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So, one of the experiences that has been interesting while participating in this site, is to see the wide variety of looks, styles, and approaches of everyone here.
For me personally, how I look is an important part of the experience, but at one level or another I’m never really happy with how I look. There are some ladies here who are so good at looking great it’s intimidating (though I am happy for them, in a jealous sort of way lol). They represent an achievement of beauty and naturalness that I can’t even hope to achieve. Some days and in some pictures I think I look pretty good, on other days I think I just look silly. Sometimes I feel that way on the same day with the same outfit! I expect that all of us have these ups and downs in our self perception. I know that GG experience this is as well. Some of this just comes from the feminine territory. I thought maybe taking a look at how we all feel about ourselves might put this experience into perspective. It’s been said that the most important thing you wear is confidence, but achieving that is hard. We all know the work that goes into putting together a perfect look, but how do we achieve that extra ingredient that really makes us shine?
So, on a scale of one to ten, how do you feel about how you look when en femme? Are you happy with your look and presentation? or not?
What makes the difference for you? Are there secrets you might share for feeling confident? What’s the secret ingredient that makes the difference?
Hi Sarah,
I based my rating on passing as a decent looking woman. Since I don’t embarrass myself by looking in the mirror I went with a 2. I have no makeup skills, fairly masculine face, and body, and could lose 10 pounds or more.
I still love to “feel” beautiful though!
💕Lara
On the rare occasion when I can go out in Full Melissa, it has evolved from maybe a 3 to a 6. My makeup skills are still non existent, so I have to get a professional makeover before I can present as the real me. I need to keep moving ahead and acquiring more skills with makeup and better judgment in some of my clothes.
While there are some girls here who look so fantastic, no one has checked a 10 proving we are our own worst critics and hardly ever happy with our look… typical females… lol
Well, please forgive me if I’m being overconfident, but I gave myself and 8. I am a transwoman, have transitioned and live and work as a legal female, I know I pass most of the time but there are times I get “read”. I am fortunate as a transwoman in that I inherited many of my mother’s physical and facial features.
One of the most important assets that you can have, girls, is confidence, if you walk out there with your head held high, and appreciate your own beauty, others will see that as well.
There are some girls on here who are definite 10’s in my opinion, I am sure they would easily pass as GG’s all the time, their pictures can be found if you look through the photo pages.
Hugs girls, big hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Obviously this is all subjective and we are our own worse critics.
I’ve been told numerous times that I pass but I know I don’t. Not really. From a 2 dimensional image with good lighting and makeup….maybe. That’s not real life. In reality there are too many clues for me to pass.
That said. I know I can look good. Good enough to blend in. Good enough to get compliments. Good enough to be gendered correctly. If I were to give myself a compliment, I’d say I’m a pretty good looking trans woman.
There was a time when showing myself seemed like a fantasy. Like many girls here, I felt like I couldn’t possibly look good enough. My attempts at makeup were clown-like failures. But I know that low expectations usually deliver exactly what you expect. I decided that a professional makeover would be the true test of what was possible. I got my first one 4 years ago and it changed my life. I saw an attractive woman in the mirror for the first time. That makeover got me out of the closet and was the catalyst for everything that’s happened since. I joined CDH a few months later.
Every girl should get at least one makeover. It’s a game changer.
I know that I am not perfect and, taking Emilys angle in that I blend in, can go out alone and be treated as a woman. We are our own worse critics but by enhancing what you have and dressing as any other woman your age does then the passability ticks go up. I also agree that a visit to a professional make up artist is worth its weight in gold and a good learning curve.
I put down a 4 because i still feel i look like a man in drag, maybe if I had a professional makeover with a professional makeup artist to do my makeup i might feel that i look more like a woman, It would be lovely to have a professional makeover and have a photo shoot with a professional photographer and just be a lady for a day X
Hugs Rozalyn X 💋
I replied with a 7 however that is because in most photos if shot decently with downward point of aim some look good hiding the jowls and prominent Adams Apple and softening features hard to hide the chin but try to use good contouring and highlights to help in relation to face shape. The photos typically do a good job to hide my overall height and size and my manly in many cases bullish aggressive movements.
At times I believe some photos look very good as some look well usually a 7 and many times an 8. However in reality when out in public at events I have attended I would say a 5/6 overall due to my rather large stature being very tall coupled with the manly movements, I try to walk slower with legs closer together but do not do a runway model walk each foot stepping in front and cross the other why cause I don’t see women walk that way either lol. I do try to look very nice but have been usually the tallest Crossdresser at all the events I have attended in public so far size movements and deep voice say no maybe if I was 5’9 for man and my size reduced proportionally and had a much softer voice could have had a chance. I do try to have fun and just own it like a beacon in the night Bat Signal or a lighthouse in a storm. I have enjoyed dressing and have danced 99% more dressed as a woman then ever as a man. I also have received compliments dressed as a woman versus man 10 to 1 same goes for drinks being bought for 10 to 1.
