- I'm not a crossdresser (really? you're in the wrong place)
- February 12, 2023 at 9:55 am #717679Wendie CrossParticipantRegistered On: March 5, 2021Topics: 19Replies: 181Has thanked: 489 timesBeen thanked: 951 times
Have you ever been evasive to answering questions about your crossdressing lifestyle to avoid confrontation or embarrassment?
I found myself in just this situation recently. I’ve always been very open about my feminine side and have said many times, “I really don’t care what they think.”
My daughter recently visited me and by accident came across a picture of me dressed in my leopard print mini skirt. She brought it to me and asked, “Who is this?”. So many responsive scenarios flashed through my mind in just a few seconds. I looked into her eyes, took the picture from her hand and said, “You don’t want to know.” I was so ashamed to have denied Wendie. I felt myself starting to cry.
Total of 24 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.
- February 21, 2023 at 5:39 am #719715
- February 16, 2023 at 10:20 pm #718765Joanne JacksonLadyRegistered On: May 26, 2020Topics: 4Replies: 195Has thanked: 553 timesBeen thanked: 1024 times
Yes, in my younger days. In the before times, you did it to survive and i was a survivor. The best non-answer answer dissembler going.
Now-days not so much. I don’t broadcast it but i don’t hide it either. It’s who i am.
And i have to say being a part of CDH >really< helped me in that area. Just knowing you are here and i’m not alone and i’m not so very weird after all has given me the courage to pursue my lifelong dream of transitioning and for that i am forever grateful.
Thanks for asking.
- February 18, 2023 at 2:39 pm #719115
- February 16, 2023 at 9:25 pm #718761LeaLadyRegistered On: March 23, 2016Topics: 105Replies: 452Has thanked: 962 timesBeen thanked: 2386 times
My wife knows I’m a CD and is a bit DADT, doesn’t care to know, doesn’t want to see. A few times I had just finished a dressing session when she walked in on me and asked “hey, what are you up to?” Or when I went out shopping for heels/dresses/thrift, she would ask “buy anything?”. I’ve gotten used to answering with “just doing some things” or “bought a few things”. She doesn’t press for more, but it does feel like I’m denying my CDness.
- February 16, 2023 at 6:41 pm #718732
- February 13, 2023 at 6:15 pm #718051Patty PhoseDuchessRegistered On: May 7, 2016Topics: 0Replies: 2061Has thanked: 1630 timesBeen thanked: 6740 times
In guy mode I hardly ever get asked about my crossdressing. Some exceptions might be if I’m buying some girly clothes. I might get asked of they are for me. My answer depends on the person, where I am and my mood.
- February 13, 2023 at 9:06 am #717910Deborah SullivanLadyRegistered On: February 27, 2020Topics: 3Replies: 1202Has thanked: 6027 timesBeen thanked: 5465 times
I only hid it from close family and really opened up about it when I moved away. Now I enjoy being a woman several days a week and dont even care what others think. Just go about living life now as this is my normal. If clocked or asked about it I am open to the talk and really nothing bad has happened
- February 13, 2023 at 6:54 am #717872AnonymousTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
Hi Wendy, this is a great (although difficult) question.
In my opinion, the answer is probably yes for all of us. I know that until I fully came out to my wife, I definitely was evasive (because, let’s face it, our wives are a lot more aware than we think or give them credit for) when the topic would come up. That’s because I didn’t want to publicly admit to her who I really was, and I thought that by not answering or redirecting the conversation I was “protecting” her. In reality, I was protecting myself by hiding myself, at least until I was ready to fully open up and be honest with her.
- February 13, 2023 at 2:53 pm #718012Wendie CrossDuchessRegistered On: March 5, 2021Topics: 19Replies: 181Has thanked: 489 timesBeen thanked: 951 times
I’ve always been a proud supporter of “be happy with who you are” and “love knows no gender”. It’s those occasional moments that it’s not so easy to say the words that become a struggle. The sadness that I feel by denying the girl inside me becomes overwhelming and makes me cry.
- This reply was modified 9 months ago by Wendie Cross.
