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I chose I guess were staying home tonight I will close the curtains, my wife is neutral in acceptance for the most part. She would rather I did not and would not crossdress but she knows it is important to me and a a part of who I am. She asks that I never surprise her by dressing without here knowledge that way she is not got off guard and can ran interference if needed with family in town or neighbors. She feels burdened by the only family to know of April. She does not compliment April. She likes the manly side and body hair and facial hair so there is a little back and forth to obtain a happy medium. She understands I will shave face completely when I dress and trim hair off arms and legs only when going to multi day events along with sometimes shaving chest. All of Aprils things are in a locked room which she also has a key to. She has never bought April anything or compliment April, but she has made dinner a few times for April and her with some wine. She has attended 3 events with April for a total of being dressed in public with April 4 times. She resents the fact when April dresses in a similar style to her. She will ask me how things look and what she should where whenever we go out as husband and wife. She wishes I would communicate better in man mode as she feels April is more honest and she resents that I need work on being open and communicative in man mode. I am and have been working on it. She has said no matter what you do or how you dress how big your boobs are or how much make up you wear, you look like a man in drag because your a man. My situation with my wife is not perfect but she signed up to marry a man and be with a man as she is attracted to men she is not a lesbian and is not attracted to women or the image of a woman. She accepts this side of me and is tolerant but does not openly support it or encourage it. With that being said I do not have to hide completely in the closet which makes things so much better. She is willing to go to crossdressing events and has had a good time talking to people we meet when going out. We do not go out local. I love my wife and am thankful for her for being understanding as much as she can and hope in time it may get a little better and easier still.
Sadly, I had to choose . “What the hell is this doing in the hamper?” She found my stash of clothing several years ago and she was not very open minded about it at all. Back then I did a complete purge and swore off on dressing altogether. Now we all know how that works, within days I had started a new wardrobe.
Now that we are both retired, it’s tough to get her out of the house so I can get Julia out of the closet. I used to be able to depend on her visiting her elderly mother at least once a week but Covid put the damper on that. For the time being I have only been able to follow along dressing vicariously through the wonderful ladies I’ve met here. I want to bring it up in a discussion again, but I am so afraid of losing her if I push her to let me dress around the house. If she were to agree to tolerate it, how could I be comfortable en femme when she sees it as some sort of perversion?
My choices are that I risk losing the woman I have been happily married to for over 20 years, or else I risk losing the woman who has been inside me since childhood. Looks like I am on the verge of losing a woman, just a matter of which one.
XO – Julia
My situation is so very similar to Julia’s. Am retired and only times me and wife are not together are when she visits our daughter or when I have the occasional meeting in London.
RachelI can fully empathize with your situation. Mine was very similar. I eventually decided to let her “catch” me. That went over badly. For a time she seemed open to giving me time to be me as long as she did not see it, then improved to a point where she tolerated my wearing femme clothes below the neck but never above, and never in the bedroom or when out in public. I thought that was a very tolerable, acceptable situation, but uneducated friends and counselors persuaded her I was perverted and even dangerous to be around the kids. Knowledgable counselors could not persuade her otherwise, and she eventually insisted I change “or else”. I tried hard, but I think we all know that is seldom possible and it certainly would be living a lie to deny that our feminine sides are very much part of who we are, like it or not. Eventually, she walked out on me, choosing to live separately with no communication or thought of reuniting. That led to divorce. I think intolerance to that degree is the case for fewer than 25% of spouses; most reveals lead to greater acceptance and support. But my situation is a very real risk, so I never suggest anyone take it if they are not prepared for the possible negative consequences. It is truly sad to be in a marriage where you have to live a lie to preserve it, but I do think that preferable for a truly loving couple than to divorce, although in a sense the term “truly loving” is an oxymoron, as I think true love would allow life partners to be authentic without forcing an end to the marriage because it is not what one partner ordered out for. It truly can come down to a decision as to which woman you choose, and that is a no-win scenario. I don’t think being who we are is a choice; hiding who we are is, but is that choice better than the choice to live authentically? That is a genuinely real and tough dilemma which can only be resolved by making a very agonizing personal decision which can lead to more loss than some are able to accept. In my case, as in many others, it led to attempted suicide. But I don’t know that I could have continued to live a lie, always wondering if the risk would have proved justified, resolving the dilemma favorably. The saddest words of kings and men are these… the thoughts “It might have been.”
I selected the top two options.
My partner would be more than happy for me to go out completely en femme and it’s only my reticence to do so where we live that stops me doing that!
