• This topic has 29 replies, 19 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by LisaT.
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  • #527491
    Ashley Konners
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    Registered On: August 15, 2020
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    Morning ladies, 

    Ive been checking in but quiet lately as I’ve been having thoughts on what it would be like to go full time. Yes I love my wife unconditionally and she has told me that she couldn’t stay with me if I wanted to come out to all as a crossdresser. This seems to come up in my thoughts often as I’ve been dressing for many years and like I’ve mentioned before my crossdressing has grown 10 fold since I came out to my wife , then more recently 5 others close to me.  At times it’s all I think about and enjoy being out in public as of late with no nerves or concerns as my confidence has become much stronger and it feels natural to be out dressed as a woman.
    I realize that most things evolve with time and this is totally the case with my dressing.  Even when I’m “ in man mode” I’m always wearing panties and bra, pantyhose in cooler weather, mascara and eye shadow, a little touch of perfume , clear polish on finger and toes nails ( if no colour on toes) Woman’s jeans and tops and certain women’s shoes. My counsellor keeps telling me to dress and go out more often if this is what makes me feel good to help with some anxiety issues I’ve been dealing with.  Anyway I feel/ know I couldn’t go to work en femme as I feel I would lose some respect from some of my team as I’m in a lead position.  I try to dress as often as possible and really miss it when I can’t.
    So how many others feel like this at times? Do you ever think about what it would be like to transition and become a woman ? What and who would it affect if you did?

    Thanks ladies and have a wonderful day.
    Ashley. ❤️

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    • #529046
      Jess Secret
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      Registered On: February 18, 2021
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      Great topic and questions Ashley, as time goes by I’ve been getting stronger urges to become an actual woman and experience everything that women do. My boyfriend would be fine with it and extremely supportive but I won’t be doing it anytime soon and it would be an issue because of work, but I do dream and fantasize about what it would be like. As for now I settle for wearing beautiful/romantic lingerie to bed every night and panties during the day, and doing so make me feel ultra fem without the need to be a woman right now. But the urges and curiosity is definitely there.

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    • #529042
      Michelle
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      Registered On: October 14, 2020
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      I didn’t read other replies so forgive me if I am repeating.  I have been struggling with this question for almost all my life.  I turn 49 in a couple weeks so I don’t know to chalk it up to a midlife crisis or what.  My egg has cracked, I came out to my wife when we first started dating 20 years ago.  I assured her that it was only crossdressing. The issue has come up since then whenever I was pushing the acceptable boundaries femininity.  I always assured her it’s just crossdresing. I have come out to my kids now, my youngest is starting his senior year in high school and joining the Navy upon his graduation.  My wife has been open about me crossdressing to friends in her circle.  I think this allowed me to break through my denial, and I look back, I was trying my assure myself that it was just crossdressing. I have admitted to myself it’s not nor was it ever.  Whatever coping mechanism I had in place is not allowing me to cope.  This is causing stress, anxiety, panic attacks, and deep depression.  I do have an appointment with a therapist soon, but I can no longer assure myself that it is just crossdressing. I am afraid this will end my marriage, but I fear worse if I don’t deal with it.

      • #529060
        LisaT
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        Registered On: January 31, 2021
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        There are therapists and therapists, the whole area is a minefield. Hopefully they will help you listen to yourself and understand what is behind your distress. CDH is a therapy too if you listen carefully. There are so many of us with different degrees of CD and different answers. Recognising ones own femininity and identifying as female are different things.

        I’m searching for my happy place and it’s so close. I love dressing femme and need to express my femininity full time. That said both my wife and I fear the possibility of sliding into complete replication of the archetypal female. Yesterday I spent a little time shaving and applying hair dye to my little landing strip down below. I was worried at first as the brown hair dye has come out almost black but I love it. It’s small and very defined but it also accentuates and affirms my sex in a strong but elegant way. It’s a metaphor in its own way. I need to be free to express myself and that includes dressing to show my femme tastes but I am very attached to my sex and have no desire to transition either by surgically reassigning my sex or by presenting as female. My sex is male and my gender is Me.

        Good luck with finding yourself Michelle. Hopefully you can find your happy place and it exists where it’s not too destructive to those around you.

        Hugs

        Lisa xxx

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    • #527808
      Val’sheril Starsong
      Lady
      Registered On: March 3, 2019
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      Forgive me if I’m repeating others, this is one of those rare occurrences when I don’t read through the other replies first because I don’t want to be swayed by them. Bear in mind I bear you no malice but only love, I judge you only by your own words. You say you love your wife unconditionally. It seems to me while your urge to express as a woman is strong that if you truly mean those words you would respect her wishes on the matter. Unconditional is not a word just to throw around, and her opinions matter just as much as yours do. I know it hurts to hear just as much as it does to say, but this is just my objective reading of what you’ve said.

      So I guess at this point the question to ask yourself is: what do you love more, your femme self or your wife? And if it’s the latter, I suggest you seek some sort of compromise, lest she end up your ex.

