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  • #401542
    Amber Love
    Participant
    Registered On: November 1, 2020
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 0
    Has thanked: 2 times
    Been thanked: 16 times

    Ive been wanting to tell my parents for quite a while that I love to wear female clothes and want to identify as a girl. Life would be so much easier. How can I tell them how I feel? Should I start behaving a bit more feminine in their presence so they catch on? Or should I just let the cat out of the bag and tell them?

    6 users thanked author for this post.
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    • #414711
      Giselle Reeves
      Lady
      Registered On: September 27, 2017
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 137
      Has thanked: 562 times
      Been thanked: 410 times

      be careful Amber once the genie is out of the bottle she never goes back in

      i came out to my wife 9 years ago and now live a life of make believe in a

      make believeΒ  marriage where we live under the same roof but live separate lives

    • #414710
      Araminta Purdy
      Lady
      Registered On: January 23, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 231
      Has thanked: 319 times
      Been thanked: 809 times

      I suspect that only you can really answer that question.

      I suppose one thing is do you trust at least one parent not to flip out and to be at least willing to consider the matter rationally and sympathetically? Perhaps start with that one making them an ally so to speak, even and advisor.

      On the other hand, do you fear a dramatically painful and unreconcilable splitting disaster. If so, you may have to wait until you are independent.

      In general there is a tentative movement amongst cross-dressers to be open to spouses, families, friends, employers, employees and absolute strangers. Most the latter and mostly on-line. All, some or none of the above. The theory being that ‘normalization’ of cross-dressing will ensue. Not likely really but not a futile endeavour. Each step helps.

      The problem is that once you ‘reveal’ yourself you become a target of critique and criticism and an ambassadress for us all. How people think of you affects how they treat the rest of us.

      So, perhaps learn more first so you can better explain your motives, desires and objectives. If you can’t make yourself understand how, exactly, do you intend to explain it to your parents?

      For example, you wrote, “I love to wear female clothes and want to identify as a girl.” Clothes do not have a sex. Only organisms, living things (or once living things) have a sex. Being a girl is not being either male or female but it is being feminine. So you want to be feminine to be a feminine person; a girl. That is achievable, not strange, crazy, bad, sinful, etc. It is just something people, male or female, like to do. The concept that you want to adopt a feminine identity or person and be a girl makes sense but the fact that you believe clothing have a sex rather than a gender suggests there is more for you to learn.

      So, what is that you want? What do you think?

      Araminta.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #414709
      Olivia Livin
      Lady
      Registered On: October 22, 2018
      Topics: 37
      Replies: 1486
      Has thanked: 6673 times
      Been thanked: 3594 times

      Hiya Amber

      The particular circumstances and choice is always up to you.

      All of our family and my friends are aware, I’ve made a point to have face to face conversations with each of them for a number of reasons. Its not always an easy conversation to start up and it varies from person to person, just speak from your heart. It allows me the freedom to live my life comfortably without having to hide things or sneak around, theres no need to frett that someone might drop by unannounced or not drop in on them without having to run home and change first. Should they hear it through the grapevine somehow they’re not caught off guard and left in the awkward position of bringing it up with me.

      I wasn’t dressing while my parents were alive, I would have told my mom and I suspect she would have accepted anything that made me a happier person. My dad and I hadn’t gotten along for years and his opinion meant little.

      Do what works for you, and be happy

      Olivia

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #414503
      Kathleen
      Duchess
      Registered On: February 20, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 124
      Has thanked: 422 times
      Been thanked: 464 times

      Unless you’re planning to transition or start dressing full time I’m not sure that I would. I think my mom knew but my dad would have had a heart attack. Small town worlds you know. Maybe your situation is different … but still risky. You can’t unscramble an egg

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #414501
      Kitty Van Curen
      Lady
      Registered On: November 3, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 144
      Has thanked: 132 times
      Been thanked: 496 times

      That’s really a tough one. Because what we do and the lifestyle we like doesn’t mean at all that we’re ‘gay’ the majority of cd’s are actually hetero, married men. We fall into the void somewhere with who we are. We’re not identified in the Lgb[etc.] banner either. So it’s not like admitting you out as a homosexual. (Which carries a whole different connotation) I actually never told mine anything they didn’t need to know. This is entirely -your- business, nobody has to be given knowledge or permitted to it nor do you need permission for doing it. Often this just opens up other unnecessary doors, pressure, questions about your mental health, judgement… all really avoidable – in my opinion. I moved out of my parents at a fairly young age (19) then moved countries not long after and began just living life the way I wanted. Little by little I revealed certain things, but by the time I did that, all they were really interested in hearing was that I was okay, and all the boiler-plate parental concerns.
      My advice honestly, would be not to rush it, and don’t – if you don’t ‘want’ to. It won’t upset anyone that way and won’t stop you from doing what you want or make you feel like a bad person for doing it that way.

