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  • #185351
    Ruby Friday
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    Registered On: May 20, 2019
    Topics: 3
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    I have fair reason to believe my dad is a CD. It doesn’t affect my life at all so it’s no big deal. But since realizing I’m married to a CD now I’m just curious.

     

    How can I approach the subject? Should I? I am 33, my dad is 65, just for reference. TIA!

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    • #484249
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Princess
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
      Topics: 12
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      Hi Ruby Obviously you must have your suspicions. My daughter is 35 and she suspects the same. She would never try to embarrass me but she will say things like ” You look so much more stylish” when she see’s me wearing my every day wide leg yoga pants. One thing for sure daughters no more about their fathers than the fathers think. I am sure you will handle it well if you do confirm it. Go easy on the old man he has loved you your whole life.

      Luv Stephanie

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    • #482034
      Gabriela Romani
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 11, 2021
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      My suggestion to those who are trying to “test the waters” about how their spouses would react is to sit together and watch a movie like “AStar is Born” with Lady Gaga, and once the scene when Bradley Cooper gets to the club where they meet, make some comments… express some curiosity maybe, etc.

      However in your case, while I think the same approach would work, once you express any ideas like “you have beautiful eyes, they would look great with some eyeliner” or anything like it… if he doesn’t “bite”… I’d advice to drop it off. There may be a good reason why he is keeping the lid on that can of worms in place, so I’d respect his privacy. Just making the comment that you are open to go to a drag show may hint to your acceptance.

      On a parting thought… would your hubby be ok if you “out” him to your dad? Because that seems like a very possible side effect…

      Gabriela

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    • #482026
      Kathleen 60454
      Lady
      Registered On: January 8, 2020
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      Hi Ruby,

      A few weeks ago on one of the forum’s here on CDH I had mentioned of a way I could find out if someone was accepting  of CD’s and it has worked for me many times with success and I was able to come out and tell them I was a Crossdresser. I think you could use this the same way and work it in reverse to find out about your dad.

      What I have done in the past was to ask the person “What their opinion was of the LGBTQ movement was since it has been in the news”. I mostly got positive responses and when I did I continued engage the positive answers to continue the conversation  and tell them that I was a CD. I think you could do something  very similar.

      If their answer was negative I would drop the subject right  there and change the subject.

      Best of luck…..

      Kathleen xxxxx 💋♥

       

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    • #380371
      Ruby Friday
      Baroness
      Registered On: May 20, 2019
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      Laura, in my opinion you don’t need to tell your daughter unless you want live life differently. If CD is just occasional or if it’s a sexual thing then she doesn’t need to know. It doesn’t matter. It never mattered to me about my dad and even now that I know it doesn’t matter that he did/does it, what matters to me is my mom’s experience as a wide of a CD.

      Now, if you want to live differently (transition, dress regularly at home around family, etc)  then I expect there is no easy way to tell and for that I’m sorry that I can’t help you. 💕

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    • #380177
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
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      That’s a really lovely twist to your story, Ruby!

      I am so glad you found great support in such an unexpected place.

      I wonder… How should a father tell his teenage daughter? This is where I currently find myself.

      Love Laura

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    • #380168
      Ruby Friday
      Baroness
      Registered On: May 20, 2019
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      I talked to my mom last weekend and she reluctantly confirmed that my dad was CD when they were married. She felt so guilty about sharing his secret with me (but of course we were in a safe space and it was just me and her). I told her the reason I was so curious is that my husband is a CD too. She seemed, maybe, relieved. Maybe because she didn’t just give up a secret but she also got another one in exchange?

      Anyway, she shared some of their experiences with me. She was SO supportive! They would drop off us kids and “go out” but really they were just home playing board games with my dad en femme. I’m so grateful for my mom. And I’m so grateful she shared this with me. It really makes me think hard about how I’m accepting (or not accepting) my husband’s cross dressing. I’m also so glad to have an ally. Someone who TRULY understands what it’s like and who I can talk to and actually am close with. What a relief.

    • #253913
      Zoe Kay
      Registered On: June 19, 2017
      Topics: 3
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      Hi Ruby,

      What makes you think your Dad is a CD?  What clues are you seeing?

      And like so many said here already, I suggest taking a very careful approach so you don’t upset him.  If you handle this right and he is a CD, this could lead to new levels of bonding you’ve never had before.  If you handle it wrong and he is/not a CD, the damage to the relationship could be hard to overcome.

      And how are you with your husband being a CD?  You’re here so you must be super supportive! (My wife is too, and she always wants to buy me new girly things).

      So much to think about before you know how to proceed – or even if you should!

      XX

      Kalliopi

       

    • #253911
      Anonymous
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      Hi Ruby,

      I was wondering what your suspicion is based on? Did you stumble upon somehing ? Personally I would not ask. There have to be some boundries even with kids. And if he is a CD he’s gonna always wonder how you found out, if you found his “personal” things. If he’s long time closeted that may really bother him. Its not worth it if theres a chance you’ll ruin what may be his sanctuary. Curiosity is what killed the cat. Be very careful.