Voted a 7 to balance all out 5 low to 8 high with good photos in reality 6.5 last time out in Las Vegas I was with two other crossdressers we were walking into the bar at Circa and a group of three guys about choked on their drinks and said Holy Shit those are the biggest Transvestites I have ever seen looks like they should be playing linebacker in football. Made all three of laugh it was funny. Just own it and have fun be you. As this is a part of what makes me me. And for others here it is them all the time.
Thanks April
Remember than “looking good” and “being passable”, while intertwined, are different things.
I have met some very nice looking CDs who are not passable, and some very passable ones who may not be so “great looking”.
One big difference is that “passing” is external to us. We don’t control and may not even know exactly how others see us. There are no 100% passable crossdressers. There are plenty of somehow passable ones who are totally oblivious to how many can easily read them. Many others who have been out once or twice and same, just because they were not chased with pitchforks and torches assume they were passing all the time.
I gave myself an 8. Years ago I would have picked a 9 maybe. I know I have lots of room for improvement. Yet, we have to remember that only very few females are really beautiful (as per society standards, supermodel levels). If we try to compare against them, well, doubt there would be anybody over a 5 maybe.
So, have a realistic aim. We can only become the best version of ourselves. That is or should be our 10…This is a great point. Passable and looking good are two different things. I didn’t think about that.
I was primarily thinking about how confident we feel. I hoped maybe if we shared a bit, we’d be able to be more confident and comfortable. Probably all of us have been excited to get dressed up, then put on the outfit we’ve been dreaming about all week, only to be discouraged by how we looked. I think if we recognize that all of us feel this way sometimes, it might make it easier.
What a thought provoking poll Sarah, thanks for posting it! On a scale of one to ten I said 6. I’m generally pleased with my reflection as long as I take the my time. Some times I feel I look great, my minds eye says I’m a 10 then I look in the mirror and say ok maybe an 8, then I take pics and on a good day I admit I’m maybe a 6. That’s on a good day but on a bad day I feel like I look terrible and at times I wonder why I even bothered. I’ve learned of late I need to wear makeup and a wig, anything less isn’t going to make me happy. Obviously body position and facial expression makes a huge difference in pictures but picking outfits that suit our bodies is a huge thing as well. We all have outfits that really work for us, so when I feel I look like a 1 I put on that skirt and those pumps and a little makeup and I’m a 10 again. At least in my mind, my camera has a different opinion. Once again Ty Sarah.
Hi girls,
After reading what April had to say, I thought about a few things I should share. As many of you know, I am transgender. It’s one thing to acknowledge the fact you are a trans woman, it’s a completely different issue to consider transitioning and living as the woman you’ve always known you were supposed to be.
You have to take a very hard and realistic look at yourself. You aren’t dressing up in the confines of your home and going for the occasional outing, you’re stepping onto a world stage where the audience is very real and can be quite critical, even cruel. Is this something I can actually do?
I knew I had to take that step and was planning on transitioning where I work. Being a very public place, I needed to seriously consider just how much I could look like and pass as a woman. I’m not that tall, 5’6″, two inches taller than what the average woman is in North America. I weigh 175 lbs. I am slightly broad shouldered. My hands are average for a guy but larger than an average woman’s. I wear a size 11 woman’s shoe, used to fit 10 but our feet get bigger as we age. I can easily wear anything that is a lady’s size XL and often lady’s L, depending on the fit. I have to wear wigs. I have successfully developed a feminine speaking voice. I’m not medically qualified for HRT so my transition will only be social, I have to work with what I have. I was diagnosed after puberty as being somewhere on the intersex scale, as I have very small private parts, large hips, thighs, fairly narrow waist and always had at least A-cup boobs. I resemble my mother facially enough that people used to say I could be her daughter or sister. I have her hands, eyes, cheekbones, chin, dimples and even her eyebrows
I started trying different makeup looks, different wigs, piercing my ears, growing my fingernails, and going out to see any reactions. I went out with my sister and her daughter for lunch at a pub style restaurant, they both said I looked perfect, that nobody would know. There was no noticeable negative response from staff or other patrons, so I took that as being very positive.