- February 13, 2023 at 3:22 pm #718019AnonymousTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
So very true…
- February 13, 2023 at 6:22 am #717864StephaniewyLadyRegistered On: September 24, 2021Topics: 27Replies: 342Has thanked: 2303 timesBeen thanked: 2022 times
- February 13, 2023 at 5:24 am #717851Carolyn KayBaroness - AnnualRegistered On: August 25, 2016Topics: 23Replies: 618Has thanked: 2170 timesBeen thanked: 2787 times
Sadly, I have to answer yes for this question. My situation is such to where I am still hiding so much from everyone but my wife. Thus there have been times where I cannot be open about who I am or how I feel. I have found it is all about “balance”, in my life. I work hard to balance things so everyone in my family is happy. I have my time, my moments, and my family. I am way to old to try to change all that now for a few years if “?”. Just the way it is for me, but I find I am quite happy. All my friends here help so much!!!!
- February 13, 2023 at 5:41 am #717856DuchessRegistered On: March 5, 2021Topics: 19Replies: 181Has thanked: 489 timesBeen thanked: 951 times
I’ve always been a proud supporter of “be happy with who you are” and “love knows no gender”. It’s those occasional moments that it’s not so easy to say the words that become a struggle. The sadness that I feel by denying the girl inside me becomes overwhelming and makes me cry and like you, age hasn’t made it any easier.
- February 13, 2023 at 2:47 am #717826Ashley KonnersLadyRegistered On: August 15, 2020Topics: 52Replies: 963Has thanked: 3438 timesBeen thanked: 4922 times
In the early days yes I would. Now I’m very open about it with sales associates if they ask “ who is it for “, Other than that I’ve never really been asked by a close friend or family member. My wife and female boss have both asked me if I may be transgender and I answered as honest as I could.
- February 12, 2023 at 8:01 pm #717787Amy MyersBaronessRegistered On: February 11, 2019Topics: 24Replies: 1713Has thanked: 5286 timesBeen thanked: 5753 times
I’ve had a few situations like this and I’ve always answered the question honestly.
Twice in my local drug store when buying cosmetics. The first time was when I was on my hands and knees looking at the nail polish in the bottom row and a woman came around the corner and looked at me then started talking to me about nail polish, and then asked. So I just told her yes I dress up and go out often, then showed her some pictures! She said she would be fine with being involved with a man like that!
The next time was in the same aisle and I came almost shoulder to shoulder with a woman who was looking at the same foundation as I. Quite quickly she came out and asked if I “dress up”. I of course answered yes, and we had quite the long conversation with her saying quite early in it that she was a lesbian and used to help a gent she knew get dressed and made up.
Very recently I was in a thrift store I’ve often shopped at, well maybe too often? So this particular day I’d chosen a couple of items to buy and took them up to the cash. At the time there was no one else in the store and the two older ladies who run the store were having lunch at a table behind the counter with a younger woman who seemed to be one of their daughters.
The one who came to cash me out looks at the robe I wanted says right out loud, “Don’t you think you should try it on?”. Now I knew this was a challenge, a dare, so I said, sure and proceeded to do just that. The younger woman had a look of total astonishment on her face as I did so! She fist woman then said “It sure looks better on you than it would me!”
The next week I went in as Amy and we had quite a nice chat! Then I ended up buying a couple guy things, to which she had a laugh and said these must be for the “boyfriend”.
I’ve had a couple of other similar instances and I have always been met with acceptance then some questions as well, to which I’ve answered honestly. Mostly people want to know if I’m gay and are usually surprised when I say I’m not.
- February 12, 2023 at 7:47 pm #717785BillieJayManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: September 21, 2018Topics: 3426Replies: 431Has thanked: 2161 timesBeen thanked: 2687 times
if anyone other than a CD’s SO answers the third option we may have to figure out how to see who voted which way…
just kidding, I don’t go looking for trouble, it has plenty of ways to find me!
and no, I don’t know how, nor want to, figure out how to tell who voted how…
- February 12, 2023 at 8:38 pm #717789DuchessRegistered On: March 5, 2021Topics: 19Replies: 181Has thanked: 489 timesBeen thanked: 951 times
My thought is that a CD’s SO would have to vote no unless he or she is crossdressing and keeping it a secret from her or his SO ? Geez, I thought this was a simple question when I created the poll, but now?……….. *scratching my head*……. the third vote was suppose to be humor
- February 12, 2023 at 8:53 pm #717791Alison AndersonDuchessRegistered On: October 15, 2018Topics: 18Replies: 1247Has thanked: 981 timesBeen thanked: 5271 times
You know, someone who has transitioned and is still here would fit the category of not being a crossdresser since they are women now.
