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  • #378829
    Laura Lovett
    Participant
    Registered On: March 26, 2020
    Topics: 12
    Replies: 757
    Has thanked: 2425 times
    Been thanked: 3711 times

    Hi ladies

    This is a question my wife has asked me, and, as far as I can see, there is no definitive answer – but I find this question real food for thought.

    I am really interested in your thoughts, as they pertain to where you see yourself going – maybe vs where you’d like to go with your dressing, and, if you’re anything like me, changes to that vision as life circumstances unfold.

    I’ll get the ball rolling:

    When first asked this question, I genuinely had no idea. I want to be able to choose my look on a day to day basis, and not feel any constraints to conform to some unwritten set of rules that I didn’t sign up for, and, in reality, do not exist.

    Seems reasonable to me!

    For me, it’s more than the clothes – I love the clothes, and there’s the entry point.

    I don’t like the look of a man in a dress on me – the look needs to be more complete – passing as a woman would be great, but looking acceptable to my own eyes is the goal.

    Once I tried it, I wanted to experience life dressed in my chosen fashion. That was the next level – I was not looking for validation from anyone else, just comfort in my fashion.

    I went for walks, trying but not always succeeding to avoid other walkers so that I didn’t offend them.

    As I encountered people and noticed that many smiled, and hardly anyone seemed offended, I broadened my horizons and went to shops and big towns.

    The reactions were broadly the same, except for a new one, which was interaction – people talking to me, and being complimentary and, less often, hostile.

    I was now experiencing some life – but needed more, and also began to crave further interaction.

    Where did I want to take this?

    I wanted to up my look – my makeup skills were poor, my dress sense suited me, but was very limited – although people seemed happy enough to take me as I was, I needed more from my femme experience.

    At this point, I wonder why?

    Most likely, I wanted the experience, but was still defining what that experience is. Like a genetic woman, I was discovering that the world of women’s fashion is a world of artistic creation, and, as with any art, you take a look at your early works, and decide that this is not an art for you, that you’re happy with where you are, or that there are exciting possibilities to explore.

    I am in the latter category – so many looks that Laura can have, so many things she could do, and so much potential for interaction and connecting communities.

    So where do I want to take this?

    I feel like I have unlocked a princess from her tower, and she is leading the way.

    There was a recent poll – which Disney princess would you like to be?

    I am so Rapunzel!

    Currently fresh out of the tower, still exploring, and searching for the meaning of lights in the sky which seem to relate to me, reliant on my emotional connections and inner feistiness, guided by a man who really has no clue where we’re going and is a bit of a lucky chancer, trying to avoid dangerous situations while taking risks, devoted entirely to protecting the princess.

    I had more fun with this question than I thought!

    Please feel free to mix a bit of daydreaming with the reality that you see – and have fun with this question too.

     

    How far do you want to take this?

    😍

    Love Laura

     

     

Viewing 18 reply threads
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    • #416484
      Deborah Sullivan
      Duchess
      Registered On: February 27, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 456
      Has thanked: 1923 times
      Been thanked: 1718 times

      As a single guy I dont have all the problems most in here have with having people depending on you as a wife or children. I dont just crossdress but love being a woman in actions and behavior and life style whenever I want. There is that one or two days a week though I do enjoy being a male.It is so fulfilling being able to live both genders

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #416269
      Giselle Reeves
      Lady
      Registered On: September 27, 2017
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 139
      Has thanked: 566 times
      Been thanked: 425 times

      if i had my way i would go all the way to become a transsexual woman

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #415756
      Mika Malone
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: November 11, 2020
      Topics: 26
      Replies: 557
      Has thanked: 1683 times
      Been thanked: 2194 times

      I know this post is a few months old but it just jumped up on my “new since last visit” list.

      Just yesterday, I realized that I needed to update my bio here. When I joined, I really only intended to publicly crossdress (beyond underdressing) at a cosplay convention and Pride Fest. That was still the case when I asked my wife how she felt about me dressing at home. After she said that it was fine, she said that she just didn’t want to go out in public with me while I was dressed just to not deal with possible negative reactions. I told her that I really didn’t even want to do that beyond those two exceptions. It only took five seconds for me to know I really wanted more and I quickly told her that, actually, I do want to get out as a woman and I totally understood her decision. Strike while the iron is hot I guess.

