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Hi Ladies!💋 Long time dresser, new member. I’m 42 and very lucky to have a supportive environment for my fem side. I get out quite a bit, especially lately, completely dressed.
I’d tell my story here but it’s bit long winded. The short version is-
Been dressing since a young child.
Stopped when I moved out of home.
Came out publicly when I was 27.
Stopped when I was 28.
Recently started again.
This time it’s different, more real. If you’d like more details just ask, or check my Tymblr – NatalieShie. I’m new to blogging and I am using it as a diary to order my thoughts.
I love to chat so send me a message.
Love Nat💕Nat,
Great to Have you here. I am just a few years older than you. I w ould love to hear your story here, not all of us are on Tumblr and we like to share here on our site rather then others. With almost 3000 Members you story or information could possibly help here that is dealing with your same struggles.
I look froward to hearing your story!!!
Hugs,
Codille Benton
AmbassadorHello Natalie, from the Blue Mountains, and a warm welcome from Jane from the National Capital. I’m glad to see you joining us in our happy place. It’s a safe, supportive and understanding place and we look forward to hearing more of your adventures.
Given how close you are, have you been to Transformal, or even heard of it? It’s an event I’d love to attend but as yet haven’t made it through the vagaries of time and place. I so far content myself with the annual Seahorse Ball.
Have fun, enjoy exploring the site and come join us in chat sometime.
🙂
Hi Ladies, a couple of you expressed an interest in my story so here it is. It is pretty much just cut and pasted from my Tumblr blog with a few minor edits. The sub headings indicate the separate posts I made. Its a bit of a read but I hope you enjoy it
NatalieIn The Beginning
I first remember being in a dress when I was four. I don’t remember the circumstances of this – did my mum put me in to see what it looked like or did I ask her to, I don’t know.
The next time I remember was when I was seven and my little sister started school. Our dirty clothes hamper was in the bathroom, so I used to go into the bathroom lock the door and wear my sisters school uniform. I would stay there until someone was looking for me and then yell “I’m on the toilet!” That meant that dress time was over. I would flush and wash my hands so no one would question what I had been doing.Start The Bullying!
During this time at school it became apparent that I was not entirely like the other boys.
I wasn’t into football or surfing. I liked to read. My hair was long, and on one occasion the teacher threatened to sit me with the girls to shame me into cutting my hair.
Anyway these things and others looked effeminate to the other boys and the bullying started.
In primary school it was mostly name calling and usually the same type of thing “hey fag”. As I entered high school it got more physical and quite violent.
This would often be upsetting and when I got home I would put on a dress to feel better, making me wonder if maybe I was gay like they said.I Was A Crossdressing Ninja
So the cycle continued. Getting bullied, dressing up, being confused.
And I grew up.
So as I grew up I didn’t fit my sisters clothes any more and had to delve into mums wardrobe.
Mums clothes were harder to get in and out of, and I now had a much bigger selection. Instead of just throwing on my sisters school dress I would pick an outfit, some panties and a bra and sometimes some stockings and shoes. This required some preparation and planning as I was one of four children at the time and getting the house to myself was tricky to arrange.
It mostly happened when my parents went shopping. I am the eldest child and at this time am old enough to look after myself but not old enough to look after my sister or brothers.
I would find a reason to be in mums room and pick my outfit during the earlier in the day so no time was wasted choosing.
Then as soon as I heard the car pull away I’d race to mums room and get dressed.
I would note exactly where I’m the wardrobe the dress came from. How the stockings were rolled and where they came from, (middle draw back left corner half way down), where the panties came from, (left draw, front middle, down the bottom) where the bra came from (right draw, middle middle), and make sure the shoes went back in exactly the same place.
I knew how long shopping would take and to be certain not to get caught I set a 45min maximum. That’s getting dressed, prancing around for a bit ant to put everything back EXACTLY the way I found it.
I had become a crossdressing ninja. Plan, sneak in sneak out undetected. And I never was.
Came close a few times like when dad would forget his wallet or something.
My mum was pretty cluey and I always assumed she kinda knew, she seemed to know what other mischief I got into.
But years later when I came out to her(and that’s another epic post on itself!) she said she never suspected a thing.Goodbye to Natalie
So my life continued like that until my mid teens. Getting bullied, putting on a dress to feel better and being confused by it all.
But things changed when I was about sixteen. I somehow got a girlfriend. She was a very good person and she was very good to me. She was quite “alternative” and very intelligent and she took me to goth clubs. She dressed me up like Robert Smith and we met cool people.
At school I embraced my “weirdness/gothness” and that coupled with my new confidence seemed to scare most people in my boys catholic school away.
At home I gave myself the name Natalie and was still dressing up but not as much. I was going out more and didn’t have as the time.
Until I changed schools, and met more cool people. And we went out clubbing, as I went out more I didn’t have time to orchestrate the crossdressing ninja thing and stopped dressing up.A Long Dry Spell
So not long after finishing school I moved out with my goth friends.
All we did was party 24/7.
And with the exception of one time when my girlfriend and her friend dressed me as a girl( I fought but not too hard) I didn’t dress as Natalie for 11 years.
So when I was about 28 I had a new girlfriend. She was a bi and in an ecstasy fuelled discussion I admitted I liked to dress as a girl. She loved it. She wanted to see me dressed up right away. This is the first person I ever told and she wanted to meet Natalie. So, even though I was off my face, I borrowed some clothes, did my best ( it wasn’t very good) I dressed as Natalie and came out to the entire share household, about 6 people. As a side note that girl I came out to is now my wife, we’ve been together for 15 years, and the girl I borrowed clothes from is my best friend and loyal supporter to this day.Another Break
So after coming out I was able to dress as Natalie whenever I liked. I worked for myself at the time and could spend days dressed up.
