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    • #710885

      A few years ago I had a potential issue develop right before my eyes, none of my doings but rather bad timing. It was about eight in the evening in Orlando, Florida. We were, my spouse and I, just stopping by a Walmart to pick up a few things, nothing important. As we neared the entrance we were blocked from entering by a group of individuals that had decided to cause a scene, to what level was yet to be determined. Let’s just say they were not collecting for the Salvation Army. I was dressed of course and felt it necessary to err on the side of caution. I have never to date, had to defend myself in a situation for my safety and that of anyone with me.  A quick word to my s/o as to how to act in this situation as she is a curious little bird that loves to watch any situation develop not realizing how easy it is to become a part of something going bad fast. I am trained in martial arts but bullets have the upper edge and my training instills one to find a peaceful solution and avoid conflict where possible. Fortunately, all ended safely and the group moved on.
      Shortly after this encounter, I purchased a key ring size container of Mace. Since then, I have never gone out without it in my purse.  In some small way, it gives me one more level of comfort knowing I hopefully can avoid a conflict should one ever arise.  Visions of the headline in the Orlando Sentinel pass through my head occasionally, “ Guy in dress and heels wipes out thugs at Walmart”  Lol, the crazy stuff that passes through this head of mine.

      Does anyone else carry Mace or anything for protection when out?

    • #710912
      Angela Booth
      Hostess

      Mace and that sort of thing is not legal in the U.K. Where I live there is little conflict but the usual is to walk away or avoid. Safety is important and simple measures are more than adequate. Know your surroundings, have a cell phone , let someone know where you are, avoid areas that may be risky. Surprisingly, as I have found, more busy areas are better to go and look right and act as naturally as possible.

      • #710984

        Like I said, we are cautious 24/7 regardless of our genders and follow all the common sense rules but a potential situation can arise so I like to be ready in the event. Hopefully I will never need to concern myself. We travel alot and love discovering new places so safety is always a priority for us. ,

         

         

    • #710927
      J J
      Lady

      I am only safety conscious to the point of not putting myself in dangerous situations (dressed or not). I don’t worry about being out in everyday situations like going to Walmart, but I am situationally aware even at such.places.

      If I am.at all uncomfortable I simly walk the other way.

      • #710983

        That’s us to a T. This situation simply developed in seconds literally and quick thinking was necessary. Avoiding it was virtually impossible. I guess it simply means, be ready for anything.

    • #710930
      Anonymous

      Hi Jill, that’s a great question, and one we should all be thinking about.

      To answer your question, yes, those little keychain sized Mace sprays are great and I keep one in my purse too. If I’m walking anywhere that I’m even the slightest bit uncertain, then it’s either out and in my hand with my keys (which can also be a good weapon, if needed).

      I wrote an article a few months back (https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/crossdressing-safety-tips/) that mentioned that, along with lots of other tips to keep in mind while out en femme.

      Hugs,

      Holly

      • #710982

        Thanks Holly,  nice to see other great minds at work.  Lol. Mine is clipped to keys also, and it’s pink!

    • #710936

      Well, I only go out during daylight.  I try to keep my head down when I’m at a gas station and if I’m in a department store, I try to stay away from the other shoppers.

      • #710980

        Punk street gangs can show up day or night. It’s the act of being in the right place at the wrong time, or bad timing.  Being trans had nothing to do with the potential danger other than them discovering I was trans. Other people were in the same position as us. I guess it’s just about how we can reduce the possibility of a conflict by using passive defensive  technics.

         

    • #710939
      Liara Wolfe
      Duchess

      The other day I went to the mall dressed. When I went in there was this guy sitting near the entrance. The way he looked at me made me a little uncomfortable. Not that I thought he made me but instead I got the impression he had was looking at me in a sexual way (not the good kind). When I came out later he was still there and was looking at me again. I walked a little faster to my car. So maybe I need to get some pepper spray too.

      Hugs, Liara

      • #710979

        Never hurts to have a passive line of defence if ever needed.

    • #710985
      Anonymous
      Lady

      I’m always cautious when out dressed or not. I carry a 9mm anytime I’m out and about.

      • #711007

        Yeah, I know others in Florida that do the same. My son lives in Wyoming and he has a carry and conceal licence.

    • #711034

      I am generally cautious of who is around when I am out and dressed. I am mostly out during the day and feel generally safe when I see other women nearby. I try to avoid crowded places and go to the mall and Hotel lounges when there is less attendance. I love going to museums, historical places, public parks and nice residential areas. I like sightseeing and discovering towns and the countryside too. It happens that people talk to me but I simply ignore them and walk away. I know it is not polite and will change that once my voice feminization is at the right level. When I see a man showing interest and approaching I pull my cell phone out of my purse and pretend talking to someone on the phone. I always avoid direct eye contact with men as they would interpret it as me having an interest in them. I had situations where men ask me whether they can give me a ride in their car or whether I would have a fire lighter for their cigarette. I also had men asking me for directions. I either ignore them or in response I use my hand and arm to point where they need to go. I also had men following me which is really unpleasant. I avoid them by going to a women’s clothing shop or a grocery store, to an area with many people around or close to a police station such as in an airport or train station.

