we stayed in a condo that had a downstairs laundry and I raided the dryer.  I came away with 3 of the old Dici style bras and several satin panties a couple of which were sexy!!

    As the years progressed, I found that I enjoyed the feel, and naughtiness of wearing women’s clothing.  I was limited to undergarments, bathing suits and nighties.   When I first moved out with 2 friends, I got laid off from my job, and was on unemployment insurance.  I would lay out in our semi private backyard in my 2 piece bikini and get some sun (I would go topless so as not to draw attention to my funny tan lines).  I was almost caught by one of my roommates who came home from work unexpectedly early, just managing to run up stairs in my itty bitty bikini as he came in the front door!

    I went back to school moving to another city, and got a apartment of my own.  Now I was able to freely wear whatever I wanted and my wardrobe really started to grow.  I met a girl one night at the local pub who was with her friend.  We went back to my place and I discovered that her friend was in fact her boyfriend who was a avid crossdresser.  I think this was the very first time I remember hearing the term, and actually seeing someone other than myself dressed up.  The 3 of us had a interesting night of passion, and I confided in them my secret love of clothes.  We had several more encounters over the next few months, going as far as them making me up fully as a woman and the 3 of us hitting the club.  I was not near as passable as he was, but it was a awesome time all the same.

    When I met my wife (32 yrs ago) I told her about my love of wearing panties.  She bought me a pair of black satin ones for Christmas that year.  As time went on, I was wearing panties full time and dressing in private without her knowledge.  When she would go out I would put the kids to bed and dress (always keeping a eye on the time).  I worked out of town a lot in the early days so it was easy to have ‘me’ time.  However I wanted to tell her how much more I was into this than just wearing panties everyday.

    One evening I finally said that we should talk, and I told her about bras, teddies, camisoles, pantyhose, garters etc that I enjoyed wearing.  I also told her that I love to wear nighties to bed.  She was taken back but accepted me for who I am.  I told her about my past and being dressed up and enjoying it.  I have no interest in being dressed in public, but told her that I want to have the freedom in my own home.  She said she needed time to process this and not to push her on it.  I came home from work one day and she called me into the bedroom and showed me that she had cleared out a drawer so I would have a place for my lingerie and nighties.  She asked that I be discrete with what I am wearing, paying attention to strap bumps etc under a t-shirt.  I assured her that I have always been and will continue to do so.   This occurred over 4 years ago, and we are still happily married, just celebrated 30 years.  We have made love with me wearing any one of my nighties, and she has no issues with doing my laundry (even when it has my girl clothes in it).

    Just recently we were in Las Vegas wondering around one of the tourist shops looking at the cheap bikinis they had on sale.  We both agreed that when we finally have our own private backyard pool that we will get matching sets of these!  She suggested that in the interim I buy a pair of short cotton ‘girl shorts’, with some Vegas bling on them, to wear when we are out walking on Freemont St.

    I am very lucky to have such a understanding woman in my life, and we have talked about ‘my secrets’ many times.  Patience is the best advice, don’t rush them and force the issue otherwise you will lose them.  If they really love you then they will come around.

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  • #109852
     Stefanie Oosthuizen 
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    Hi all. Yes my wife knows about Stefanie although I did not name her until recently. We have had our bad days and good days. I purged myself a couple of times saw a counsellor but thet was a waste of money. I have been with my wife for 33 years now. Lately she has been helping me buy make up and clothes. I wanted to make love to her as Stefanie but she refused. I would sleep next to her in a bra panty and nitie. So I want looking outside and found a woman that was prepared to have sex with me like a lesbian. My wife found out and yes I was out. Got a flat and went absolutely mad with being Stefanie. Got new lingerie shoes make up clothes wigs. Six weeks later she says honey come home I miss you. While in the flat she asked me to send her photos of Stefanie even made videos for her. This was a first because I did not know that she would like it. So I moved back home and yes I am now waiting for the next move to happen. I must say she knew from day one that I was wearing pantys but thought nothing of it. I am thankfull to have such an amazing woman as my wife.

     

    Regards

    Stefanie

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    • #114014
       Stef Smith 
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      One thing is for sure

      this feeling will not go away

      i believe that the itch has to be scratched

      if it is surpressed it will come out in secret or another way

      i think the best for SOs is to accept this side of us either participating or allowing is to have time to do it by ourselves

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  • #109789
     rebekka moore 
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    Good Morning/Day Girls;

    Early in our relationship I was at a point where I was going to tell my wife, then she dropped a bombshell on me.  I don’t recall how the topic came up, but she confided in me how her first husband liked to wear panties and panty hose, and how put off she was by that.  She said she tried to go along, but it just did not work.  I was shocked, and went deeper into hiding.

    Here I was working up the courage to let her know this, and then this came out.  I was truly in dis-belief!

