- Our relationship was enhanced
- Our relationship stayed the same
- Our relationship deteriorated but my Cross Dressing is tolerated.
- Our relationship stayed the same but SO does not want to see or talk about the Cross Dressing
- Divorce was inevitable regardless of the Cross Dressing
- Our relationship ended in divorce due to Cross Dressing
- My SO does not know
- My SO suspect's
- October 16, 2020 at 5:29 am #395275Diane CrowParticipantRegistered On: October 21, 2019Topics: 8Replies: 164Has thanked: 1440 timesBeen thanked: 702 times
While talking to my therapist and sharing with her how many members CDH has (25,000) I speculated that if there are 25k on CDH there must be 3 to 4 hundred thousand crossdressers in the US and Canada alone that are not affiliated in some way with this wonderful community. She wondered if there had been any research on the effects of crossdressing on existing relationships. Good question. I’ll ask.
So here is the question of the day.
How has crossdressing affecting your relationship with your SO?
Total of 26 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.
- October 18, 2020 at 8:48 am #395981ElaineParticipantRegistered On: September 2, 2015Topics: 25Replies: 69Has thanked: 61 timesBeen thanked: 145 times
I can sense that we are not as close as we once were and methinks it is because of crossdressing. Perhaps because our communication about crossdressing has stopped. She is not aware of how much I love it. She knows I dress and I know she doesn’t like it. So I try to keep her from seeing me dressed or any of the support activities needed to maintain the CD lifestyle (laundry, shopping, reading, CDH…,) Lately I am trying to be more transparent. For instance: “I am going shopping for makeup supplies”; “do you have something that will help remove the nail polish from my toenails”; “I ordered a new skirt to be delivered by USPS so please watch for it”; “I am reading a book about a trans persons life”; and changed the screensavers on my electronic devises to selfies from my CDH public photos. Hopefully these things will gradually and incrementally open the communication lines about CD and help her better understand, and thus lead to acceptance.
- October 18, 2020 at 7:15 am #395941Rei DurdenParticipantRegistered On: October 11, 2020Topics: 6Replies: 190Has thanked: 1057 timesBeen thanked: 549 times
It’s been both enhanced and compromised. Wrap your head around that one!
My SO is happy to see me happy but also has concerns about self absorption and spending too much time in something she accepts but doesn’t understand.
Concerns about the loss of the MAN she married but is unable to clearly define what a MAN is in her eyes. I want to help her through this when she struggles but it is coming off as me seeming pushy.
When things are good it’s great, other times not so much.
She told me last night that had she know early in our relationship it would have been a deal breaker.
Oh my, I could go on and on this morning!
- October 18, 2020 at 5:27 am #395929Michelle LastParticipantRegistered On: August 14, 2020Topics: 9Replies: 22Has thanked: 30 timesBeen thanked: 229 times
My experience is too complicated to go into detail here. It went from almost divorced to grudging acceptance, to seemingly complete acceptance, to full participation, and now back to “I can’t have that in my life. We are now separated and most likely divorced.
- October 18, 2020 at 4:23 am #395922Patty PhoseParticipantRegistered On: May 7, 2016Topics: 0Replies: 1363Has thanked: 956 timesBeen thanked: 3181 times
My wife met Patty a couple of weeks after we met. She surprised me showing up at my place. I had been dressing a couple of years and had a lot of wonderful and sexy clothes. When she saw some of them lying around, her demeanor changed. She thought I lived with a woman. I decided to explain to her the clothes were mine. I enjoyed wearing them for fun and going out to parties or just going out for drives and getting out of the car and do brief errands or just walk around a bit. I know it’s weird but it’s fun and I get quite a thrill from it.
She looked suspicious. She told me to show her. I went in the bedroom and put on one of my favorite and sexiest outfits, with makeup and everything. When I walked out, she was stunned. She was amazed at how pretty and sexy I was. After that, I was often dressed as Patty when she came around. One day she suggested we should go shopping together as girlfriends. Although I had been out many times to parties and driving around doing brief errands and walks, it was always on a college campus or private house, or in carefully chosen safe locations. I had never been out in full Patty mode in the real world. A mall on a Saturday just seemed like too much.
