- This topic has 33 replies, 21 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Nikki Dahl.
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- February 12, 2023 at 9:55 am #717679
Have you ever been evasive to answering questions about your crossdressing lifestyle to avoid confrontation or embarrassment?
I found myself in just this situation recently. I’ve always been very open about my feminine side and have said many times, “I really don’t care what they think.”
My daughter recently visited me and by accident came across a picture of me dressed in my leopard print mini skirt. She brought it to me and asked, “Who is this?”. So many responsive scenarios flashed through my mind in just a few seconds. I looked into her eyes, took the picture from her hand and said, “You don’t want to know.” I was so ashamed to have denied Wendie. I felt myself starting to cry. - February 12, 2023 at 10:02 am #717681
Don’t feel bad. I mean…it just takes time to be able to truly not care about it the fear of judgement. We are social animals. Part of our genetic design is to fit in and go with the flow. Part of our design and survival instinct is to just go with the flow and not stand out. Just keep working at it, you’re battling the fears that are embedded within. You’re also battling the fears that have been embedded into our heads since birth. Just always remember and when you’re ready to share that with her, then do it! <3
Good luck 👍.
- February 12, 2023 at 10:07 am #717683
So much wisdom is in your comment. The thing I fear the most in regards to my daughter is ruining her image of her Dad.
- February 12, 2023 at 6:42 pm #717778
Just feel out her attitudes towards cross dressers and such. Introduce the topic more referring to the news to figure out her beliefs. Sometimes, people don’t need to know everything about us too. You raised her, she loves you. I think you’ll be surprised at the result. Often, our worst fears are derived from societal reactions. When the time is right though to address it with her, you’ll know.
- February 12, 2023 at 10:49 am #717688AnonymousLady
Don’t feel bad because protecting our children is more important than expressing ourselves to them. You have been a dad to her all her life so unless you’re sure she is accepting then keep quiet. Once its out of the bag its out forever.
Because of a couple incidents early in my life I have denied my dressing for decades to family and friends. What they don’t know they can only guess at so don’t confirm anything unless you are prepared for what could happen.
- February 12, 2023 at 11:55 am #717698
I used to find it difficult but decided honesty was the best policy and it has worked out. I was lucky as I can appreciate the circumstances that some of you girls find yourselves in and have to be more cautious. I am open to any questions from friends or colleagues but have to say that there has been no questions asked, which is lovely.
- February 12, 2023 at 12:16 pm #717708
When I was in denial, I denied being a CD on a few occasions. That was then. I’m now out as trans to most people. The ones that still don’t know I’ll get to eventually. If anyone asks, I’m not denying anything.
Hiding is a step backward at this point. Once you’re out, you discover who your true friends and loved ones are.
/EA
- February 12, 2023 at 2:05 pm #717738
I’m very proud & not shy of who I am and what I do. I have moved past the point on my journey that I deny who I am to myself, but sometimes it just ain’t that easy when it comes to people I am close to.
- February 12, 2023 at 1:09 pm #717729
You didn’t say how old your daughter is. If not an adult, you definitely did the right thing.
- February 12, 2023 at 2:07 pm #717742
She’s currently 35 and never had a clue that her Dad is anything but her Dad.
- February 12, 2023 at 2:57 pm #717755
More often than not, I have told about my dressing.
One time when I was getting ready to go out, my daughter walked into my room for something (I had already moved into a separate bedroom) and she asked me about the smell of nail polish. I made up an excuse about using clear nail polish for something or other (I can’t remember what).
A few years later, after the time my spouse and I had already decided that we would eventually get a divorce, the same daughter found some of my clothes. When I decided to get divorced, I decided I would eventually tell my kids, since I didn’t want them to find my stuff after I die and then wonder about me. I waned them to be able to ask questions. On this day, I was going out at the time (not dressed), but did talk with her about an hour later. It was probably a little sooner than I planned to talk with her, but there was no real excuse except the truth. I think my coming out to her made her feel more comfortable for her some time later to talk to me about her sexual preferences, feeling I’d be understanding.
When my waxer asked me about why I get my legs waxed, I hesitated, but did tell her about my crossdressing. As she moved on, I told the next two women who do my waxing as well. I have even shown pictures of me dressed.
One time I bought some platform high heels in black and in silver. A few days later I decided I wanted it in red too, but most stores in the chain seemed to be out of it. But there was one place near where I worked that had it in stock. So I went out at lunch hour, went in, picked it up and returned to the counter. After the woman ahead of me paid, the cashier asked me “Did I know what to get, or was I told what to get?” I told her I knew what to get, and added (perhaps a bit sheepishly) that they were for me. We did have a conversation about the shoes before I left.
