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    • #386528
      Bettylou Cox
      Participant
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 1448
      Has thanked: 2374 times
      Been thanked: 4328 times

      Hi Paulina,

      First, thank you for being a supportive SO;  you are a treasure which so many of us can only hope for.  Second, keeping secrets from spouses is not a good thing, and you deserve to know.  This is why we encourage those who are still in the closet to have what we call The Talk.  I suggest you pick a good time, sit your man down and tell him your concerns…and ask for honest answers.  It;s possible he is wondering if he is gay or bi, and worried about the effect on your relationship—-but it could by anything at all, even some bad experience in the past.  Oh, and please promise him you won’t be judgemental.  And feel free to PM me, if you wish.

      Hugs,

      Bettylou

       

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #386512
      Jennifer McCrennaugh
      Participant
      Registered On: July 18, 2019
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 129
      Has thanked: 2265 times
      Been thanked: 330 times

      Welcome Paulina!

      Yes, we crossdressers do tend to be a secretive bunch. And it’s not healthy. Secretiveness is a learned (and often necessary) reaction to the world around us. From the start we tend to internalize the message that we are shameful/weak/perverted…insert negative adjective. Therefore we build walls of secrecy to protect ourselves from ridicule and rejection. Unfortunately unlearning the art of secrecy is hard…really hard. It takes time, trust and real effort on your part to convince him that there is no need for secrecy. I urge you to join the SO group. Im certain there are many other wives there who can share similar experiences. All the best!

      -Jen

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #386504
      Alice Underwire
      Participant
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 1926
      Has thanked: 597 times
      Been thanked: 3443 times

      Hi Paulina,

      Welcome to CDH.

      Alice

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #386418
      Mandy Wife
      Participant
      Registered On: September 12, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 104
      Has thanked: 52 times
      Been thanked: 393 times

      Hi Paulina

      Definitely request to be added to the wives & SO’s group.

      From what I’ve seen on the SO’s side, its actually very common for a SO to feel their CDing partner has withdrawn or is keeping secrets once they have come out and been accepted but it can be just as overwhelming for them, especially if they have kept their dressing or desires a secret for years, as they are so used to keeping the secret, suddenly having the ability to talk is alien and it’s not intentional.

      Talking is key, and then more talking, we find we actually talk more openly when we go to bed, when the lights are out and it’s a bit of a de-stress / reflect on the day time and with the lights off it hides any embarrassment on both sides.

      It’s great you are being supporting of your SO and we all still have questions and worries no matter how supporting we are, it’s only natural.

      Mxx

    • #386409
      Falecia McGuire
      Participant
      Registered On: January 11, 2019
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 109
      Has thanked: 79 times
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      Paulina,
      I think Dawn’s counsel is outstanding and insightful.  Those of us who have had this gift for a long time are often more introspective and reflective about our own motivation.  Although, even our understanding is behavioral.  I can’t always explain why I chose to CD at a particular time or in particular outfit.  I’ve read that some CDs would like their SO to participate, meaning select or purchase clothing.  I would not!  With the exception of gifts of items I know she would like, I do not weigh-in on my wife’s clothing selections unless asked and/or to compliment.  I guess that would be the way I would like her to react to my CD clothing selections.

      I think separate closets are a good idea, outside of CD, but even more so when a male partner is motivate to seek the feminine!  When I feel the desire to CD, I’m searching for some fantasy that has popped into my head.  I would generally like to share it, display it, and/or enjoy it with my wife.  But, . . . I would not really be up to dissecting it psychologically, emotionally, or as a fashion statement.  There are things that I know about my CD propensities and things that surprise me each time.  For example, my CD choices will:

      •  Almost always involve high heels.
      • Generally involve shaping garments.
      • Often include jewelry.
      • Often include pantyhose.
      • Often include skinny jeans.
      • I enjoy fashion belts.
      • And, many times I don’t want to look like a woman at all, but like a man in women’s clothes!

      Regarding the secrecy, I don’t think any of us want scrutiny.  I don’t want help dressing in my male clothing or my CD clothing.  We are all seeking affirmation, so like anyone, I probably would appreciate a, “That’s a nice blouse, cute heels, or that color works!”  Certainly, everything doesn’t have to be a compliment, but getting it perfect is not the objective.  Finally, when you’re SO gets the feeling that you can, and are trying to, enjoy this part of him, he’ll be more straightforward and less embarrassed to share.

      FAM

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #386393
      ANDREA RAVEN
      Participant
      Registered On: December 21, 2017
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 270
      Has thanked: 22 times
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      Hi Paulina

      You have come to the right place for encouragement and support. You probably need to talk it through with someone. Just talking, even by email or message can be a great stress reliever. Dawn has given you some valuable advice as has the other girls. Think it through and see where you are, but try not to panic, things may not turn out to be as bad as they seem……… If you want to chat PM me, I’m a good listener……

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #386326
      Michelle Newman
      Participant
      Registered On: June 22, 2017
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 2423
      Has thanked: 0 times
      Been thanked: 1742 times

      Welcome Paulina!

