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  • #594331
    Anonymous
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    Hey! My name is Chris I’m 22 from England, I’m currently struggling with my identity and I know I love to be feminine and have dressed as a girl once before but I felt so ashamed and threw away everything away I bought to dress up like makeup, wig, underwear. I only dressed up in my room and tried to wear make up twice but did a terrible job even tho it felt empowering and I loved being feminine but I was scared my parents who are quite closed minded would find out and I was ashamed and scared what would happen if they did find out. I can’t keep the way I feel inside anymore and I really want to become more feminine and dress but I need some advice on a number of topics 1. How do I keep it a secret? 2. How do I make my body more feminine 3. And how do I choose a name for my female self. Thanks for any advice in advance.

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    • #601462
      Liara Wolfe
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 1011
      Has thanked: 1956 times
      Been thanked: 3854 times

      Welcome, you are going to like it here.

      Hugs, Liara

    • #594617
      Lacy Satin
      Lady
      Registered On: June 27, 2018
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 283
      Has thanked: 228 times
      Been thanked: 1388 times

      For starters you should not feel ashamed. In time you will come to the understanding that it is a part of who you are and when you learn to accept that you will be much happier.

      Just because you have a strong feminine side does not necessarily make you any less of a man. I’m happily married and have 3 wonderful children. For the most part I live a normal male lifestyle, but when the stresses of life get to me I escape into the blissful world of femininity.

      I would suggest finding the time to explore your femininity. Don’t feel guilty about it, embrace it and enjoy how it makes you feel. Take baby steps as your comfort level allows. In time you will master the make-up and I can tell you, that first time you walk out the door  is a wonderful exhilarating experience even though you may be scared.

      Keeping it a secret is something I think most of us girls fail at. In time someone will either find your stash of clothes or catch you dressed. I would not let those fears get in your way of enjoying something that is a part of you.

      Getting caught is really not all that bad, after you get over the initial embarrassment. I can also tell you mothers know everything even if there is no sign of them knowing.

      I’ve been dressing my whole life and I still work hard at keeping it a secret from everyone but my wife. The funny thing is, I’ve been caught so many times it really isn’t any secret from anyone close to me.

      I don’t know what body type you have but I would say the first thing is to keep a clean shave. I would not suggest trying to grow breast at this stage of your exploration into femininity. Let your hair grow long if you wish.

      For me breast forms and a wig has been all I needed to feminize my body. I’m happy that I’m very petite and have very little body hair.

      I would pick a feminine name that is close to your real mane or pick the name of a girl you would like to emulate.

      Good luck to you in your search for that special girl in you.

      Hugs

      Lacy

    • #594585
      Amy Myers
      Baroness
      Registered On: February 11, 2019
      Topics: 20
      Replies: 1596
      Has thanked: 4650 times
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      Chris;

      There has been such great advice posted already I have little to offer, except to welcome you and add a few thoughts of my own.

      You must do what is right and true for yourself, some of us feel that overwhelming need to be feminine, to transition and become female, many others go through life with one foot as a male, the other as a female in a high heel, and make it work. Though it can be difficult to figure out what really is right for you.

      Being old enough to be one of your grandparents, I hid femme self for so long because it was considered wrong, and a sickness which was treated by putting one in an institution. No kidding. Things are so much better now, and I truly regret all those years I missed because I was so scared, and was made to feel like some kind of freak.

      There are many CD/TG social groups and perhaps if you get to the point where you’d like to meet some others, hopefully an internet search might turn something up in an area near you.

      I did and it helped me so much, plus being a member here where you simply can be yourself, whatever that is today, or your escape from your male life for a little while.

      Amy

    • #594545
      Trish White
      Lady
      Registered On: December 2, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 50
      Has thanked: 72 times
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      Hi Chris,

      First thing is welcome to CDH, if you’re feeling alone and isolated joining us is one of the best things you could have done. You will find a wealth of information and help and a lot of girls that will do anything we can to help.

