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Hi ladies!
Here’s a topic that may be a bit of a thought exercise (or maybe not, it kind of depends on you).
As crossdressers, we’re used to crossing gender lines all the time. We start out as men, then transform ourselves into the women we want to be. We then try to emulate everything that real women do, so that we can successfully present ourselves as real women when we’re out in the world.
But how about our sexuality? Does that change too when we’re en femme?
For me, if I’m honest, when I’m en femme I think I would define myself as a bisexual woman, but that is only because I’ve never had any sexual experience either way as a woman. There have been some comments by other ladies here that they would go on a date with a man, but only if he treated them respectfully, like he would a real woman. To me that sounds intriguing and I’d be open to that experience under the right circumstances. But interestingly enough, when I’m in male mode, I am strictly heterosexual, there is no attracton at all to any man.
So of course, that got me to wondering…
How do you define yourself when you’re en femme? Are you a straight woman who is attracted only to men? Are you a bisexual woman who likes both men and women? Or are you a gay woman who only is attracted to other women?
Hugs,
Holly
This may be a little off-topic, but if people were to ask (and, in six years, no one has), I would tell them that I’m in the process of transitioning since I am transgender & people seem to be much more accepting of TGs than CDs.
Concerning sexuality, I’ve always been totally straight, as a male, & considered myself a lesbian as a woman, but it seems that the more time I spend as me, the more open I would be to a man.
Dawn
Hi Holly,
As you know, I am a trans woman, now legally considered a female. I have never been into men, only women, strictly heterosexual…
So…what does that make me, now that I am a woman? I have it on good authority, and have been told numerous times already, that I am now a trans lesbian.
We shall have to see how things develop… 🙂Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Another good one Holly,
I define my self as bi-sexual when I’m Trish but that said I lean more towards women than men. I have never made love to a women while I was Trish but often fantasized about Trish making love to my wife. I’m sure it would be the most mind blowing experience I would ever have.
I have been with a man but it was not a date. Before I was married I had been in Vancouver for work and was there for tw0 days. Every time this occured and work was done I would go back to the hotel dress as Trish an walk around down town, do some shopping and then go to a club to relax and have a drink or two before going back to my hotel. To make long story short I met guy at a club one time. I was sitting at the bar having a drink and this guy sent me over a drink, I smiled and thanked him. He came over and we talked, he told me what nice legs I had, how pretty I was and asked me to dance. He was very nice, very cute and a total gentleman. So, between him and the drinks, we ended up back at my hotel room and made love.
This was the one and only time I have been with a man but it is something I look back on often. I never felt ashamed then and don’t now, for me it was something very special that I’ll always remember.
Trish. Loved your story. How romantic. Inspiring in that if we are so inclined can be in a setting that can have such a beautiful outcome. Truly, being in the right place at the right time. Thanks for sharing. K
I voted other. In general I’m attracted to women regardless of their anatomy or biological sex. Of course that’s assuming I’m attracted to someone in the first place. And that’s where things get interesting. I can’t rule out being with a guy if I find him attractive. I guess that makes me pansexual?
I voted “gay woman who is attracted to other women” but want to qualify it by saying “primarily” attracted to other woman. When Fiona is out & about she is constantly eyeing women, never men. I have never been particularly attracted to men. However, I must admit that over the years I have seen some cross dressers that I find extremely attractive and believe I would find a sexual relationship with one of them very appealing.
Since I’m a bisexual guy in “guy mode”, I’ll stick with bisexual woman in “girl mode”….
I do probably flirt more openly with the guys while in full Rayna mode…not even probably…I do…BAD….
I’m a flirt all the time though.. I love to have a little fun making someone feel that fun pleasure of having another person say, “hey there, I think you’re good looking… I’m going to take a minute to let you know.”
Even if they don’t reciprocate, that’s ok… I had my fun…
Get out there and make someone’s day girls!
xoxo
Rayna
Well, “I” am a straight heterosexual man, attracted to women. My alter ego however is a fantasy person, and as such is undefined. A woman to be sure, but kind of an intriguing mystery. Perhaps bisexual, since I feel both tendencies when I embody her, but quite sexually experienced and liberated…at least that’s how I see her. Even if it is highly unlikely that I will ever act on any of this, when you have a fantasy imagination takes control, and contributes greatly to my enjoyment of crossdressing.
I saw a bit of an “out” there in that two options had an attraction and one merely said like. I was going to say other until I saw that difference. I certainly ‘like’ both men and women, depending on the individual of course. I’ve met men who can make my heart flutter and I’ve met women that can make my heart flutter.
