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Hi everyone,
I’ve chosen Lillian as the name I’d like to be called. I am very inexperienced, closeted and married. But this is a side of me that has been percolating for many years and I want to start exploring it. I may not post/respond here a lot but that is not because I don’t appreciate all of your support. I look forward to meeting you all.
Sincerely,
Lillian
Hello Lillian and welcome to the site. Don’t worry about not being able to post regularly, this place is about providing you with help and support in whatever form you need. Have a look through the forum posts, or come join us in chat if you can, and you’ll find lots of girls in a similar position.
Most importantly, you can now feel that you are not alone in your journey. Have fun.
Hi Rachel, Catherine, Cookie, Jane and Stacey.
Thank you for the warm welcome. You are all so sweet to take the time to introduce yourselves.
I have very recently accepted this part of me and look forward to getting to know you all, as well as learning about crossdressing. I guess this will be an interesting ride and I appreciate the support. Hopefully, I can chat soon.
Good night!
Lillian
Hi Lillian and welcome to CDH.
Rachel
Thank you, Beth!
good morning Lilian;
good name that. Welcome to CDH.
All three of my marriages failed and I said it was not because of my dressing.
My first wife kept running home to her mother so I can say that my dressing did not even get discovered although I did find that some of her clothes did fit me.
My second wife knew and initially it was fun but she decided she did not like it because she had no idea if I was thinking of her in bed. She also had several affairs and finally replaced me with an internet lover who she moved into our bedroom.
My third wife probably would not have accepted my cross dressing either – she did not like my witch halloween costume and one night when I had a nasty cough and indigestion, I got up so as not to wake her – she later trundled down to the front room where I was online in a long black nightie.
After she asked me to move out for an unrelated matter, I decided two things. No way was I going to be a half person ever again and anyone I got involved with would know up front. I finally realized that, because I could not be fully me and open about my femme side, any marriage (like the previous 3) was doomed to fail on basic trust issues alone.
Married and closeted has some issues you need to consider. Say she never finds out, however unlikely that may be, will you be happy in the continued deception? Say 10 years down the road she discovers your dressing; not exactly an uncommon thing; will her trust in you survive or will she be prone to wondering, if he hasn’t been honest about this, what else is he keeping from me. It’s a tough row to hoe.
Don’t be afraid to explore your femme side but at some point you need to consider outing yourself to her. One way to start is try to open discussions on her feelings about various issues. The current political climate might be a good place to start as so many trans and anti-trans issues are all over the news. Getting her feelings on these may provide a way to discuss yourself – perhaps hypothetically at first.
Above all, try to let her see that this side of you is not something bad, strange or wrong but is in fact part and parcel of the person she fell in love with and married. The only thing that would change is her knowing all of you instead of half. Many spouses, as I have learned, have been open minded and accepting although many more have not. You won’t know until you try to find out.
Today I am me – and in a happy, healthy and loving relationship with another tgirl. We met at a support group so we have known about our dressing from the start. and here is the key: we talk about everything.
We call, talk, date, email – we’ve shared many parts of our lives no one else knows. She has issues at times so I reassure her every step of the way and patiently wait for her to take the next step.
Communication is key to a solid relationship. That and never ever going to bed angry. Sleeping on a problem only makes it worse. I have been there – it never worked.Dear Rosaily,
Thank you for your post and for sharing your story. I know that is the right path, but I am not ready. I appreciate all that you said and eventually, that will likely be what I need to do.
For the time being, I am enjoying learning about crossdressing from those who have more experience than me.
Lillian
Hi Lillian and welcome!! As Jane pointed out earlier, this forum is all about friendship and support, so post at whatever speed is comfortable to you. I know that in time you will find, as I did, that this is an absolutely wonderful community of ladies who are very supportive of each other. Now that you’ve joined up just remember that you never need to feel like you’re alone again, we’re here to chat whenever needed!
I love your name by the way, it’s so pretty!!
<3 Lauren
Hi Lauren,
Thank you for the kind note and for your welcome. I do appreciate how nice everyone has been.
I will definitely use this site to let this side of me come out.
Thank you about my name. <blushes> 🙂 You are sweet.
Take care,
Lillian.
Lillian
welcome to the group. I have known I was different at the age of 5, started dressing in my sisters clothes age 9-10, buying my own at age 13, and have been out and about since age 17-17. I have been through many councillors over the years and no one ever made it go away. I married at age 30 and have now been married 34 years. I dressed in secret and went out and my wife never knew. The secrecy and guilt got to me 8 years ago and I told her. She has not been understanding nor accepting. We have been separated twice, divorce papers issued twice however 34 years is along time to give up on. She and I are both agreeable to working on keeping the marriage. It has not been easy. I now dress androgynously and underdress daily. My shoes and clothing are in the bedroom closet. I wear silk PJ’s to bed, have a silk house coat. My ears are pierced which she does not like and I wear diamond studs all the time. I have had laser on the chest, belly, hands and face. This she does not like.There has been no intimacy since July/15 due to the hair removal,she is having problems accepting this. But we are still together and sharing the same bed. My legs have been shaved for years which took a long time for her to accept. She has made progress in acceptance over the last 8 years but it has been slow. She will not discuss boundaries with me so I don’t know what they are until I push over or past one so be careful. I do dress and go to a support group she has been with me a few times and enjoys the people but now prefers I go without her. She sees me dressed as I leave and come back and never has an issue now. It has been baby steps 2 ahead one back.She is now start to discuss the crossdressing and with her age and mine is trying to come to an acceptance of some sort. I am out to my children,32,29,24 and the 29 yr old’s fiancee, my sisters, pastor and some of the church members all are ok with it. All are OK with it. My children say don’t dress around them, the son’s fiancee says let’s go shopping.So you never know how the telling will go until you try it, all I know is my anxiety and guilt are gone, and I quit beating myself.Thank you for sharing your story, dani. I do appreciate it and hope that are able to find happiness. I am happy that you took such a bold step and it takes you to a place where you can be yourself.
I look forward to getting to know you! 🙂
Lillian
Dani,
Thank you for sharing your story and for reaching out. I appreciate your kind words and support. Baby steps for now, but I am happy for you that you can be yourself.
Best,
Lillian
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