- This topic has 5 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 3 years ago by
.
- Posts
What was your reaction the first time you found that your S/O was a crossdresser? Were you horrified? Did you just suspect? And though a lot of women go along with it, is it out of love or interest?
I was a weird case. I reacted positively and enthusiastically. Until it hit me 5 days later about what this meant. And then I got very angry. He had minimised it and I lost all trust on anything he said before and after that point. And never recovered trust in his word since. But I can be very unforgiving as a person when I feel like I have been played for a fool. The strange thing is he knew that I have deleted people from my life for less, how he thought I could forgive not being made aware of the extend of his feelings, is beyond my understanding. Let’s say we haven’t recovered and I now see our relationship as “together for now” and no longer as “forever”.
What do you mean by minimized? I told you this and you were enthusiastic and then five days later it hit you by what it meant. What was it that it meant? Did he misrepresent himself? I know that my ex did not like it and feel deep inside that she didn’t trust me from that day forward. At least I was honest! I guess what I’m trying to get to is that I don’t want to make this mistake ever again. I’ve very much appreciate your feedback and you’re honesty, thank you very much! Best, Cindy….
I knew about panties and minimum level lingerie, he showed up fully dressed. I instinctively reacted positively but I can tell you now looking back, my brain was numb. It actually took me 5 days for my brain to unfreeze and my real reaction to show up. I am glad that my brain went into self-protecting mode because if I had reacted the way that would have reflected my actual feelings, I would have packed my things there and then. When you say that at least you were honest, it sounds to me like that’s the minimum bar you have an obligation to clear. The reason why trust is gone in an instant is because things happened in the background, escalation that I wasn’t made aware of, that means I can never trust him again to keep me informed of change in feelings, needs etc. Once burned, twice shy. That’s the real tragedy in cases when the crossdresser considers it a “him” thing and doesn’t consider the obligation to involve his wife in processing what this is and what it means to his life. Because then one day, he somehow thinks that now he would like to change the dynamic of the relationship with his SO, he can unilaterally do it. And it doesn’t work like that. We all deserve to be with the person that we want, men and women. Crossdressers shouldn’t have to hide from their SOs and the wives/gfs shouldn’t have to live with crossdressers either. And unfortunately, when you have built a common life together, it can not be a clear cut and run for either. So both can be trapped, all because of the decision the crossdresser made years ago to hide. So to go back to your question, I don’t go along with it and it has nothing to do with how much I love him or not. I certainly have no interest in it.
Okay, I can certainly see that! I made the mistake with my ex of telling her after we were married. I would never in a million years have shown up fully dressed. You are correct, you can’t use someone’s trust and emotions and wipe your feet on them that way. If ever their relationship comes my way again I intend to be fully transparent and up front. No surprises for anyone anywhere. I guess I was just young and afraid to tell her ahead of time. In retrospect I would have giving her the chance to step away. Cross-dressing is understandably an unknown going into a relationship. People react differently, I believe that very few women would embrace it off the start I also believe that the majority of women would say thanks but no thanks. I appreciate your input Kath. Just another step in understanding, thanks much!
- Oh, please forgive the misspellings in the last reply. I’m using talk text and fail to proofread sometimes!
- The forum ‘Dear Genetic Girls’ is closed to new topics and replies.
Recent Comments