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Hello, Ladies. I am Jessica Ann.
I have been logging on to Crossdresser Heaven for close to a year now, but I didn’t open my Duchess account until just this morning. I’m new to the whole online chatroom thing in general and find myself a little intimidated and overwhelmed by the whole experience. But that has more to do with my inexperience with using a computer than it is with communicating with people.
I joined Crossdresser Heaven because I was seeking a place where I can create friendships with others like me who understand and can relate to what it means to have a part of yourself that loves femininity and longs to express their own innate feminine qualities.
I started wearing feminine clothes when I was around 14. (My current age is unlisted. But it is somewhere between 50 & 52.) I don’t actually remember the first time that I slipped into something feminine. I don’t know what caused me to do it. I do know that the desire to slip into something pretty and feminine has been a part of me for close to forty years now. These desires have been a love hate dynamic in me. Dressing in something pretty and feminine has given be the most thrilling of pleasures over the years, but has also filled me with confusion, anxiety, and even self-loathing. I’ve struggled with the whole self identity aspects that come from having such desires with in me, as well the whole society and religious aspects. For many, many years I have viewed myself as a freak, a pervert, and yes, even a sinner because of these desires.
It wasn’t until my near fatal heart attack a few years back that I was finally able to make my peace with who and what I am. After coming out of the medically induced coma that they put me in to save my life I found myself realizing that life is too precious and too short to live in shame. I came to realize that there really no point in being ashamed of something that gives me great pleasure and that doesn’t cause any actual harm to me or anyone else.
I’m still in the process of discovering & exploring Jessica Ann. I am enjoying the process of discovering, exploring and figuring out what her tastes are in clothing, in make up, in hair styles, in perfumes. One thing that I have discovered is that she just loves wearing a bra and panties, as well as shopping for them. I’ve discovered that she loves wearing high heeled sandles, loves shaving her legs and armpits. I’ve also discovered that she love putting on make up, but that she is not very good at it.
Well, I guess that is enough about me for now. This is just an introduction after all. It is my hope that you have enjoyed what I have to say and are intrigued enough to want to get to know about me. feel free to reach out to me and make a comment or ask me a question or two. I am aching for a little girl talk.
Sincerely,
Jessica Ann Flowers
A soulful life story and happy it is on a positive route. Jessica Ann is you and I hope that you make up for those lost years and enjoy this experience. You are very welcome here and I am sure there will be plenty of chat, advice and realise that you are perfectly normal – it’s the others that aren’t.
Hugs
Hi Jessica Ann, your story is so meaningful. It could be mine, except I started several years younger and I’m more than several years older. I did not have a medical crisis (physically) that led to an epiphany, but I did have so much self-loathing and guilt it nearly caused me to have a complete breakdown several years back. Somehow, I rallied, but the feelings I had of being a “mistake” and in the wrong body persisted. Last year, I just couldn’t bear it and came out to my wife as a life-long CD, then a couple of months later, admitted that staying as that would not be good for either of us going forward.
Anyway, I’m glad you are at peace with it. Many of the “clobber” passages in the Bible are mistranslated or taken out of context to fit a hetero-normative world view. IMO it is more evil to knowingly mistranslate “sexual impure” into “homosexual”, for example, as those so-called Biblical scholars say we are. These sorts of things have caused failed marriages, family estrangement, self-harm, and ill-spent and broken lives that God wishes to be lived as our genuine selves.
Sorry, I’m just so angry at organized, mainstream church denominations that marginalize us and other LGBTQ people out of fear – fear of the unkown, and fear that more-wealthy donors would leave if LGBTQ people had a seat at the same table. This is not welcoming, affirming, or Godly.
I’m sorry you had to have a physical crisis to accept that you are loved and have infinite value. Welcome to our sisterhood!
Hugs,
Brie
Thank you, Brielle. I am all too familiar with those passages in the bible. Especially the one that says that God detests those who wear the clothes of the opposite gender. That one in particular has caused me much misery and loathing over the years. That one has always felt very much directed at me.
There is no need to apologize to me for expressing your displeasure with organized religion. While I respect others spiritual beliefs and was brought up with a Christian bent, I never truly felt comfortable in it. I do believe that there is a God, but in my heart of hearts I have always been more comfortable with the idea of the concept of the universe or of a great creator than the concept that is the Christan God.
I’m glad that you found you found your own inner peace and personal acceptance. It sounds like you have a wife who loves and supports you for who you truly and fully are. I hope to have that myself one day.
Hi Jessica Ann,the Deuteronomy verse is one that is so grossly mistranslated. The better translation is that women shouldn’t wear men’s battle armor and men shouldn’t dress as a woman to participate in pagan idol worship. It’s a cultural taboo, not a thing we need to fear God raining down fire and brimstone for (iunless that is why you crossdress).
If you can find a copy read “Transforming” by Austen Hartke. It really opened my eyes.
Hugs,
Brie
Thank you. That is very interesting. It even makes a certain amount of sense. It fits in more instinctively with how I tend to understand the bible as a whole. I think that it fits in more with my sense of just who the Great Creator is. Though I must say that I struggle with the adversity to society’s concept of what is paganism. I cannot speak for you, but for me I personally do not agree with ambiregnal spiritual belief systems being lumped under the Christain umbrella of paganism. I have much respect and admiration for the Native American’s spiritual belief system. I truly do not belief that Christianity is the one and only path to being a moral person.