There was a women’s clothing store about 1/4 mile from my home. I would often browse there, sometimes prompted by something I saw in an email from them. On a few occasions, I would order things online and have them shipped to the store. It was close enough to home that it wasn’t really out of my way, and shipping to the store was free. When the store announced their closing of their brick and mortar stores, I did go in dressed a couple of times. One of the clerks passed by me and must have recognized me, saying “Oh. Hi!” before continuing on what I was doing.
One time I had a dental appointment on Halloween. On that day I had painted my nails candy corn. All the hygienists came in to have a look at my nails. When the dentist came in, he proceeded to tell me about the time he wore a skirt on Halloween. He started with a rhetorical “I don’t know if you’ve ever worn a skirt before ….” I didn’t say anything (well he didn’t really ask a question) despite thinking to myself “Yeah, all the time!” He proceeded to tell me about how his legs were cold and how airy it was and how he asked his wife why women wear such things. It was very funny the way he was describing it.
Since the question was “Did I ever hide it,” the answer would be yes. But most of the time, I would have to say no.
- February 12, 2023 at 8:31 pm #717788
Most of the time I too am proud to be Wendie. But occasionally it ain’t so easy.
- February 12, 2023 at 5:55 pm #717772
I used to be but not so much anymore. Although when asked I hesitate to think of how to reply so I am not misunderstood.
. Cassie
- February 14, 2023 at 7:36 pm #718281
Love your answer. We should all think twice before answering in a way apt to be misunderstood. I have always shied away from quickly answering a question like “are you transgender?” or referring to myself as such. By definition (at least WPATH and many other recognized organizations) I’d have to say “yes” but I realize the term is defined , or at least understood, differently by many, and most listeners who don’t know about crossdressers will interpret a “yes” to mean I am transitioning or intend to, or believe I am a woman trapped in a male body. If our intent is to educate and/or be understood or to convey that we have no reason to hide who we are we have to consider how our words will be interpreted. When going through divorce, even counselors misunderstood me. They deduced I must truly think I am female to refer to myself as Rhonda. Let’s face it. We have trouble understanding ourselves and will be misunderstood by others no matter how hard we try, but it truly IS worth an effort to remain true to ourselves, proud of who we are, and help others see that we, at least, have understanding and are confident that we are “normal” and want to take the time to be understood and accepted for who we are. We do NOT have gender dysphoria. We may be confused about WHY we are who we are, but most of us at least know who we are and accept, or should, accept it is ok, maybe even a blessing. We need not apologize or try to be someone we are not.
- February 15, 2023 at 10:34 am #718408
Thanks for your thoughts, Rhonda. I wouldn’t say I have NO gender dysphoria. For me there is nothing I have done so far that cannot be undone. BUT if I were to purge and go back to 100% male mode it would be a very short time before Cassie would be screaming to come back. At this time I have no desire to go though anything more than to ‘socially transition. No HRT or surgery. BUT going out as Cassie and being accepted as a woman is the best.
. Cassie
- February 12, 2023 at 7:47 pm #717785
if anyone other than a CD’s SO answers the third option we may have to figure out how to see who voted which way…
just kidding, I don’t go looking for trouble, it has plenty of ways to find me!
and no, I don’t know how, nor want to, figure out how to tell who voted how…
BillieJay
- February 12, 2023 at 8:38 pm #717789
My thought is that a CD’s SO would have to vote no unless he or she is crossdressing and keeping it a secret from her or his SO ? Geez, I thought this was a simple question when I created the poll, but now?……….. *scratching my head*……. the third vote was suppose to be humor
- February 12, 2023 at 8:53 pm #717791
You know, someone who has transitioned and is still here would fit the category of not being a crossdresser since they are women now.
Don’t chastise yourself for putting in an “other” category. You never know how other people will take he question.
- February 12, 2023 at 10:10 pm #717796
It seems like I am always defending myself for being a crossdresser. A lifestyle I choose and proud to be a part of. When I joined this site it was the name that attracted me “Crossdresser” Heaven. Sometimes I feel like I’m being penalized because I like to wear girls clothes. I understand the Crossdresser part, but maybe I don’t understand the “Heaven” part.
- February 12, 2023 at 8:01 pm #717787
I’ve had a few situations like this and I’ve always answered the question honestly.
Twice in my local drug store when buying cosmetics. The first time was when I was on my hands and knees looking at the nail polish in the bottom row and a woman came around the corner and looked at me then started talking to me about nail polish, and then asked. So I just told her yes I dress up and go out often, then showed her some pictures! She said she would be fine with being involved with a man like that!
The next time was in the same aisle and I came almost shoulder to shoulder with a woman who was looking at the same foundation as I. Quite quickly she came out and asked if I “dress up”. I of course answered yes, and we had quite the long conversation with her saying quite early in it that she was a lesbian and used to help a gent she knew get dressed and made up.