      I read all the comments and you have all the answers you were after already. The two most important things for you that I saw is don’t hid it all that does is make you feel more isolated than you already are. You will be found out sooner or later. In my case I came home late one night when I was about 18 and fell asleep on top of my bed before I could take off my skirt and panty hose. I was woken up by my Mom about 2:00 am. It was a shock to me and for sure a shock to my mom. But my parents ended up being supportive and now a days I think that would be the case for most.

      The other advice I saw more than once is “don’t purge” and my sisters are absolutely right. We know how you feel, the shame etc but all you will be doing is replacing what you threw out sooner or later.

      The sooner you come out to your parents the better, for you and them. Your life will be so much better in the long run. You’re young and beautiful so don’t waste it.

      Love,

      Trish

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594536
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 26, 2017
      Topics: 33
      Replies: 5806
      Has thanked: 10987 times
      Been thanked: 11439 times

      Chriss

      We understand how you must be feeling and here is a good place to explore and discover our femininity and who you are. Many here experience different paths but all have a common goal to transform ourselves to be that lady we feel inside. Meet with them ,talk to and share each others experiences through this wonderful world we have chosen. Enjoy your time with us and know your part of a caring community of support and acceptance for all , welcome

      Stephanie 🌹

       

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594523
      Terri Anne Knoan
      Ambassador
      Registered On: February 7, 2018
      Topics: 32
      Replies: 872
      Has thanked: 1471 times
      Been thanked: 1947 times

      Hello Chris,

      Welcome to our amazing site. So glad you have joined us here. Feel free to explore to your heart’s content.

      The warmth and hospitality of our community is just awesome.

      Please do make use of the forums and articles or public chat room and friendships offered here on our site.

      At any Membership level, You can contact any of us via [ PM ] Private Messages.  You can find the link on each member’s Profile page.

      Also, you may find what you need such as Help Center or Ambassadors by using the links in the top R/H drop down 3 bar [ hamburger ] menu.

      Here is a good link to review the membership levels and the privledges for each.

      https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/membership-account/membership-levels/

      Regards,

      Terri Anne, Ambassador

      =================================================

       

      ========== Membership Levels ============

      https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/membership-account/membership-levels/

      =========================================

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594506
      Michelle Pepper
      Lady
      Registered On: December 25, 2021
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 26
      Has thanked: 73 times
      Been thanked: 162 times

      Darling Chris, let me tell you this. First: Never, EVER feel ashamed of who you are!
      Second: NEVER purge your clothing, because you WILL buy more (that’s a fact), & it will get quite expensive, & you’ll feel worse. third: You’ll NEVER be 22 ever again! Don’t live your life as dictated by someone else! Live YOUR life YOUR way, or you’ll find yourself an old, bitter person who missed out on life. The world has changed, & it’s not like it was as little as 20 years ago. Acceptance is growing. Take control of your own life, your own destiny! Trust me dear, you’ll be a much happier person. Acceptance is out there, but you have to make the first move. It’s like a game of Chess, & we are the pieces. If you don’t make a move, you cannot win. What I’m trying to say, is that you are only 22, so you’ll never be as free as you are right now. The longer you delay, the more ensnared you become in the “life script”.
      If you break away now, while you’re young, the hard part is behind you. As you age, you become “conditioned”, & are more likely to fall in line with the rules society has dictated to you.
      The wisest man I know of said these words:
      “Be yourself, because those who matter don’t mind, & those who mind don’t matter!”
      – Theodore Geisel (AKA Dr. Seuss).

      Bobbi

      • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by Bobbi. Reason: Added comments

      You are so correct about not being 22 again. I was looking at some of my just out of high school pics that thought to myself, “Gurl, you would’ve been a knock out back then.” I even had pretty long hair back then. Shoulder length. The little clothes that would’ve fit me. The tighter, wrinkle free skin. OMG. I think I’m gonna cry just thinking about it. lol

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594494
      Alice Underwire
      Lady
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 90
      Replies: 4670
      Has thanked: 6947 times
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      Hi Chriss,

      Welcome to CDH!

      As other have said you are special and you are you.  There is nothing to be ashamed about.  Having feminine feelings is a part of you that you can share here with your sisters.