      I’m so close to Mika’s public debut and I am so excited about it. I don’t know exactly where this will ultimately lead me. I’m just taking it as it comes and having a ball.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #416254
        Laura Lovett
        Lady
        Registered On: March 26, 2020
        Topics: 12
        Replies: 757
        Has thanked: 2425 times
        Been thanked: 3711 times

        *So excited for you – and me!*

        It’s been confirmed by the hotel that this weekend’s Brighton trip is on for me!

        It’s been 2 months.

        I’ll probably stay in the hotel, or walk around the parks – or Devil’s Dyke, in my warm coat, scarf and wellies (ladies, of course!).

        A day of Laura time is what keeps me going, keeps me striving for better across the board.

        With all the restrictions, I’m not planning to go anywhere near crowds, but hopefully will get a cocktail in at the beach bar.

        Wrapped up, snug and warm, sipping a Long Island Iced Tea as the waves break on the pebbles… my idea of heaven!

        No need to take it any further just now.

        Love Laura

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #416285
          Mika Malone
          Duchess - Annual
          Registered On: November 11, 2020
          Topics: 26
          Replies: 557
          Has thanked: 1683 times
          Been thanked: 2194 times

          That sounds wonderful. I do hope you give us details when you return. And maybe even updates while you are there. Have a lovely trip!

          1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #403000
      Joanne Jackson
      Lady
      Registered On: May 26, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 84
      Has thanked: 203 times
      Been thanked: 406 times

      If it were my decision and mine alone i would take it all the way.  I still don’t rule it out and wouldn’t hesitate to say yes, let’s do it!  I’m an estrogen junkie.  But life and dreams don’t always sync and tomorrow I’ll wake up and go to work . . .

      “And when the evening rolls around
      I’ll go on home and lay my body down
      And when the morning light comes streaming in
      I’ll get up and do it again
      Amen
      Say it again
      Amen”

      Jackson Browne ‘The Pretender’ for you youngsters out there.  :o.  Hope i didn’t bum anyone out but the question was how far do i *want* to take it and i *want* to take it all the way but i expect I’ll end up ‘The Pretender’.

      Thanks for listening.       And understanding.

       

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #402999
      Bettylou Cox
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 1690
      Has thanked: 2995 times
      Been thanked: 5662 times

      How far do I want to take my Dressing?  During the past 18 months or so, I find that the more I do it, the more I want it;  I’m now to where I would be Bettylou full-time if I could.  I look better, and I’m more comfortable as Bettylou.  I have no interest in SRS, but IF I could, I would seriously consider HRT.  Being a girl is just too much fun.

      Bettylou

       

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #402986
      Jill Sweet
      Lady
      Registered On: November 2, 2020
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 68
      Has thanked: 99 times
      Been thanked: 351 times

      I would love to have Jill as a fully formed person. Complete with her own interests and ideas that would probably be different from my male identity. I would love Jill to have a place to explore herself completely. Complete dressing up w makeup on a regular basis. I want to be able to express my strong girly desires in clothing and mannerisms. I can be very very submissive and I love that about being Jill. I love being dressed as a Maid with a bow in my hair and restraints in all the fun places. I also will not engage in anything that would harm the amazing relationship I have with my wife. I want to be a whole sexy pink gal.

      Sweet Pink Kisses

      Jill

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #397202
      Mary Jane
      Lady
      Registered On: September 30, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 88
      Has thanked: 156 times
      Been thanked: 528 times

      How far do I want to go? Well I have hiked 2 km up to the back fence enfemme with a rifle.  (Oh….I see. Not that kind of distance.  😉 )

      I don’t want to transition to a woman. I enjoy wearing womens clothing, makeup, and nail polish.

      I nearly put polish and lipstick on the other day, but was glad I didnt, as my car broke down 1/2 way to town.  A neighbor stopped to help, and we had to hire a trailer to get the car to a mechanic.

      I’m happy to be in mostly drab mode around my wife. I’ll wear tights, and pantyhose around her. I have a couple of pretty tee shirts that I’ll wear as well. Nail polish always on the toes. Occasionally on the fingers. And occasionally some eye makeup, bb cream, light foundation, and bronzer if we are going out. (Very light touch.)

