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    • #139001
      Anonymous

      How do you tell your SO that you have a feminine side that she doesn’t know about? How do you explain to her that you love dressing up as a beautiful woman? If I knew, she’d already know. I’d love to tell her and her be okay with it. To hear her say, it’s okay I love you for who you are and I’d love to be a part of it. To be able to dress up together….

    • #139179

      Hi Anna, Carefully! I think is the word. Like Bobbi says, clues have been left by yourself, whether your wife picks up on them remains to be seen. This is a hard question to ask as there are so many variables. How much does your wife love you? is she a very open-minded person? has she ever shown any negativity towards crossdressing before?

      Weighing up the questions above gives you a rough idea of how she MIGHT react. Truth is its not set in stone. Sometimes people can react totally in reverse, you think you would have no chance at all and your wife may be totally ok with it, conversely you may have a superb relationship and think you know your wife inside out and she may be totally against it.

      At the end of the day, its going to be a simple yes or no answer. To find out, you are going to have to ask, there is no other way, but just think about the risks! when I told my wife after 17 yrs of hiding, I just needed it all out in the open, I was tired of it all, hiding, so I just came out with it at the right moment! wife was calm (unusual), so I seized my chance, luckily it paid off. Tread carefully my friend 🙂 .

      Fiona xxx

    • #139201
      Anonymous

      Anna,

      I believe and hope you will get plenty of good advise. But at the end of the day, it will be totally up to you to decide how and when.

      There will not be a perfect time to tell. There are always holdays and birthdays and Mondays or sick days that will get on the way. My advise about timing is: As soon as possible! Not for any other reason than every day that goes on and you have been surfing the net, you are meeting more and more people, maybe buying stuff, etc. Perhaps before finding the CDH you didn’t even had a femme name for yourself… the longer you wait, the more things you will have to say.

      Also, when(if) you tell her… tell her all. Rip the bandaid off at once. Keeping things you will have to tell (or she will find out by herself) later will not be a good thing.

      I’d suggest not to go full drama queen about it (like I did and scared to death when I told her I had something reaaaally serious to tell her). There are plenty of recent movies or tv shows where cding is present and they are not murderers.  May be a good chance to start some conversation… “yeah, that actor was dressing up… you think he does it often?” Or bring up how you did that when you were younger, etc.

      I hope things will work out well…

      Gaby 💜

    • #139778
      Anonymous

      There’s no special way except your own.

      Your SO will take it the way she takes it – no-one can control that.

      Best way is to go in like a job interview – like it’s the job of your dreams – you don’t knowif you can do it, but it’s what you really, really want to do.

      Prepare well using good resources like the articles on this site.

      Understand what she *might* feel about it, and be prepared to compromise at first – you’re both in it together – but also make it clear what your desires are, without laying down the law.

      Once you’re “out” to her, give her space. Most men want to repeat things they like over and over again, and in this case, over-repetition can feel like smothering.

      You do need to balance this with your own needs and here is where you need to be most sensitive.

      Hope this helps

      Love

      Laura

    • #145954

      Anybody tell there wife after 20 years and three kids and their wife is a heavy christian and that God word is law?  If so how did that go? Im scared to death if she finds out. It would kill her, but I can’t stop. It is a drug, dressing. Started when I was 8.  I would love to tell her but would like her to suspect first. Have her ask me.  IDK. The other day I dressed and waited for her to come home and I was going have her walk in on me but I didn’t.  I was thinking of saying to her before we have sex,” why do you get to ware all the sexy stuff ?” Maybe she will tell me to put  it on as a joke. Then see were it goes from there?

      Michelle

      • #145994
        Anonymous

        Michele, I’m sure that only a single part of the Old Testament forbids cross dressing – and that same part advises that it’s OK to kill non believers too.

        Most Christians adhere to the New Testament as the word of God and treat the “eye for an eye” sentiments of the Old as just that. Old and out of date.

        There are some great old threads on this very site which pick it all apart much better than I can, but this is the gist. The passage is in Deuteronomy, I think, if you want to inspect it yourself.

        I’m pretty sure that the essence of the New Testament is that God created man in his own image, then created woman from man.

        So the conclusion I come to is that there is no such thing as cross dressing, only dressing. Maybe man playing God a little, or simply expressing his creative side.

        Love Laura

    • #145996
      eleanor holborn
      Managing Ambassador

      It is very difficult to say when is the right time or place to tell SO.

      And each SO has different reactions to finding out hun. Some react very badly some go into silence mode some ask a million questions usually are you gay are you going to transgender etc.

      Some of us with time and patience and because we love our partners except the femme sister we get on occasions.