I was nervous but mostly OK with walking from the house to the car. And I was a bit nervous but mostly fine driving to the mall. I had done that countless times. Parking the car and seeing all those people around really made me nervous. I didn’t want to get out of the car. It took a while and some coercing before I opened the door and stepped out. There was lot of people around. I was in my shiny pantyhose, platform wedges, short summery dress and my Daisy Duke style wig. I was sure I would draw attention and maybe not the kind of attention I would want. I stood there looking around. No one seemed to be reacting towards me. Maybe I could do this. I grabbed my purse, shut the car door and we began walking towards the entrance. I looked straight ahead. I didn’t want to see anyone looking my way. There was people all around us. I was very nervous. When we got to the entrance, I didn’t want to go in. I would be trapped. At least when outside I had a chance of escaping to the car. I was paralyzed with fear as I walked through the entrance. Now we were inside. I couldn’t believe I did it. Now I began to look around. I guess I was looking for approaching danger. I did notice some looks coming our way? What were they seeing? A pretty young girl and a guy in a dress? That thought really scared me. Or two pretty, young and leggy girls? That thought excited me.
After several minutes with seemingly no threats to deal with, I began to relax a bit and become more focused on the thrill of being out dressed. Then we began going in stores and looking at clothes. I began get excited about getting some of those wonderful and sexy clothes. The fabulous pantyhose, the wonderful bras and panties, the pretty dresses, the sexy lingerie. I had to have them all. The fact I was shopping fully en femme and with a girl, just enhanced the experience. That day we both ended up with a lot of new and wonderful clothes. Overall, it had been so much fun and so exciting, I couldn’t wait to do it again.
I enjoyed wearing he clothes she had chosen for me when we were at my place. She thought we should just go out as girlfriends. We don’t have to just go shopping. We could do other things. Maybe even the same things we might do as boyfriend/girlfriend. Before we would go out, I would ask her if I should go as Patty or my male self. She told me to do what ever I wanted. More often then not I chose being Patty. After a while I stopped asking. Unless it was a special social situation where being Patty might not be suitable, I would just get into Patty mode. It seemed we had more fun when I did , and there was often that special, if even brief shopping trip for some more special clothes.
So, we were not just boyfriend/girlfriend, but girlfriends too. We are still that way today. I become Patty pretty much every day at home, but we go out a lot less then we used to.
- October 18, 2020 at 2:37 am #395911Penny JayParticipantRegistered On: August 4, 2020Topics: 2Replies: 17Has thanked: 57 timesBeen thanked: 124 times
I voted, its been enhanced. My SO and I have been together for over 30 years, with a strong relationship. We didn’t know it through all these years until recently, that CD was what was inside me. With our two kids now grown up, more attention is focused on ourselves, and one birthday weekend away we got talking, a lot, and that’s when PennyJ came into existence, and we are very open about it (to each other). With all new things, its work in progress, finding each others boundaries etc., always together. And then we found CDH, with more information and friendly people on similar journeys. Love it all.
- October 17, 2020 at 11:13 am #395730T.J. ByronParticipantRegistered On: October 18, 2018Topics: 0Replies: 220Has thanked: 1516 timesBeen thanked: 744 times
After 38 years of 2nd marriage, kids, & grandkids we are good.
Me, dressings in early years, out in public at 21, still all that 1st marriage, no one knew about my CDing.
Physical satisfaction for us was great until ED set in around 2005. At about 2014 the wife came home early and…busted!
She was devastated. The man she knew was dead . We went together to 2 yrs. Of PH.D. counciling. I continued with seeing the doctor 3 more years, dressing for the visits.
Now, 6 yrs later , my wife , a Chef, is giving a Formal Tea for my many girlfriends And THEIR WIVES! Needless time say I am thrilled. Also, she has given me items to enhance my dressing. She critiques my outfits before I leave the house.
We are in a much better place now and I have never been freer ….
- October 16, 2020 at 7:06 pm #395507Alison AndersonParticipantRegistered On: October 15, 2018Topics: 3Replies: 318Has thanked: 152 timesBeen thanked: 1127 times
My situation deteriorated for quite a while after she found out. Any time she was losing an argument (not even related to crossdressing), she would blackmail me by threatening to expose me. We were having plenty of problems before, and this just added fuel to my fire.