Don’t chastise yourself for putting in an “other” category. You never know how other people will take he question.
- February 12, 2023 at 10:10 pm #717796DuchessRegistered On: March 5, 2021Topics: 19Replies: 181Has thanked: 489 timesBeen thanked: 951 times
It seems like I am always defending myself for being a crossdresser. A lifestyle I choose and proud to be a part of. When I joined this site it was the name that attracted me “Crossdresser” Heaven. Sometimes I feel like I’m being penalized because I like to wear girls clothes. I understand the Crossdresser part, but maybe I don’t understand the “Heaven” part.
- February 12, 2023 at 5:55 pm #717772Cassie JaysonDuchessRegistered On: September 29, 2019Topics: 85Replies: 1380Has thanked: 3203 timesBeen thanked: 6483 times
- February 14, 2023 at 7:36 pm #718281Rhonda LeeBaroness - AnnualRegistered On: September 29, 2021Topics: 5Replies: 414Has thanked: 437 timesBeen thanked: 1655 times
Love your answer. We should all think twice before answering in a way apt to be misunderstood. I have always shied away from quickly answering a question like “are you transgender?” or referring to myself as such. By definition (at least WPATH and many other recognized organizations) I’d have to say “yes” but I realize the term is defined , or at least understood, differently by many, and most listeners who don’t know about crossdressers will interpret a “yes” to mean I am transitioning or intend to, or believe I am a woman trapped in a male body. If our intent is to educate and/or be understood or to convey that we have no reason to hide who we are we have to consider how our words will be interpreted. When going through divorce, even counselors misunderstood me. They deduced I must truly think I am female to refer to myself as Rhonda. Let’s face it. We have trouble understanding ourselves and will be misunderstood by others no matter how hard we try, but it truly IS worth an effort to remain true to ourselves, proud of who we are, and help others see that we, at least, have understanding and are confident that we are “normal” and want to take the time to be understood and accepted for who we are. We do NOT have gender dysphoria. We may be confused about WHY we are who we are, but most of us at least know who we are and accept, or should, accept it is ok, maybe even a blessing. We need not apologize or try to be someone we are not.
- February 15, 2023 at 10:34 am #718408Cassie JaysonDuchessRegistered On: September 29, 2019Topics: 85Replies: 1380Has thanked: 3203 timesBeen thanked: 6483 times
Thanks for your thoughts, Rhonda. I wouldn’t say I have NO gender dysphoria. For me there is nothing I have done so far that cannot be undone. BUT if I were to purge and go back to 100% male mode it would be a very short time before Cassie would be screaming to come back. At this time I have no desire to go though anything more than to ‘socially transition. No HRT or surgery. BUT going out as Cassie and being accepted as a woman is the best.
- February 12, 2023 at 2:57 pm #717755DuchessRegistered On: October 15, 2018Topics: 18Replies: 1247Has thanked: 981 timesBeen thanked: 5271 times
More often than not, I have told about my dressing.
One time when I was getting ready to go out, my daughter walked into my room for something (I had already moved into a separate bedroom) and she asked me about the smell of nail polish. I made up an excuse about using clear nail polish for something or other (I can’t remember what).
A few years later, after the time my spouse and I had already decided that we would eventually get a divorce, the same daughter found some of my clothes. When I decided to get divorced, I decided I would eventually tell my kids, since I didn’t want them to find my stuff after I die and then wonder about me. I waned them to be able to ask questions. On this day, I was going out at the time (not dressed), but did talk with her about an hour later. It was probably a little sooner than I planned to talk with her, but there was no real excuse except the truth. I think my coming out to her made her feel more comfortable for her some time later to talk to me about her sexual preferences, feeling I’d be understanding.
When my waxer asked me about why I get my legs waxed, I hesitated, but did tell her about my crossdressing. As she moved on, I told the next two women who do my waxing as well. I have even shown pictures of me dressed.