    • #711035
      Tanya Jay
      Lady

      We are always carrying. I insist that my wife have her concealed carry with her at all times. I also carry at all times.

      No one is more responsible for your well being than you. I do think it is very sad that this seems necessary, but as it is, we will be prepared.

      I do feel that it is a unique opportunity to see things from a woman’s pov, and a responsibility of ours to make the world as safe of a place as possible for the women in our lives. I am not condoning that we go out and try to be a vigilante. I just think that we should try to bring attention to a situation that would make us uncomfortable when presenting as a female. I would have a hard time living with the guilt if I noticed something because of how it would make me feel if I am dressed, or how I know I would feel if I were dressed, and did nothing to try and make it a safer situation. For our wife’s, daughter’s, any women, and ourselves. We have to be the first step in making the world the best, and safest we can. I think it is also a wonderful way to help the perception of cross dressers by the female public if we are true allies in keeping all of us safe. Just my two cents

      • #711072

        Excellent perspective. Safety for men in general is never an issue. For women however, this is something that they must live with, unfairly, every day of their lives. Just one more inequality they must endure.

      • #711081
        J J
        Lady

        I think it is sad that anybody thinks carrying a weapon “seems necessary”, the operative word being seems. I have managed to live every minute of my 64 years with out once feeling the need to carry any weapon. I am not opposing any right to carry, just the perceived need to carry.  Yes, bad things happen, but a little common sense goes a long way in avoiding such a need. As I posted earlier, situational awareness is key and it is always best to not put oneself in a situation, or to quickly react and avoid such situations. It is something I made sure to instill in my wife and daughters.

    • #711100

      A friend gave me pepper spray to carry in my purse and have done so but luckily never had to use it. It offers some psyche comfort but nothing like sheer avoidance and caution of my surroundings.

    • #711277
      Caty Ryan
      Baroness

      Like most of us in this thread, when femme (or in drab for that matter), I only go out in daylight as Caty to go shopping or if its a dinner out I’ll go with a female friend. Typically the make up artist who had transformed me into Caty before we go out.

      Covid canned the dinners out, but this year I’m going to go out for dinner with the “MUA” who did one of my very first Australian makeovers after I retired. IE Its ten years this year since Melissa did my “Lady Catherine” makeover, (in my period gown with all the trimmings.( See my public photos on this site)

      So that’s a great reason to go out circa April, when its cooled down from our Australian summer

       

      Happy dressing

       

      Caty

    • #711287

      Thanks for sharing Jill.
      I will avoid confronting situations en femme more than I would in my male guise. For example out with girls I would always try to pull everybody away from a confrontational situation. But in the past as a man out with girl friends I would probably feel more ‘obliged’ to stand up to a confrontational situation.

      So much better to avoid, pull away, de escalate, suppress that testosterone.

      O and if that doesn’t work I am a fast runner. Unless absolutely cornered I would not aggressively defend myself.

      In the past my biggest fear was being stopped by the police while driving so drive a lot more carefully en femme.

      B x

      • #711361
        J J
        Lady

        I was once stopped in rural Nevada dressed en femme. I had taken of my wig while driving, but still had on make up and my nails were done, breast forms, et cetera. The officer only asked if that was a wig on the seat, and I only replied, yes. I got a ticket for 5 over even though I was going faster, so he gave me a break.  I had left a town about a mile back and was out on the open highway, but apparently the speed limit stayed low way past the town…typical rural town ticket trap. Oh well, just another en femme experience logged into my book of life. It only cost me $75, so it was worth it for the experience alone.😘

      • #711385

        how fast are you in 4 inch heels? No time to undo those straps.

        • #711399

          LOL Jill I did try 4” heels once, knew they were not for me when I cracked my head off the top of a door frame!

          • #711411

            LMAO   I completely understand. It is an art for sure.

    • #711393
      Sherri Remington
      Duchess - Annual

      Well Jill I’m very seldom out in full dress, I just haven’t reached that comfort point yet, but I do everything I can to avoid a conflict. There has been more than once when suddenly I forgot something back in the car and have left the situation. Not so much in my home town but when traveling to larger cities were there are more crowds is when I’ve felt most uncomfortable. So I’m very cautious when out whether enfemme or not.

    • #711405
      Anonymous
      Lady

      I know in your case it couldn’t be avoided but always be aware of your surroundings no matter if in male or fem mode. Often I carry a concealed weapon just in case…. this is America, land of mass shootings.

      • #711414

        google, ” gun violence in America” and scare yourself. There are currently over 33,000, not a typo, 33,000 gangs in America. Caution can not be overstated. Most crimes occur during the DAYTIME on weekdays. Most serious crime occurs on weekemds at ight.  Fact.

        • #711423
          Anonymous
          Lady

          No need to scare myself. I live it every day and know first hand thats why I carry.

          I see you’re in Canada… lucky you. Just be safe where ever you are.

    • #711449

      Interesting, when I read the title I was thinking about being cautious interms of being recognized, not assaulted, or in need of a weapon.