But I am one of those very fortunate girls who can express herself whenever she wishes. I had never expected that she would be so open and accepting of her partner of 21 years suddenly dropping the bombshell that he had been living with such a secret all that time, and had been spending every available minute dressing in women’s clothes. But she did! Furthermore, she has embraced the ‘new’ me. She encourages and advises, shops with me and buying me girly items.
At her suggestion, our spare room has been kitted out with new wardrobes and is now my dressing room. Every drawer and cupboard filled with my feminine wardrobe, which has expanded ridiculously in the last two years. I seldom wear my male clothes these days unless I have to or if we are going out (and even then I will underdress and usually wear girls’ jeans or even leggings and fem tops).
I remind myself every day how lucky I am!
Like Julia and Rachel I’m retired and my wife doesn’t get out much due to health reasons and when she does get out I need to drive her. This makes it very difficult for me to embrace my feminine side that she knows about but doesn’t want to see.
It got so hard for me that around a year ago I sat down with her and explained how stressed out I was getting and we talked about possible solutions. She agreed I could wear a nightgown to bed on occasion and that has helped a lot and I try not to abuse the privilege. Also, I asked if she would give me warning before coming into the kitchen when I am cooking which she agreed too. This allows me to wear heels and a cute apron sometimes when I’m cooking since I can quickly ditch the apron and shoes when needed. I really love the way heels make me feel so that helps a lot as well. Every once in a while she will come in the kitchen without warning just to see what I’m up too and sometimes she sees. The first time she saw me in a girly apron and heels she laughed at me and said I looked silly. Later on I told her how much that hurt me and she has never done it again. My wife wants me to be happy so she wants to be supportive but it’s very difficult for her to see or think about her man in that light.
I have never gone all the way to wig and makeup in the past but recently I have seen myself fully glamed up and I am hooked on learning how to do makeup. This as you can imagine is very difficult when there is little to no time to practice.
I chose the “do what you want” – my wife is tolerant of my dressing. She has helped me buy clothes, my wig and make up. She has also given me some of her clothes that she no longer wore. When I get a new outfit or shoes she has me try them on to make sure they fit as she feels if I am going to dress I may as well look pretty. When she helped me buy my make up she showed me how to apply it for the first time. We go for mani-pedi’s very other month and we help each other pick out colors (toes for me, fingers and toes for her). She doesn’t want to see me dressed (although having bare feet when my toes are painted is okay) but does give me time to be able to dress. I continue to hope that she will become more tolerant and accepting so I can spend more time dressed but am happy with what I am able to do. After being locked away my whole life being able to do what I do is a great relief.
XOXO
SuzanneSince I have been living as dressing as Jennifer and it was my wife is the one who feminized me and transformed me, I would have to say she very supportive.
My wife is accepting, my guess from 1 – 10 I’d put her around in the high 9s acceptance level.
Obviously I can’t read her mind when I am in the process of transforming to Wendy or when I am Wendy, but on the outside she seems ok with it all.
Going out tho is another story. When our neighbour goes on vacay, we look after their house and on a few occassions I wanted to go as Wendy to check on their house. She was adamant that take off my wig and change into pants. So I know that is like the boundary.
Otherwise she is pretty cool with my transformation as Wendy in the house.
I consider myself one of the lucky ones. After a period of “adjustment” after I came out to my wife, she has gradually warmed up to the idea of what I was doing. She now takes an active interest in my dressing. Although we do not go out as two lady friends together – an arrangement which is fine by both of us – she has participated in all other aspects. Makeup, wardrobe selection, photo selection and maybe best of all open discussion all makes for a stress free environment. In many ways it has become a new common interest. Hence my vote for “I guess we are staying home tonight. I will close the curtains.”
DADT in my house so I chose “Do what you want. Call me when you are done.” I wear panties 24/7 and she often sees me in those, but when I want/need to dress more, she prefers to not be around. Luckily, she works in an office fulltime and I work from home most of the week. That means that Emily gets to come out quite often each week.
Hugs,
Emily
Although she didn’t catch me “in the act”; my wife’s reaction to her suspicion of me trying on her intimates was “What the HELL is this doing in the hamper?” She berated me by saying “Men DO NOT wear women’s clothes!” and “Is there something wrong with you?”
She believes that I have quit. It’s true I no longer wear hers; after that incident I started buying my own, which she does not know about. This happened in late 2015. Since then, I now have a 500+ item “secret” wardrobe that has everything a “gurl” like me needs. I keep my femme stuff hidden and safely secure in non-see through plastic “lockable” storage trunks and totes in my garage loft.