My wife and I went out once or twice and I usually dressed pretty trampy, even around the house.
I tried to come out to my mother, she gave the impression of being open minded but was not, it did not go well. I dressed as Natalie and invited her over and told her about my abuse as a kid and tried to explain Natalie to her but she didn’t get it. She said life for people like me is hard and not to tell my father or brothers. It was very depressing. Until this time I had been very close to her.
Also I didn’t know what to do with Natalie next. It never knew if dressing as a girl was a real thing or just a fetish and the next step, according to the Internet of the time, would be to become some sort of sissy slut with men. But that didn’t interest me and I wasn’t going to jeopardise my relationship with my wife just to get my rocks off.
Then I got sick in a confidence robbing ugly kind of way. I saw quite a few doctors but none had the answer and I just learned to manage my illness.
So, with my mothers disapproval, not wanting to pick up men and my illness I stopped dressing up. I threw all my clothes and make up away and stayed my male self.Now
So the next 12 years were pretty hard. There were a lot of good times but also the worst times of my life.
My illness got worse and I got depressed.
My relationship with my wife got better, deeper, my depression eased.
My father died, depression set in.
I got married, my depression eased.
My daughter was born, my depression both eased, because my daughter is awesome, and got worse due to lack of money and sleep.
Then my family, I’m the eldest of 5, broke up and I haven’t seen my brothers or mother since. That was about 5 years ago. This got me really depressed.
During this time my wife, who is a mental health nurse tried to tell me I had depression but I didn’t get it. I knew something was wrong, and said many times that part of me was missing, I’m not my old self.
Over the last few years we had periods of homelessness, money and career troubles and I got worse, I got very hard to live with.
But early last year things started to turn. I saw a doctor for some small thing, and she said she thought I had depression. I did some sort of quiz and it suggested I had a long term depression. I started counselling, and it helped.
I changed jobs, from a place where the work was great but the people not so much to a place where the work wasn’t as good but the people are great. This also helped my depression.
I tried a new doctor for my illness, and she was awesome. Two surgeries and I’m almost 100% again. That was a major win against depression.
And as my depression lifted I started to think about Natalie again.
We moved to a new house that is a palace compared to most other places we have lived(it’s only 7mins from work, my previous commute was 90min each way) and during the move I found a box of Natalie things I thought I’d thrown away and quietly I dressed as Natalie again for the first time in 11 years. It felt great but something was missing.
Then about a month ago after our daughter had gone to bed I dressed as Natalie and showed my wife.
That was the turning point. Not only did I need to dress as Natalie I needed to share it and be seen.
It wasn’t like coming out, my wife had known about Natalie from the beginning, but it was thrilling and comfortable and (I’m very lucky, my wife is bi) she was very glad to see Natalie again, and with the exception of work I have been living as Natalie 24/7 ever since.Conclusion & What Happens Next
The story of my life that I’ve written here has skipped a lot of detail. Some I don’t want to share, some I honestly can’t remember clearly(I have spent chunks of my life as a mindless drug hoover), and some I’ve skipped for the sake of keeping my posts to a readable length. If there is anything you’d like to know just ask and I’ll do my best to answer.
But since I rediscovered I’ve noticed many things about myself and how I interact with the world around me.
I used to think that Natalie was just a fetish, and therefore wasn’t important enough to risk the truly important things in my life, my wife, family work etc. the only cross dressers I could find were sexualised sissies and the like.(I don’t have a problem with this, if it makes you happy go for it, it’s just not for me) This time I have seen that it doesn’t have to be this way. I generally don’t like labels but after hearing the term genderfluid I realised I can be Natalie every day without having to make it sexual. I can feel sexy, without it being sexual.
I now realise that I used to be angry all the time. I was always looking for “acceptable” reasons to lose my temper. Maybe because I had to hide a large part of myself. Maybe because anger is a very masculine emotion that I was using to show the world how truly manly I was. Probably a little of both.
My nurturing side has resurfaced where I care more about how the people around me feel, and how I can help them find their happy.
I never felt beautiful or attractive. I’ve been told I’m a handsome man and the evidence of my life would lead me to believe it to be true but I’ve never felt it up until now, and particularly when I’m Natalie.
I’ve found my old confidence. If I can walk into a wine bar as Natalie what can’t I do?
The short version of this conclusion is I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. About 11 to be exact.
The next posts will be about a very new and different me that is facing fears and incorporating my feminine side into all aspects of my life, even when I’m not Natalie.
Over the last couple of weeks I’ve gone from not dressing up to getting dressed and casually going to the supermarket. My wife and I have been on a date. I came out to my aunty(an ex nun) and have gone shopping in the daytime with my wife and daughter.
The next big challenge will be telling my boss and colleagues. I live and work in a small village and the last time I went shopping I had to dodge 3 people from work. And the only reason I need to tell them is so they don’t hear about it as gossip at work, so I can tell them why and how it works myself instead of them hearing gossip and forming their own opinions based on rumour. I’ll have to do it very soon because it’s getting harder and harder to keep Natalie in the house.Oh I forgot to mention I did come out to my boss and my colleague today. It went really well. I don’t have any excuses to stay in the house now.
FREEDOM!
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