    Many years have passed and I finally confided in her about my dressing.  Needless to say she was shocked too, and I think questioned herself and why she might attract this sort of person.  Still together and more recently I started dressing more and more, exclusively wearing women’s blue jeans.  I wear panties on the weekend, and camisoles if possible.  I’m certain she has noticed the jeans, and more recently I’ve started wearing capri length (women’s) jeans, and very tight skinny jeans.  She’s not said much although this morning she had an interesting comment, noting how “cute” I looked.  (Capri jeans, (male) shirt and sneakers).  She of course cannot see the panties underneath.  I hate “hiding”, and I go out in public dressed this way, but don’t know what else to do.  I’m a mature male, and I’m just doing what feels good to me.  I also wear women’s boots (booties/short boots), and just bought a great pair of women’s shoes, that I can’t wait to wear out!  But that comes with challenges as well, as I’ll need to wear some form of nylons (panty hose, thigh highs, knee highs or the little bootie stockings), with them.  That will really cause a reaction, not only from my wife, but from others as well.

    It is a challenge.

  • #109264
     RandiL 
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    I came out to my wife about a year and a half ago. I mismanaged some interactions where I didn’t warn her in advance about putting on some femme clothes, and I also violated her trust by inviting a trans woman friend who was traveling to spend the night (no, nothing improper, just offering shelter to a friend). Now my wife doesn’t trust me, and we are struggling to figure it out.

    I’d say put on your best empathic and emotive behaviors and stay closely in touch with her feelings. Even so, you will have to give her a lot of space and time.

  • #108369
     Penny Allan 
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    Yes. She allows me to “dress” for bed. If I am with her during the day, she will call my female attire – pajamas

  • #107859
     Anonymous
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    Hi everyone I’m new here so i start straight away I’m planninmy to tell my wife that I like to wear woman’s cloth and i thinking to do it on our 10 years anniversary dinner. What do you think is it worth it to do it on day like these.

    • #108103
       Gina Pratt 
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      I don’t recommend doing it on your anniversary.  Your anniversary is about you and your wife’s relationship.  Let that be special to just that event.  That’s just my humble opinion.

    • #107924
       MacKenzie Alexandra 
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      <p style=”text-align: left;”>Anatolijus,</p>
      I would advise against using such a special day. Your Anniversary should be a day of positive memories. Now I know that positive outcome is possible, but a negative outcome is just as possible. That is just my two cents.

      MacKenzie Alexandra

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  • #106132
     Gina Pratt 
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    I started dressing slowly at age 7 or 8 (more from curiosity) but progressed to outright buying and wearing lingerie at 17 and 18 (but no outer clothes) but pretty much stopped when I got married.  Although I snuck in a few wearing experiences, it wasn’t until 10 years into the marriage when I needed more.  I convinced her to role play where I could dress in her presence.  Oh my, that was heaven but she didn’t care for it.  But she knew that I liked it so it progressed until I was wearing them almost 4-5 times a week and then she confronted me.  She told me she didn’t like it and said that it seems that it seems that we can’t be intimate without the clothes and that it hurt her feelings.  Ugh… I felt horrible because that wasn’t it at all.. it was just that I felt better in the women’s clothes.  I love women and love my wife so I opened up.  I told her I loved women’s clothes and that it made me feel better.  It still didn’t go well and we sort of left it that I can only dress periodically and mostly not in her presence.  Well, after 10 years of that, I couldn’t hide my dressing any longer and told her that I really wanted to dress.  She reluctantly agreed to let me do it more but still insisted that she didn’t want to see me fully dressed.  So I did it… but hidden from her.  About four years ago, we had a big argument (really about something else) and she brought out my dressing.  Again, I told her it made me happy and that I prefer women’s clothes.  She realized that dressing really makes me happy and that is when she accepted it.  So, for the past four years, I have literally bought about 40-50 pairs of women’s shoes (mostly heels), about 20 dresses, two good quality wigs (on top of the 4-5 not-so-quality ones), lots of makeup and practice, and many more clothes (enough for a full dresser full and three feet of closet space).  She allows me to dress in her presence sometimes but still has some apprehension since she doesn’t really buy me things and doesn’t compliment my look (no encouraging remarks so-to-speak).  So it is still a work in progress.  It is tough but I’m so much happier that I don’t have to hide it from her and she knows that my arousal is all about her and not the clothes or any fantasies.  Anyways, I hope that helped.

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  • #101318
     Margarita Gaitan 
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    Personally, the female—common law married to found out during a family holiday dinner, a relative got drunk and told about the cross dressing, humiliated we left during a barrage of insults and slurs. She said she didn’t care, deep down she did but she wanted to leave Colombia and her family.

  • #100092
     Vanessa Marie 
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    I can’t say that my wife and I have had a perfect relationship, but we’ve always had open communication. Two years after we got together, before we were married, she felt comfortable enough to open up about her sexuality. So when I came out to her as a CD, not only was she understanding, she was helpful. She helps buy my clothes and do my make up. Lately, we’ve been having girls’ days together as a bonding thing. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have this kind of relationship.

  • #98560
     Anonymous
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    Yes I have. My wife is very supportive and we are the best of friends. We shop together, I prefer the privacy of our home when I dress up, do makeup.

    I am very lucky to have her as my wife and best friend. 😊

    For those who have not, I wish you the strength and courage to open up and truly be yourself.

    It is a scary thing, in the end you will be relieved. If your wife dosent understand, be understanding as well. Its a major change in both lives. Most importantly, dont force it.  That will make things worse.