Sexually speaking…. dang, I just dont have a lot of that desire within me. I’m not totally barren of it; I just don’t have that much sexual drive. I was never a “horndog” growing up, lol. I’m more of a heart addict than a sex addict. If that makes sense to anyone 😊
Stevie
When I’m Roberta, I identify as a married woman. Thats it, I really don’t have any desire to be intimate with anyone other than my wife. When I’m in Roberta mode, I converse mostly with other women. I’m ok talking with men but I really prefer the conversation of other women.
I thought that my answer was going to be simple. I am happily married and not attracted to men. But when I am out dressed I enjoy attention or long looks from men. I don’t know what that makes me ?
Hi Michelle. I think that a lot of us feel that way, so for those of us who crossdress, I’d say that is a fairly normal feeling. I know it is for me.
Hi girls, I answered another because in my case when I become a woman I am attracted to women and, although I am not attracted to men in general, I would be willing to receive the compliments of a true gentleman, although it would have to be a very specific type of man to start going out with him, so for this reason I would define myself as a bi-curious girl, who is attracted to women but who is curious to know what it is like to go out with a boy when she is the girl,
Greetings to all girlsI love when I am dressed and men look makes me feel like I am desirable and feminine. I love other crossdresser s and can feel and act like a woman so easy[postquote quote=671644]
Holly. I spend or have spent a lot of time on this. (See my CD THOUGHTS). When alone I am all woman, from how I dress, walk and feel sexually. I have attractions to both men and women. But here is a twist for which I would like your thoughts? As my femininity blossomed, so was there a resurgence of sexual unrest. In my male life I had lost interest? Something along those lines. But Kylie is very sensual and if given the chance, probably seductive. These are wonderful feelings to have. Like a butterfly that molts into a new form of itself.
thank you…
Hi Kylie, thanks. You raise some great points. I think that for many of us, in our male lives we have already “been there, done that” in many ways, so for some, the intimacy or sexual excitement has decreased. However, when we transform into the women we long to be, that all changes, because everything is new again and we (may) have the option of exploring these type of relationships anew, but this time from the female side of the fence. Does that make sense?
Hugs,
Holly
Fun question, Gwynn. When I’m en femme, I find myself attracted to women – both cis and trans, but, then again, I’ve always found a sexy, fashionably dressed transfemme the most divine of God’s creations. I’ve never been attracted to men, but, perhaps, there’s one out there to whom I would gladly surrender.
Holly. I hope I am not “zapped” for responding twice… am so relieved to see CDH permitting your inquiry. Diving into more personal aspects of who we are and what communes us in our otherwise diversity is both refreshing and revealing.
KThis is a very personal question, but a very good one.
When I transform into Revel and I’m en femme, I’m attracted to men. I’m sure that men would be attracted to me too! Ha-ha. However, I’m also attracted to women, or sometimes men dressed up as women (like us) so I think “bisexual” is best for me. 😉
❤️ Rev
I feel really weird about this but I am attracted to men. I am not gay. However when I am Janice I am only interested in men. Not that it is sexual or such but I just want to date and talk with a man. I know this sounds strange and I could kick myself for this but this is how it is and I fret over it immensely.
Hi Janice.
I don’t think it’s weird at all, as I feel similarly. I would venture to say that a lot of us here on CDH have those same feelings when we’re en femme. To me, those feelings are totally natural, as we’re expressing the woman within and she takes over, so it only makes sense that we’d be attracted to men when we’reout in the world as women. For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t fret over it.
Hugs,
Holly
When I am enfemme, the time goes by so fast that I don’t even think about sexuality. I’m usually worried that I will be made by anybody who sees me. I’m not attracted to men, but I would be thrilled if a man thought of me as being attractive.
Hi Holly, well, I remember this one from sometime back and if I remember correctly, I was undecided as to how to give an answer with which I felt comfortable, and so, let this slide. Well, now that it has popped back up again, I’ll vote and maybe give some background – most of which I’ve already provided if anyone searches me out.
As I’ve posted a number of times, I’m pretty much a failed transsexual. If I had been more forceful, more sure of myself, maybe had a support group (we’re talking about the 1960’s mostly here when nobody even talked about changing sexes much less had the chance to meet those who did, and would provide support), I might have far more seriously than I did, look into transitioning. And upon following through, most likely hoping to find a mate or partner of the male persuasion who would accept me for what I would have become.
Still, my feelings or desires or innermost secrets haven’t changed. When dressed now, as when I was 5 and 15 and 25 and on through the years, I still visualize myself as a female and one who looks at males for possible close companionship. Not that I would forgo female relationships, maybe to see how that might work out, but definitely hope to find a male.