      There are many posts to read on the three topics you ask about.  So enjoy exploring the site and reading/commenting on them.  And ask the questions that come to mind.

      Alice

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594410
      Michelle Pepper
      Lady
      Registered On: December 25, 2021
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 26
      Has thanked: 73 times
      Been thanked: 162 times

      Hey! My name is Chris I’m 22 from England, I’m currently struggling with my identity and I know I love to be feminine and have dressed as a girl once before but I felt so ashamed and threw away everything away I bought to dress up like makeup, wig, underwear. I only dressed up in my room and tried to wear make up twice but did a terrible job even tho it felt empowering and I loved being feminine but I was scared my parents who are quite closed minded would find out and I was ashamed and scared what would happen if they did find out. I can’t keep the way I feel inside anymore and I really want to become more feminine and dress but I need some advice on a number of topics 1. How do I keep it a secret? 2. How do I make my body more feminine 3. And how do I choose a name for my female self. Thanks for any advice in advance.

      Feeling ashamed isn’t something you should ignore. It’s your conscious telling your mind something. It’s that gut feeling that shouldn’t be ignored. Deep down you’re ashamed. But you don’t want to feel that way. I get it, 100%. 99.999999% of society doesn’t agree with men trying to be women. That’s normal. And nothing us gurls can do to change it.
      So, you either keep it to yourself, or you find like minded friends who enjoy crossdressing and do it with them.
      I have done both. Had a good friend who I used to visit and CD with. We really enjoyed having someone we could se face to face, and relate to about how we enjoyed feminizing ourselves. And once that day(s) was over, we could go back to being our normal manly selves.
      We didn’t have to rearrange our entire lives, didn’t have to seek acceptance from our loved ones. And we didn’t get so far into it, that there was no going back. Kept our options open, as they say. And it worked our for the best.
      Being young, you probably have times you want to scream your secret at the top of your lungs to the world. Been there. Done that. But there’s been many MANY more times that I was glad I didn’t.
      You’re old enough to have your own place, so I assume you do. If not, then I suggest you do. The freedom of that in itself is amazing. To dress how you want, practice your make up for as long as you want. You’ll have an address where you have have clothes shipped straight to your place, discretely. And, if you find other CD or trans friends, it’ll be a place to have get togethers. A gurls-night-in.

      Hope this helps.

      P.S. If you enjoy the relationship you have with your loved ones, think long and hard about changing that relationship. Once you come out, it will change. Most times, it’s not always for the better. Subtle questions with your parents might help you decide. Like bringing up the subject to them about other crossdressers and trans people. Listen to what they say. If they favorable, jokingly say something about you dressing as a woman.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #594409
      Stephanie Bass
      Princess - Annual
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 2832
      Has thanked: 40735 times
      Been thanked: 10281 times

      Hi Chris nice to meet you and happy you found and joined us girls here on the best CD site on the internet so get settled in relax and enjoy yourself here.. As a new sister and family member you are welcomed into our home as well as yours now also.. The purge girl is a easy but bad choice it just cost you in the end like others find a safe place to hide them away .. youtube is such a great place to learn some of the girly things in life just be careful where you watch it as easy for peopls to see what your watching or hear it.. Many ladies here to ask questions from or reading the forums and posts to gain knowledge of the femme ways in life .. All things femme are practice  practice  practice  you were born female in your heart not your body so you will have to work on it slow and steady good luck girl oh as for your name stand and look in the mirror and look at your self and say names of female friends family of tv celebs and see which grabs you as you say it sometime works good luck ..