    Ask her how does she feel about crossdressing.

    Women wear jeans and tshirts too, its crossdressing just the same.

    Plan a day to go shopping, let her know what you like. Dont be afraid to express a certain like of a style. Make the connection with her. She also has to understand, that this you, and you feel that this is also important to yourself.

    When I first started crossdressing, I was 5-6 years old. I always felt more comfortable being around the women in my family versus thr men.

    Some even thought I was gay, but not like a flamboyant, just a quiet guy who enjoyed listening to them.

    There was a time I thought I was, and experimented with it. Ultimately I prefer women.

    My wife knows this, I was up front about it. The more she knows the more she will understand.

     

     

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  • #98559
     MacKenzie Alexandra 
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    what about work—

    About what are you asking, Jane?

  • #98464
     Cathy Stokes 
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    I told my wife 3 years ago that I’d been questioning my gender from an early age. It didn’t go well… We barely spoke for 2 weeks, there were accusations, recriminations, tears… My protestations that I didn’t say anything previously due to my shame and guilt fell on deaf ears. Now it’s abundantly clear that my “issue” is Not To Be Spoken About, unless of course she wants a reason to have a go at me.

    Ironically I told her at the prompting of a “friend” who dropped me like a hot potato when it went wrong, and of the counsellor I was seeing at the time who ultimately was of very little help for various reasons… They both said it would re-establish trust when in fact it did the opposite.

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  • #98197
     Michelle Nevins 
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    Like dressing out, this took decades and finally came down to me wanting to live an honest life. I was surprised she was shocked. I had introduce cross dressing into the bedroom and expanded on it. She was accepting but my hope of her participating has not come about three years later. We don’t go out as girlfriends as of yet. Still,  My closet is full of Michelle’s clothes. In bed that has been the biggest challenge. I was out and that meant no longer pretending. In this area she has been more accommodating. She knows I love lingerie and that in bed I’m basically another girl. She knows I want to be told what any woman wants to be told in bed: that I’m cute and sexy. My surprise came when she has asked me to wear certain nighties to bed. So we are evolving .

     

  • #88970
     Anonymous
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    I have told my wife all my secrets and everyday occurrences, I told her that I have experimented with crossdressing and had sex with men and women when I was a teen and before we started dating. Yet, I haven’t told her about my recent love for crossdressing that came back very strong two gears ago. I’ve dressed up on and off since I was a 8 years old and now I just love to do it as frequently as possible, whenever I’m home alone which happens every once in a while when wife and daughter are out and about without me. On the one hand I would love to tel them and be as honest as always, but I haven’t found a good way to tell them, I don’t want to loose them and I keep kt as private as watching porn, which they don’t need to know anyways. So far, no struggles and we keep living our lives and I love my duality as private as possible. Since I have no plans of transitioning any further, I’m quite content on keep dressing when ever possible. Thanks for listening

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  • #79056
     Lucinda Hawkns 
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    wow had trouble getting on this morning. i thought i posted a answer on this question.   but yes wife knows and daughter might know of me wearing a bra, daughter seen a pic of me fully dressed up and showed mom, from there it was out, but i dress up in private when 2 adults kids are not home and have my fem time, wife will tell me i can do what i like to do. i am already there and loving it, but she will not see me but she has seen me more and more. but will not help with make up or sit and talk like 2 woman and ask me how i feel as a female dressed up. wife knows of my dresses, bras, nylons, make up, perfume, ear rings, heels, pads, wig skirts, blouses. i have more female cloths then she odes, i even took over her dresses for she cant fir into them any more, or even wear them, so i will

  • #79019
     Anonymous
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    Hi ladies,

    I came out  to my wife before we were married, to be honest I don’t think either of us knew what would happen. Now after 30+ years she buys me stuff always asks if I want anything when she goes shopping, all I can say to you all is if you do tell your SO be honest to them and don’t push the subject, tell them your hopes and dreams but most of all keep communicating.

    If there are any partners out there who would like to chat with me or have questions please do not hesitate to get in touch. And most of all enjoy your journey of discovery.

    seasons greetings to all hugs and kisses kate

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  • #78984
     Giselle Reeves 
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    Registered On: September 27, 2017
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 18

    i came out to my wife almost 7 years ago, and after we nearly divorced over it she has become tolerant and at times almost supportive. one thing anyone thinking of “coming out” should know is that your marriage will never be the same and your wife’s trust will be gone and probably never return to where it was. also in my case our sex life no longer exists, so all i can say is thank twice, thrice and many more times before you have the talk.

  • #76005
     Maggie 
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    Registered On: November 26, 2017
    Topics: 5
    Replies: 30

    I came out to my wife on October 20th. I couldn’t take it any more. She is a wonderful person with an open mind. She went through the usual questions before I could spit it totally out, are you having an affair? Are you gay? And I just had to blurt it out “I like to wear women’s clothes and always have!” She is very understanding and trying to accept. I have not pushed and we only have talked about it three time since the last two months. I know I have to take it slowly, but having told her is a great relief and weight removed. I no longer feel guilty, or like I am committing some crime. I feel good about this gift of femininity, for the first time truly good about it! I can relax I have been branching out and have found you ladies!

