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Hi Girls,
I have recently met a friend that lives en femme for a majority of her time.
She seems to rock it.
However I used to have a friend that was Transgender and had a lot of negative reactions from people out in public.
Now my latter friend did live in the Bible Belt.
Would you girls please share your experiences out in public Positive and negative and tell me if you have more positive than negative.
I hope its positive I am just curious
Please share if you feel its related to the area your in or any conditions that may influence the situation.
I dont like to dwell on the negative but I feel us girls should be prepared for all situations.
Thank you
Patty
I was 17 when I first began going out partially dressed. That was short shorts, pantyhose, platform wedge heels and often long shirts that looked like short dresses. I did go out to stores sometimes in that attire to buy more pantyhose, shorts or try on some shoes.
I got some looks but no one seemed to bother me. I also had kind of longish hair so I may have presented as a girl. Once in a while I got compliments on my legs, shoes and got asked if the pantyhose I was wearing was what I was buying. The first time that happened it really freaked me out. After that if it happened I really enjoyed the exchange. Still, I was in populated public places.
At 18 I went fully femme and began going out. That was scary I would drive around and choose carefully where I went out. I was actually quite scared to be doing what I was doing but I loved the excitement thrill and rush it brought me.
Going to college parties dressed made me a bit nervous but it was in what I felt was a relatively safe environment. Going to the mall dressed for a day of shopping was a huge step. It took a while to get comfortable with it. Still it was a relatively safe environment. I began getting comfortable enough to go out dressed to other places like restaurants and movies. My girlfriend liked it when I did. Still, I chose where I went carefully.
I had a few incidents like being followed on foot with comments and professions of love coming my way. The there was an incident where I got to the car and drove off. My pursuer got in his truck and followed me. I could not lose him. I finally decided to make my stand against him in the parking lot of a police station. That’s when he drove off. Thankfully I never saw or encountered him again. You never know when and if you will encounter a problem.
Be careful always and try to be aware of your surroundings as much as possible especially when out dressed.
Thank you Patty,
Thats some good advice about driving to the police station.
So far I am a Rookie among you girld ranks.
I have only been Out twice to a local small mall and Target and Kohls,during daylight wearing a mask.
My reactions seemed positive Although I am not as observant about my surroundings as some people are.
All the store sales people seems very accepting as I have been told from others.
Patty
My first times out at the mall, I was scared. I didn’t want to get out of the car. My girlfriend coerced me along. When I did get out of the car, I walked straight to the entrance not looking to either side. I was scared to go in. Once inside I would be trapped. We went inside. I kept walking, not looking to see if anyone was looking. I relaxed after a while and began glancing round. I thought I saw some looks. Were they looking at two young, sexy and leggy girls or a leggy, sexy young girl and a guy in a dress?
We began shopping. I become more excited about the clothes we were looking at and trying on than what others were doing. It was a great day. After that, when we went out I asked her if I should go as my male self or as Patty. She would tell me what ever I wanted was fine with her. I began going out more as Patty. We seemed to have more fun when I did. After a while I didn’t even ask. Most of the time I was Patty.
The public places are actually safer. Still being around all those people and maybe being recognized can be very off putting. Going out where there is fewer people may be less of a chance of being recognized but there is those lurking in the shadows that can be real trouble.
If we are being followed we are told to get to a well lit public place. When out as a CD that seems the last place we would go. Still, it’s the relatively best and safest place to be regardless of what we are wearing.
It often depends on the gender of the people that sees me. Women often thinks it’s cool and compliments me, where men will often be very rude. I’ve twice been assaulted on the streets because of it. Last time was really bad and the police refused to take me seriously (they said it was my own fault), so I took a break from crossdressing.
The main reaction I get is people not seeming to care, which is fine by me.
I’ve not had a problem yet… men hold the door for me & women never seem to shy away. I don’t dress “over the top”, I kind of blend it between casual and add a touch of class. Probable just a little more than I see most GG do.
