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Hi, it’s really nice to be here among you all. I use the name Michelle to stay close to my male name, Michael… because I have found myself increasingly able to accept and appreciate both sides of my nature. I’m a lifelong crossdresser, able to recall like it was yesterday being caught by my mother in all of her things as early as 6 years old. My story reflects my ongoing evolution to being able to express my feminine side, and the incredible sense of freedom, self-awareness, truth and honesty, and happiness that I have been finding as I embrace my femininity more fully than ever and even (finally!) to be able to open up and let a woman into this world and to share in the discovery of who I really am…. better late than never, lol.
So briefly, I repressed it for many years, as many of us do… even to the point of marrying someone, the love of my life… and yet not being able to be honest or courageous enough to tell her such a deeply held secret. I thought I could change, that marriage would change me, that I’d outgrow the desires, or develop enough “character” to resist the desires to dress. After about 25 years of guilt and sneaking, of making up stories to cover for the rare nights when I would dress completely and go out to trans- friendly clubs in Manhattan, of hiding my feminine things, my wife found out through my carelessness. It shattered our marriage, changed our relationship permanently. She eventually tried to understand and accept, but in her heart she never could and we were always too much in each others heads after that to ever be intimate again. After about 15 years of a strained marriage, we finally divorced almost two years ago.
During this past year I began a relationship with a woman and knew I would have to tell her before we had a chance to be serious about each other. She accepted me from the outset, even buying spontaneous feminine gifts for Michelle. She encouraged me to take my feminine things out of hiding and to give them a proper place in drawers in my bedroom. She has bought me skirts to wear, as well as several nightgowns and many many panties. She taught me how to fold the panties just right, to display them in a drawer, and to delight in their visual appeal as well as the beautiful sensation of wearing them.
All with her encouragement, I have discarded all of my old male underwear, wear panties everyday, sleep in a silky nightgown each night, keep my legs shaves smooth, and usually slip into a skirt when I get home from work in the evening. I realize that these gestures may pale besides the more overt femme expressions of those who are more full time or have been better able to integrate their feminine persona into their lives, but for me… these changes are like something I have never ever experienced before, and I have never had so much hope for being true to myself ever before. The wonderful woman who helps me along, who helps me to see myself…. she tells me we have only scratched the surface, that we can have everything… and I am just starting to believe her, or even be able to believe her.
And with the newly blossoming acceptance, and the curiosity for more self-discovery, more self-awareness and more surrender to my true self, I have found this site, with hope to learn and accept and communicate these ideas more and more honestly.
Thanks all, for being here…
Michelle
Michelle, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Each of our journeys are unique and our own. I too kept my femininity from my wife for more than 8 years of marriage. It always made me feel dishonestand unfaithful. As I began to embrace my femininity fully myself, my keeping it secret started to have a toil on our relationship. It still took me months to have the courage to tell my wife. Thankfully, she has been supportive, but we are taking it slow as we learn how MacKenzie fits into the dynamic of our relationship. Keep the faith and be thankful of the blessed women in our lives who love us for all we are.
Hugs, MacKenzie
Hi Michelle,
What a wonderful introduction!
I loved reading it and there are so many parallels with my own story.
It’s fantastic that you have found someone who accepts and supports you. It has a huge influence on the way you view the road forward.
This gift that we share, is not a competition. Everyone evolves at their own pace towards their own destination. The ladies in this community are all lovely, as I’m sure you will discover and there’s plenty of advice and encouragement to be found in the articles and Forums. Feel free to browse & comment as you see fit.
If you have a chance, pop past chat and say “Hi” at some stage.
We’re so glad to have you here with us.Hugs,
Maxine
Hi Michelle and welcome to CDH.
Rachel
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