      Stephanie Bass

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594406
      Bobbi
      Lady
      Registered On: September 13, 2018
      Topics: 37
      Replies: 1815
      Has thanked: 2202 times
      Been thanked: 5468 times

      Darling Chris, let me tell you this. First: Never, EVER feel ashamed of who you are!
      Second: NEVER purge your clothing, because you WILL buy more (that’s a fact), & it will get quite expensive, & you’ll feel worse. third: You’ll NEVER be 22 ever again! Don’t live your life as dictated by someone else! Live YOUR life YOUR way, or you’ll find yourself an old, bitter person who missed out on life. The world has changed, & it’s not like it was as little as 20 years ago. Acceptance is growing. Take control of your own life, your own destiny! Trust me dear, you’ll be a much happier person. Acceptance is out there, but you have to make the first move. It’s like a game of Chess, & we are the pieces. If you don’t make a move, you cannot win. What I’m trying to say, is that you are only 22, so you’ll never be as free as you are right now. The longer you delay, the more ensnared you become in the “life script”.
      If you break away now, while you’re young, the hard part is behind you. As you age, you become “conditioned”, & are more likely to fall in line with the rules society has dictated to you.
      The wisest man I know of said these words:
      “Be yourself, because those who matter don’t mind, & those who mind don’t matter!”
      – Theodore Geisel (AKA Dr. Seuss).

      Bobbi

      • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by Bobbi. Reason: Added comments
      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594400
      Tara Ryan
      Lady
      Registered On: April 20, 2021
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 297
      Has thanked: 852 times
      Been thanked: 1208 times

      Hi Chris,

      Welcome, it is lovely to meet you.  I am also from the U.K. and my first advice would be not to panic, you are with a friendly and supportive group of ladies here who can help and support.

      We have been where you are now, things become clearer and easier.  I am happy to chat and give whatever help and support I can, please feel free to message me.

      Tara.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594399
      Araminta Purdy
      Duchess
      Registered On: January 23, 2020
      Topics: 8
      Replies: 412
      Has thanked: 818 times
      Been thanked: 1604 times

      Hi, Chriss!

      Welcome!

      As to advice, don’t purge! Also, as de Beauvoir points out, one is not born a woman but becomes one. It is a learning process and you have to do your homework. There will be a test.

      How do you keep it a secret? Well, first of all, don’t tell anyone and remember that what happens on the Internet does NOT stay there. On the other hand, they way things have been going at an accelerated pace since 1960, you may not have to keep it a secret nor want to after a while.

      How do you make your body more feminine? There are biochemical and surgical means but beauty begins with a healthy anatomy. The rest is style and technique.

      How do you choose your feminine name? Try imagining your feminine persona as a separate person and guessing what her name is. The neat thing is you can ‘transit’ from one ‘gendered’ name to another at will.

      Araminta.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594394
      Wilma
      Lady
      Registered On: July 24, 2021
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 182
      Has thanked: 1199 times
      Been thanked: 777 times

      Similar situation here – my wife knows, but asked me to stop, so anything I do is in secret. It’s hard. You have the advantage over me – you’re single and could maybe get your own place.

      Make-up – practise literally makes perfect. You’ll look like a clown in drag to start, but persist.

      Making your body more feminine? Shapewear for me – invest in some hip and bum pads. Maybe a pantie girdle to hold everything in place. Rolled up socks lose their allure after a while, so some decent forms. Cinch the waist in with a wide belt. It’s all about proportions. If you have broad shoulders, then you need broad hips to balance them.

      Try Amazon for clothes, once you’ve learnt how your body relates to femme sizes. Delivery could be tricky though.

      Pick a name you’re happy with – maybe a favourite TV presenter. Mine is a family name.

      Last think, and most important – YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.

      Connie
      xxx

      Hi Connie

      Reference the Amazon shopping, you can get certain items sent to a local post office for pick up, sadly not all their suppliers will post that way….I’ve missed out on some beautiful clothes because the supplier will only post to home address.

      Hugs X

      Wilma.

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594393
      Elise Michelle
      Duchess
      Registered On: January 3, 2018
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 363
      Has thanked: 481 times
      Been thanked: 1415 times

      Hi Chris:

      First of all, Welcome to CDH. You’ve found the best and most supportive site for crossdressers. No creeps trying to hit on you and no judgments made about you.

