How has crossdressing effected your relationship with your SO?

How has your crossdressing affected your relationship with your Significant Other?

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  • Our relationship was enhanced
  • Our relationship stayed the same
  • Our relationship deteriorated but my Cross Dressing is tolerated.
  • Our relationship stayed the same but SO does not want to see or talk about the Cross Dressing
  • Divorce was inevitable regardless of the Cross Dressing
  • Our relationship ended in divorce due to Cross Dressing
  • My SO does not know
  • My SO suspect's
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    • #423809
      Jin Crocker
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      Registered On: November 15, 2019
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      My wife knew about me from the start. Back when we were dating and the first time she undressed me and saw my panties, she gasped. Then giggled. Then pulled them down and had her way with me. 4 decades later she still giggles.

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    • #423768
      PY Marshall
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      Registered On: July 21, 2018
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      Hi Diane! How has crossdressing affected my relationship with my wife , i must include her Mum who has been and still is an integral part of our lives. i am 69 my wife is 65 and the matriarch is 88.So if you could pause this Topic for possibly 12 years, I am quite sure we could conquer Everest in our stilettos. Merry Christmas Pyxx.

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    • #423669
      BigBangtheory
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      Registered On: January 14, 2020
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      I am so fortunate to have a wonderful spouse that is supportive and pushes my comfort zone. Stephanie has become a very big part of our relationship. My wife now has a girlfriend to go shopping with and has started dressing better while out because Stephanie likes to look good. She critiques my outfits to help me look my best. I feel much calmer and happier so that naturally helps our relationship. It has also added a new dimension in the bedroom which makes me feel so feminine. I can still be “manly” for her but her need for that seems to be dwindling and I think that maybe she has come to prefer Stephanie.

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    • #423264
      Lexie Trask
      Princess
      Registered On: August 9, 2020
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      From the SO perspective… my closeted husband had become more distant over the last few years, more irritable, more distracted etc.  I wondered if it was aging parent responsibilities, resistance to accepting our own aging or was he just tired of me?  The mounting tension was not good at all! Our relationship was strained because his increasing needs were being hidden.

      He couldn’t bring himself to start the conversation but subconsciously was leaving hints so the closet doors were burst open for him. Our relationship was on a path of disintegrating and it took some shaking up to change direction.

      The deception was the hardest thing for me to get past. I imagine an affair would feel no different. I felt so unimportant to him that he would rather lie to me than share his heart. After all the cards were in play the trust began to rebuild. Our relationship improved immediately, there was an emotional intimacy present that had been lacking for quite some time.

      We are better together now than we both could ever have imagined. It wasn’t a smooth ride getting here but it was worth it. I’m certain that our marriage couldn’t have lasted  with secrets so big. We share our feelings even if we think the other might be scared to hear them because the monster in the closet isn’t so frightening when the light is on.

       

      Full disclosure has improved this marriage!

       

      You are very blessed that you and your husband have worked things out.

      as you’ve read here, many relationships, and marriages have ended when the wife finds out the husband is a cross dresser.

      my own marriage has been irreparably damaged when I told my wife that I am a cross dresser.

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    • #423261
      Honey T
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      Registered On: October 19, 2019
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      From the SO perspective… my closeted husband had become more distant over the last few years, more irritable, more distracted etc.  I wondered if it was aging parent responsibilities, resistance to accepting our own aging or was he just tired of me?  The mounting tension was not good at all! Our relationship was strained because his increasing needs were being hidden.

      He couldn’t bring himself to start the conversation but subconsciously was leaving hints so the closet doors were burst open for him. Our relationship was on a path of disintegrating and it took some shaking up to change direction.

      The deception was the hardest thing for me to get past. I imagine an affair would feel no different. I felt so unimportant to him that he would rather lie to me than share his heart. After all the cards were in play the trust began to rebuild. Our relationship improved immediately, there was an emotional intimacy present that had been lacking for quite some time.

