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Hi gals,
I just found out this weekend that my wife of almost 20 years no longer wants to have a sexual relationship with me. As I embrace my fem side and wear more nail polish and leggings and girly shirts and socks around the house, my wife has been slowly being turned off by me. I wouldn’t say our sex life for the last while has been very good anyways. Me shaving my beard ( I always have at least a 1/4 inch of stubble) I think might have been too much. Which might have led to the talk about not wanting to be sexual with me anymore. She supports me by helping me shop for clothes and makeup. But at this point our relationship feels more like friends or roommates. When I put it like that, and hearing/reading about the horrible fallouts that more often happen, I feel ungrateful. It’s just that I feel so alone at home. So unattractive. I’ve always needed affection, but never really got it, even before I started embracing my fem side more openly. It just feels like I will have a pretty lonely marriage, or maybe this is the first step on the road to divorce… maybe I’m over reacting, I don’t know. Guess I’ll see how this plays out for the next while.
Thanks for listening.
HugsHi Flowers,
You might want to ask your wife what it would take for her to be sexually attracted to you again. Knowing that you can decide whether you are willing to meet those conditions or stay in the friend zone. Whether the friend zone is fine with her or a step towards separation will depend on how strong the love is between you and how well you tend to the relationship.
I Hope it all works out well for you both.
Hugs,
Michelle
FP,
Hopefully deep inside you can understand her reaction to your increased femininity. But if you can’t, just imagine how would you feel if you were not a CD/TG individual and suddenly she started behaving in a more masculine way. Cut her hair in a manly style, never shaved her legs or armpits, etc. Would you be attracted to this new version of her? I know it is very easy to say “Yes, because I love her”, but if you really imagine that scenario, maybe you could understand her better.
Where would you go from there? The only real way to go is keeping the communication going. Talk and then talk some more. There is no warranty of success… but hopefully you will be able to work something out that may be satisfactory to both.Best luck!
Hi Flowers So sorry for you girl as this weighs heavy on you as it did for me as wife is a bit older than i am she has had medical problems and has kind of sjut down the sexual parts in our life so its a easy fix ha ha but she had no choice except to allways have the old headache thing .. So girlfriend talk talk talk is a key to this situation listen to her and just dont quit being a girl but see if it could work out for you as said lines of communification are key to help this problem good luck girlfriend ..
Stephanie Bass
Flowers;
You have but one option to save your marriage. Sit down with her and see if you can’t find that middle ground where you both can survive. That might mean a giant pull back on your CD desires. She is not the first wife that wants nothing to do with a female husband. Best wishes, I truly hope it works out. Luv, TERI
I don’t think you are over-reacting. Something similar happened in my own marriage, and sadly, over the course of a few years the divide grew. We ended up divorced. My ex simply no longer was attracted to me. I regret putting her into that situation.
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I have found that the withholding of sex is the first step in the destruction of a marriage. It happened to me, my ex didn’t know that I crossdressed so that had nothing to do with my divorce. We drifted apart due to kids and jobs and didn’t focus on our relationship. At the time of the divorce it was devastating but now looking back I’m so happy to not being married to her anymore. My life is better, easier and not stressful. I wish you kindness as you go thru this because it isn’t easy.
I sincerely hope everything turns out well for the both of you. My input is that the only thing worse ( I believe ) than withholding sex is using sex as a weapon. Been there. Again, hope everything works out.
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Sounds familiar
May I ask, did you have an open conversation about your crossdressing and what you need to do? Has she been consulted about what is within her comfort zone to see and about whether she has any requests to make? Or there was the assumption I see mentioned here a lot of a wife not reacting negatively and the husband somehow believing that she is fine with whatever he is doing?
I dont know the reality of what went on in your marriage to reach the stage where you are at, only you know the truth. I would ask you to do an honest assessment of the interactions you had with your wife on this subject. I dont see any withholding of sex and intimacy, like others mentioned. I see a wife honestly saying that she isn’t attracted to her husband. The reality is that a lot of us can deal with the damage the ravages of time will cause on the body of our male partner. But we are not interested in a female (or female-looking) partner in any way and therefore, sexual attraction can diminish until it’s not there anymore. That’s what being straight means by definition.
I don’t think it’s ideal for her either to live a sexless existence so the only way forward would be councelling for both of you. Whether she is interested in that, remains to be seen. You can’t force her to do anything either way though.
Good luck.
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