      I went through a debilitating sickness which required me to relearn to walk and talk. Hospitalized for a few months. My then wife became extremely abusive, and I become homeless and suicidal, while disabled because of her abuse. (Because I was a lazy xyz who wouldn’t go to work, and she knew there was  nothing wrong with me.)

      Anyways. I met my wife on social media, while homeless. Then a coffee. Then dinner. Then we got married. (I was living out of a small commercial van I had.)

      We work well as a team. She is aware I’m a cd. But while I sometimes fantasize about going out enfemme with her, or shopping – I’m content that its more a fantasy, than a real desire.

      Ultimately my marriage is more important than my fantasies. As a husband I’m called to lay my life down for my wife, and do what is good for her health and well being. And she with me.

      She met me and married me as a guy. (I hadn’t cd for 30 years  and started up about 4 years ago. 7 years into our marriage.)

      I like being married. I like being a man. I enjoy heterosexual sex. Sorry guys, gals, but sex with a bloke, trans etc is a major turnoff to me. And I’m deeply conservative and not one to cheat on my wife.

      So how far do I want to go. As far as is comfortable for both of us. As it naturally unfolds. While maintaining the integrity of our marriage, and community networks.

       

       

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #396554
      Rachel Cross
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 13, 2020
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 192
      Has thanked: 1153 times
      Been thanked: 1097 times

      i have only been dressing for about 7 years now. going out in public for about 4 years. in the time i have been dressing i have done alot. no plans on going full fem. think maybe if i were younger, but not now. i make a list every year what i want to do as a cd. and every year i get most of it done. running out of things to do. but my biggest goal is to get more cross dressers out in public so when i go out i’m not the only one dressed. it would be nice to take a group of girls out shopping or for a pedicure. i would also like to train another cd and show them its ok to go out dressed. i have seen some guys out there with painted toes or finger nails. i like to see that. hopefully someday it will be at least 25% out there. i find myself going out more dressed this year. i love shopping for woman things. i think it would be great to have a girlfriend that wouldnt mind having me as a boyfriend / girlfriend. i think that would be so much fun.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #396406
      Rei Durden
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 791
      Has thanked: 4885 times
      Been thanked: 3193 times

      I’ll take it as far as I can without crossing a couple of boundaries.

      1. It can’t cause us financial burdens. Right now we have some extra moola but I’m also trying to pick just enough to keeps my appetite whetted for the near future. This includes physical alterations/augmentation.

      2. If it involves exploring intimacy with someone other than my SO, it’s NO (not to say I won’t have a deep conversation with anyone, but it shouldn’t be something I haven’t already talked about with my wife already)

      Other than those 2, there’s not been any clear boundaries defined so I’ll explore until I bump into another one.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #395840
      Lexie Trask
      Princess
      Registered On: August 9, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 97
      Has thanked: 191 times
      Been thanked: 488 times

      I have pondered this exact question quite frequently.

      At this time in my life, I have been dressing at work for about 6 months before COVID came into being. When I’m at work, I’m happier, and more focused on my work. Now that I work from home, for the same company, I am lucky if I get to wear heels for a couple of hours.

      I told my wife earlier this year about me being a cross dresser, and to say that she was less than accepting is an understatement.

      My happy place would be if I could dress for the weekdays, changing back into male mode foe the weekend.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #390177
      Sonia Pink
      Lady
      Registered On: May 18, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 61
      Has thanked: 248 times
      Been thanked: 235 times

      The straight forward and fantasy answer to this for me is easy , choose on a day to day basis who I want to be man or woman ! In the real world that’s just not possible ( for me anyways)  . So for now i will aspire to make it to a club with my wife hand in  hand and come home laughing ..

      sonia xxxx

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #385234
      Heather Harrison
      Lady
      Registered On: August 3, 2020
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 126
      Has thanked: 767 times
      Been thanked: 559 times

      Wow, great question and this is exactly where I’m at!

      I had my second session with my therapist, and she brought the subject of HRT up already. That kind of caught me off guard, but forced me to examine what I want.