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #386324
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 26, 2017
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 4248
      Has thanked: 6160 times
      Been thanked: 6505 times

      Paulina   happy to welcome you here with us. Nothing to be scared of. We all understand your fears but we’re all here for the same reasons . A safe place for you significant others with many like yourself.  Being secretive is very difficult for most but here you can enjoy your time with support . Help is everywhere so get comfortable  and experience your true calling. Very nice meeting you.

      Stephanie 🌹

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #386300
      Riley McCort
      Participant
      Registered On: September 10, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 20
      Has thanked: 29 times
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      Paulina you are amazing! The fact that you care about how your SO feels and are concerned is great. The biggest thing js showing support, love, and understanding. As was mentioned before being CD is very very difficult. Sometimes bot fully knowing why we so it but feeling an inexplicable need deep down. Please sit down with your SO while shes is dressed or in drab and just ask her to talk. Ask her if shed like to be dressed while you talk. Does she want to use her boy or girl name. Hold her hand. Ask dont inquire. Understand and accept. Dont just tolerate. How you treat her and the tone in your voice will either help her or make her feel guilty. Suggest a “girls nite”. Make dinner together, play a card game, or maybe watch a movie. Have FUN with it. Joke laugh and most importantly LOVE that time together. Assure her that you love BOTH of them very much. Maybe buy her a cute pair of panties or bra set. Something once in a while is so nice. Shows her youre thinking of her and that you support her. My SO and I do these things and its amazing. If she wears during sex touch her the way you like to be touched. Gently and in a tease kind of way. My point being treat her like a girl when shes dressed. Not your SO in womens clothes.

      Hugs, Riley 💋

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #386296
      Teralynn Loving
      Participant
      Registered On: October 17, 2019
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 973
      Has thanked: 5492 times
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      Hi Paulina, Teralynn here. Welcome to our wonderful online community Luv! Do we have any words of encouragement? Plenty! A lot of us are married, love our wives, do not want to lose or damage our relationships and are absolutely ecstatic when we find that we have a wife/significant other that is not only accepting but also supportive even if that support is somewhat limited. My first recommendation to you is to take Dawn’s advice and join the significant others support group! You will find answers to many of the questions that concern you and support from others to let you know that you are not alone in the world in having to deal with such a situation. Next, I have a lot of crossdressing experience and look at the crossdressing journey from a psychological perspective and could possibly give you a different perspective on some aspects of crossdressing. So if I can ever be of service please feel free to contact me through this site and let me know how I can help. A post on my home profile page wall or a private message will get the fastest response. Hang in there Luv! Handle things right and the situation will get better! – Blessings from Teralynn

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #386273
      Kay Anderson
      Participant
      Registered On: June 1, 2020
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 506
      Has thanked: 4796 times
      Been thanked: 2622 times

      Hi Paulina,

      Take it slow, take a deep breath if you need to. Baby steps are ok. We are all here for you and you can chat or message any of us for support and advice. This is a great place for you to be right now. Try to relax and enjoy the journey.

      Kay

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #386264
      Paulina Sparkles
      Participant
      Registered On: September 22, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 1
      Has thanked: 1 time
      Been thanked: 25 times

      Thank you Dawn, your response means a lot to me and what you explain I have also seen and it really resonates with me. Thank you for such a warm welcome into this loving community. I hope to learn so much so I can better love and support my partner. ♥︎

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #386261
      Dawn Wyvern
      Ambassador
      Registered On: February 23, 2019
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 128
      Has thanked: 52 times
      Been thanked: 357 times

      Hi Paulina

      Welcome to the forum and glad you are here.

      There is a special area especially and specifically for partners and significant others that you may find helpful as most have been in a similar position as you are in now. – look in the group area for the link or contact one of the administrators for more information.

      One of the issues with being TG/CD is that we don’t always know how to explain how we feel, what drives us to dress. There is often a large amount of guilt and remorse when compelled to dress and that is hard to come to terms with. Often we don’t know ourselves so it’s nearly impossible to explain to others about our feelings.

      You are already half way there in taking the steps to support your partner and find out more, which is already an amazing thing that many don’t have, so well done for taking these steps.

      The big thing for my partner and myself is to keep talking and be receptive. ask them about what they would like to do with their dressing and how they would like to develop it. There may be a need to compromise and set boundaries, but this is often something that needs to be reassessed and reset to keep things in perspective.

      Being CD/TG  can often be progressive, where each ‘adventure’ builds on the last. starting with underwear in the bedroom, then adding clothes to wear indoors, and maybe progressing to going out fully dressed. Some never go this far while others find there is a strong need to fully dress in public etc … we are all unique so there is no ‘one size fits all’ description.

      I hope that helps and I know that others will come to offer their input here too – but I know that you are not alone with us and the rest on here to support you

      hugs

      Dawn

       

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