At work they knew I was going to transition and gave me a start date of March 31st, TDoV, Transgender Day of Visibility. After all the circumspection, experimenting, trying different looks and clothes, I was scared silly, petrified!! I take a bus to work, so walking out the door on the first day was terrifying! My imagination went nuts! All those eyes! I knew they were all staring, I could feel it!
But I sucked in a deep breath and I made it to work, walked in the door and…where did all these people come from so early in the morning? I had flowers, cards, gifts, cake, and coffee. They told me it was Lauren’s birthday party, and I was welcomed into the sisterhood.Even after all that, and now living as a woman, legally now as a female, I still get nervous riding the bus. I still wonder what they’re thinking when I’m walking through the mall or grocery store.
I am happy with how I look, and I think I’d raise it up to a 9, I’m still trying different looks and would like to lose another 10 lbs.But, and it’s an important ‘but’! The most important thing I’ve done, far more so than all I’ve described so far, is to be confident in who I am, to let the joy of who I am now, take over and be displayed for all the world to see! The people I work with often tell me that I literally glow, that the smile never leaves my face, and my eyes always sparkle. That is truly amazing and I can’t even begin to tell you how it feels because there just aren’t the right words!
Love, hugs, and kisses to you all, my girlfriends,
Ms. Lauren M
I voted for 8 as I have got many compliments when I’ve been dressed up, some even from other women. However my presentation has improved hugely in the last 2-3 years and I’m now kind of embarrassed about my early pictures.
Hopefully placing myself as an 8 isn’t being too egotistical of myself, maybe a 7, but I do feel I present well and go out often fully femme.
Another poster mentioned confidence, and I entirely agree and you see it GG’s some just have the attitude, the look even if their natural assets aren’t the greatest.
Amy
I would have marked an “other” category, if there was one, since I find it impossible to rate myself.
The reason for this is because I am a work-in-progress, striving for perfection but knowing I will most likely never achieve it. Mind you, I do not allow striving for perfection to stop me from enjoying going out in public as often as possible. Rather I use past mistakes as a learning experience to improve.
I change my look often, sometimes in small ways and sometimes in larger ways, so if I were to use a rating scale, it would vary often.
Am I concerned where I fall on a rating scale? Not at all, because if I was, that would tend to destroy my cross dressing experience. What I do pay attention to are reactions and comments from woman I interact with out in public. Do they like the outfit, my make up, choice of accessories, etc.
Aside from all of the above, we do have some gorgeous ladies here on CDH, who are perfect tens “10,” many hugs to them! I have been to many support meetings over the years where I’ve seen CDs who are perfect tens. They are truly amazing and beautiful!
Hugs…Peggy Sue
I have taken lots of photos of myself en femme as well as having walked around in a mall fully dressed. Everyone who sees my photos is incredibly impressed by how well I pass.
And while in public, I have never had an adverse look or comment and conversations have always been polite and courteous.
If only I could convince my wife that me fully dressed is ok…
If “5” indicates “average” then I give myself a 5. I’ve just been crossdressing actively a little over a year and I know I’m looking a lot better than I did in the beginning. Folks tell me how good I look – for having just started, so there’s that stipulation to consider. I also know that the pictures I have posted look a lot better than I actually do in person. It’s easy to take dozens of pictures, post the absolute best among them, and have folks compliment your presentation. It feels great and I am truly flattered, but I know the truth. I have way too many “tells” that detract from my overall feminine attractiveness, and my confidence level while en femme is not where it needs to be at all in order to truly “pass”. From the few outings I have undertaken though, it looks like I’m blending in OK.
Having said all of this, I wish to continue to develop my persona. Ask me this same question again next year, and I hope to be able to answer with a higher rating. Meanwhile, I’ll be a 10 in my imagination and I will continue to derive inspiration from the best among us.
I think it’s important to remember that we are all human. Even the beautiful GG will have an off day. No one is there best every single day. There will be days that everything goes great and there will just be bad hair days.
Don’t let yourself become disappointed with you. Do your best that you can at the time, smile and keep moving forward.
Trying to be objective, and knowing that if one were grading on a scale, 10s in the GG world should be rare, and comparing myself with other girls’ photos here, I consider myself to be average, so, a 5 it is, on my best days. I would probably only give myself a 5 in looks as a guy, too.
I believe with the right makeover artist, I might make a 5.5. In other words, a slightly above average woman.
I’ve seen many 7s and 8s, here on CDH, who are quite beautiful.
For me, and as far as I’m concerned, we’re all a 10! And maybe even an 11 or 12! Why? Because as transgender women, we have to work harder at it than even the most plain Jane GG does. We make the extra effort and take the extra steps to make ourselves as feminine and passable as possible, so that we can go out into the real world and be seen and treated as the women we want to be, instead of being seen only as a man in a dress.