      I’m still not sure how far I want to go, but it sure is one hell of a journey!

      Heather

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #381751
      Holly G
      Lady
      Registered On: August 25, 2015
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 123
      Has thanked: 65 times
      Been thanked: 187 times

      Hi Laura, this is a great question and one my wife asks me constantly!  The problem we both always come back to is that Holly has never had true freedom to really see what I would do. Looking back, over the past 7 years, I went from very infrequent, but always wanting, to buying my own clothes, to going out for that lonely night walk hoping no one would see me, to going to a CVS while dressed, to finally getting up the confidence (although I was TERRIFIED!!!) to go to a VERY crowded mall dressed!! All experiences kept reinforcing my desires because they were all wonderful experiences. So over the years I’ve kept upping the ante and loving it! So…back to the present…where am I going to be satisfied??  I’ve tried for a couple years now to dig deep and answer this question. I keep answering with I would not ever transition, but again, the ONLY person in my life that knows that I dress is my wife, and she hasn’t ever seen Holly and doesn’t even know her name!  So again…IF Holly ever had full freedom to do as you described…decide how I wanted to present that day and just do it without concern of others thoughts, I’m not sure how often I’d be Holly or my male self.  And if I was Holly more often than not, would that turn into other thoughts?  It’s the biggest what if question we all face!

      • #416270
        Holly G
        Lady
        Registered On: August 25, 2015
        Topics: 12
        Replies: 123
        Has thanked: 65 times
        Been thanked: 187 times

        Wow, so a lot has happened since I posted my first reply! I’ve come out to my wife as bigender. My wife now has seen pictures of me dressed. I have far more freedom to wear what I want each day. I’ve actually made her a gender scale so she can see each day where my identity feels regardless of how I am or have to present. I’ve taken to wearing women’s underwear every day and she’s fine with it. On girlie days when I have to work I’ll dress female from the waist down so mostly leggings and my super cute pink and purple running shoes. When I don’t have to be in video I’ll take it much further and enjoy the morning fully dressed. This week I was even able to spend a morning in the new (first ever) outfit she bought for Holly! All the while she has been fully accepting of me and we’ve never been closer. It’s seriously been amazing!

    • #381180
      Diana W
      Lady
      Registered On: July 9, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 244
      Has thanked: 1286 times
      Been thanked: 1117 times

      Great question!  I know I’m much more than just a man who likes to wear dresses.  I told my wife the other night I feel I’m 60% feminine, though I think the true number may be even higher than that.  I’m Dressed most of the time at home now.  But even when I’m dressed DRAB I still feel feminine.  I don’t just dress as Diana.  I AM Diana.

      I want to progress to makeup and a wig.  I want to go out Dressed one day in the future.  I don’t think I’m going to want to transition but who knows.  This seems to have progressed so far already in barely two months since I started.  The truth is at this moment I don’t know how far I’m going to want to go.  I’m just enjoying the journey.

    • #381155
      stephanie plumb
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 17, 2018
      Topics: 117
      Replies: 1348
      Has thanked: 1978 times
      Been thanked: 5800 times

      How far?   What a question…

      For now the only answer I have is the observation that no matter how far along our personal journey we go – it’s never enough, is it?

      I want to come back to this after a bit more introspection ……….

      Are we trying to reach that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?

      “The road goes ever on and on. Down from the door where it began,  Now far ahead the road has gone, And I must follow, if I can,  Pursuing it with weary feet, Until it joins some larger way, Where many paths and errands meet, And wither then?  I cannot say.”

      (I hope i am not breaking any copyright laws here!)

      Stephanie P

       

       

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #380589
      Anonymous
      Registered On:
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 701
      Has thanked: 8063 times
      Been thanked: 3828 times

      When I think about the dressing up, many others here are light years ahead of me. I have great admiration for others who have come out to their families and often in public dressed up and passing. I would love to transition. But I am a two time cancer survivor and my markers are going up again. My oncologist told me that I will at some point need more treatment. No doctor would sign off for me to go on HRT or any elective surgeries.   

