- This topic has 22 replies, 20 voices, and was last updated 4 years ago by
.
- Posts
Hello,
My name is Jen, I just found out about my husband’s crossdressing only 6 days ago. I am usually so public about my life and this is something I cannot share with anyone but I am finding myself desperately needing some help.
I am still learning about the full extent of his crossdressing. I have embraced it and he has started wearing things that make him comfortable everyday. When he is home he does not dress as a woman but I suspect it is only because he does not want the children to see and I feel that he might really want to.
He likes to dress for me and clean after the kids are asleep. I obviously love this (because I would be crazy not to) but I have my fears. I have a lot of (probably irrational) fears about hwhat the actual truth is.
I’m rambling I don’t even know where I’m going. But I guess I am so happy to find a space where I can ask questions from other crossdressers and their partners as well.
My biggest fear is losing him, as I am sure his biggest fear is losing me (so he says). How can I support him and make him feel completely comfortable with me so he does not hide anything else?
Thank you and much love💓💓💓
Hi jan
You have a strong marriage. Cd was partly why i am single now. It is so brave of your husband to tell you about cd.
It is a wonderful placecto b to chat and explore with so much help. Being with your husband as a cd is a very strong place to b..allowing him to explore a very special place
Hope this helps a little.
Love sxmmatha x
Hello!
You will see as you explore here that the vast majority of cross dressers here are married and straight and are not looking to cheat on their wives. There are always exceptions but very very few. I think a lot of us men just have a feminine side to express and explore. It’s also admiration of the women in our lives we love or just in general. By accepting his cross dressing you have brought him even closer and I think you’ll find your fears of losing him eventually unfounded. Feel free to reach out hon. ❤️😘
Toni
Jen, Welcome , this is certainly the place you’ll find many of the answers you are seeking. For you it would be extremely difficult. I saw the shock from my wife as for us we were married for many years and only a short while ago that I opened up to her . The biggest concern was the mistrust I caused. Seeing her and the hurt that it caused was hard. We had many talks and through this agreements and guidelines were set and together were slowly working it out. But Cdh and it’s resources helped my wife and myself understand more about our individual troubles. I learned more about myself and she with help from a wonderful group we have here exclusive for my wife where many GG gals like yourself could receive the help and support to get the answers your wanted to know. This group – private ( wives and significant others ) . For you special ladies where Cders are not allowed. Meet with them and get the support you need. You do need to upgrade to become a member. Also look into other forms written by others who talk about their experiences, their questions they may ask with many offering help and advice so everyone can understand better on so many confusing topic . Many face this troubling ordeal but be assured you have support and help from everyone here . Relax, get comfortable and enjoy being part of this wonderful community that really does care for all that passes through our doors. The best to you both as you venture through these new paths together. As an ambassador here if there’s anything you need to know, a question, a concern please be free to call, I would love to help if I can as will many others. And it’s nice meeting another Canadian especially someone as yourself. Significant others are such an important part of our community. Members like yourself are so helpful in sharing your experiences faced and learning us to understand and be more aware about how you are feeling and your dealings with something that you certainly didn’t sign up for. extremely altering in any relationship. We’re here and hopefully things will be better understanding. Best to you and your partner. Hugs!
Stephanie 🌹
Hi Jen
I could write a long reply to your post, but you are probably overloaded with information at the moment. However you probably have questions buzzing around in your head, but don’t who you can ask. I will be happy to answer any questions you may have if I possibly can, so if you want to ask anything, just PM me and I will be happy to help if I can.
Hi Jen
Hope you find lots of reassurance and information here. Finding more about our wonderful obsession on this site will hopefully help you realise there are many of us about. It is just fear of being wrongly judged which leads many of us to hide away. For some it may be a bit of a fetish, for some it has a sexual element, but having been a member for a ling time think for most of us it is just a case of ‘why not?’ Women’s fashions and make up are just infinitely more interesting than men’s. The fairer sex has learned so much more about making the most of what we have to look our best, and why not ! Make up to hide imperfections or enhance our good points and Underwear to do the same. Clever use of clothing as well different shapes and fits and lengths to hide or enhance ourselves, or heels to look taller, wigs to change blonde to brunette etc etc. Shallow perhaps, but lots of fun to experiment. Materials as well, silk/satin/lace/spandex etc, feels so good. Why can’t we have a break from our mostly boring drab wardrobe, and try different things.