    Iloveit

  • #71235
     Lucinda Hawkns 
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    Registered On: September 1, 2015
    Topics: 4
    Replies: 712

    yes i have but will not go any further then dressing up when kids are not home and she will not help or see me dressed up, but she has seen me but will not let me sit in same room and talk like 2 females. she knows i have my own dresses,. make up, perfume, ear rings, nylons, panties, bras, and even pads.  she lets me dress up but only when the 2 adult kids are not home and not see me. i have to dress in basement or my bed room and have her not see me. but what gets me is that she sneaks in to see me dressed up.   she has seen me 1 time when i was getting dressed up and it did not bother her? then why cant i sit in same room as her and talk like 2 females and ask me how i feel dressed as a female, i am a different person when dressed up as a female for you have too in order to look and pass as a female. i feel more relaxed and less depressed.    so for coming out to wife i did but later in the marriage.

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  • #71234
     Holly Close 
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    Registered On: October 20, 2017
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    I have told my current wife and while she “doesn’t get it” she is at least a little accepting about it. She has no desire to see me dressed and has trouble talking about it at all.

    I do not mind one bit that she it’s less than eager though because my first wife was an absolute horror story when I told her. After a nasty divorce, emotional and physical abuse, threatening to take our son away from me, and lots of time she has become almost tolerable towards me. She holds it over my head and uses my fear against me, still but for the time being she doesn’t shout slander from the rooftops.

    So long story short, tell your wife; she may leave you and I’m sorry about that, but she may be accepting and no marriage should be based on lies. I realize how frightening it can be especially if you have had terrible experiences as I have in the past. I truly believe if they love you with all their heart they will stay. If they do leave take a piece of advice from me and don’t be bitter or berate them for it, relationships are hard and a lot of work but being unhappy and married is much worse than true to yourself and divorced.

    Who knows you may end up like lucky little me and have a second chance at being yourself and happy ☺

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  • #61977
     Anonymous
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    SexyI told my wife that I crossdressed because it made me feel good. That I loved women so much I loved to emulate them. She told me she already had seen bras under my white shirts with a tie on, and she didn’t mind. She told me she came home one day, and their I as laying in bed asleep with a bra,panties,stockings,high heels, wig,and makeup ones she decided not to wake me up, but she toke photos of me to show her girlfriends, and co-workers. I wondered why some of her male, and female co-workers came home to meet me. Then when I had told her that overtime we went to a costume party that she wanted me to dress like a hooker,witch,nurse,or just plain woman. Then she took me, and had my ears pierced, and wanted me to get breast Implants. Now I wear my hair longhand cut in a feminine style. What a joy. Now she wants me to have my male part cut offhand redone as a vagina.

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    • #98551
       janedon 
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      Registered On: January 19, 2016
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 26

      what about work—

  • #61421
     Lindi 
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    Registered On: July 21, 2017
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 9

    No I haven’t told my wife yet, but will do so in September.  I stopped my CD when we married, as I didn’t want to lose her. After 15 years of gradually becoming sadder and madder, I started dressing again in March of this year.  At this time I have to be honest with her, as I want to take this further than an hour in the basement a couple days of the week.  Am I afraid of losing her, very much so; but I can’t go back to being a semi-depressed person again.  I haven’t been this happy in 15 years, and people are starting to notice that I’m not Mr. glum all of the time.  If you can’t be happy, what’s the point?

  • #61037
     Sandrajane Smith 
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    Registered On: July 22, 2017
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 6

    I really can’t tell my wife she would proberly leave me she has caught me in the past wearing a bra and panties she almost left then so not now I dress when home alone and hope I don’t get caught again

    Come dress with me

  • #60008
     Lucinda Hawkns 
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    Registered On: September 1, 2015
    Topics: 4
    Replies: 712

    my wife found out a few years ago, will let me dress up when no one is home as in kids, tells me when i can do what i like to do.  that is dress up. she has seen me a few times unexpected and some times where i just let her see me all dolled up. i buy my own dresses, skirts, nylons, bras, panties, and yes even pads, make up, perfume, jewelry. i seem to have more female clothing then she does. does  she help NO. but comes to my room and tells me i have too much perfume on and looks to see what i am wearing, i am fully dressed up pretty in a dress and make up and wig and ear rings and lip stick, she  knows and lets me dress up but will not help with make up or let me sit in same room with her and talk like 2 woman and get to know my fem side.                    when i am dressed up as a female i am female mode and not male mode, i am Lucinda and having a great time as her, plus it is a stress release and depression and helps with my panic attacks.    will she believe me if i told her about how i feel, y i  dress up. i have the answer for them all but she will not believe me.    but as long as she lets me dress up i will not push the issue.   thanks for reading my post

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  • #46175
     Jeri S 
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    Registered On: March 2, 2017
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 5

    I have recently told my wife that I am a crossdresser.  Just for background, i wore pantyhose with her while we dated a couple of times as a part of foreplay but passed it off as a fetish.  After about 12 years of marriage she found a couple of items including a bra and a book.  I admitted that they were mine told her I enjoyed the feel but allowed her to believe that it was more sexual.  Fast forward 10 years, I finally admitted that dressing is just part of me.  It is not about sex, it is about me.  I enjoy my manhood and don’t want to change it.  I also enjoy the feel of ladies underwear, the look and fit of the dresses, skirts, leggings, sweaters, blouses, etc.  I occasionally wear undergarments beneath my male clothes.