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Hi. Sorry to hear ..I’m kinda in same boat:( but one day they will see the beauty we hold. Keep your head up! Your beautiful sister ❤️
The best word for my spouse is “indifferent”. She really doesn’t care if I dress or not and has never put a limit on me nor made any comment to discourage me. She had once said about my wearing lingerie “It does nothing for me, but they are just clothes.” She had pretty much the same reaction when I told her I like to wear dresses. She accepts it as something I like, and has no reason to dislike it.
Most of my dressing is done in private, but I do wear bras and panties regularly and she just accepts it, and is fine with me wearing such things to bed during intimacy. I have told her if it ever bothers her to let me know, and she has never said anything.
My SO is very similar to yours April, she accepts Sherri and wants her to be happy but just not all out all the time. She sees me in my bras and panties daily and I put on a blouse and jeans when I get home from work but has never helped or given Sherri any gifts. We’re working on it and my hope is we can share more time together as Sherri and the love of her life.
Sherri
Yes a wish for just a little to be even a girlfriend would feel nice. I am happy has gone out with me but at times it feels like a chaperone. Who knows in time it could get better or worse as it does seem to move back and forth. She likes the times I don’t dress but those are becoming harder for me to go 3 months without dressing seems like i handle doing without well up to about 6 to 8 weeks a few times a year.
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I didn’t vote because the choices don’t really describe our situation.
I dress “casual feminine” around the house and underdress every day in public. The wife sees me at home and its no big deal as long as I don’t wear skirts, dresses, heels or makeup. These are her limits and she doesn’t want me going out in public dressed but I do when I can which is not often enough.
My SO is very accepting. She always tells me to close the curtains and don’t answer the door when I am dressed. She is the only one that knows. We do our toes together and I am able to keep my toes done all winter and I love it. I wear panties all the time and only have a few male undies. My wife is great she has bought me pantyhose, panties, dresses, makeup, shoes, wigs, pretty much whatever I want. I just wish I could pass and attend some local crossdressing events. I would love to go out. I have gone out when I was younger and drove around the area. Even got out and walked around in the evening. I just love this site and all the beautiful girls here.
My wife is fairly accepting. She has bought me panties, a bra or two, some robes for lounging in the morning, provided me with jewelry, encouraged me to get my ears pierced etc. With that said she is definitely not a girly girl at all, doesnt do much make up and doesnt like to shop. She doesnt understand why I want to wear things that she thinks are so uncomfey (bras, thongs, pantyhose, makeup etc). She doesnt mind that I have developed a like for fem attire. Just this morning she asked why I was not in stephanie mode (usually dress in night or morning lingerie while having coffee together) and then asked what stephanie might like for VD. So I guess she is pretty accepting and pretty great!!
Hi Cece!
My wife is accepting, but within limits. That means we won’t be going on any double dates or girl’s night out together, but she does allow me time to be the woman I want to be as long as she doesn’t have to participate. She knows I dress, she’s seen my lingerie, clothes, heels, makeup, etc., but she really doesn’t want to see her husband as a woman. I can understand that, she married a man (she thought), so she’s not looking to change sides at this point in her life. For me, I live comfortably within the guidelines we’ve agreed upon and it seems to work. Will it change at some point in the future, or will she become more accepting so that I can be the woman I long to be even more? I can only hope so…
Hugs,
Holly
My wife is not supportive at all. She has retired so little Billie time for me. We recently became snow birds so I purged all my clothes, wigs, shoes etc. Recently I ordered a few things from Amazon to our winter home. As soon as the bra arrived I put it in and wore it to dinner with her. Big mistake. She hated it and now I’m paying for it. She’s gone this morning so a bit of Billie time. I’m grateful for this site.
Hugs…I have a wife that supports me and she is so wonderful. We love shopping together because a girl can never have to many things to wear lol. I spend very little time in male mode but I still live a double life keeping my true self-hidden from family and friends. The older I get the less I care about what others may think about how I dress. So it is only a matter of time before everyone knows about Diane and that would be such a relief.
We both wear ladies swimwear to the aqua center.
I got us matching coverup outfits and she’s 90% on board with wearing those to and from swimming. Those outfits are for warmer weather so we’ll see if it works out.
However, other identifiably feminine clothes — dresses, frilly underwear — is for us at home.