One time I bought some platform high heels in black and in silver. A few days later I decided I wanted it in red too, but most stores in the chain seemed to be out of it. But there was one place near where I worked that had it in stock. So I went out at lunch hour, went in, picked it up and returned to the counter. After the woman ahead of me paid, the cashier asked me “Did I know what to get, or was I told what to get?” I told her I knew what to get, and added (perhaps a bit sheepishly) that they were for me. We did have a conversation about the shoes before I left.
There was a women’s clothing store about 1/4 mile from my home. I would often browse there, sometimes prompted by something I saw in an email from them. On a few occasions, I would order things online and have them shipped to the store. It was close enough to home that it wasn’t really out of my way, and shipping to the store was free. When the store announced their closing of their brick and mortar stores, I did go in dressed a couple of times. One of the clerks passed by me and must have recognized me, saying “Oh. Hi!” before continuing on what I was doing.
One time I had a dental appointment on Halloween. On that day I had painted my nails candy corn. All the hygienists came in to have a look at my nails. When the dentist came in, he proceeded to tell me about the time he wore a skirt on Halloween. He started with a rhetorical “I don’t know if you’ve ever worn a skirt before ….” I didn’t say anything (well he didn’t really ask a question) despite thinking to myself “Yeah, all the time!” He proceeded to tell me about how his legs were cold and how airy it was and how he asked his wife why women wear such things. It was very funny the way he was describing it.
Since the question was “Did I ever hide it,” the answer would be yes. But most of the time, I would have to say no.
- February 12, 2023 at 8:31 pm #717788
- February 12, 2023 at 1:09 pm #717729Madeline BradfordDuchessRegistered On: February 5, 2023Topics: 6Replies: 220Has thanked: 342 timesBeen thanked: 986 times
- February 12, 2023 at 2:07 pm #717742
- February 12, 2023 at 12:16 pm #717708Emily AltManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: August 24, 2019Topics: 125Replies: 1787Has thanked: 2328 timesBeen thanked: 9466 times
When I was in denial, I denied being a CD on a few occasions. That was then. I’m now out as trans to most people. The ones that still don’t know I’ll get to eventually. If anyone asks, I’m not denying anything.
Hiding is a step backward at this point. Once you’re out, you discover who your true friends and loved ones are.
- February 12, 2023 at 11:55 am #717698Angela BoothHostessRegistered On: August 1, 2020Topics: 12Replies: 1880Has thanked: 6388 timesBeen thanked: 8573 times
I used to find it difficult but decided honesty was the best policy and it has worked out. I was lucky as I can appreciate the circumstances that some of you girls find yourselves in and have to be more cautious. I am open to any questions from friends or colleagues but have to say that there has been no questions asked, which is lovely.
- February 12, 2023 at 10:49 am #717688AnonymousLadyTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
Don’t feel bad because protecting our children is more important than expressing ourselves to them. You have been a dad to her all her life so unless you’re sure she is accepting then keep quiet. Once its out of the bag its out forever.
Because of a couple incidents early in my life I have denied my dressing for decades to family and friends. What they don’t know they can only guess at so don’t confirm anything unless you are prepared for what could happen.
- February 12, 2023 at 10:02 am #717681SalemRegistered On: September 11, 2022Topics: 1Replies: 45Has thanked: 51 timesBeen thanked: 186 times
Don’t feel bad. I mean…it just takes time to be able to truly not care about it the fear of judgement. We are social animals. Part of our genetic design is to fit in and go with the flow. Part of our design and survival instinct is to just go with the flow and not stand out. Just keep working at it, you’re battling the fears that are embedded within. You’re also battling the fears that have been embedded into our heads since birth. Just always remember and when you’re ready to share that with her, then do it! <3
Good luck 👍.
- February 12, 2023 at 10:07 am #717683DuchessRegistered On: March 5, 2021Topics: 19Replies: 181Has thanked: 489 timesBeen thanked: 951 times
- February 12, 2023 at 6:42 pm #717778SalemRegistered On: September 11, 2022Topics: 1Replies: 45Has thanked: 51 timesBeen thanked: 186 times
Just feel out her attitudes towards cross dressers and such. Introduce the topic more referring to the news to figure out her beliefs. Sometimes, people don’t need to know everything about us too. You raised her, she loves you. I think you’ll be surprised at the result. Often, our worst fears are derived from societal reactions. When the time is right though to address it with her, you’ll know.
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