At one point, with counseling, she asked me not to crossdress and I asked her for something really minor and inconsequential. When I saw that she wasn’t willing to change anything, I went back to crossdressing and found a place near me that does transformations and had my first real outing. Within 6 months I started attending parties (at the home of the woman who did the transformation), and she became a bit tolerant.
But by this time we had already decided to divorce, although it didn’t happen for another 10 years, first due to waiting for my youngest to reach 18, and then because of the housing market collapse, we would not have been able to sell the house and pay off the mortgage, let alone other fees, movers, etc.
It’s funny how she was so against my crossdressing, despite always telling me how she liked “man-tailored” clothing. It was perfectly all right for her to want to wear men’s clothing, but not for me to wear women’s clothing.
- October 16, 2020 at 3:08 pm #395452Laura LovettParticipantRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 7Replies: 371Has thanked: 1003 timesBeen thanked: 1671 times
Hi Diane, our relationship suffered at first – although not as much as when our 3rd child was due and the post-natal depression that followed.
However, it’s bounced back, 2 years later – I was determined it would and put in a lot of effort to ensure our relationship would work, our family would grow, and other thongs, such as work, would improve.
I felt split into my male and female sides, so I got into splitting everything else too, and to just throw myself 100% into whatever was important in the moment, without looking back, except for brief reflection, or forward, except for orientation (ie, how does what I’m doing now help bring about the broader objective? Can I do better, if so, what?).
This isn’t about pressure, it’s about making the most of and enjoying the current task as much as possible, with rewards for less pleasant activities (toilet cleaning, you know, basics).
This might all seem rudimentary, but when I had no definite cross dressing to look forward to except stolen moments, I was far less motivated.
Now that it’s understood, my wardrobe isn’t confined to bin bags, but is in an actual wardrobe, and I have definite, allocated time to be Laura, the worries, the secrecy, the shame and guilt are no more.
That is priceless.
Any woman who decides to divorce over clothing, well, that is a very, very sad indictment of a conditioning society.
How many husbands have divorced their wives because they stop dressing in pretty clothes? What would people think if they did?
My wife and I briefly talked about divorce, but quickly found out that neither of us wants that at all. We want the person we chose to marry.
For better or worse. As promised in front of our families and God.
- October 16, 2020 at 2:47 pm #395448Giselle ReevesParticipantRegistered On: September 27, 2017Topics: 1Replies: 115Has thanked: 476 timesBeen thanked: 305 times
great question Diane , in my case when i came out to my wife 9 yrs ago we both suffered nervous breakdowns and divorce seemed to be a very strong possibility.
my wife has become somewhat tolerant over the years and even attends support group
events with me. however our marriage has never been the same and our physical relationship really died the day i came out to her.
the disadvantages of telling my wife i crossdress far outweighs the benefits
- October 16, 2020 at 2:34 pm #395442Kay AndersonParticipantRegistered On: June 1, 2020Topics: 16Replies: 499Has thanked: 4669 timesBeen thanked: 2583 times
I voted enhanced. My wife was accepting when I came out to her. All my life I have felt like a woman and approached life that way. That has been a strength in my life, family, relationships and career. My wife says she still needs me to be a man at times. That she doesn’t want me to have surgery. I would love to have the surgeries, but they are not in the plan right now anyway. I have explained to her that I am sensitive, emotional and nurturing and that has benefited her and all our kids. She does understand that.
- October 16, 2020 at 2:01 pm #395432Rachel WilliamsParticipantRegistered On: November 3, 2019Topics: 3Replies: 108Has thanked: 211 timesBeen thanked: 309 times
Unfortunately none of the options in the poll fitted my situation. My wife discovered my crossdressing and our relationship deteriorated but we have not separated but a purge needed to take place and I am taking measures to avoid a repetition by denying myself the ability of any personal expenditure.