Non-frilly is ok for anywhere. She knows I’m out and about in “male adjacent” ladies wear. She’s the one who said my moobs need a bra every day. She’s encouraging, fusses over me, gives advice, and praises me when I put together a good-looking outfit (she has great fashion sense).
Basically a) she’s a little shy and 2) she associates my dressing with bedroom fun which feeds back into the shyness.
I came out to my SO a couple years ago and my SO “accepts”, but my term for this would be DSDS (don’t see don’t show). She knows when I am alone that I dress fully and has seen some of my wardrobe, since we partially share a closet. Although I keep most of my lingerie hidden in my own drawers. I have started to move my wardrobe to a second bedroom, which I am converting to my sewing room. My design work has recently extended to fashion (upcycling jeans, shirts/blouses, etc) so I feel like that is a cover for anyone else who comes to the house who might happen upon anything that looks a bit femme. She has been setting boundaries – does not want to see me in a bra or heels, but is fine if I wear panties or a cami to bed. I am actually a person who loves to push boundaries generally, and I have built up a collection of more androgenous women’s clothes that I wear out (jeans, tops) and I underdress almost all the time. But have learned to go slow with her as she loves me but is really not comfortable with the idea of me looking like a woman. My fantasy is to go out fully femme some day but I have not learned yet how to do hair and make up. This is also something that my SO is fearful of me doing so have held back for the moment because of that boundary.
thanks for sharing everyone
Evie
It’s DADT.
My wife tolerates but does not really accept my crossdressing.
It’s basically, “Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.”
She doesn’t want to talk about or see me dressed. She has never seen me dressed, nor even see pics of me dressed.
However, we have an arrangement that I can live with. I can’t dress at home, butI can go out (dressed) twice a month, as long as she doesn’t see me dressed, nor do I leave the neighborhood dressed. I have a friend who lets me dress at her place.
She also lets me go to the Keystone Conference. I just went for the 10th time. I’d like to go to another conference like First Event or Fantasia, but I don’t want to rock the boat.
I’m retiring this year. I hope that doesn’t change our current arrangement.
Hello ladies, I didn’t take the poll none of the answers were for me, I have to say that I have a very supportive S.O. She has bought me more fem items than I can tell you, she paints my nails buys me outfits, a wig, earrings, I dress enfemme when I want with no problem there are no bad comments or odd looks I get plenty of confidence with her compliments, we are leaving for Florida on good Friday I will be pulling a camper from Michigan 1,400 miles dressed enfemme from head to toe how cool 😎 so once we reach our destination her and I will be dressing up and going out together, I have my cut off jean shorts AKA Daisy Duke I will wear around the campsite and maybe a bike ride, I can tell you this much im going to have a good girly time be dressed comfortably spending 12 nights in Paradise with a woman who tells me this is your thing enjoy it which leads me to say Again
I’m Blessed when Dressed !
I am very lucky to have the wife I do, she does her best to accept just as long as I do not leave the house. We go shopping together, although I am in drab, she treats me like a girlfriend as we are looking at clothing. I am usually in drab during the day, but in the evenings I am either part or full femme, depends on where we are at. So I close the shades and just enjoy being me.
I thought I’d responded to this but I guess not. My wife isn’t just tolerant or grudgingly accepting, she’s positively enthusiastic. She LIKES Nikki, wants to do things with Nikki, and tells me how proud of me she is when I go out dressed. She encourages me to dress at home, and often suggests taking Nikki out shopping, for drinks, and just for strolls around town. Sometimes she even wants things I’m not ready for. She’s not pushy at all, but we’ve discussed it and she has permission to nudge just as I can accept or decline. One of those nudges was going to Sephora for a makeover, and bringing her best friend who I am out to but until then had never seen me dressed.
I don’t take any of it for granted. She is my very best friend and the love of my life. She makes it very easy for me to be fully myself, empowers me to do so, in fact. I wish everyone had this.
The description of how your wife is so supportive is just like how my wife is with me. She encourages me and totally supports me. We are blessed to have them in our lives. Sadly because of my line of work I can’t be totally open. Just like you. But my family and close friends are aware of who I am and actually they don’t care at all about it.
My wife is accepting and even helps me select clothing and makeup. She does have a few house rules regarding my dressing. Never in front of our children and does not want me going out in public. She is concerned if I was discovered, it would ruin my career. I have no objections to these rules. When we started dating in the late 90’s, I told her after our third or fourth date. When she didn’t freak out, I knew she was a keeper.