       

    • #146026
      Anonymous

      I’d say that wives are a lot more observant than we’d like to think they are. I know my wonderful lady can tell when something is ‘off’ about me before even I can. Like oh yeah I guess that was really bothering me…

      Others have said it, and I’ll repeat that carefully is the way to go. Pick a good night, sit her down (like after a date night or something), and just talk to her. Open your mouth and speak your words, which is easier said than done of course. Tell her about your thoughts together, how you see this impacting your lives, ask her what acceptance to her looks like, what would it look like to you, what do you like to do, wear, why (if you know), how do you see it changing the way you interact with it, etc.

      Don’t throw it in her face or show up dressed for her to ‘find’ you like that, best to just use your words in clothes she recognizes you in. As someone else has said, the first two questions are usually about your gender orientation and sexual preference, whatever they may be. The rest is personal details person to person. SO’s feelings tend to be shock, betrayal, “who is this man I married”, fear of the future, etc. Basically my own wife felt duped. My own biggest fear was that my wife would see me as less attractive and as less of a man (we’re on a huge spectrum here and I’m more in the man-in-a-dress camp, and her attraction to my male-self is a large part of my identity so there’s some serious things to square that against wearing a dress..). We are still very much working that one out.

      She could take it any number of ways, so be prepared for the worst outcome and the best outcome, and kind of everything in between. Not to knock anyone, it’s just that everyone is different and every relationship is different, I don’t mean to assume anything negative about anyone. It’s a wild ride, and nothing is ever certain in life, but hiding things like this tend to be a lot of internal emotional work, many people liken telling their SO to having a bag lifted off their chest or shoulders. It’s hard! But it’s good to be honest with the people closest to you. You really won’t know. Keeping this hidden from your wife also puts a nice emotional blindfold over your own perception of how she’ll take it, so it can be really hard to judge. You remove yourself from her emotions, well you also remove you from hers. Two way street in most cases.

      Good luck, be careful, and be honest.

      – Lilly

    • #150521

      Thank you for the advice.  Sometimes I think she knows. Maybe she is blocking it. She did find my size 12 heels before. But at the time I had a lot of costume from a public access show. so she didn’t give it any thought.  I want her to find out. . I even gone to bed while my wife  was already sleeping waring her bra and underwear or waring them under my clothes when we are out. It is all so a Hugh turn on for me.  I want to make it her idea to have me dress up.  I was thinking of saying,” why do you get to ware all the sexy stuff.” Then hopefully she would say joking,” go ahead !” then I would and make it the best sexy she had so she would want me to dress more.  What do you think?

      As far as finding my stuff now, I hide my stuff pretty good. I move it around too. Now there in a tool bag behind tools I only use. in my messy shed .  If she found them she would let me know!

      for the Bible, Crossdressing in my case is a sin.  Matthew 5: 27 “You have heard that it was said,’You shall not commit adultery;’28 but I tell you that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.”  I lust for another woman every time I dress. I lust for my self, Michelle.  never mind the other thoughts in my head while I’m dresses.  AS a Man I don’t even think of looking at another woman, but when I’m Michelle, she doesn’t have rules.   2 commandment, You shall not make for yourself any idol, nor bow down to it or worship it. ”  I worship crossdressing. I can stop thinking about it. Im at church at thoughts of crossdressing race in my head.  Anything you put before worshiping God is a sin. Money, Sex, crossdressing, etc.  I know it is a sin and I ask God all the time to take it away from me. But the temptation is too much.

      Michelle

    • #150597
      Anonymous

      I have only just rediscovered cross dressing but you should keep this in mind…. David Bowie made a career out of being different and he was loved by both men and women, now if being who you feel gives you power and confidence then why should we hide? Let us not forget however ‘with great power comes great responsibility’ Spiderman.
      To add I haven’t told my better half yet but I will use this point of view. In my opinion being a woman and becoming feminine actually amplifies masculinity

      • #150686
        Anonymous

        “In my opinion being a woman and becoming feminine actually amplifies masculinity” – I could not agree more. I feel absolutely masculine in a dress, I mean I also feel feminine, but I really do feel more “man” if I’m dressed. Go figure. No idea how that one works.

        Dress on.

    • #153343

      Any suggestions as to when to tell?

      I’m divorced. When my marriage was ending, I told my then-wife about how I fantasize about being a woman. I didn’t really crossdress then, but I wanted to. The marriage was already 95% over. I foolishly thought that letting her in on something that I hadn’t ever told anyone might bring us a little closer. It had the opposite effect. The marriage would have ended anyway, but telling her certainly didn’t help.

      Now, I’ve been seeing my current girlfriend for about 2.5 months. So it’s still a relatively new relationship, but it’s really going great. I want to tell her. But I’m TERRIFIED about telling her. I figure the longer I wait, the harder it will be. But I’m really afraid it will destroy an otherwise great relationship.