What is wrong with it.
Get the big questions out of the way:
Do you want to be a woman?
Are you gay?
Sure the answer is no but these seem to be common reactions. It may be good to set boundaries, but if handled properly it could bring you closer. This disclosure was probably as hard for him as it was for you. We feel shame, guilt at having a secret, and fear of losing all that is dearest to us.
There is a significant others forum open only to significant others for free.
I am sure many here including myself would happily give you an insight into what drives us (oops I already have!). Most of us are just ordinary men with an extraordinary secret.
love
B
And extraordinary Secret that we certainly do cherish and wonderful to share with someone who is willing to accept should be a beautiful time. Our worries contribute to many of the problems that arise from our desires to dress. Always fearing our partners in how their are actually feeling , our anxieties of guilt , embarrassments and feeling shame in ourselves. In ways it affects everything around this. As we continue searching for answers we try so hard in learning to be more of a woman and hopefully have someone that we can share it with, a dream for many.
Stephanie 🌹
Hello Jen
Always thrilled to welcome more wives and SO’s who at the very least interested and loving enough to reach out and gather some understanding of their partners ways and desires. With knowledge hopefully comes acceptance and support, but it all needs to be a two way street. My gf and I have a wonderful relationship based on open Honest communication, trust and respect for one another. Its certain to be a shock to you and adjusting to it can be difficult for both of you, and take time. I’m open to questions from either of you through private messaging.
It can work, my best to you both,
Olivia
Hi Jen ,
Communication & patience from both sides ,go slow , ensure that you are comfortable & you do get a say it what happens. It’s compromise on both sides. The relationship can survive if both parties work at it & neither feels forced into something they don’t like .
My wife & I are still together , working together , laughing & crying together , after 20 months the lows aren’t as low & they’re not as often.
PM me anytime if you want to ask or vent , Tiff
Hi Jen!
I unfortunately have little advice I can offer, as I am not currently married. But I do just want to say that you are awesome! Sometimes crossdressers can feel all alone and isolated in this world, I know I do, and having someone so close be able to share in it really makes a difference. I think this has the potential to increase your love for one another as you can be more open with each other than ever before and share in things that you previously couldn’t.
I hope the best for you two and your family going forward!
Beautifully put Lara , share that lonely if you feel like it , Tiff
Welcome to CDH Jen,
Your husband is a step ahead of me. My wife doesn’t know. I’m not gay. I don’t want to be a woman. I just want the ability to express a feminine side complete with the clothes and make up. I was raised to be a manly man and never really liked it. Looking back it feels like I was indoctrinated into manhood, like it was chosen for me without my consent. I don’t know of that helps your situation or not but let me say if it doesn’t you have come to the one place that gives you the best chance of finding what does…..
Add me to your growing list of those people you may ask anything too.-Hugs
AutumnHello Jen
I have an accepting wife. I was crossdressing in secret before we met and I decided early on in our getting to know each other, I was going to tell her. I didnt want to sneak around anymore. She was accepting and even encouraging. She has since bought me clothes, make up, bras, wigs etc.. As some others have said, it’s all about open and honesty. But I will tell you from the man’s perspective, or at least mine, open and honest around this subject is not always easy. Even though she said she was good with it and encouraged it, I still had my doubts, it was still hard for me to be comfortable with it. I Had my fears it would be too much for her. We had several conversations where she assured she was good with this and even turned on by it. Till this day, 8yrs later, I still wonder if she will ever grow tired of it or wake up one day and say this just ain’t right. But 8yrs later we still discuss those same fears from time to time and she still offers reassurance. So for my two cents, I would just suggest you continue to encourage him to talk to to about it and even do it, as with my wife, if I go a few days and dont dress, she will come out and say “you haven’t dressed in a few days, dont you want to go get all dressed up for me?” We used to joke about me giving out of socks and/or underwear just so I could wear panties and pantyhose to work. Now she actually let’s me run out on purpose or hides them from me so I have to wear panties and pantyhose to work. That has now turned into a pretty much every day thing for me now. Also continue to encourage him to talk about his fears and you continue to share your fears with him as well. We still do till this day. Feel free to PM me to ask anything you would like. Wish you and your relationship the best.