My SO has only known about my cross dressing for a few months but has been supportive. I wear leggings and women’s night shirts and panties in her presence. I paint my toenails and she has asked me to paint hers as well. If I say good night while wearing my night shirt and panties she is apt to slap my bottom.
I suspect that she would rather I didn’t leave the house but she hasn’t come out and said so. I don’t do makeup and wig in front of her but I did wear a pair of her high heels one time and she said that it was funny seeing me wear her heels.
all in all I consider myself lucky indeed.
Hi Cece, thanks for the post. I chose ‘do what you want, call me when you’re done’. It was the only choice that was close to my and my wife’s arrangement. A little back ground, I came out to my wife before we were married. I just had to, there’s no way I was carrying my secret into a marriage and I had to give her the chance to change her mind. Well, she didn’t say much and we ended up making love that night. So, of course, I thought well this is a good start, she still wants to marry me and didn’t blow a gasket.
Well, not long after we were married she did not want me dressing up and had no desire to meet Trish. So it was into the closet I went. After a while I asked her why she married me after what I told her. To her defence she was a very naive girl and a very black and white person and she simply said I thought I could change you. I went to a psychiatrist with no results and then a few years later to a psychologist where I under went, believe it or not, aversion therapy (electric shocks) for months. That didn’t work either.
Fast forward 42 years and with the help of some very close girl friends here a CDH as well as help from a CD who has her own world wide blog who had posted ‘a crossdresser’s letter to her wife’and was kind enough to email me a copy of it. Between the letter and all of the girls at CDH it literally changed my life. I went from a very lonely and depressed girl who had no one to talk or vent to. To having a lot of close girl friends here at CDH as well as girl friends in my home town I go shopping with. I’ve also joined 2 CD social groups in Vancouver and regularly go to their functions. All of this in a short 2 year span. And the most amazing thing is that it’s all with my wife’s blessing. I’m going to a girls weekend in Kelowna the end of April, again, with my wife’s blessing. So in that short 2 year span my wife has gone from not interested period to being accepting of my crossdressing. She is not supportive in that she has no desire to meet Trish or go to any of the functions. But I feel blessed with her acceptance and if she ever becomes supportive I will be ecstatic.
Trish 💖
Hi
I explained to my wife before we married, she accepts that part of me and tries to understand my needs. I do dress with her, we shop for lingerie together and other clothes. She allows it in the house but would not go out in public with me dressed, she does not bat an eyelid when I wear a nightgown in bed or just a pair of panties as I am now. Just to complicate things more I am bisexual and enjoy sex with other cross dressers, that is a hard limited for my wife. Whilst understanding my needs that side of things she wants no part of and it it is so hard being faithful that way, but sex with other cross dressers is better in her book than cheating on her with another woman and I respect that.
I think I have one in a million here.
I do not know if any of the responses apply to me. My wife is tolerant but somewhat apprehensive even though she does not stop Rqual from appearing when asked if Requal can.
It is I who is keeping Requal in private, as for her to “come out” would do untold damage to my family.
Hence, Requal does not appear as much as she would enjoy.
My wife knows but we have only achieved the don’t ask don’t tell phase. She will occasionally ask me general questions, like how often do you dress, do you leave the house. She knows about my closet and drawers FULL of femme clothes. She will occasionally search through my things ( I can tell because I have a touch of OCD and can tell when things have been moved). I can only dream of a time when I can not only dress when she’s home, but possibly go out together.
Thanks for the question!
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Amazing an happy to know how many have support an influence at home bravo! As a new to this I have had my run in with the other half she doesn’t accept my dressing up:( so I did vote the hamper vote! Was about a year ago I went on business trip.came to find my stuff had been gone threw private stuff. In my work shop where I make jewelry my “profession”-so I got home my stuff was in a bag on table,my SO didn’t like it. She thought I was cheating thought they were gifts for another woman. I should have told her at the time. I regret not! But to save an argument I left being accused of cheating an the moment was not right. It smoothd out after a year we haven’t spoken of it. But she did keep a sundress that was in package. Which I love.by the way I figured we the same sizes in sum things. So I get to wear sum things before I buy. She does love my taste in shopping:) so I’m leading up to it one day. Wish me luck! Working on my makeup at the moment.. love you all!
Wow. I am so sorry you had to go through that. It must have taken remarkable courage to persevere, and a lot of humanity to forgive your ex-wife, plus a lot of courage to stick to your convictions and not only have a relationship, but one where you carved out a place as Jessica and included your family into your journey. You are an inspiration.
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