    She was not happy.  She doesn’t want her husband wearing women’s clothes.  She doesn’t want me communicating with others who dress.  Now she is ok with me talking to a therapist who can help me understand where this comes from and cure me of this.  That is not an option for me.  So at this point we are trying to live our through this.  I don’t know where the road leads but at least now she knows that I am dealing with dressing and how it impacts us and our family.

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    • #109891
       rebekka moore 
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      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 40
      Replies: 462

      My wife had asked me if I would want to talk to someone about my dressing desires.  I could I suppose but I’m not sure what would happen.  I’d just be regurgitating my story about how I like to dress, it feels good, sexy and I have a sickness that needs to be “cured”.  I think maybe she would benefit from talking to someone, and gain a better understanding of this “condition” I have.  Don’t think that will happen however.

      🙂

  • #45840
     Jenny 
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    Registered On: January 5, 2017
    Topics: 6
    Replies: 23

    So as of today 2-27-17 its been three weeks since i sat and talked with my wife.
    I had wrote out everything I wanted to say to her and all of my fears and hopes and dreams and the past as how things became to be today. Me a cross dresser.

    I am please and know i have a good wife,she accept it but doesn’t always wanted to see it and never in front of the kids. She also doesnt want me to go out dressed. But i am hopefull maybe next year around this ti.e, it will have given her enough time to come around. Also me enough time to learn make up and how to pass ok
    There are some women that love is more then skin deep and it doesnt matter how we xress ourself love is still there.

    So I haven’t told her yet that I am a CD , perhaps she knows something is up. See a very long time ago she found pictures of me fully dressed on our computer. First thing she did was freaked out and shared them with our closest friend and his wife. She was worried and sacred. I freaked out thought I was going to be outed, it was a rough few days. I even left home for a day to give her space. It was hard but I managed to get them all to believe that I photo shopped my face o to someone else. I was so scared that I was going to lose everything in my life!! I PURGED ! AND for ten years I only dressed a few times whe. She was out for the day. And suppress all urges for a long time. ……… ……
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Now the last 6 months I have been reading these adult story’s with her to help improve sex life, they worked and they are great way to test the waters so- to speak to see what she is Willing to understand and to explore or accept. ….</p>
    I made sure we read ones with men being dressed up in wife panties, and lingerie and undergarments of that type. A few times she didn’t want to read them or she made rude type of comets, but eventually things changed, or should I say her thoughts and feelings on that type of behavior. I tried lite SM made her my mistress and got her to let me wear her panties, while she had me clean the house and do dishes. I was happy just to wear panties with her knowing. This went on for a few months, she even bought me a few pairs I was like ok great, but inside my head I was like OMG LOVING IT! I was even able to get her to let me wear o e of her black satin Teddy with the red trim around the breast cup area. I was in heaven. But this has now fully awaken the long thought dead cross dresser within me, my female side is fighting to be out more and more, it’s like a new awakening!

    I have shown her my CD side somewhat more and more, but am so afraid to just come out and say it to her, and yet I feel she might be OK with it somewhat. For now I will leave it in the hands of fate to see what will happen. I like most here do not wish to lose the ones we love to just satisfied my urges.😭😊 but that’s my story thanks for reading.

    Jenny

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  • #45678
     Bobbi Anne Rox 
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    Registered On: October 6, 2015
    Topics: 4
    Replies: 18

    Years ago I tried to come out to my wife, but I did it the wrong way and played it off as an attempt to spice up our love life. I was shaving my body totally back then, as I was biking alot and told her it was better for wind resistance. She seemed ok with that at the time. One night, as we were trying all new things as we were both pretty inexperienced in the bedroom department, I put on one of her teddies, some light lipstick, curled my hair (I had it long enough to style a little back then), and a pair of her slingbacks with a 2″ heel. I wiggled my way into our bedroom, and surprised her that way. She got into it for the time being, but when we were done making love, she said she felt weird and didn’t want to do it again. Being only a couple of years into our marriage, I put it away as I didn’t want to lose her.

    A few years later while I was going away often for one of the jobs I had, I started dressing again more and more this time. I would go to the local thrift stores and pick up whatever I could, and then go back to my hotel room and dress. I kept all of my purchases hidden from her, and I never left my hotel room dressed at that time. One day I slipped up and somehow dropped a pair of panties in my car that she saw, and she immediately thought I was cheating on her. I told her the truth, that they were mine and that I liked to dress as a woman sometimes, and she said she would forget all about it if I purged everything. I did and it was left alone for a few years.