      We are better together now than we both could ever have imagined. It wasn’t a smooth ride getting here but it was worth it. I’m certain that our marriage couldn’t have lasted  with secrets so big. We share our feelings even if we think the other might be scared to hear them because the monster in the closet isn’t so frightening when the light is on.

       

      Full disclosure has improved this marriage!

       

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      • #423273
        Regine Rich
        Princess
        Registered On: October 9, 2020
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        Thank you for sharing, Honey.
        Your other half is a very lucky girl, to have you. I am also one of the very lucky ones.
        As I have stated before, and will forever, I think the deceit, and lies, are the hardest parts to get over. I was lucky? that I told my SO as soon(well, within a couple weeks) of admitting to myself)
        My own beliefs, are that I value honesty and integrity above all else, so there is no way I could ever hold to a lie to her.
        Gold stars to you, for loving him enough to move forward
        Hugs, Regine

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    • #423181
      Andrea Hopkins
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      Registered On: December 24, 2020
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      My now Ex wife was told on our first date, as the date ran late she ended up sleeping at my apartment(on the couch of course) I just felt very comfortable with her (she is still the only adult in my life that knows), and I just felt super uncomfortable in the clothes I wore for our date. I was nervous to tell her
      But i just wanted to get into my PJ set I had bought about a week prior but never ended up wearing, so I flat out told her I figured either she can accept it or not it was no big loss for me as it was a first date. She was surprisingly accepting, we ended up dating for 3 years the got married in 2009 when she got Pregnant with my daughter. There were up and down with the CDing for sure but it was never a break the relationship thing.

      Andrea

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    • #422699
      Heather Megan
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      Registered On: May 15, 2020
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      After coming out to my SO about my crossdressing, she needed some time to consider things, but very quickly came to embrace and encourage it. Since then and with seeing a therapist, I’m coming to terms with being Trans and my SO has been beyond supportive with it, actively encourages my dressing and transition, and hold me accountable to it, like if I’m having a mopey “Bro” day reminding me that’s not who I am, and encourages me to wear something pretty to feel better. I am really blessed in that regard. Hugs, Heather

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    • #420620
      Celeste Jo
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      Registered On: April 26, 2020
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      My wife is happy that she can make me just as happy buying me sexy lingerie as her dressing in that lingerie for me 😀. She also enjoys how much more domestic I am when dressed.

    • #420540
      Lexie Trask
      Princess
      Registered On: August 9, 2020
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      I don’t think as of right now that it has affected my marriage much. While my wife knows about my cross dressing, when I came out about 4-6 months ago. Some of the statements she made , hurt me at the time, actually they still do hurt when I think about them.
      we haven’t discussed this further, but I will have the discussion with her soon. I feel that there needs to be “me” time, where I can do what I like to do. I realize that she most likely will accept my cross dressing, especially seeing me as Lexie. She does have her reasons for objecting to my cross dressing, and although I agree with her position, I don’t agree that I shouldn’t be able to dress the way that makes me happy.
      we have a lot to discuss, and negotiate on how to resolve this issue so that we both can be “happy”.

      • #420607
        Regine Rich
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        Registered On: October 9, 2020
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        Holding your hand, Lexie, It may just go brilliantly:-)
        Hugs, Regi.

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    • #420537
      Emily Alt
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      Registered On: August 24, 2019
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      My girlfriend has know for 4 years. We have a don’t ask don’t tell arrangement. She refuses to talk and doesn’t want to see me dressed. That was working for a while. But my needs are changing and I’ve come to realize I’ll have to get a place of my own someday. My GF understood this before I did. About a year ago she said “I know someday you’ll have to go off on your own. You’ll always be family to me”. I didn’t know what to say. I just walked away and started to cry.

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    • #420536
      Lexie Trask
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      Registered On: August 9, 2020
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      My relationship with my wife has deteriorated and I have purged again as wife has made clear that the finding of any further ” female ” clothing items will result in separation.
      Rachel

      It saddens me to hear of someone whose is suffering so. I am so sorry to hear of your situation.