Oh 100% agree. I apologize to any readers who may have thought I was lumping non-Christian beliefs as all “pagan”. The particular thing I referred to was the original inhabitants of Palestine sacrificing children to Moloch and who practiced a lot of sexual deviancy (and NOT anything to do with “same sex” relationships) as part of their worship. That has nothing whatsoever to do with other established non-Christian religions for which I have utmost respect.
I would never intenionally denigrate Native American nor any other religions. I hope I clarified and didn’t just dig myself in deeper.
Thanks!
Brie
Thank you, Angela for your very sweet and thoughtful words. It has taken me a lifetime to accept and embrace the simple, and profound truth that Jessica is a natural part of who I am. I don’t know where she came from or why she is there inside of me, but I’m glad that she is.
I must say, I love your hair style. It is so flattering and feminine. My hair is almost long enough now to where I can finally live out a lifelong dream to go into a saloon and treat myself to the kind of feminine cut and style I have always longed to have. Your hair style is inspiring to me of what is possible.
To all of the ladies who have taken the time to and will take the time to reply to my introduction I say thank you for all of you kind and supportive words. I apologize if I’m not able to respond to each and every one of you. I would very much love to, but I am afraid that I’m such a slow at typing on a keyboard that it would take me forever to do so.
I’m sure that over the course of time I will be blessed enough to develop friendships and have plenty of girl talk with many of you. I look forward to doing just that. To that end it would be very helpful to me to open up to you all if you could help me by asking me questions and suggesting topics of discussion. My crossdressing is just not something that I have much experience discussing with others and I’m a little at a loss on just how to articulate just who and what I am. I lack a full grasp of the language of transgendered culture. Please bare with me as I try to understand the terms and expressions that so many of you are already fully fluent in.
Jessica Ann welcome.. enjoyed reading your intro. you certainly found the right place to explore and discover. Meet many of our gals just like yourself who are experiencing their love for dressing. Making friends is so much fun and having them to talk to, share advice and most importantly a respect of what you mean to us and yourself . Your in good company and know we can and will support you through theses amazing times. Happy to meet you and welcome . Oh by the way love your name Lol..
Stephanie Flowers 🌹
One new girl to another…Hello and welcome. I know what you mean, it took me stepping back from my faith community to finally work up the courage to start exploring this part of me. But this is part of who I am, who you are, who we all are. You (and all of us here) have nothing to feel guilty about (at least about this anyway). We’re all beautifully made.
Also, don’t let technology and the concept of this platform intimidate you. You’ve got this! Stand up tall and show them who’s boss!
Jessica dear, welcome to this wonderful site for people like us, I hope I can help you if at any time you want my opinion and help in whatever you need, I’ll tell you a little about myself, I’m what you native English speakers call sissy, I I love being ultra feminine and everything that this includes, such as being passive and the desire to be directed by a woman, all these feelings I have had since I was very young and for many years it caused me great emotional insecurities that I am still dealing with today to take out of my life, I am also a believer and I firmly believe in God as I see that you do or else you would not have had those thoughts about yourself, my transvestism has been a process that I have been managing with the guidance of God himself It may seem strange to you but I ask you this question: do you think that God did not know about this inclination before you were born? Do you think these feelings were a surprise to HIM? For those who have not had or felt his presence in their lives, this is simply crazy, but I repeat, with God I have been handling this situation to understand my own existence and his will in my life, which will ALWAYS be for the best, he has helped because these feelings as wonderful as many describe here and as we all feel them, also have the potential to make us go through terrible mistakes if we don’t know how to manage them, I understand that God seeks a relationship with Him, intimate, personal, unique, seek it so that guide you in this process, please do not despise him, God is not people, nor religious organizations, God is the author of life and your life to make it something good, we have this feeling for some reason and whatever Whatever it is, it must be to leave his name high, without God perhaps I would be in a very different place and not with the peace that He provides me, God does not condemn you for what you wear but for justice, integrity and compassion that is in your heart, try to honor him with what you are living, making him participate in this process so that it is better for him, for you and for everyone…because surely he can use you as a channel of blessing for other believers who are lost and they are afraid to entrust this process to God… I usually do not talk about this because I respect the beliefs of others and polemicize is not my intention, but you touched on the subject, I tell you, God will never be an obstacle in your life, but your light so that you live it more wisely, with honesty towards yourself and with others and to make this world more understanding and less aggressive, hugs and forgive the extension but for me God is something very important in my life…
Hello Jessica Ann and welcome. I didn’t know you knew so much about me. Just kidding, we come from similar cloth’s as you will find a lot of us do. Sometimes different paths may have been taken but the destination is pretty much the same. After you spend some time on here reading the forums you will find some answer but better yet even more questions will come to light. Enjoy them and also enjoy the friendships you make here. Great introduction.
Chrissy
Hello Jessica,
Welcome to our amazing CrossDresserHeaven (CDH) site. So glad you have joined us here. Feel free to explore all that our site has to offer.
The Warmth, Compaasion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.
Please do make use of the forums and articles or public chat room and friendships offered here on CrosDresser Heaven.
At any Membership level, You can contact any of us via [ PM ] Private Messages. You can find that link on each member’s Wall under their Profile picture.
Also, you may find what you need such as Help Center or Ambassadors by using the links in the top R/H drop down 3 bar [ hamburger ] menu.
Here is a good link to review the membership levels and the privledges for each. Such as Private Chat, Groups, etc.
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/membership-account/membership-levels/
Regards,
Terri Anne, Ambassador
=========== Link to our public Chat room ==============
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/chat/
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