The reality is that as transgender women, we’re at a slight disadvantage, not having grown up as girls and maturing into women, so we didn’t learn all the things real women learn along the way. Because of that, there are always improvements we can make in our appearance, in our deportment, and in our presentation. And truthfully, as transgender women we’re always striving to improve our look so that we pass more easily. However, to some degree, that’s also if we’re trying to match up with what cultural standards consider “beautiful.” Again, in my opinion, we’re all beautiful and should not have to try and meet some artificial standard, but that is a choice that is up to each of us individually.
I know that I pass as a woman. I know that I can blend in as a woman, be seen as a woman, and be treated and accepted as a woman. Am I beautiful in the eyes of the world? Maybe, maybe not. I’ve had men tell me that I’m a pretty woman and I’ve had women tell me that I look pretty, so perhaps so. But I honestly don’t care. I am me and I feel good about who I am as a woman. I love dressing as a woman, making myself up as a woman, and going out in public as a woman. I dress nicely and appropriately and I look like a mature middle-aged woman, which is who and what I am.
So ladies, we’re all 10s or above, remember that!
Hugs,
Holly
I honestly think I look a 5 these days. I was maybe a 8 in my youth. However, every day I FEEL like a 10!
I don’t spend any time trying to blend in to be ….”one of the girls” and get female/male attention. So my rating would be very low for not trying like a 2.. When alone and dressed……..I FEEL like a Plus 10!!! I am so girly with my dogs ………..the boys seem to get jealous of each other for my girly attention ……… kisses ……..touches …… sweet talk….when they return the favor …..I feel like the prettiest girl around such handsome guys and just take it all in!!! Maybe with make up and more attention to clothes I could maybe rate a 4………………………karley
I’d only give myself a 6 wearing drab! Unfortunately, nature put a kibosh on any of my Hollywood stardom ambitions from the get-go, so I have to work with what I’ve got. I like to think I look pretty good from the shoulders down, especially in a tight black dress and heels, but as I only indulge myself alone it doesn’t matter if I’m passable or not. I dress because it makes me feel good, not because it makes me look good. And at this moment I feel very good indeed.
Sarah, thank you for this poll. For me it was very thought provoking. I voted a 3. From the neck down, I think I could be a five. However, I certainly don’t pass as female in my face so that is a one. I see pictures of so many of our friends on this site who look so wonderful. I envy them. I don’t pass as a women and never will. But I dress feminine because it makes me feel so good. I guess that is what counts!
Hi Sara. I gave myself a 7. Like some have said you can take a 1000 photos and post 1 which makes you look great. Is that a true representation? – maybe, maybe not.
I like the way I look as Ellie but as Im sure most of you will agree there are always things we would like to change. Thats why the beauty industry is so profitable.
I hate my wrinkles and the close up shots do show these in detail but as a 61yr old it is to be expected.
I believe that the true beauty of a person is inside no matter what they look like but that beauty can shine through with good mental health – and lots of moisturiser and concealer….Haha…
Sorry, but I never think I look anything better than a sack of… well, let’s not go there, eh? I just feel so, SO envious of the other ladies on this site; everyone looks so elegant, natural and – so, so often – sexy! I could never aspire to that level of beauty. I’ve booked a professional makeover and photoshoot for later this year; hopefully, Tracey the Magicianess will be able to boost me up to a 3 out of 10…… Holly XXX
True however it is most important to just be you and feel good about yourself. Photos can be very deceiving verses real life encounters. We all feel that we wish we could look better change this or that if only my nose was smaller and I didn’t have Grand Canyons for pores, if I was 30 years younger. If my body was in better shape and I didn’t have a mans beer gut. If only I could lose 40 lbs or shrink 8 inches in height. Ultimately what counts is how it makes you feel when dressed up to present in public or to yourself do you feel pretty, beautiful, sexy, comfortable more relaxed? I enjoy have professional do makeup I find it relaxing like a massage of the face the rubbing and dabbing the bristles of the brushes be moved about my face. It feels awesome to me just not the same if I do it myself to be honest. And just the texture feel and tightness of the clothing makes me feel better it is sensuous soft and comforting in a slight restricted sort if way. My posture sucks as a man but is better when dressed as a woman I am more open kind eager to listen and ultimately smile more when dressed I also am easily more willing to get up an dance I feel more free maybe those other things don’t matter as much, cause in a way it is me without stresses of being the hardworking man. Kinda of an escape to embrace the feminine side that is enjoyable to me. We all need to find a way to strive to accept ourselves while knowing we all wished we looked better but ultimately how do we feel about ourselves. I feel better and feel more grounded and balanced when I embrace this side that is a big part of who I am as a person and a man and as April.