Hi Patty….in my very early days I was ” picked” by two young guys in the street, they gave me some loud verbal abuse and it was scary….I did give them the middle finger, haha, but then a woman shouted at them ” leave her alone” and they did!!!…so I was literally shot down and then picked up all in a moment. I would say stay cool, be proud of who you are. Also dress to blend in rather than stand out. Most people do not look twice and the more it happens, the more you love it…..best wishes, Grace xx
So for me I have only been able to go out full femme once and it was wonderful. No one gave me a second look. I went to Sepora to get my makeup done and while in the chair not a soul look at me at all. I then went to the event I was shooting and because it was an LGBTQ event everyone was all out! People who knew me did not recognize me and the reception was just fantastic!! I have a few times gone out in my male drab but wearing 5″ heels. I was so nervous yet no one gave me a second look. I went to the bank, same thing. I went to my therapist and in the parking lot 3 people passed me and the 3rd one stopped and said I looked familiar to him. Still nothing. I went to the bathroom after the therapist. The men’s room. There was a man washing his hands and I think the wonderful should of the high heals clip clop caused him to tilt his head. I use to be nervous about shopping at Goodwill for my femme things but now I don’t care and just try on the shoes right there.
I think the takeaway is that most people are so deep in their own heads that they do not see what is around them and that confidence is the key to going out en femme.
If you act like you know what your doing you can get away with almost anything.
It is scary and exciting to go out en femme. But the main reason I love fem so is that it allows me to love myself in a way I’ve never loved me before. I acknowledge my feminine nature and give it the respect and care it deserves. Doing this for myself is such a lovely feeling of self care and love.
Be well and remember to be calm, confident and most of all love yourself.
Big Femme Hugs
Diane
Hi Patty
I never experienced a issue. I have been everywhere as Natasha. Even two years ago. Natasha went to Easter mass. That probably won’t happen again. It was inappropriate to go there. My girlfriend without makeup is very pretty. But when she’s dolled up she could be a model. Well with her at church and Natasha at church. Guys I dont think church was on their minds. At peace be with you time and you shake hands with people around you. Some men were literally reaching over from the next pew. Their wives and girlfriends didnt like it.
Men always will hold door for Natasha. Last May at home depot I ordered some potting soil for my mother. I think a 50 pound bag. I go to customer service. The lady at the register pages for help. The young man comes up grabs the soil. Puts it in the cart. Wheels it to my vehicle. As were walking up to my vehicle he starts a conversation about how nice it was outside and he was stuck at work. We get to my vehicle. He says holy Sxxt.. What a car. That’s usually the first thing anyone says. I open the tailgate. He puts in the bag of soil. He is beaming not only over my vehicle but Natasha too. I said you have a minute. He’s like…yeah…why…. I gave him a quick tour of the vehicle. He more seemed interested at that time on Natasha. He is staring at Natasha. After about 8 minutes I said I better let you get back inside. I dont want you to get in trouble. He’s like…oh…its alright… It was worth it. I handed him a tip. I then said. Thank you for the help sweetie. He’s says… NO….pleasure was all mine. You have a wonderful day.
The other day I was walking my dog in a nice short blue and white summer dress, glossy hoisery, 5″ blue and white wedges with roses printed on them. All dolled up with a bright red mani-pedi’s. I was wearing my DDD breast forms.
As I was approach the intersection. I hear a screech. A guy ran a stop sign. I got back home and told my girlfriend. She’s like you have to stop doing that. 😀
I have enough outing stories to write a book.
August last year my girlfriend and Natasha went to our favorite ice cream shop. I only eat ice cream maybe 2 times a year. We both watch our figure. Place is always packed. Guys young and old were ogling Natasha and my girlfriend Tiffany. A group of younger guys were behind us. We both got a double scoop. It was so hot outside. I took a lick of mine it rolled right off the cone and on to the ground. The young guys behind us were all trying to buy Natasha a new cone. It was kind of funny but sweet. I thanked him.
But my outings are always been great. Karaoke nights get iffy. I had 2 bad outings on that guys wouldnt leave Natasha alone. Then another time Natasha and my girlfriend Tiffany got hit on. Keep telling this jerk. NO. About the 5th time. Natasha was getting mad. The 9th time that was it. Male me came out. He wound up leaving in less than 5 minutes.
Gabriel..🌹if you read this. I wish I was there with you hun. Natasha would have set them jerks in their place Luv. It just saddens me that there are people out there that I think have no lives or happiness of their own so they take it out on others. That doesn’t go very well with Natasha.