Chelly
Hi Jen
Welcome all i can say is communication and honesty from both sides is the key, you both need to know how each other is feeling, and patience with each other, you have come to a great place here and remember your husband is still the same person that you fell in love with and his fears are the same as yours, if you want to PM me any time Im here
I hope this is some help for you
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi Jen, welcome to CDH! My wife is not very supportive at this point (25 years later) and I blame myself for that. I failed to follow the “3 C’s.” Communicate, communicate, COMMUNICATE! He probably wants/needs to talk about this from time to time but is too embarrassed/ashamed or doesn’t want to put more on YOUR plate. You may have to initiate conversations. Just because he may be quiet do not assume everything is OK. It sounds like you’re doing fine. Agree to reasonable limits/accommodations and if you’re both flexible and love each other you’ll be great! Good luck and God bless!</p>
Hello, and welcome. You should hit up the SO area, lots of good info to be had there. I have an amazing wife, she is supportive of me, as I’m a bit of a handful to deal with. We are open about Samantha and that’s a great thing! She is on the site too if you wanna chat with her! (Chelsea Roarke)
Kisses, Samantha Roarke
Hi I’m also new to being open to my wife we both had a bit of a hard time adjusting but my wife has been very supportive. She bought me some cute lingerie and it opened everything up we still are learning and have our quewtions but we love each other with the reality that I’m still here even when Linda is present and I’m not going anywhere Best to you both. Linda
Dear Jen,
First of all I must tell you how happy I am that you look upon your situation with an open mind and seek out information trying to understand and comprehend this side of your husband. As others have stated he is possibly just as confused and overwhelmed as you at this stage. Yet he has put alot of trust in you, being honest about himself.
Some questions are almost universal when this comes up: Is he gay? Does he feel he is really a woman? Or does he want to become one?
Many studies have made clear that the average crossdresser has about the same probability being attracted to women, men or both as any male in the population. If he assures you that he loves you and wants to be with you, that is most probably true. Think about it, if he decides to be honest about his liking to wear female clothing, why should he lie about his sexuality?
Most male crossdressers are initially content occassionally being able to express their female side this way or that. For some it is enough being able to wear female undergarments such as panties/knickers, hosiery and sometimes a bra or cami. Other feel the whish or need to dress fully femme, adding wigs, makeup and special foundation garments to create a believable female impression for a fun night out at a club or venue but still define themselves as nothing but male.
Then there is a small minority that at some point realise they fit somewhere in the transgender spectrum. Not being all man but not necessarily all woman either. This realisation may be sudden, perhaps triggered by some outer event or experience, but mostly grows slowly under long time. For many, just identifying the “problem” goes a long way. For others the apparent disconnection between their body and perceived gender is so severe that the only solution is to change the body to match he mind through medical procedures and provide help with the psychological and social transition into the perceived gender. Should your husband fit into this category, he will probably need to see a therapist to figure himself out and decide what, if any, actions he will take about it.
Ellen Marianne Tornander
Hi Jen,
We’re just men who like to wear clothes designed for women, just as women took to jeans, trousers and t shirts.
Sexuality or who we are attracted to is a separate matter entirely.
Maybe cross dressing raises the question, but think about it logically.
How many women would be attracted to a man in a dress?
How many gay men would a man be likely to attract, dressed as a woman?
It certainly raises questions, and it’s fair to ask them, but don’t let it get in the way of communication with your SO.
If he’s talking to you about it, he wants your relationship to work.
Love Laura
- The forum ‘Introductions & New Members’ is closed to new topics and replies.
Recent Comments