Ow….I could not bring myself to pick a response. Although told I pass, and a treated as a woman in public, I criticize myself to death as to how I look. I’m mentally unable to cross that threshold of “pass”.
I do have a problem I admit. It’s those d**n womens clothing magazines that arrive at home(Venus, Boston Proper, EverEve…….). I know it is the same with cis-women we when have fault comparing ourselves to those models who in fact may have been airbrushed to death.
It is my issue. However, I push myself to be the best I can especially in the exercise/weight area. Thinking that it might be an incentive. In any case, I will never convince myself I “pass”.
An update: From other encouragement, I selected 9 to reflect how I feel when dressed.
I was probably too confident I giving myself a 7 but what the heck – gives me something to strive for
Ha ha, that was sort of the point. I’m sure all of us went back and forth trying to decide. I gave myself an eight, then thought, “What am I thinking, I’m like a 2?!”
3 ,I am working on it, but I’ll never pass, I’m over 6’. 210 lbs.hope someday to just be a big guy who kind of looks like a girl and be accepted.
It is hard to pass when your a big man I am 6’5 235 but when I do go out I just own it smile be friendly enjoy my time out as April. I am comfortable going to events where I may be seen alone for part of the time but there are other crossdressers or trans people there in the greater vicinity. I made comments in another post that I feel like a giraffe when I walk into some places as I do get attention if I am bigger than most people in drab then throw on some 3 inch heels and some women’s clothing breast forms and makeup and it shocks some people seeing the size of a truly huge woman but when you are friendly and courteous and seem happy other people will smile and some even say hello or make positive and kind compliments. Ultimately I do not want to live or present as a woman full time but going out in public makes me feel good and like to do it 5 to 10 a year planning for 8 to 12 this year. We are who we are.
Makeup for feminization versus makeup for beauty are two completely different techniques. Just as beauty and passing have really nothing to do with each other. I often see on other sites “Do I pass” posts… I never comment on those because quite frankly, that is absolutely impossible to answer from a picture.
Anyhow, back to this post topic… in context of it all, I’d give myself a 6 as a crossdresser, 10 as a person, 8 as an androgynous looking male, 1 as a curvy bomb shell babe, 7 as a pretty cis level woman, 10 as a confident personality in public/social interactions while dressed as a woman.
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Carmen. You prove we are our worst critics. I think you’re a 10 considering what I see and how often you say you get hit on. Lucky you!
Hi Michelle, thank you, and yes, we are definitely our own worst critics. There are plenty of things I would change in my appearance if I could, but my logical brain stops me from impulsiveness… it’s the law of diminishing returns… I don’t think I can get much more return on value if I invest in HRT or FFS. Would I get hit on more if I got FFS? I doubt that. Would more people tell me I’m beautiful in person? Or hot? Or sexy? Or gorgeous? I doubt that too.
But a significant portion of my attractiveness (in public) doesn’t come from how I look… do you see where I rated myself a 10s? THAT makes all the difference in social interactions. But, I don’t take my physical appearance for granted, it’s just that I don’t think it’s all about that!
Thanks Carmen, for this. I really like how you took a look at all the different ways we might see ourselves. This is part of what I wanted to accomplish with this post. Thank you for your thoughts on this. I hope it helps people think about themselves in a different way. I didn’t want to put something up that would make people more critical of themselves, rather, something that would help people think about what’s important, and what isn’t.
After:
1. learning to do makeup a little better (although there is still a long way to go).
2. learning more about the type of clothes that make me more attractive.
3. comparing my look to GG women after going out in public en femme over 150 times.
2. getting compliments from a number of more experienced CD’s.I would say I am in the 7 to 8 range.
Fiona
I’ve picked 7/10.
I know I can get the outfits bang-on and I am more-or-less happy with my body (apart from my almost complete lack of natural boobs), but I get quite self-critical over my makeup. Most of the time I am quite satisfied with my look, sometimes I think that I look good, and occasionally I think ‘Wow! I’ve nailed it!’ 🙂
Sometimes though, I feel a little disappointed that despite always using the same technique for my foundation, using a base of orange concealer to cover my beard shadow, I just can’t seem to disguise the ‘blueness’ of my top lip and chin. Often I will look in the mirror afterwards and see no trace of beard so wonder if it is just psychosomatic (!) but sometimes that beard shadow just lets the whole thing down for me.
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