Very recently I was in a thrift store I’ve often shopped at, well maybe too often? So this particular day I’d chosen a couple of items to buy and took them up to the cash. At the time there was no one else in the store and the two older ladies who run the store were having lunch at a table behind the counter with a younger woman who seemed to be one of their daughters.
The one who came to cash me out looks at the robe I wanted says right out loud, “Don’t you think you should try it on?”. Now I knew this was a challenge, a dare, so I said, sure and proceeded to do just that. The younger woman had a look of total astonishment on her face as I did so! She fist woman then said “It sure looks better on you than it would me!”
The next week I went in as Amy and we had quite a nice chat! Then I ended up buying a couple guy things, to which she had a laugh and said these must be for the “boyfriend”.
I’ve had a couple of other similar instances and I have always been met with acceptance then some questions as well, to which I’ve answered honestly. Mostly people want to know if I’m gay and are usually surprised when I say I’m not.
Amy
- February 13, 2023 at 2:47 am #717826
In the early days yes I would. Now I’m very open about it with sales associates if they ask “ who is it for “, Other than that I’ve never really been asked by a close friend or family member. My wife and female boss have both asked me if I may be transgender and I answered as honest as I could.
- February 13, 2023 at 5:24 am #717851
Sadly, I have to answer yes for this question. My situation is such to where I am still hiding so much from everyone but my wife. Thus there have been times where I cannot be open about who I am or how I feel. I have found it is all about “balance”, in my life. I work hard to balance things so everyone in my family is happy. I have my time, my moments, and my family. I am way to old to try to change all that now for a few years if “?”. Just the way it is for me, but I find I am quite happy. All my friends here help so much!!!!
- February 13, 2023 at 5:41 am #717856
I’ve always been a proud supporter of “be happy with who you are” and “love knows no gender”. It’s those occasional moments that it’s not so easy to say the words that become a struggle. The sadness that I feel by denying the girl inside me becomes overwhelming and makes me cry and like you, age hasn’t made it any easier.
- February 13, 2023 at 6:22 am #717864
I had to say no since only my wife knows and she has never asked anything I feel uncomfortable with…yet
- February 13, 2023 at 6:54 am #717872Anonymous
Hi Wendy, this is a great (although difficult) question.
In my opinion, the answer is probably yes for all of us. I know that until I fully came out to my wife, I definitely was evasive (because, let’s face it, our wives are a lot more aware than we think or give them credit for) when the topic would come up. That’s because I didn’t want to publicly admit to her who I really was, and I thought that by not answering or redirecting the conversation I was “protecting” her. In reality, I was protecting myself by hiding myself, at least until I was ready to fully open up and be honest with her.
Hugs,
Holly
- February 13, 2023 at 2:53 pm #718012
I’ve always been a proud supporter of “be happy with who you are” and “love knows no gender”. It’s those occasional moments that it’s not so easy to say the words that become a struggle. The sadness that I feel by denying the girl inside me becomes overwhelming and makes me cry.
- This reply was modified 1 year ago by Wendie Cross.
- February 13, 2023 at 3:22 pm #718019Anonymous
So very true…
- February 13, 2023 at 9:06 am #717910
I only hid it from close family and really opened up about it when I moved away. Now I enjoy being a woman several days a week and dont even care what others think. Just go about living life now as this is my normal. If clocked or asked about it I am open to the talk and really nothing bad has happened
- February 13, 2023 at 6:15 pm #718051
In guy mode I hardly ever get asked about my crossdressing. Some exceptions might be if I’m buying some girly clothes. I might get asked of they are for me. My answer depends on the person, where I am and my mood.
- February 16, 2023 at 6:41 pm #718732
I do not mind admitting I am crossdresser that wants to be a woman!
- February 16, 2023 at 9:25 pm #718761
My wife knows I’m a CD and is a bit DADT, doesn’t care to know, doesn’t want to see. A few times I had just finished a dressing session when she walked in on me and asked “hey, what are you up to?” Or when I went out shopping for heels/dresses/thrift, she would ask “buy anything?”. I’ve gotten used to answering with “just doing some things” or “bought a few things”. She doesn’t press for more, but it does feel like I’m denying my CDness.
- February 16, 2023 at 10:20 pm #718765
Hi Wendi,
Yes, in my younger days. In the before times, you did it to survive and i was a survivor. The best non-answer answer dissembler going.
Now-days not so much. I don’t broadcast it but i don’t hide it either. It’s who i am.
And i have to say being a part of CDH >really< helped me in that area. Just knowing you are here and i’m not alone and i’m not so very weird after all has given me the courage to pursue my lifelong dream of transitioning and for that i am forever grateful.Thanks for asking.
-joanne- February 18, 2023 at 2:39 pm #719115
I’m glad you are comfortable here and have made some friends you can relate to
- February 21, 2023 at 5:39 am #719715
Not at all. I am who Iam!! I don’t really care what others think!
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