    I left that job and got a full time career job that didn’t travel at all, and we started to build our family with a child, trying for more. When my second child was born, my wife was forced to give up her job, and so in order to make ends meet, I picked up a second and then a third job. It was that third job that got me thinking about dressing again as it was a delivery job that went a few hours out of town one way, so after a while, I started picking up clothes, shoes, make up, wig, breast forms, and everything else I would need to look and feel like a woman.  I was working that job for probably about 3 months when I started picking the things up I would need to be my femme self, and after probably another month, I had found a place near my last deliver where I could stop and dress for the ride home. The first couple of weeks I would only dress once a week for the ride, but as the weeks went by I started to dress more and more, eventually dressing every night for the ride home. Once I dropped off my paperwork at my employer (we used our own vehicles and the paperwork went into a dead drop facility), I would wash off my make up and change once I got into the beginning of my private driveway. This dressing went on for a few years, with me wanting to do more than just dress. I sped through my route a few times and went  to a local club in my area that had drag shows late at night, and when there I met a few of the other gurls in my area. From there I made a Facebook page and posted a few photos of myself dressed, and that was where I made another mistake. One of my wife’s friends who has ties into the local LGBT scene stumbled across my femme page and showed my wife. Needless to say she wasn’t happy.

    From there things quickly went south, we my wife demanding that I purge everything again (which I didn’t, I just put it into storage for a while) and to seek a counselor to “fix” me. I did see the counselor for a while, and things seemed to be working back out with my wife again. I stayed away from my storage box for probably a year before I couldn’t take it any more and had to dress again.

    I told my wife we needed to talk, and when we sat down, I didn’t even get a chance to start talking before she started in on me about my dressing. Earlier that day, she found my stash of things (screw up number three), and took them all to a local dumpster and got rid of them. To say I was devastated was an understatement, and at that time she told me I could get out as she didn’t want to have me as a husband, friend, or acquaintance. I told her that I had no where to go, and seeing she is not totally heartless, she let me stay but I had to leave the bedroom.

    That brings me to where I am today, sleeping on the couch, window shopping at Amazon, and trying to figure out how I will start to rebuild my feminine wardrobe again, and when will I be able to have enough money to find a place of my own. She knows that I can not stop now, but she still doesn’t want to have anything to do with it.

    So, while my life of dressing hasn’t gone anywhere near where I hoped it would, there is light at the end of the tunnel for when I do get my own place and can dress as often as I would like.

    Hugs to all,

    Bobbi Anne

    • #109826
       bigkitty2454 
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      Registered On: February 11, 2017
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 44

      Bobby grew up wearing my clothes, but at an early age he started sneaking mine and my mom’s clothes and trying them on. Every time we caught him, we would punish him by taking things he like away for a few days so as to teach him not to wear our clothes. But he was persistent and just kept wearing our stuff. My mom finally caught him one day and dresed him up in petticoats and a dress and told him he would wear it all day and at the end of the day he still wanted to keep wearing it, so my mom let him wear a few of my older  night gowns to bed and dresses around the house. That started him wanting more so he finally was dressing all the time during the summer. I guess being persistent helped him with his dressing. SO maybe doing the same thing around your spouse maybe the way to let her know how much you like it and maybe some will come around. But I think it would be better to tell them before you are married that way they can a just to it slowly and not all at once.

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  • #44704
     Marla Calder 
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    Registered On: February 15, 2017
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    Replies: 6

    Several years ago I mentioned to my wife that I liked to crossdress. She understood but did not want to see me as she said she didn’t think she could handle me looking better than her in a dress. She did come across a few of my clothes but we never discussed it any further. I continued to dress but in private. A few years later, while watching Rocky Horror Picture show, I brought it up again, commenting that I could rock the heels he was wearing. We had discussions about garter belts and was surprised that in the past she’s worn them. A bit about my wife, she is a tomboy at heart and hates wearing dresses. Again, she said she did not want to see me and I respected her wishes, continuing to dress secretly and hiding in my office. Fast forward to today. I started discussing it more with her. I asked her again how she felt about all of this. She admitted that she did not understand it and I was becoming the girl she hated, meaning wearing dresses and hose, all the stuff she did not like to wear. I explained that I think it was because I really enjoy seeing a women dressed to the nines and since that’s not her, I dress to fill that void. I felt more comfortable talking to her, explaining my wish to have a complete head to toe makeover with photos. She even help clean out the closet in my office to move my wardrobe in there (was cramming it all in a trunk) and I proudly showed her my shoes, which she was amazed at the heels and how I haven’t killed myself in them! I really do consider myself lucky that’s she so accepting as much as she is.

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    • #45053
       bigkitty2454 
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      Registered On: February 11, 2017
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 44

      Thats great to hear that your wife has left you do girlie things with her. Wearing anything feminine keeps the girl inside excited everyday. I was brought wearing dresses and was home schooled as a girl b/c the schools wouldn’t except a boy wearing dresses. Anyways I wear lingerie 24/7 today. Dont own any guy clothing at all, but I’m not in a dress when out in public. I wear girls skinny jeans and cotton tops with ankle boots or flats. I have long hair so I keep it styled like a girl and dont wear too much makeup so I blend in with the other girls. People see me and I can see they are trying to figure out if I am a guy or a girl, but I mostly pass a girl without too much trouble.