      So this is more than crossdressing for me. The clothes are nice but not at the top of the list. My makeup skills are novice at best. Yes I want more clothes and am practicing my makeup, but my priorities are more how I feel inside. I want to be more spiritual, I want to believe completely in myself as a woman. I want to heal old wounds that often come up and prevent me from living my full potential. I want that valve for the feminine energy flowing thru me to be wide open. I want to feminize my body as much as possible. Someday when I kick cancer’s butt again, I would like to live full time as a woman.

      Kay

      • #385242
        Heather Harrison
        Lady
        Registered On: August 3, 2020
        Topics: 11
        Replies: 126
        Has thanked: 767 times
        Been thanked: 559 times

        Hi Kay,

        I love what you wrote. Being a cancer survivor I have an idea what you are going through and send you my love and support.

        It is amazing how when we are forced to address our mortality, what we find important to us becomes more clear.

        Hugs,

        Heather

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #378842
      Celeste Starre
      Lady
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 31
      Replies: 724
      Has thanked: 206 times
      Been thanked: 2188 times

      Fairly simple for me. I want to keep doing what I’m doing for as long as I can.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #378840
      ANDREA RAVEN
      Lady
      Registered On: December 21, 2017
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 303
      Has thanked: 29 times
      Been thanked: 650 times

      This is an interesting question that I suspect many of us have asked ourselves at some point. The truth of the matter, in my case, is I just don’t know. Several years ago I would have said I would be happy to be able to dress now and again, but as things progress we want to move onto the next level, going out, going shopping, going to a night club, having a meal out, I have now done all those things and want to do them more, but what else do I want? As I said, the truth is I don’t know, I would like to have the opportunity to be Andrea for three days or so, that has not happened as yet, but I know when that does happen three days will not be enough and I will want more. Will I ever go full time? I doubt it, but a few years ago I would have been happy with a couple of hours as Andrea, so the answer again is I don’t know, all I hope is wherever this journey takes me I shall be happy, and that’s all anybody could hope for………..

      • #415637
        Trisha Lilly Langdan
        Lady
        Registered On: December 8, 2020
        Topics: 18
        Replies: 296
        Has thanked: 2315 times
        Been thanked: 1135 times

        Hi Laura, I’ve just started asking myself this very quesion. I recently admitted to myself and family that in a Cd. Been in denial since I was 12, now 31. Don’t want to derail your thread just wanted to let you know that it has left me in tears asking myself the same question.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #415725
          Laura Lovett
          Lady
          Registered On: March 26, 2020
          Topics: 12
          Replies: 757
          Has thanked: 2425 times
          Been thanked: 3711 times

          Hi Trisha

          You haven’t derailed the thread at all, sweetie!

          It’s a tough question that faces most of us, and the implications can be huge – but ultimately it’s your life journey, and you need the path that suits you best.

          This side is here for exactly this sort of support – don’t expect instant solutions, but there are so many going through these issues, and we’re all here to help and support.

          Now it’s out in the open, I’m sure you have more to deal with than you anticipated, but it’s truly better out than locked in.

          I wish I’d come out in my 30’s!

          For now, the best advice I can give is to focus on one issue at a time, and chat through form topics.

          There are some amazing people here – never mind gender, orientation or anything else, just be yourself.

          Love Laura

    • #378836
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Princess
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 605
      Has thanked: 3786 times
      Been thanked: 2234 times

      Hi Laura It is a good question to ask your self at any point in your journey. I have been pushing the envelope for years. I still enjoy pushing that envelope. I guess i am going to take it as far as i can without disrupting my present life style and relationships for now. I am it no rush but i should be considering my age. I know in my heart and mind i should of been born with a female body. Like so many here i have managed to survive for so long by using tools like denial and shame to put off being whole. I keep going back to a moment in time when it was possible and the opportunity was there to make things right . I chose to go with what i was told. It was the easiest and safest way to go. I paid the price for my decision back then, I have had to deal with depression, anxiety and everything that goes with trying to hide my true identity. Most of us have made the same decision and will pay the price one way or another. So it has come full circle. I have done everything that was expected of me given that male body. I have used and abused this male body to a point of no return. Trying to feminize it would not be impossible but very unlikely. The cost both economically and socially is much more than i would be willing to pay.  I am left with a sad answer I will take it as far as others will accept and go from there. Luv Stephanie

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