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  • #391370
    Amy Lucer
    Participant
    Registered On: October 6, 2020
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 0
    Has thanked: 6 times
    Been thanked: 35 times

    Hey

    A few of you might remember me from about 2 days ago when I logged in and asked for some help. I forgot my login and have only just been able to log back in but I figured I’d still say hi.

    So, some things about me: I’m 18 and very conflicted. I get really worried about how I feel and whether I really want to transition or not. Looking back on my life, the earliest sign of wanting to be a girl was during school when I auditioned for a play to play as Cinderella instead of a usual male character -I sadly didn’t get the part, although I did get the Prince so that’s always fun. I’m not sure if that was me wanting to be a girl because it wasn’t at all the desire to wear a dress or anything like that, I think I just wanted to play a girl for the fun of it.

    The first time I REALLY thought about being a girl was a few years later. Everyone would have to be out playing sports in the freezing cold and I hated it. Not only did it seem so barbaric and brutal to me, I hated how the girls could get away with standing and talking with their friends whilst I- a male- was forced to play sports, expected to like it and mocked because I didn’t care about sport in the slightest. I vividly remember thinking “thing’s would be much better if I were a girl”.

    As for fashion, I’ve never been super obsessed with girl’s fashion and I used to hate the idea of obscene amounts of makeup. I’m coming around to it now. That being said, I have always had a different fashion choice from others. When I started college, I would wear jumpers and jeans whilst everyone else was wearing track suit bottoms and other sporty outfits so I don’t know. Now, I wear slightly more trendy clothes but it’s never anything designer. Just plain t-shirts, jackets and general stuff that a girl could generally casually wear out in public.

    As I’m writing this, I’m currently sat in college with my toenails painted -only painted in highlighter because that’s all I have to paint them with- and some women’s underwear on. Of a night, I try and sleep with a bra and wig on but can’t always do that because I don’t want my family to find out if I’m not sure about transitioning.

    This next paragraph will go into a bit of sexual detail so please skip over it if you don’t want to read about it or it’s banned or something (if it’s banned I’m really sorry, please don’t ban me). That being said, I won’t go into tons of detail. Essentially, for a really long time, whenever I’ve been watching porn or any films with romance, I’ve always wanted to be the girl. Up until a few months ago I was straight and then I started to have these thoughts become more strong and now I think I’m bi. Again, I don’t want to go into tons of detail, for your sake more than mine, but everything about being a girl, in that aspect at least, seems so much better.

    I’ve just ordered  a new, better wig and some silicone breasts to make it seem as though I actually have breasts so I guess I’m beginning to take things further? Still really unsure though and constantly tempted to refund the order though. Essentially, the main things with me is that I don’t know what I want to do or who I am. I’m terrified I’m rushing things or that I’m going to slow with things or that I wouldn’t be pretty if I transitioned or that I’d regret transitioning entirely. Any help or advice would be really appreciated. Please feel free to DM me on here and ask about whatever you want

    Sorry if my story has been super glum, just wanted to let anyone who stuck around to read all of this know my little story.

    Thanks

    Amy

Viewing 11 reply threads
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    • #391833
      Michelle Newman
      Participant
      Registered On: June 22, 2017
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 2526
      Has thanked: 0 times
      Been thanked: 1826 times

      Welcome Amy!

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #391797
      Vanity Fair
      Participant
      Registered On: November 1, 2019
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 14
      Has thanked: 330 times
      Been thanked: 279 times

      Thank you for sharing. As an older crossdresser who has been conflicted about these desires and feelings I will tell you that from what you described, these feelings will grow stronger as you age. I am no professional, however you are young, my recommendation would be to go see a therapist or counselor who specializes in gender. Nothing hurt by talking with people who are actually trained in this field. If you are Transgender then starting earlier in your life is better, than later in life. In the end it is your life, you decide on how your going to live it. I do understand all those crazy thoughts and feelings, you are not alone. Many others have paved the road that is before you, and it is easier to jump through the loop than you think. Your not crazy, your not the only one, your only trying to find your way. I think your brave and living in the best time in the history of the world to be a croodresser, or Transgender, please dont listen to the negative people, ignore them and be yourself.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #391727
      Anonymous
      Inactive
      Registered On:
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 102
      Has thanked: 110 times
      Been thanked: 461 times

      Welcome, Amy.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #391717
      Alice Underwire
      Participant
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 2033
      Has thanked: 690 times
      Been thanked: 3707 times

      Hi Amy,

      Welcome back to CDH.

      Alice

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #391550
      Jennifer Grace
      Participant
      Registered On: September 6, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 16
      Has thanked: 50 times
      Been thanked: 74 times

      Hi Amy,

      welcome to the family!
      When I read your story my first thought was “Wow! So young.,..”. I wish I had started to take my femme side seriously much younger.

      That said, you have so much time to figure out where on the trans spectrum you fall, if you even fall in one space at all, of if your interests slide along it back and forth as so many do (myself included).