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  • #40772
     Crystal 
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    Registered On: December 14, 2016
    Topics: 13
    Replies: 56

    Very quick turn around from my previous post just a couple of hours ago. I might be drastically moving up my planned talk to the wife time. Got an email from her not long ago while sitting at work asking why there is a book on the Kindle about crossdressing. I purchased a bunch of ebooks lately and as I got each one, I quickly unshared it from the Amazon Household account so that it wouldn’t appear on her app, I guess I missed one. I was so tempted to just ignore her email, but that would have just driven her crazy, so I lied… I told her that every month I get a list of books to choose one free from (that much is true) and since I couldn’t find anything of interest, I chose that because it might be interesting. I doubt she believed it, but she left the subject alone after that. Not sure how tonight is going to go, but I might not be able to put this off much longer.

    - Crystal

    "Beauty isn't about having a pretty face. Beauty is about having a pretty mind, a pretty heart, and most importantly, a beautiful soul."

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  • #40747
     Crystal 
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    Topics: 13
    Replies: 56

    I have not yet but plan to very soon. I’m not sure if she suspects or not, may have found my stash and just hasn’t been able to confront me yet. The last week one day she referred to me as She while on the phone and I’m not sure if that was  a slip or purposeful. Since then she has been a little depressed and I can’t help but wonder if it is all related or not.

    I need to talk to her soon as this has all been affecting me very heavily. This week I finally started seeing a therapist and I spoke about all of this with her, she offered me some amazing support and offered that after a few weeks together, we can bring my wife in for a joint session and if I haven’t had the chat yet at that point, we could potentially do it then. As much as I like that idea, I’m afraid of the conversations in a joint session making my wife feel attacked.  We’ll see how it all goes I suppose.

    - Crystal

    "Beauty isn't about having a pretty face. Beauty is about having a pretty mind, a pretty heart, and most importantly, a beautiful soul."

    • #79055
       Lucinda Hawkns 
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      Registered On: September 1, 2015
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 712

      my wife found out one day when i took a pic of my self and forgot to put it away, daughter seen it showed mom. that was it. daughter might know i dress up, but i know my wife does for sure for she has seen me dress up, seen my dresses, nylons, bras, panties, pads, perfume ear rings. make up.  she lets me dress up when 2 adult kids are not home and i have a great time, but can share it with wife and sit and talk like 2 woman. ask me how i fill dressed up, why i dress up. for starters, she dont dress up any more like a real female unless we are going out for a wedding or dinner, i dress up more then she does and even under dress just about every day. would love to come out of the closet and dress up and be the real me but like Hanna McKnight wrote its all true. have to check her site out and read her posts.

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    • #40771
       Nikki 
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      Registered On: January 3, 2017
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 26

      I have not come out to my wife yet. I am not sure if i will yet till i know what are relationship is going to be. Right now me and my wife are very rocky. I am not sure if we will stay together. I made a mistake recently at work. It cost me some and placed us in a very difficult position emotionally. If we manage to save our marriage i may tell her. Till then we have enough to deal with.

      Nikki

  • #40744
     Jenny 
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    Registered On: January 5, 2017
    Topics: 6
    Replies: 23

    So I haven’t told her yet that I am a CD , perhaps she knows something is up. See a very long time ago she found pictures of me fully dressed on our computer. First thing she did was freaked out and shared them with our closest friend and his wife. She was worried and sacred. I freaked out thought I was going to be outed, it was a rough few days. I even left home for a day to give her space. It was hard but I managed to get them all to believe that I photo shopped my face o to someone else. I was so scared that I was going to lose everything in my life!! I PURGED ! AND for ten years I only dressed a few times whe. She was out for the day. And suppress all urges for a long time. ……… ……
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Now the last 6 months I have been reading these adult story’s with her to help improve sex life, they worked and they are  great way to test the waters so- to speak to see what she is Willing to understand and to explore or accept. ….</p>
    I made sure we read ones with men being dressed up in wife panties, and lingerie and undergarments of that type. A few times she didn’t want to read them or she made rude type of comets, but eventually things changed, or should I say her thoughts and feelings on that type of behavior. I tried lite SM made her my mistress and got her to let me wear her panties, while she had me clean the house and do dishes. I was happy just to wear panties with her knowing. This went on for a few months, she even bought me a few pairs I was like ok great, but inside my head I was like OMG LOVING IT! I was even able to get her to let me wear o e of her black satin Teddy with the red trim around the breast cup area. I was in heaven. But this has now fully awaken the long thought dead cross dresser within me, my female side is fighting to be out more and more, it’s like a new awakening!

    I have shown her my CD side somewhat more and more, but am so afraid to just come out and say it to her, and yet I feel she might be OK with it somewhat. For now I will leave it in the hands of fate to see what will happen. I like most here do not wish to lose the ones we love to just satisfied my urges.😭😊  but that’s my story thanks for reading.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Jenny

  • #40498
     Anonymous
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    Replies: 3

    I started at a young age and got married when i was 36 been married 10 years now 5 of those years she didnot know one morning she caught me with pantyhose on getting ready for work she didnot say much then but when i got home she asked me and i told her she asked if ineeded more the next day she called me at work and ask if i needed panties could not belive it so i said yes and she got me some now i wear them all the time tring to hint around for her to get me a night gown but she has

     

     

     

    not happen yet maybe soon

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    • #118187
       bigkitty2454 
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      Registered On: February 11, 2017
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 44

      You should ask her if you can go with her shopping, if she ask why tell her u want a few night gowns. Of course she may not want to sleep with you with it on, tell you will just wear it around the house till she gets used to you wearing it.  You have to slowly push forward and what helps a lot is doing extra things for her, help her out as much as you can so her life is easier for her to live, then she will except more of your kinky hobby.

