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    • #10940

      Hi, everybody. Thanks for letting me join this great site.   The first time I remember cross dressing was preschool age. I found my older sisters closet. Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out good, because I got caught, and got into a world of trouble.

      I don’t remember dressing again until puberty. Even though I seemed to like hanging out with my sister more than my brothers. At puberty I found a corset of my moms, and her heels fit me perfectly.

      I had a lot of guilt, and conflict. I guess that would be the “story of my life” for the next forty years. I was a hippie when I was young; so I had real long hair, but didn’t dress much. I am a christian; and served in the church most of my life; pastoring two churches, as well as prison ministry, Sunday school teacher ,bla, bla, etc, etc. I was so afraid of being outed.

      I tried every thing I could think of to “fix” myself. Asking for prayer, counseling , even went  and had “the demons cast out”. I always came back.

      I had several relationships, as well as a few marriages. I never felt satisfied because I am sexually, and emotionally, a woman. So I could hardly have an orgasm. (Which, by the way, made me popular with the women. They always had an orgasm. I could go for ever)

      I went into every marriage; as well as several relationships, thinking I could change. Not only could I not change; I couldn’t keep my secret. So, if you are a woman, and you married a preacher; you were not by any means expecting a cross dresser. So I have had a rough time with it. I don’t blame them. I should have been honest with them  up front. Going into a relationship with secrets is not good, no matter what the secret is.

      After I turned sixty; and went through yet another nasty divorce, I started thinking “I have been fighting this for 60 years ; maybe I am fighting myself.” So I decided to stop fighting. It was the greatest decision I ever made. My life is so much more peaceful. I have found the woman of my dreams. She is totally “in” with Amanda. I dress every night for bed, and most days if I am at home.

      Once I accepted myself (Amanda), I was able to explore my true sexuality. I found out that I am a woman in bed, but I still like women, so I guess you might consider me to be a lesbian.I also know now that I have a lot of male in me, and don’t want to change that. I cross dress at home, and a few times a year we go to some event where I can safely dress up, like Halloween, fetish ball, mardi gras and such. I don’t try to pass. I’m just happy being “Two”

      I am so glad that I found this site. I am looking forward to meeting each of you and getting to hear you unique stories.

      Bye for now, and thanks for reading

      Amanda Rose’

       

    • #10946
      skippy1965 Cynthia
      Ambassador

      What an amazing and poignant story Amanda!  I see many similarities with my own journeys as well as some differences.  I’m 50 years old, currently a closeted private crossdresser(though very active in dressing at home) and trying to explore my thoughts and feelings as to where I will ultimately settle down on the gender spectrum,  A journey of self examination similar to those made by many of you already while others are “on the road” with me.  I accept that Cynthia is an integral part of me-possibly the largest most important part!  But I also know that I do not walk alone.  There are hundreds of ladies here like the spectators along the marathon route(for surely it is a marathon not a sprint!)-handing out encouraging words and water to sustain me when I thin I’ve hit the wall and cannot continue.. I WILL finish the race someday because of all of you! And in the meantime, I’ll be here cheering you on too in your own races.

       

      Luv,

      Cynthia

       

      Sorry I got a little passionate there-didn’t mean to “hijack” your into Amanda!:)

    • #10978
      Maxine Doos
      Baroness

      Hi Amanda,
      What an amazing story. I loved reading it and so much better when it has a happy ending.
      I’m so glad you’ve found your peace and doesn’t a good, understanding partner help? (I am fortunate enough to have one).
      There are many wonderful ladies on here and I’m sure you’ll make many friends.
      Enjoy your time with us and take advantage of the Halloween special where chat is available to everyone.
      Hugs,
      Maxine

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