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Allow me to introduce myself, my name is MJ Bellesdotter. This will be the first time I’ve ever told anyone about my journey.
I have been crossdressing for as long as I can remember. Of course, being 5 or 6, I got caught the first few times by my family. One time all of my siblings saw me; they laughed and got my father, who was obviously confused and frustrated with the situation as he simply told me to stop and left. Another time my mother caught me, and she told me to quickly change before my father got home. After getting caught a few more times, I got the point – and only dressed when I was certain of not being seen. This of course meant dressing far less than I liked, but at least there was no more shame from my family’s reactions.
Looking back, I can see some things in addition to crossdressing which point toward my gender fluidity. For instance, I would rather stay at home and watch chick flicks with my mother, sisters and cousins than go on a hunting trip with my father. But fluid is a good term in the sense that it’s not stable or easy to grasp. Although I often want to be and dress more feminine, I have never been attracted to males. I could probably be better summed up as a person so enamoured with women that I want to be one.
Now, I am married to a lovely girl whom I love. She shares most of my values and beliefs, and yet is very different from most of my family in that she completely accepts LGBT (one of her FAVORITE movies is ‘To Wong Foo’). It actually upset me at first, because I was at that time completely suppressing my feminine side. But I see it as a blessing now, as I’ve been reassessing my gender. Not that I feel safe coming out to her – I know it would be a whole different level for the man she loves to tell her that he wishes he were a woman too. I have started doing workouts targeting building a more feminine figure, and I’ve grown more accepting of myself. And, though my wife prefers a scruffy man, I’ve started going clean shaven to make it easier to feel like a woman. Still, though I would love to go through the full hormonal transition to a woman, I know I cannot. I fear losing my wife, I fear losing my family. And those are my most prized objects in this world.
That is me in a nutshell. At least, this part of me. Thank you all for your acceptance and support!
With much love,
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