I Natasha and my wonderful girlfriend Tiffany feel you should be able to go out and be YOU. Your not hurting anyone. So go out and be happy.
Hugs and love to all my sisters here…
Muuuaaaahhhh💋💋💋
Natasha💋💋
It has been all positive for many years. I live in a western Oregon college town that is very accepting of differences between people. While I could pass easily in my youth, that ship has now sailed. I get a few double-takes, rubber-necks, and the occasional wolf whistle (which I love BTW), and many compliments on my fashion choices and boldness in embracing who I am.
However when I was very young we lived in a backwoods redneck enclave and my older sister had to rescue me several times from bullies. She is fierce and they soon learned to leave me alone.
I only started going out en femme less than two years ago, and I haven’t had what I’d call a negative reaction at any time. Since my first very tentative forays to places I knew were accepting, I now go most places en femme that I would in drab. Mostly I pass quite well, so I think most people who see me and deal with me don’t realize I’m a crossdresser or transwoman, which ever term one prefers.
I don’t have any physical alteration to my body to make myself look more feminine, and I don’t believe I will. I just the usual forms, pads, clothes, and makeup. Also, for the record I don’t dress my age, whatever that might mean now. I’m 66, and generally pass for a younger person.
I do go to busy places times, and use care and judgment in how I dress and present for the situation. Certainly lots of girls to push the envelop somewhat, and that’s fine for them, but I don’t. Like going grocery shopping at the local store is not the same as going out for dinner to a nice restaurant, or to a private party at some’s house, where I can where short skirts and generally doll up. I do like to look nice, and tend to dress at the better dressed end of the spectrum for a situation.
There have been times when it would seem as if I’ve been noticed for not being what I appear to be, but I’ve never ever had anything like a negative reaction. Also, sometimes I’ve told people, and the reaction has been similar. Not that somewhere along the line I might receive a negative reaction, but not yet.
Though I do live in “small town Ontario”, this is Canada, and all kinds of alt lifestyles are gaining much more acceptance here than ever before. Even in this area, which I was a bit concerned about, acceptance is very high. Certainly not everything is perfect, and abuse can and does still occur, but nothing like it was 30, 40, or more years ago when folks like us were beaten up, either by the authorities, or else they turned the other way while it happened.
I also believe the more we are out and about in the world, the more attitudes will continue to change for the better.
Amy
Natasha, write that book about your experiences!! Or at least write a few anecdotes for CDH.
My experiences are the almost the same as friend Amy Myers posted here in this thread, for the four months since I first ventured out en femme. One man in my neighborhood objected to me as Alexis (I was driving past him on a sidewalk) but I don’t know him and doubt he knows my house. I’ve been out to dinner twice in Hillcrest, San Diego’s LGBT hub. Between longer times to look at seated me, and likely many prior encounters with CD customers in general, I’m sure the Hillcrest staffs figured me out. Nobody was negative but I obtained the all-important “ma’am” only while walking to my car.
In general, it’s wonderful!
I notice people smiling at me all the time – maybe just a bit of a confused look at the very tall lady, but very rarely anything negative – and most often, when I catch the confused lookers staring, I smile at them, and their face cracks a big, wide-eyed grin.
Talking to people is amazing. Most tell me how brave and beautiful I am and, until recently, it was mostly genetic women who gushed over my appearance. This isn’t an exaggeration or boast, rather a report from the field.
Last night was different – everyone I spoke to had complimentary things to say, and I got hit on a few times by gay guys.
They were incredibly forward, but also very quick to understand that I am hetero and married – and perfectly lovely people.
This morning I had one idiot shouting after me, asking if I am a basketball player, and that I was fooling no-one…
Well I don’t try to – I am all about the realness. I hadn’t even bothered to shave – I was just getting breakfast. Not my fault that I’m 6′ 6″ in the heels I was wearing – and normal people don’t make personal comments about other people’s appearance.
I may have turned around, if he hadn’t shouted “Oi, mate”.
Mate?
I don’t think so!
That dress, my boots and my blonde wig have “babe” written all over them, thankyewsomuch. I could see from reflections in shop windows that some guys and women were enjoying the view.
I hope he enjoyed making an idiot of himself in front of his friends, who did not join in.