The fact that I am still on CDH means to myself I am being realistic that I am unlikely to permanently drive the interest from my mind but for the foreseeable future I need to be able to genuinely say that I do not possess any ” ladies underwear”
- October 16, 2020 at 3:12 pm #395453Diane CrowParticipantRegistered On: October 21, 2019Topics: 8Replies: 164Has thanked: 1440 timesBeen thanked: 702 times
I am so sorry that you are going through this struggle in your life. I sense that you purged because you felt like you had too. I am so so happy you are still here with us. I have a few recommendations for you.
Go to https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/groups/keep-or-return/
This is a group that sisters post photos and other sisters respond with Keep or Return. It is a wonderful way to get and give advise on what looks good on a person. But most of all it is fun and you dont have to post any photos at all. You can just read the responses or put your 2 cents in.
This group is so much fun. A sister post different looks and the other sisters imagine where she is going to go in that outfit. The working of your imagination muscles is wonderful and the responses have been so much fun and creative.
The last recommendation I have for you is by far the most important. I would recommend that you find someone who you can talk too. Someone that understands your situation and is qualified to listen and help. The person I have in mind is a licensed couch and a member here on CDH. You can see her on the web site here https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/video-sessions/videos/august-2020-live-sessions-with-sophie-and-char/
Char is a wonderful person and I spoke with her and she would love to hear from you only if you want to talk. https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/members/charee/
Her website is https://myzenstone.com/
If you want I am also here to talk with you. We know what you are going through. We have all been there.
Hugs Hugs and more Hugs
- October 16, 2020 at 12:54 pm #395407Jo JettParticipantRegistered On: May 8, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 84Has thanked: 1631 timesBeen thanked: 325 times
I voted stayed the same… we were 19 when we Married…32 years ago, our marriage is very strong, raised 4 kids, we have a farm and both work off the farm. I underdress- no bras, corsets for health reasons, panties, silk and satin camis for bed, ladies cut jeans. We enjoy spending time together as a couple and with family. Our relationship is as strong as it has always been, we also have a strong faith. I dream of fully dressing , to try it, but honestly, I am content with where I am… I won’t do anything to harm my relationship. It’s give and take… more give by each of us then take… that’s why we are so great together.
- October 16, 2020 at 12:47 pm #395404Stephanie BassParticipantRegistered On: November 30, 2019Topics: 5Replies: 749Has thanked: 6273 timesBeen thanked: 2228 times
Hi Diane great question as i answered inhanced our marrige and relation ship as im so sorry for all you girls here with wifes and SOs who dont approve im almost ashamed to say i have a great relationship with my wife and Stephanie also. When we were married withen first few weeks i knew i could not keep this from her and came out as Stephanie and her husband togrther she got two in the deal with the ring ..LOL.. Well it took a lot of talking as maybe a month or 4 or 5 weekend chat sessions when she asked to meet Stephanie so as it goes it took off from there and havent turned back in 37 years of marrige , we have fun shopping together on line as Stephanie dosent go out side the house . We still shop when we go to big city shopping as wife likes to shop for Stephanie and she buys Things for her from time to time as a supprise as this past week Stephanie recieved in mail a pair of Thigh High black boots a blue blouse and three new bras as she said . She saw they were getting bad looking from her doing the wash she sees all Stephanies clothes there so better quit hopes and prayers goes to all of you with cant say problems . All you girls that have situations waiting to be resolved thats better good luck and .
Love you all
- October 16, 2020 at 12:11 pm #395396Kelly TerryParticipantRegistered On: February 26, 2018Topics: 10Replies: 88Has thanked: 60 timesBeen thanked: 319 times
I don’t know what to answer since it’s changed over time.
Before we got married I told my wife that I like to wear womens clothing. She said something down the lines of “ok, just keep it out of my sight”. I don’t think she really knew what I talked about and it was kind of late in the game but at least I told her and did it before we where married.
Then came life, kids, and all that stuff. I kept Kelly in the closet and did it only when I was home alone. Sometimes I let kelly out late evening/nights but I was always alone.
As the kids did grow up and I got some more time the urge grew stronger. I did at some point (15-20 years later) “have the talk” where I reminded her about it my female side. It was short talks that became longer and then I started having heels on while kids where in school. I then added a skirt and a little more as time did go on.