      Kimberly.

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    • #253854
      Jin Crocker
      Lady
      Registered On: November 15, 2019
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      Do you sew? Maybe asking him to try on an unfinished dress so you can “check the hemline?”

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    • #251862
      Anonymous
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      A follow up to my response above.  About two months ago, September 2919, my youngest daughter, age 28, go an Instagram friend suggestion for Annie Potts.   She recognized the profile pic as me and texted saying someone is using my photo as a woman OR… something else?

      I then told her it was me. I informed her about Annie in response to her text.  She texted me later informing me that she sort of knew for a long time and had wanted to ask but was afraid of how I might feel. I told her I was glad she found out and now she is very supportive.  For example, last night she told me that me having to hide a part of who I am make her sad.    Regardless I told her I am use to hiding it

      To a degree she understands and accepts my desire.  She agrees MENS clothing is boring and she understands my desire for color, textures  and wanting to be pretty.

      I just love that girl.

    • #193293
      Celeste Starre
      Lady
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
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      How about “Hey dad my husband likes to wear women’s clothing. Do you?”

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    • #193256
      Danielle Rose Fox
      Lady
      Registered On: September 17, 2018
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      Well,

      you could always buy him a small article of clothing or an accessory. A scarf for example or a bracelet. Something that if it goes wrong you could always back pedal and say there was a mixup at the store and your purchase was wrapped up as a present. Just an easy way to break the ice dear! Love ❤️ and hugs 🤗

      Danielle💋👠

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    • #193142
      rebekka moore
      Lady
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
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      Reading some of the responses I agree, and would say do not approach him directly.  It could have an opposite effect and drive him to the back of the closet.

      Just continue to systematically ask for his opinion on clothing, accessories, et al.  Engage him in conversation that will get him to express his opinions about these things.  Thumb through fashion magazines and say, “Isn’t this outfit fabulous?”  He’ll relax and become comfortable.

      Bottom line, it is his decision to tell you or not.  So if you see he is getting uncomfortable back off, and leave him alone.

      Luck and Love,

      Rebekka

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    • #192450
      Anonymous
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      Gently and sensitively!

      He’s probably dying to tell someone, and to share with his daughter would be the most beautiful thing, enriching both your lives.

      He’s probably been hiding for decades, so coming out feels impossible, embarrassing, like letting you down on so many levels.

      If you want to share this important part of his life, focus on any little details you like.

      Save the criticism for when you feel he can take it – and a jot of humour goes a long way. Not laughing at him as much as with him!

      That’s what would work for me, if I were lucky enough to have my daughter want to know!

      Love Laura

       

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      • #196195
        Anonymous
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        Love this answer and totally agree. It describes me spot on. I have three wonderful daughters and am dying to tell. I would love to share a girls day out with them but I am terrified. i believe they have an inkling. Several years ago they found my hidden stash of heels and a few other items. I had been away for and unscheduled business meeting and when they found these items they thought I was having an affair. I told them I wasn’t and that those items were mine. Total shock. However it has never been brought up again so I don’t know what to think. I wish at least one would talk to me about it again.

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        • #197665
          Ruby Friday
          Baroness
          Registered On: May 20, 2019
          Topics: 3
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          If they aren’t bringing it up it may have made them uncomfortable. It’s hard finding something like that out no matter what.

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      • #193133
        Ruby Friday
        Baroness
        Registered On: May 20, 2019
        Topics: 3
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        Thank you, Laura. 🙂

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    • #185359
      ANDREA RAVEN
      Lady
      Registered On: December 21, 2017
      Topics: 6
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      Hi Ruby, you obviously have your suspicions about your Dad, I would suggest you think this through very carefully, if you have got it completely wrong you risk a major upset. If and I am saying if, here, if your Dad is a crossdresser it is almost certain he has kept it a secret all his life, it won’t be something he could easily talk about so this needs to be dealt with carefully. I see from your profile you have a partner who is a crossdresser, have your suspicions about your Dad only surfaced since you found out about your partner? It just might be you are reading too much into it, I don’t know. Does your Dad know about your partner’s crossdressing? Does it really make much difference if you know or not? The trouble is I’m guessing you have a nagging doubt, and the problem with that is it will not go away. Of course if you asked your Dad straight out he may well dismiss it out of hand, even if he is a crossdresser, so you will never really be sure!

      This is a difficult situation but you must handle it very carefully, if you want to discuss it PM me any time, I’m a good listener !

      Have a great weekend, Andrea

    • #185353
      MichelleC
      Lady
      Registered On: December 23, 2018
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      just ask something simple first like what he thinks of your nail color. If that goes well no reason to be indirect

       

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      • #185354
        Ruby Friday
        Baroness
        Registered On: May 20, 2019
        Topics: 3
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        Funny you mention that… One time I was talking with my dad and gesticulating a lot. He couldn’t pay attention to what I was saying because my chipped polish distracted him! Haha

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