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I am new to CDH and a little apprehensive about how far to go. I am in my mid 50s and have been dressing since the age of 7. My mother was single at the time and I tried on some of her clothes and lipstick and walked out into the kitchen to show her. Although it felt so right, I did not get the impression she was pleased. I not sure if it was the act or I was ruining her items. What was confusing was that she and my grandmother wanted to dress me up as a girl for Halloween but I resisted, so I am not sure it was the act.
I also remember seeing pictures of my grandfather at some event dressed in drag, but was always afraid to ask questions as to what it was.
Growing up I recall my mother telling me if I was born a girl, my name would have been Diane, so for many years I used this as my fem name.
I repressed the thoughts and desire for many years until I became drinking age and started frequenting “Go-Go” Bars. While I was at my sexual peak and lusted after the dancers, I found a part of me that wanted to be up there like them as well. I envied the outfits and the attention they were getting.
I started to dabble once again in feminine attire and found I was drawn to pantyhose more than anything else. The rush I felt from them was second to none. This is not to say I focused exclusively on pantyhose, but they did occupy a great deal of my time.
My wife and I met in college and I told her while we were dating, and in the first several months no less. She told me she almost ran. We dated for a while and have been married over 30 years! We raised two kids, who I never told, and kept it very secretive for many years.
I have tried therapy twice. Once in my 20s and once in my 40s. The first one was a disaster. I couldn’t even talk about it, I was ashamed. The second time, the therapist basically said she didn’t want to take my money after about four sessions; she said I was one of the most grounded people she had met. That actually made me feel good about myself.
In the last fifteen years or so I have broadened my wardrobe, make up, etc. and feel I have gotten very proficient at the transformation. The false eyelashes are quite tricky yet and I’m 6’1″ so, a very tall girl to say the least. I have done two professional transformations with Amanda Richards over the years and found her to be quite good! That said, never in public except for underdressing.
Back to the name. Diane never suited me, but Lisa felt very appropriate. Not sure if it is because I got dumped by three Lisa’s in High School or not, but…who knows. The last name Fox is not what you think…or at least what I think you think. I don’t think I’m a “fox”…well maybe I do…but its got a deeper history with me that I am not willing to share.
Hope to get to know more of you! Hugs, Lisa
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