      • #153510
        Anonymous

        Melissa,

        ok, let me be a bit cynical here. If you don’t tell soon, you will be guilty of hiding a secret. Right? And what if you tell now and DOESN’T accept you?  Kind of unlikely that she would have accepted 6 months or 20 years down the road.

        So, without knowing her or your situation in life, this is only my opinion. Tell her. Soon. Everything. If she accepts it will be wonderful. If not, you didn’t make her waste her time and you didn’t waste yours either.

        Good luck!

        Gaby

    • #154966

      Before you become too emotionally committed or before you marry, U should kind of ask some hinting questions about the crossdressing subject & see what her reaction is and see how she feels about it as you don’t want to spring this on her when you guys have already exchanged vows and maybe have a kid along the way Etc. and then you spring this on her she might flip & freak out, or will, who knows what she might do so it’s best just to ask right away in the beginning of the relationship. But pick a time pick a place and be ready for her reaction whatever it may be and get ready for the questions they will come up and there will be a lot or she may just sit in silence at first but go from there after that but take it all in stride and if she is accepting of it.  Don’t just come out guns blazing and wanting to show her pictures and dress in front of her or anything like that let it sink in, & take its time to run its course and then after a bit let her decide and control that part of when she wants to see you dressed in person or with pics. As I went through this with my wife we were together 3 years and I just decided Well it’s either shit or get off the pot so I decided to shit LOL. And it started by hanging a skirt and I found at Walmart that I did like and I did want and it was only $2 so hey you can’t beat a price like that and she had some things in the cart as well. So as I was continuing my shopping for male things and a few more female things not many though I found her over near the boots that she was looking for some to buy. And when I found her I put my items in the cart she asked me if I was going to buy that skirt and I said yeah why not you can’t beat the price can you, she giggled and she laughed and then I told her I had to tell her something I was so nervous I’m surprised I wasn’t a big sweaty mess standing there but I told her that I like to wear those things, & that I do crossdress and I have for a very long time she looked and smiled but really didnt say too much just said, that’s okay becuz I love you for you and who you are which was a very good thing cuz she can have a temper when she wants and that could have went South really bad and really fast,  that would have been one hell of a scene at Walmart and that would not even have been on a Black Friday Ssle LOL but on the way home that’s when all the questions came about, she did help me buy a few things more before we left as what would go good with this and what would go good with that but like I said she did ask me a lot of questions on the way home and I found on Forum called crossdressers. Com that had a part from the coming out to your s o. and I had all the questions that they would ask and how to answer all of them it was nice as it was like having all the answers to the test. The drive home went real well and she had a good understanding and a very good idea of what cross-dressing is which is funny as she is a counselor, she councils people of drug & alcohol addiction, some of the people that she has seen used to cross-dress or battle cross-dressing along with their addiction so now she has more of an understanding and idea of what goes through their minds and their lives and how some of them lacked support can lead to a lot of other addictions besides just wanting to cross-dress. I know that’s a lot of TMI but it related into this question so I guess choose your time wisely choose that cautiously and just be ready for the questions and just keep an open mind that this person is taking in new information about you so just be ready and mindful of her reaction and answers. Only cautious thing I would recommend is if she is one of those that likes to blab and tell others of other people’s business maybe you might want to think about that a bit as I have had some friends and have read about some people that have come out to their loved one before they get real serious and some went good some went South and the ones that went South they blabbed and told everybody about their secret which was really disheartening, as it took & takes alot of Courage for that person to say something & confide un something that means alot to us “U in general” but like I said it just depends on the person you’re telling so if you know them real well but maybe it’s time they get to know you real well but take it all in stride let it all soak in I hope this helps. Xoxo

      • #156376
        Anonymous

        You have guts girlfriend! Doing that in while shopping and out in public! You are my hero 😉 But, you couldn’t have picked a better store to do it in really. Because everything happens at Walmart lol
        And your wife, what a wife, just taking it in stride like that and helping you pick out more stuff…
        It’s just unreal to me

        xxx
        Brandy

    • #155963

      Thank you for all your help. every one situation is different. Mine is impossible. She loves me so much that it would kill her. We also  have two great kids and they love God as much as her.   She would want me gone and away from the kids to protect them from this life style.  I tried to stop but it an addition. The more I don’t want it the more I think about it and distracts me from anything else. Like now I should be working. LOL.  If we didn’t have kids it would be a different story. She might accept it.  I have too much to lose telling her.    I blame my father for being an ass! I looked up tp my MOM growing up and wanted to be like her and nothing like my Dad. Well I m like my mom in more ways than one.

    • #157365
      Khloe West
      Duchess

      A slightly odder experience. but I have a supportive wife as well over the past few years that will buy me things as well as give me her hand me downs on leggings and the like.

      Pretty similar in size from waist down, but no chance of a share on tops or dresses on the upper measurements. I’m a 42″ sans any padding.

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