  • #40476
     Donna 
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    Registered On: January 8, 2017
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 1

    I have not. I started wearing tights with my normal men’s clothing and she said, “Just don’t start wearing dresses and we’ll be fine.”  So that ended that path.

    • #118186
       bigkitty2454 
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      Registered On: February 11, 2017
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 44

      You need to ask her to buy you a skirt to wear around the house, sometimes they will except more if its in private.

  • #38092
     carrie 
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    Registered On: December 5, 2016
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 3

    I am no longer married,my wife passed away in 2007,but I was married to her for 28 years.she was great about my wearing,she bought me clothes,and was fine with it all,in fact she enjoyed it very much.

     

     

     

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    • #118190
       bigkitty2454 
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      Replies: 44

      I sure hope that now you can dress the way you want to now. Life is so short and everyone needs to enjoy it all.

  • #37211
     Rose 
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    Registered On: September 15, 2016
    Topics: 13
    Replies: 621

    I’ve been out to my wife since I started exploring about 15 months or so ago. She’s been fantastic about it from the start. At some point in September, I came out to my daughter (she’s 15). Totally uneventful. I’ve been procrastinating telling my son (14). Logically, I was quite sure he wouldn’t give a damn; but fear doesn’t really care about logic, and so every time I planned to tell him, I chickened out.

    This past weekend, I bit the proverbial bullet and told him I was gender fluid – that sometimes I liked to paint my nails or wear women’s clothing or put on women’s shoes or whatever. He shrugged. I spent most of the day Sunday with my nails done in a pretty pink. Nobody seemed to bat an eye about it.

    So…  my logical mind was right all along, and I feel silly having given in to the unvoiced fears in the back of my head…

    A Rose by any other name...

    @}~}~~~

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    • #118194
       bigkitty2454 
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      Registered On: February 11, 2017
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      Thats great for you maybe you need to push a bit further and wear a dress for them all to see. Since everything is out now let it happen for you. Its not good to keep this hobby inside. Let it out and enjoy.

    • #55702
       Julie Glassworks 
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      Registered On: May 24, 2017
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      Oh Rose, your ‘family tale’ rings familiar to me – all except the actually telling part…
      I am quite femme in general and consider myself ‘one of the girls’ in my family of wife and two daughters – just in silly male clothes.
      my younger daughter (an avid studier of gender) is always bringing up topics (‘what pronoun do you prefer, papa?’ ‘would you ever wear a dress?’ etc ) to which I answer completely honestly. but does she, or my wife, know just how honest I am being?
      hopefully soon I can be honestly honest, but I am taking it slowly…

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      • #55774
         bigkitty2454 
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        Hello, I’m Cindy And have a brother that xd’s and he found it easier to tell me about his dressing than my the family. You should tell your daughter sometime when you out alone. The kids today understand more about transgender than the adults do and kids are more understanding. I see it everyday more and more kids are sticking up for transgenders than before. And today the lifestyle is more out in public than before. My brother dresses as a girl everyday today even out in public he wears those ripped skinny jeans like the kids do today with flats and cotton tops. I mean anyone can wear what they want so you should have be able to have fun wearing what you want.

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  • #36755
     Erin 
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    Registered On: November 27, 2016
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    I talked about this with my wife before we started seriously dating as I didn’t think it fair for her to know only part of me, it was really hard to do but she was fantastic about it and responded that she would rather know the whole me and not just a part of me. Since then I still feel a ‘society based cultural guilt about crossdressing’ I just can’t help myself. My wife is amazingly supportive and we have even been out ‘girl’ shopping for make up and clothes for me. What is really nice now is that occasionally she will see something out and buy it for me, and I love trying it on and showing it off to her. We even have pyjama nights with matching sets which is really cool.

    I still find it difficult to acknowledge her open acceptance which is my hang up not hers and something I hope time will heal or actually is healing as I slowly beat back years of suppressing my feelings as I did in a previous relationship. My life is really good now and I love the fact that I am comfortable with my crossdressing and it is who I am.

     

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  • #36668
     Jacinta 
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    Registered On: November 23, 2016
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    Yes I have.

    As I posted in my intro story, I came out to my wife, and as strange as it may seems it improved our relationship.

    I had been basically denying myself for the years of our marriage, and it was finally taking a toll.  Between various things I basically was shutting myself away and hiding from being social.

    I made the decision to accept that I was transgender, and then spend the next week getting up the nerve to tell my wife..  Boy was that scary.

    But it was (at least for me) the best thing I had done.  She already had some idea apparently, but had never mentioned it to me.  And was completely accepting and supportive.  Even supported me going out and spending a fairly large sum on a new wardrobe, so I could present fulltime.

    Jacinta

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