      Whatever, please be very gentle with yourself, and don’t fail to seek out good and trusty counsel if you can, and if you need to. Take any advice you get from people you don’t know with a grain of salt.

      We are all here for you you beautiful being. Keep good spirits.

       

      Love,

       

      Jen

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #391545
      Teralynn Loving
      Participant
      Registered On: October 17, 2019
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 995
      Has thanked: 6169 times
      Been thanked: 1585 times

      Hi Amy, Teralynn here. Welcome back to CDH. As a crossdressing person you belong here for many reasons!  Your introduction post was informative and gave us a good picture of who you are and where you are in your crossdressing journey. The part about your sexuality was not graphic or vulgar in any way. Sexuality is part of life and nothing to be ashamed of. At least two site Ambassadors have seen your post and did not have a problem with it so I don’t think any of your CDH sisters will find it objectionable either. Don’t be in a rush to decide exactly who you are. You are still young and can take the time to explore your feelings completely before making a decision! When trying to make that decision of whether you are male oriented or female oriented, don’t forget the third choice – that you might have a little of both male and female in you! I hope you enjoy your membership and stay active on the site. If I can ever be of service please feel free to contact me through this site and let me know how I can help. A post on my home profile page wall or private message will get the fastest response. – Blessings

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #391491
      ANDREA RAVEN
      Participant
      Registered On: December 21, 2017
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 283
      Has thanked: 22 times
      Been thanked: 582 times

      Hi Amy

      I did reply to your previous post so I won’t go over it all again, suffice it to say, firstly relax, you are not the first person who feels this way and you certainly will not be the last. There are plenty of people here that will offer you support, so remember you are not alone. It takes quite a while to accept who you really are, the male and female side, the acceptance will come but it may take some time. During that process you will find lots of thoughts, desires going through your mind as you start to explore your inner self. Not all of these thoughts will remain, as you get your head around who you really are you will get a clearer picture of the way you want to go in the future. So where to start, talk about how you feel, what you wish for, but try not to go over and over the past, as you might start regretting not doing something about this sooner. As they say we are where we are so the future starts here! I wish you the very best of luck it will be a long journey but with a bit of support you will find your way through!

      If you want to chat, then do pleas PM me, I am a life long crossdresser and are more than happy to answer any questions or talk things through with you if that helps……..

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #391428
      Crystal Johnson
      Participant
      Registered On: September 3, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 9
      Has thanked: 37 times
      Been thanked: 42 times

      Great intro Amy, many of us share the same feelings and trying to figure things out for ourselves. Join the chat every now and then and see what you can learn.

      Crystal

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #391426
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 26, 2017
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 4363
      Has thanked: 6611 times
      Been thanked: 6843 times

      Amy nothing to be sorry about,  we enjoyed reading your intro and always willing to help any way. You have so much ahead so relax,  get comfortable and start browsing through our site. We’re happy to have you here with us. Take  all the  time you need and truly enjoy  much of what were  all about.  Girls here come from all over and dress up simply or all out as we say. No matter at what level of experience one is  everyone is having fun expressing their passions in a caring and supportive place. Learn as you go and meet with our ladies to chat ,share stories and with some develop lasting friendships. So much to embrace so explore and enjoy being part of a community of same mined souls all accepting each other  for who we are. Very happy meeting you.  Hugs

      Stephanie 🌹

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #391395
      Samantha Roarke
      Ambassador
      Registered On: April 17, 2019
      Topics: 41
      Replies: 985
      Has thanked: 2301 times
      Been thanked: 2032 times

      Hi, hello, and welcome to Crossdresser Heaven! You have just arrived at the best and greatest CD site on the web! CDH has tons of very helpful crossdressing information, tips, and support from real people just like you! We highly encourage new CDH members to ask questions no matter how trivial you think they may be, as we are happy to answer to the best of our ability. We also love a well written profile, this helps everyone to get to know you better as the beautiful woman you are! We hope that you enjoy your stay here at CDH, as we are happy to have you as a part of our wonderful community.

      Thank you, Samantha Roarke

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #391377
      Jessica James
      Participant
      Registered On: July 10, 2019
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 612
      Has thanked: 737 times
      Been thanked: 1196 times

      Hi Amy,

      Hello again, what a nice introduction and I know I can recognise so much of what you say that is so similar to my experiences. This site will offer you lots of help and support, it does help knowing that there are others with similar experiences, things may seem uncertain now but they can come clearer and better. I am happy to offer whatever help I can, please feel free to message me

      Take care,

      Jessica x

    • #391371
      Alina
      Participant
      Registered On: August 23, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 107
      Has thanked: 356 times
      Been thanked: 296 times

      Hi Amy, take things slow as you want to. It is not easy, I am alone now and can fulfill my desire to femme, I have a very supportive GG sister who is helping me, except she is out of state from me. This site will help you, answer your questions and support you.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
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