Wherever you go, there’s always one or two idiots – fortunately they are in a tiny minority these days!
Most people are lovely.
Love Laura
Hello Patty,
I’ve never had a negative experience and thats from a mostly redneck farm community. Thats not to say it couldn’t or wouldn’t be possible. I’ve actually had pretty positive experiences and even a few people who admired the fact that I was strong enough to live my life by my choices. When out shopping I know that some are checking me out or even commenting to whomever they are with, but never a rude word has been spoken to me or my gf. I have always been someone who is super aware of their surroundings, but I pay them no mind and just continue on with what I’m doing, just like everybody else does.
I never tried it and I’m not think that I’ll even when I don’t really care what the other thinks and I’m living in a city that accepting anything. I even have a trans place in my street. I guess that I’m too shy and it’s my private life after all. I even too shy to dress when my wife is around and she KNOWS and accept it! At last I don’t have to hide for her my (other) clothes and shoes, etc.
I DO accept this side of myself and I don’t want to change it ever. It’s me! but I do look at it as a “bad thing” that I need to hide it from the other.Follow up,
Hi Girls,
A lot of you are friends of mine who I have had personal interactions with and I thank yo so much for sharing your stories The good and the Bad.
Sometimes I wonder if the reaction is based On how pretty or passable we are .
I know I am not that passable but I am put together enough that I haven’t had any problems.
My friend Samantha and some of you girls have taught me that confidence goes a long way.
Gabriel I am so sorry you had those bad experiences you poor dear you did not deserve that ugliness but thank you for sharing.We all love you sweetie
Girls I have a friend that had a bad experience at a Good will store and I really worry about her.
she is the kindest human being but she was clocked by a couple bullies in the store and it didn’t become physical but they intimidated her to the point she has decided to not go out any more until recently.
I am trying to encourage her to go out with me but I am not pushing her.
We may go out this week but if she becomes unnerved we will turn around and go home.
This girl is like Family to me and I want her to get back on the horse per say, but I want to be a good friend to her.
Could you girls tell me if I am doing the right thing?
I love you girls thank you for taking the time from your busy lives to give me advice and spend with me.
Love Patty
Patty,
Your girlfriend at Good Will.
I wouldn’t push her to a breaking point. But I would encourage her to ignore jerks. Just be happy. It really gets me upset when I read heart break outings like this.
Just encourage her there will be more beautiful en femme outings than bad ones.
Hopefully she will be accepting and willing to going out again en femme. Encourage her its ok. Give small steps. Dont over push. She might feel threatened Give her a hug from me.😀😊
Hugs
Natasha💋💋
I had to chuckle a bit, when I read, “The Bible Belt.” I live in the heart of what was once the so called Bible Belt. Fast forward to 2020, and the Bible Belt slipped off the waist line many decades ago. Atlanta, Georgia is a very large international city and -very- LGBT friendly. Home to the world’s busiest airport, you see it all here, and CDs do not attract any special attention. I would not recommend visiting a cowboy or motorcycle bar or anywhere there is heavy alcohol consumption going on, but anywhere else is safe for CDs. I go everywhere cross dressed, and I cannot recall the last time I had a negative experience. Oh, there is the occasional stare from those over 75, but that can be cured with a kind word and a smile. Heck, weeks ago I even had a little old lady in a wheel chair in Walmart call me over to tell me my necklace was pretty.
The Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg, Tennessee entertainment area is yet another example of what was once the Bible belt. I have visited there many times and was cross dressed for the entire time. Never once had a negative experience, but I did pass up going into a side street motorcycle bar.
The only times I have really dressed in public were at gay pride festivals. The gay and gay friendly people at the festival were very accepting and kind to me. I got nice compliments and the second year I dressed in public, my trans friend said “you have really gotten the hang of this”…meaning, I looked less awkward, had better hair and makeup and carried myself better as a girl.
However, when I was leaving my hotel for the festival, in the elevator and in the hotel lobby, regular straight people looked at me strange, like I was an alien. I understand that it was their own issues that made them see me as weird but I really had to suck it up and be strong until I got somewhere more comfortable.
The experience made me think I’ll never feel comfortable dressed as a girl in regular crowds of straight people but I also learned that I can deal with that discomfort just fine.