Kids have now moved out and I’m now able to be Kelly more or less full time, at least when we are home (and even done some outings, see my other posts).
I pointed out that I always want to be completely truthful with her and that keeping Kelly from her did feel very wrong. She is accepting Kelly but not much more.
Based on above my answer was both “same” and “improved”. It’s about the same over all but me not having to hide anything from here makes it a little better, at least for me.
- October 16, 2020 at 12:10 pm #395395Amy MyersParticipantRegistered On: February 11, 2019Topics: 14Replies: 1036Has thanked: 2642 timesBeen thanked: 2444 times
I replied that it has enhanced it. We have always been a close couple, and she has known I’ve had a fondness to wear lingerie from time to time. Then 2-3 years ago I really wanted and needed to do what I had dreamt of for the last 20 or more, to get completely dressed up with makeup and nice wig, etc.
It took a bit of getting used to since like so many other people seem to, I was gay, or leaning that way, which is totally not true.
Since then we have gone out girl and girl style on occasion, but the big thing is we are so much closer now. It is very cool to shop together online and in person, and bounce ideas for clothes and outfits off of each other.
- October 16, 2020 at 11:47 am #395393ParticipantRegistered On: October 21, 2019Topics: 8Replies: 164Has thanked: 1440 timesBeen thanked: 702 times
So is there a possibility you two will ever get back together? Or are you open to new relationships? Just being nosy.
- October 16, 2020 at 9:41 am #395360ParticipantRegistered On: October 21, 2019Topics: 8Replies: 164Has thanked: 1440 timesBeen thanked: 702 times
So Genevieve, I have a question. It sounds like you two are still an item. Is it possible for you to get back together?
Just being nosy
- October 16, 2020 at 7:31 am #395316EmilyParticipantRegistered On: April 30, 2016Topics: 13Replies: 460Has thanked: 2323 timesBeen thanked: 1124 times
Our relationship (33 years of marriage) has evolved over time as relationships do. When she found out I was CD she was at first supportive, but not excited about the idea. Over time that tolerance has morphed into don’t ask don’t tell. She knows I dress because all my clothes are in my closet and drawers. I also wear perfume daily so there is always that lingering scent that is undeniably feminine. She occasionally goes through my things to see if I have anything new. She never says anything about it. She has told me in the past that she prays daily that God will remove this demon from my life (her words). That hurts more than I can say. We have reached a truce where we just don’t talk about it and she never gets to see Emily.
- October 16, 2020 at 9:37 am #395357ParticipantRegistered On: October 21, 2019Topics: 8Replies: 164Has thanked: 1440 timesBeen thanked: 702 times
- October 16, 2020 at 7:55 am #395325GenevïeveParticipantRegistered On: July 28, 2020Topics: 5Replies: 139Has thanked: 1985 timesBeen thanked: 568 times
“She has told me in the past that she prays daily that God will remove this demon from my life (her words).”
There are far worse things we could be doing… 😉👍
- October 16, 2020 at 6:35 am #395299Debbie WernerParticipantRegistered On: September 12, 2020Topics: 2Replies: 38Has thanked: 238 timesBeen thanked: 141 times
After 42 years of marriage I came out to my Wife. I got first dibs on clothing that she no longer wants [if I can fit in them], but after that she is not involved in my Debbie side. I will make a move to change that as my dressing evolves,but at least I am done with purging.
- October 16, 2020 at 6:21 am #395294GenevïeveParticipantRegistered On: July 28, 2020Topics: 5Replies: 139Has thanked: 1985 timesBeen thanked: 568 times
Great question Diane…
After 30 years of marriage, I recently (Aug 2020) came out to my wife (separated actually). She is still my soul-mate though.
She was surprisingly non judgmental. She loves/accepts me for who I am. However… she does not want to see the full ‘Genevïeve’. She can tolerate nail polish and panties… but thats about it. Recently I wore a pair of red thigh-high stockings. She made a comment but did not ask me to remove them.
To answer the question… my love of wearing feminine clothing/bling has not affected my relationship with my (ex)wife. She said she will always love me no matter what.
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