      Sorry I couldn’t sugar-coat these words more, but sugar-coating them would dilute them perhaps beyond recognition. I wish you and your wife the best! <3

      • #527819
        Ashley Konners
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        Registered On: August 15, 2020
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        I hear what your saying and I think some have taken what I said wrong.  I’m having thoughts , that’s it.  I do love my wife and know what would happen if I was to go full time.  It’s right in the title.  Having thoughts.  I’m sure there are many cds who wonder what it would be like to be a woman 24/7.  I’m very happy with the time I have as Ashley and my male self.  But everyone is welcome to comment on my post as it’s an open forum.

        • #527829
          Val’sheril Starsong
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          Registered On: March 3, 2019
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          As long as your wife’s viewpoint is entering as much/possibly more than your own here. This is why I’ve (well, one of myriad reasons I’ve) chosen to remain celibate. Less confusion on points such as this.

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    • #527797
      Val’sheril Starsong
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      Registered On: March 3, 2019
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      While of course as a CD I think about it from time to time… gonna play the minority card here and say that I’m happy enough as a male being a girl on a part-time basis why mess with a good thing? Certainly society plays a lot of pressure to be gender-binary, but experience has shown it’s a more complex equation than that and, as I believe Confucius said, “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.” 😉

      That’s not to say that I don’t support those with stronger urges to transition, but having spoken with a good deal of trans women it’s not a decision to be taken lightly. <3

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    • #527788
      Regine Kelly
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      Registered On: October 9, 2020
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      I think of it everyday, and the pull is strongest on the weekends, when I dress fully all day and night.
      My wife is,and would be fine, with me going “all the way”, and indeed is almost more excited than me, to have me fully out and being Regine, Im a lucky one,I know
      The only thing stopping me is my work, as I know it would not go well there, But I do have my eyebrows shaped, wear nail polish all the time, and panties and bra.
      Hugs, Regi👸💕

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    • #527729
      Anonymous
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      Everyday I think about how to make going to full time happen.

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    • #527617
      Michelle Trott
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 7, 2021
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      I think about transitioning quite a bit but it’s really not a option. I am afraid I would miss myself. If you could flip a switch and change and the rest of my life would stay intact I would do it in a second. But that’s a fairy tale. Could I exist without my wife? Of course I could. I don’t want to.

    • #527566
      Michelle McQueen
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      Registered On: June 14, 2021
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      Good advice here as usual. You say you’re already dressing androgynously when in male mode so I think the most important question is – Can you give up all that you have worked for as a male to become a full time no question about it female? If your answer is yes then go for it and don’t look back. If not then try to be content with dressing as you do now and save the dressing to the nines only for certain occasions.

      I would love to live full time as Michelle but I know I can’t so like you, I’m moving toward living androgynously in daily life. I do what makes me feel happy and girly as much as possible without committing fully as a female all the time. The only thing I really miss is having boobs but that would be a bit too far in public as an andro.

    • #527559
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Princess
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
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      Hi Ashley I believe most of us would love to experience living as a woman full time. For most of us it is just fantasy. I love having a wife to be a friend, confidant, lover and a true partner in life. My wife loves having a masculine husband for many of the same reasons. You are changing the game in the middle of the game. That is the No#2 question from all our SOs when they find out about our desire to present our selves in the feminine. Do you have plans to transition to a woman. Number #1 is are you Gay. If you answer “yes” to any one of the two. It is a game changer. In most cases its game over. There are those who stick with their partner and it seems to work out. I read somewhere a woman was interviewed about her husbands joy of cross dressing that eventually turned into a full time transition. She said” I miss my cross dressing husband” because there was at least there was some masculinity in her life. She married a masculine man because she was attracted to masculine men Having to choose between love and attraction was so very difficult for her. No one deserves to be forced to make that choice. Just a thought Luv Stephanie

      • #527562
        Ashley Konners
        Lady
        Registered On: August 15, 2020
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        Yes hun it’s just a thought. I know I couldn’t transition even if I wanted to as it would have to many effects and the bad would out way the good.

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    • #527521
      Elise Michelle
      Duchess
      Registered On: January 3, 2018
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      Absolutely. I think about it every day. And, perhaps, if I had learned about “transitioning” 35 years ago I would have taken another path in life. I have no wife to worry about, but I do have children, siblings and, most importantly, a career that I love and refuse to jeopardize. So, I have accepted that transition isn’t an option for me. But, I do think about it often.

    • #527512
      LisaT
      Lady
      Registered On: January 31, 2021
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      Ashley, so much of what you say resonates with me. I have been so much happier since coming out to my wife and my confidence is increasing all the time. I am finding my balance and dressing in female clothing exclusively now whilst still presenting as male.

      I’m happy presenting as a man though I would probably describe my gender as trans. I mean this in the sense that my gender sits somewhere in the middle section of a scale between male and female and probably more female on balance. I feel no temptation to transition or even present as female though my increasingly androgynous clothing and presentation might suggest an inclination that way to some. The reality is I am happier being me than pretending to be a woman in order to align with an easily identifiable group.

      So this afternoon I think I will cut and split some logs before talking to my wife about possibly doing some shaping of my eyebrows before dressing for my grandsons birthday dinner.

