I don’t know where to start so I am just going to type what comes to me. I am sorry in advance if it seems jumbled.
I am 40 years old. I guess you could say I am emerging crossdresser . Definitely a part time one when I am alone. This is all fairly new to me still and I do not know where it is going. I don’t want to be a woman physically for real, like surgery and all.
No one knows about this interest. In a way you might call it a hobby or something.
I do not know what exactly caused or got me to explore. If this was me sitting here from 5-6 years ago I would not be typing this right now. It just slowly came over me. Another example would be 12 years ago some friends of mine all wanted to do Halloween in drag. I refused. Now if they came up with that idea I would do so willingly.
I remember very vaguely sneaking some of my moms undergarments when I was young and putting them on. I was maybe 5 or 6 at the time, I really cant say. I think I may have done this twice or three times. I know it was at least twice that I can recall, again I was young and it was a long time ago.
I do not know if that had any influence on me in the past 2-3 years.
The past few months I have branched out some I suppose. Wearing more women’s clothing at home. I have even worn panties when I go out under my jeans or slacks. I bought a nightie last month and I find that I am wearing it more and more to bed at night. I also find myself thinking at work of putting some things on when I get home with more frequency.
I find now when I go to a place that sells women’s clothes, that I look much much more than I used to. I have even gone to a few department stores and causally looked around at the women’s section though not touching anything.
I have thought about buying some things on my own several times. I chicken out though. I realize and rationalize that no one in the store knows me and I wont see them ever again, I just still feel embarrassed to do so. Part of me says that once I do this once, it wont seem like a big deal possibly, I just cant get myself over that hurtle yet.
I don’t consider myself fem.
I do own some things that I have bought online, since it it more anonymous.
Just wanted to find someplace that I could talk and not feel weird or anything.
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