      Ultimately – It’s up to you..

      Best wishes! πŸ™‚

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #414497
      Mika Malone
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: November 11, 2020
      Topics: 26
      Replies: 555
      Has thanked: 1681 times
      Been thanked: 2198 times

      I agree with everything all the girls have said so far. Great advice all around. I will never come out to my parents. They would never be accepting about it. Fortunately, I have the luxury of living 750 miles away from them. Friends, well that’s another story. I don’t see most of my friends these days because of covid. But I know that I will be going public soon and, at some point, word might get around. So, I am not really planning on telling anyone and if word gets around, I’ll find out rather quickly who I should still consider a friend. I hope you find out what works best for you. Good luck.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #414488
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 757
      Has thanked: 2425 times
      Been thanked: 3697 times

      If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self to just tell my parents.

      Not in a confessional sort of way, but matter of fact.

      It’s probably going to be a bit of a bombshell – or you might strike it lucky and have understanding parents from the get-go.

      It’s a total lottery.

      But the sooner it’s out in the open, the better, even if the first few weeks, months or even years are tough.

      With hindsight, it’s easy to say that time does heal all – but how much time is needed is impossible to say.

      What’s really important (and really, really hard) is that you understood that they will react the way they react, and try not to be angry or upset, but remain calm and loving.

      They most likely don’t understand what it means to be a cross dresser, and might feel all kinds of things, from shame to fear to anger, simply because they don’t understandΒ  – to be fair, most of us don’t really understand either!

      So they need to work through those emotions and gain some understanding – so coming out probably won’t mean instant acceptance, and off you go, wear what you like!

      After the initial coming out, then start adding femme items gradually to your daily wear – this isn’t going away, it’s not a fad.

      Listen to the reactions, and respect their wishes – if they don’t want you dressing all the time, then don’t – but try to negotiate time in which you can. Respect works both ways, and, once you’re out, you don’t want to be sneaking around like you’re hiding something unsavoury, because you’re not, and sneaking around only reinforces bad feelings and stress all round.

      Be a bit more girly and helpful around the house, especially when wearing something feminine. This will help not only normalise it, but association of the femme side with lovely aspects of your personality.

      When not wearing femme stuff, try acting manly – you can camp it up a bit, but do the manly chores with a smile too – this reassures others that you are still the person they’re used to. And reward yourself with a nice skirt, painted nails, new knickers or something 😍

      This is what I would tell my younger self.

      Love Laura

       

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #414486
      rebekka moore
      Lady
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 77
      Replies: 865
      Has thanked: 433 times
      Been thanked: 1747 times

      Hi Amber,

      I think the question you have to ask yourself (and answer) before you tell anyone is, “why do I want to tell them that I am a crossdresser?”

      You should not feel pressured into telling anyone.Β  It is a deep and intimate thing.Β  I understand at times we may reach a point where we cannot hide things anymore, it becomes too difficult and I feel in those situations we are forced to come out before we are ready to.Β  That makes the situation much worse.

      Do the right thing for you, at the right time if at all.

      Love and Hugs,

      Rebecka

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #414533
        Lily-Rose Nielsen
        Duchess
        Registered On: November 2, 2020
        Topics: 4
        Replies: 109
        Has thanked: 534 times
        Been thanked: 448 times

        Hi
        The last couple of weeks I have had a real battle with gender dysphoria so my coworkers wondered what it was. They are the nicest coworkers you can imagine, they were really worried for me. Last Monday I came out to them as transgender, and told them the story of my life (I you’d like to read it, it will be published here on CDH in the near future) . What a relief, now I can tell them the truth when I’mΒ  having one of my bad days. They all were so grateful I told them .

        Lots of hugs
        Lily-Rose

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #402628
      Ashley
      Lady
      Registered On: May 25, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 188
      Has thanked: 522 times
      Been thanked: 631 times

      What are your parents like, and how is your relationship with them? It took me forever to work up the courage to tell my mom, even though I’m close to her and I pretty much knew she’d be accepting. It was worth it though! My dad is a totally different story. I’m still not out to him and don’t know if I ever will be. I basically get the full range of mixed messages as to how he might react and usually I lean towards not wanting to know the answer.

      I don’t think I’d try a gradual approach if you are planning on telling them eventually. Seems better to let them know first and answer all their questions so they know what’s going on. But I don’t know how risky that might be for you. If you have close friends, I might tell them first to make sure you have some support in case things go badly with your parents.

      Good luck Amber, whatever happens! Having someone who is accepting and you can talk to in person does make your life easier. But you probably know better than anyone else how they might react, and taking that step is up to you.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
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