      Hugs

      Lisa xxx

      • #527572
        Laura Lovett
        Lady
        Registered On: March 26, 2020
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        Hi Ashley

        I am probably non binary, gender fluid, governed mainly by how I currently present, but with a need to present the feminine side from time to time.

        When, it is not possible to specify.

        Some days I ache to be fully femme. I have no desire to transition as I have a use for the male side, but I find it hard to be in male mode all the time – it’s never really sat well with me.

        However, having time to be in female mode (I use “mode”, as a way of distinguishing from actually feeling like a woman, because I don’t – similarly man, yet do not feel androgynous, just ambiguous).

        The female side finds it enough to be expressed through the clothing and makeup – indeed, it always feels like an adventure to be en femme, out and about. Maybe that’s the reward for leaving it so late in life to fully discover!

        In male mode, I almost never feel the clothing – in that, I do not know what character I am projecting, place in the pecking order, whatever – I feel very mercurial. This is the most ambiguous side.

        The female mode knows exactly what she is expressing through the clothing and makeup – it’s carefully chosen. Yet it’s almost separate from “me” – I just know that I feel amazing, and hopefully project amazing (in the many meanings that word has) – maybe a bit confusing, but always solid and sure of herself.

        That has helped my uncertain, often scared, anxious and worried male persona no end – and is one of the most amazing things about cross dressing – the tangible transformative power it brings.

        I guess it’s rather self-centred, but if you can’t love yourself, how’re you going to love somebody else?

        Can I get an Amen in here?

        😍😍😍😍😁

        Love Laura

        • #527809
          Val’sheril Starsong
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          Registered On: March 3, 2019
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          Amen!

      • #527534
        Ashley Konners
        Lady
        Registered On: August 15, 2020
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        I hear ya there hun. I’m doing a brake job on my car in panties, bra, light mascara and eye shadow with just a slash of perfume right now.  I do the same as I wear women’s jeans and tops when out presenting as a man.  Thanks for the reply Lisa.

    • #527509
      Julie Shaw
      Lady
      Registered On: September 3, 2015
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      First – know the difference between being A Crossdresser and being A Trans Woman.  It makes a HUGE difference with your wife. Whichever one you are – embrace it. But know the difference.  My wife is ok with my crossdressing since it is just that – I have no desire to transition and I tell her that.  She has no fears of losing “her man”.

      • #527845
        Jeannie Jones
        Duchess
        Registered On: October 9, 2020
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        Great Julie😊

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      • #527533
        Ashley Konners
        Lady
        Registered On: August 15, 2020
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        Well when I first came out to her I told her I was just a crossdresser. But since being able to dress more often in front of her and going out in public  I find I want to do it all the time. Really I just think it’s a matter of enjoying it rather then becoming a woman full time.

    • #527503
      Haley Ann
      Lady
      Registered On: October 12, 2020
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      Ashley,

      Only every single day! After being married nearly 45 years, I am certain that my perception of my wife’s reaction if I were to reveal Haley to her would be one of horror, misunderstanding, Catholic guilt, and the feeling that I had deceived her…which I have. At this point, my growing desire to either live as or certainly spend more time as Haley pulls on me, but is it selfish to just consider myself and my feelings?

      Haley😘

      • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Haley Ann.
    • #527499
      Mary Jane
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      Registered On: September 30, 2020
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      The question I would ask is, can you live without your wife.

      Is your crossdressing more important than your marriage?

      Only you can answer that.

      • #527532
        Haley Ann
        Lady
        Registered On: October 12, 2020
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        Well, at 65 I can only ask myself how much time I have, and what would the extent of the mental and financial carnage such a revelation would have. But, maybe I underestimate her ability to accept me, guess that is the more logical path. But, could I live without her…probably, and I believe that it would be OK for her in the long run too, especially after being able to accept it and move on. I believe we both deserve better, maybe a bigger slice of emotions, acceptance, open-mindedness and possibly fantasy as well. My behavior is not a response to a high level of personal satisfaction in my marriage after all of these years, but rather an option to consider as I ponder my future and what it holds. Is true happiness possible if it causes pain for others?

        Haley😘

      • #527504
        Ashley Konners
        Lady
        Registered On: August 15, 2020
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        Well I wouldn’t put my crossdressing ahead of my wife of 26 years and that’s what my Counsellor said. Are you willing to live with all that would come with transitioning. So the short answer at this time is no.
        thanks

        Ashley.

        • #527537
          Rach
          Lady
          Registered On: January 16, 2021
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          This is the correct answer.

          Having these desires is not something we choose.   We simply have them.   But transition is different.  It is indeed a choice.

          For some of us, the choice is easy.  For others, not so much.  But for all of us, it weighs one set of needs against another.

          You know what a decision to transition could cost.  So, the question is simple: is the price you’d have to pay worth what you’ll gain?

          For most of us, the answer is no.

          • #527811
            Val’sheril Starsong
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            Registered On: March 3, 2019
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            And I’d add, is the price that your SO (if applicable) would pay worth it? Remember you’re thinking about more than just yourself here.

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