Although things can change at any time, so far my experience has been positive, with the exception of being mis-gendered from time to time. From December 2014 until the end of January 2016 I attended a monthly social gathering of crossdressers and trans women in various stages along the path. It was in a gay bar in Rochester, NY. It was about 100 miles from my home in Corning, NY. By the Spring of 2015 I also attended a twice a month gathering in Geneva, NY which was about 50 miles away. That was more of a discussion and support group with occasional social excursions. Somewhere along the way I realized that I was really a non-binary trans person. Going to those events and being around folks helped me a lot and took away most of the fear associated with what I was thinking and how I wanted to present. Both towns seem to be at least somewhat relaxed regarding crossdressers and trans people. Rochester is a pretty good-sized city and Geneva is a small college town.
At the end of January 2016 I retired and we relocated to the SoCal desert. I live in Cathedral City which is adjacent to Palm Springs. I hold (or have held) offices in non-profits, my car club and a city commission as DeeAnn. Again, other than the occasional mis-gendering (as recently as last night during a commission meeting!?!?) it has been OK. While I used to have breakfast, lunch or dinner with friends before things tightened up, I’ve never really been one to go to bars and clubs. I’m a talker and trying to talk over music and background noise doesn’t work for me…
Generally ignored or treated like a female, called maam. I do notice if people are looking at me but not sure if it is more than they would anyone else or not but i try to have a smile, be confident and do what I was doing, look at phone, browse, jut ignore it. Blending in is key, being in a skirt and heels at Home Depot is a bit unusual and lots of construction guys in there so I got a few looks lol. Being in jeans or leggings and a top in a mall is ignored.
I have been called sir a few times and they quickly apologize and correct themselves but it is a shot to the ego. I have gotten a few cat calls which are flattering and discomforting all at once.
I do tend to stay to safe places, hotel, restaurant, stores, and go out in short spurts not spend most of a day out running errands as I would like to some day.
I have had mostly positive responses when out in public en femme. Quite frankly, I do not think most people care…they are out living their lives and getting their stuff done. Everyone else around them is just noise. Now that sounds kinda bad, but I do think it is true.
I have had a few people look at me in stores, especially the last time I was in Target…earlier this week. I have to say I was quite proud of myself as being comfortable and confident. I walked around Target looking for what I needed and simply felt like I belonged. Some people kinda looked at me, but I could not tell if they were “checking me out” or figuring out my secret. From the way I felt I looked, I fell like it was the former and I am not trying to brag or anything. I am simply trying to express my true feelings, and the mask helped as I do have some challenges hiding the shadow on my upper lip.
The one time that I had ANY uncomfortable feelings was in an elevator. I had just left Janets Closet after a makeover. I had on a multi-colored earth tones skirt, black top and kahki cardigan sweater. Of course hose and heels. I was in a hotel heading to my room. I had my suitcase and purse and when I approached the elevator, another man arrived at the door at the same time and another was holding the door so we could both enter. They both went to 2 and I went to 3. There was no conversation in the elevator. The doors opened and they left. I never heard any talking or laughing or anything. Maybe I was reading too much into it, but again…who cares. I will never see them again. I have no idea who they are and they do not know me.
Mostly great experiences out and about. I would encourage it for those who are working to explore their feminine side.
Hugs Dana
After my first real good makeover soon 13 years ago, I was rather nervous after the makeover, but when she called me “girlfriend” and ordered a taxi back to the hotel I felt much better except in the lift when another woman also turned up… I looked the other way and she did not seems to pay any attention to me. Then same evening, it was my first trip to a restaurant as “Helene” and the vaitress indicated a table straight in the middle of the restaurant… asked for a more discrete table and my “nerves” calmed down.Think the most important when going out is self-confidence and ofcourse dressed more or less like all other women (I did once make the mistake in a roadside restaurant as I was the only “female” in a skirt – since then I drive in jeans like all others!). Now I could no longer bother what other think as long as they are polite and preferably treat me like a female, I go shopping (and if buying ladies clothings; try them in the ladies fitting room), to theaters, restaurants and have driven through customs and immigration without any problem. So a correct dress-code (like other women are wearing; look and observe), makeup and confidence, – no problem just go!
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