      The thought of needing a gun or other deterent never crosses my mind.  I am out and about on a regular basis and in 53 years I have never feared for my safety, other than when a friend I was with commented to me that he wished he had his gun with him.  We were out in Alabama. The fact he needed a gun to feel safe scared me more than the situation we were in.

      I hope everyone is safe in their travels where ever you go what ever you are doing.

      Paula

      • #711463

        I too have always felt safe, used common sense, and never had issues to warrant the need for anything. Not yet, but close that day. As for being read, heck, I get read all the time. People just smile and move on, they are too busy to care about me. Some, touch my arm and comment on how nice I look, or how nice my top or purse is and where did I get it? So I politely tell them, no big deal.

    • #711622

      Mostly I just carry my big mouth, a lot of confidence, and a disarming smile. There are occasions where I will carry hardware, even when being male. We live in a beautiful world, but it is also a dangerous world.

    • #711760
      Anonymous

      I don’t go out in fem totally that much as with my job..I can’t put total effort in it but I am always in intimates at home and dress totally a lot of days! The subject how cautious on the times I am out? My former combat military and current FF keeps me on alert dressed fem or masculine! I can still break a minute into 60 seconds and I am legally armed! I pray I never have to use violence to stop violence as I have enough PTSD for all of us!
      My best approach is to avoid all areas prone to problems and walk away!

    • #711763
      Emily Rae
      Duchess

      I have a concealed weapon permit in California so I on occasion carry something that uses bullets.

      • #720013
        Anonymous

        Emily, I gave up my CCW permit a long time ago.  Just too much liability.

    • #711774

      Gosh some interesting reading here!

      In Australia sidearms, mace, catapults, switch knives, etc are all banned and carry serious consequences if found in ones possession.

      Australia actively participates and I believe has chaired on the Human Rights Council as an UN Member State, consequently our LGBTQIA+ communities/individuals are protected under the Sex Discrimination Act, Australian Human Rights Commission: extract example follows:

      People who are transgender are protected from discrimination by law.

      The Sex Discrimination Act makes it unlawful to treat a person less favourably than another person in a similar situation because of the gender-related identity, appearance, mannerisms or other gender-related characteristics of the person.

      Example: A shop assistant refused to serve a person who identifies and presents as a woman because that person has a deep and masculine-sounding voice.

      The Act makes discrimination against the law in many areas of public life including employment, education, getting or using services or renting or buying a house or unit

      This aside, common sense in avoiding conflict amicably should be foremost. I put my faith in open greetings, smiles and a lexicon of quips if challenged/ called out like ” hey don’t tell anyone mate i’m on a challenge and stand to win 500″……. of course, I can always walk away or run like the wind if I have to!

      To date I’ve haven’t had to quip or run, and long may it last!

      Happy dressing all…. hugzzz Amandah

       

      • #720021

        That’s exactly the same as here in  the Netherlands. I have never had a problem but a friend had a run in with some young Eastern European lads calling her names an threatening her, the bar owner called the police and they were arrested, whether they were charged I dont know but discrimination is taken seriuosly here and its working. I go to restaurants, cafes and sometimes bars and have only had positive experiences and hope that, that stays this way.

    • #711803

      Hi Jill,  I go out alone all the time and am super cautious especially in parking lots and gas stations.  I seem to be a lightning rod for crazies and unwanted attention.  Perhaps that’s because I’m small.  I won’t walk near vans or trucks and try to stay with a group.   If I can avoid a problem situation, I will.  I usually have good running shoes or boots on and will bring my heels along in my bag.  Then I just put the heels on at the event and reverse the process when going to the car.  I feel much more in control that way.  Thanks for this interesting question.    Marg

    • #719981
      Clara
      Lady

      I am very cautious, I try to avoid people and kids where I can, but am starting to let my guard down a little and starting to be out where there are small numbers around but still stay close to the security of the car. I guess I am nervous being harassed, criticized which they don’t bother me a great deal its just people getting physical/aggressive that makes me nervous.

    • #719997

      The only thing I avoid are small time local bars. I have never felt threatened as a female but have as a male. I am not very big but I know how to fight. I live in a rural area in northern Wi. A safe place in my opinion. But with so much senseless violence everywhere I have a loaded 9mm in my velicle and in my house. I hope they will never be needed but better to be safe.

    • #727932

      I have a legal ccw permit and am armed everywhere I go. However, I don’t go anywhere armed that I wouldn’t go unarmed, and believe the best fight is the one you don’t get into. However, I did get grabbed by a creeper in a supermarket parking lot once and busted his face and left him on the ground. Avoidance is always the best move but these days, especially presenting as a woman in public, you have to pay attention to your surroundings at all times.

    • #727938
      Dawn Judson
      Ambassador

      Never leave home without it.

    • #731219
      Clara
      Lady

      I am normally very cautious, try to avoid exposing my self when there are lots of people around, but on easter Saturday I let my guard down way to much and was spotted by a couple of people I know.  Lesson leant I need to be a lot more cautious, Tasmania is to small a place with out somebody knowing somebody and so on and then bang She Who Must Be Obeyed Finds OUT!

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