Such was not to be, as for each step of my journey to today, I made a choice. Married twice, 3 marvelous and successful children (1 with the 1st, 2 with the 2nd), four absolutely adorable grandchildren. 2nd marriage going on 45 years.
Could I give all that up? If some magic genie or faerie came and offered me the chance to start over let’s say in my teens as a female, but I would have to give up everything I’ve experienced to date, could I do that? At this point in my life, no. I may have failed at transitioning, but the alternative of being a successful father and grandfather has made up for some of the disappointment of my failure.
None of that however changes anything in my makeup, my view of myself, my secret desires. And so I live with the choices, knowing that the ones I made have proven positive beyond any expectation yet at the same time knowing that I’ll never know the intimacy of being a female with a male.
Such is life.
Hugs, ChloëC
I see myself as a “mature lady” who tries to look her “elegant best” at all times, but especially when out in public. But even then that’s only 2-3times a year I dont see myself as attractive/attracted to either males or females and I certainly am too “mature” to go “clubbing”..
I would like to have a CD friend with a similar outlook on life, and tho I may sometimes think it would be nice to “get to know them better???”), reality and the desire to be true to my loving SO overrides those desires
Caty.
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What a great question and something I think about often. Right now I’m still trying to figure it all out but it is amazing on how my feelings change when I dress and I look just right. Love the thought of others being attracted to me. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to act on some of this feeling very soon.
Crystal
Crystal, think it through very carefully. You are going to find once you walk down that road it is very hard to go back.
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Stephenie, I’d love to hear about your experiences sometime.
Crystal,
I would be happy to chat with you. Feel free to PM me anytime.
Hugs,
Steph
A great question. First off, I have never found the male form sexually appealing, not en femme or in male mode.
Women, in their femininity is what has always attracted me. That given, lately I have also begun to appreciate all things feminine, which includes ladies such as ourselves. So I would probably be open to exploring sexuality with another like myself. But I would look at it as two women doing it, so it still gibes with my poll response.
Wow! This one caused me to sit back and reflect on from whence I came. My bisexuality became evident when I was in high school. Interestingly and not really appreciating what was happening, I always wanted to be the female in the few relationships I had. As I grew older and, yes, wiser, I became less interested in being bi and in favor of realizing the female within me. Now, I am far more inclined to want other “women” as friends where physical intimacy is nice but certainly not my first or even second priority.
Hopefully, this make sense.
Mary Priscilla
Wow what a interesting poll! I’ve wanted a girlfriend since I started liking girls sweetie. But now that I crossdress like all the time. Well I try hun so therefore now I need a gay girl that will make an exception for me if I get to change my gender in the endgame from Man to Woman. Because sadly a non gay girl wants a Man but I want to be a Woman now a days while I also still like girls. So I define myself as gay woman who is attracted to other women. Plus I prefer the bottom area and top area of a woman anyways. They look better sweetie. That is my take.
En femme I am a girl that’s attracted to trans and biological girls. I have never been with a man either en femme or straight but I don’t think anyone is totally straight or gay or bi. We all have our preferences. I have very little attraction to men but sometime I would like to go out en femme, meet a hot young guy and take him back to my room when I am out of town in a strange city. Not sure how it will go but ready to explore.
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I have the exact same feeling about wanting to explore that side of myself. Someday I hope.
Great topic Holly! As Jess I am *definitely* a straight woman only attracted to guys for both a relationship as well as sex, and I have achieved both of those wonderful things since I have a great boyfriend. As Jess I’m very sexual, I wear beautiful/romantic lingerie to bed and at bedtime you couldn’t pay me enough to want to make love to a woman instead of my boyfriend when I’m Jess. It’s all about guys (my boyfriend) for Jess and going to bed with him every night is an adrenaline rush. In male mode I’m bisexual but even then I’m still incredibly attracted to my *hot* boyfriend while in male mode.
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Sounds like you have a great relationship dear.
Hiya, Holly (still a great name, by the way!) An interesting question that (I fully understand) is potentially going to have a different answer for many of the ladies out there, but for me can only have one answer: I like girls, and hence when I’m dressed I’m a Lesbian. I must admit that since joining CDH I’ve had to face my own thoughts and consider a lot of things; would I get involved with a fellow CD? Are my feelings concerning possible Transgender issues likely to change? (i.e. am I so sure that my love of dressing is really not indicative of a possible wish to transition myself?) All in all, however, the whole course of consideration has merely confirmed that – yes – it’s girls, GIRLS, GIRLS!!! Doesn’t mean that I love any of you ladies out there any the less if you decide differently…… Holly XXX
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