      As for keeping it a secret, that can be tricky depending on living arrangements and depending on how far you want to go in looking feminine. When I was married, it was very difficult to get away with anything. Being single makes it really quite easy to get away with dressing at home, but I’m still at risk of exposure if I go out. And since I shave my entire body to look and feel more feminine, there’s a risk that people will notice my shaved arms and legs (and they have), which may lead to questions (only one person ever asked, but I’ve seen others, including my mother, looking at my smooth shaved legs).

      As for feminizing, there are lots of good tutorials on YouTube for makeup application, for padding (diy and purchase reviews), shapewear reviews, breast forms, etc. There are also great articles here on CDH, and at a few of the specialty boutique sites online.

      As for the name, I adopted the name my mother told me she would have given me had I been born a gg. But it seems to me that you don’t need to change yours at all as Chris can go either way. Unless, of course, you want to change it.

      Most importantly, don’t get caught in the cycle of buy, guilt, purge (it can get really expensive) and don’t lead on a significant other or spouse. If you really feel the need to explore and express your feminine side, come to terms with what that means for you. Why do you feel the need? Are you going to be satisfied just cross dressing, or will you be seeking further transition?
      Will you expect your wife or SO to accept your dressing? To participate in it? To encourage it?

      I wish you success on your journey (wherever it takes you).

      Hugs,
      Elise

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    • #594388
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
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      Hello Chriss

      Welcome to CDH I am Sarah from Buckinghamshire look forward to chatting sometime.

      xx

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594382
      Connie Twirl
      Lady
      Registered On: August 18, 2021
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 612
      Has thanked: 1104 times
      Been thanked: 2812 times

      Similar situation here – my wife knows, but asked me to stop, so anything I do is in secret. It’s hard. You have the advantage over me – you’re single and could maybe get your own place.

      Make-up – practise literally makes perfect. You’ll look like a clown in drag to start, but persist.

      Making your body more feminine? Shapewear for me – invest in some hip and bum pads. Maybe a pantie girdle to hold everything in place. Rolled up socks lose their allure after a while, so some decent forms. Cinch the waist in with a wide belt. It’s all about proportions. If you have broad shoulders, then you need broad hips to balance them.

      Try Amazon for clothes, once you’ve learnt how your body relates to femme sizes. Delivery could be tricky though.

      Pick a name you’re happy with – maybe a favourite TV presenter. Mine is a family name.

      Last think, and most important – YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.

      Connie
      xxx

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594378
      Laura South
      Lady
      Registered On: June 22, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 14
      Has thanked: 2 times
      Been thanked: 39 times

      I had same issue. Wife doesn’t like me being feminine so have to hide my other self away.

      I chose ghe name Laura wS a nickname for an old car I had and just seemed right.

      Make up isn’t easy try watching you tube also getting right clothes fir the tight look takes practice. Be patient will suddenly click into place.

       

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594357
      Jessica Maddison
      Registered On: August 31, 2021
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 92
      Has thanked: 4015 times
      Been thanked: 233 times

      Hello Chriss…Welcome to CDH SITE
      This IS THE BEST PLACE TO START…
      WITH BEING… YOUR TRUE SELF…

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594347
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 0
      Has thanked: 0 times
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      1. How do I keep it a secret? That’s the hard part. Easiest way? Find a good hiding spot for every thing, especially if you don’t live alone. 

      2. How do I make my body more feminine. Can’t help you there, sorry. 

      3. And how do I choose a name for my female self? As for the name? Run a few through to see if they resonate. Find something you like find a name from there. Or feminize your name. There’s no real one way to do it. I’ll use mine as an example, and mine has 5 parts:

      Anna- name of an old crush, Leigh- feminized version of my middle name (thus Annaleigh, also a character from one of my favorite movies). Claire is an old friend and just fits, plus it’s cute. Rose is my favorite flower. My last name was the tricky part, but is the name of one of the characters from my book I’m writing.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #594338
      Wilma
      Lady
      Registered On: July 24, 2021
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 182
      Has thanked: 1199 times
      Been thanked: 777 times

      Hi Chriss

      Welcome to the Sisterhood.

      Enjoy the journey.

      Hugs X

      Wilma.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
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