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    • #419758
      Hippie
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      To some ways, no it pretty much stayed the same and other times it seems enhanced. See my wife always knew even before we were married. But over time, she sees an outfit or something female related, and she buys it for me. So, it’s somewhere in the middle.

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    • #419615
      Leslie
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      Registered On: September 14, 2020
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      This year when the COVID-19 started and I got forcibly retired (I had never had any desire to retire and still hate being retired) did the urge to CD really become a thing for me. I had always secretly wanted to try wearing female things but never indulged in it. So twenty four years into to our marriage I opened the subject with my wife. Her reaction floored me! She said that if it made me happy she was all for it. (Since she is heavier than me she need I wouldn’t be taking her clothes.) We have even gone together shopping for things like a purse for me. I wasn’t fully dressed but totally underdressed with lipstick and painted fingernails. And she doesn’t seem to care about the nails and lipstick. And the other day when our daughter was at work, I was wearing a skirt, thigh highs and lipstick I kissed her and she started rubbing my legs and reaching up my skirt (I had to remind her that I wasn’t THAT kind of girl) , she said that she had never been kissed by someone wearing a skirt before but that she rather liked it. So at least for now things have gotten better between us, we were rather in a rut for a while there so change is good. We are more demonstrative with each other (to our daughter’s horror). So it seems as if I got one of the good ones, maybe a better deal than she got? I do remember to tell her often how much I appreciate her and her support.

      • #420527
        Bettylou Cox
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        Registered On: May 26, 2019
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        Leslie,

        Thank you for posting that; it was both uplifting and a reminder to me of something similar which happened during one of my wife’s hospital confinements earlier this year. Her dressing may not have brought us closer together, but her acceptance of it surely has.

        Hugs
        Bettylou

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    • #419583
      Rachel Williams
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      Registered On: November 3, 2019
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      My relationship with my wife has deteriorated and I have purged again as wife has made clear that the finding of any further ” female ” clothing items will result in separation.
      Rachel

      • #420609
        Regine Rich
        Princess
        Registered On: October 9, 2020
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        I am so sorry, Rachel, it just breaks my heart to read posts like yours.
        Know we are all here for you, and see the beautiful girl you are
        Hugs, Regi

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    • #395981
      Elaine
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      Registered On: September 2, 2015
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      I can sense that we are not as close as we once were and methinks it is because of crossdressing.  Perhaps because our communication about crossdressing has stopped.  She is not aware of how much I love it.  She knows I dress and I know she doesn’t like it.  So I try to keep her from seeing me dressed or any of the support activities needed to maintain the CD lifestyle (laundry, shopping, reading, CDH…,)  Lately I am trying to be more transparent.  For instance: “I am going shopping for makeup supplies”; “do you have something that will help remove the nail polish from my toenails”; “I ordered a new skirt to be delivered by USPS so please watch for it”;  “I am reading a book about a trans persons life”; and changed the screensavers on my electronic devises to selfies from my CDH public photos.  Hopefully these things will gradually and incrementally open the communication lines about CD and help her better understand, and thus lead to acceptance.

    • #395941
      Rei Durden
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
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      It’s been both enhanced and compromised. Wrap your head around that one!

      My SO is happy to see me happy but also has concerns about self absorption and spending too much time in something she accepts but doesn’t understand.

      Concerns about the loss of the MAN she married but is unable to clearly define what a MAN is in her eyes. I want to help her through this when she struggles but it is coming off as me seeming pushy.

      When things are good it’s great, other times not so much.

      She told me last night that had she know early in our relationship it would have been a deal breaker.

      Oh my, I could go on and on this morning!

      Rei

      • #419526
        Cindy Lou
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        How are things with your wife now Rei, two months later?

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        • #420507
          Rei Durden
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          Wow! My how time does fly!

          Thanks for asking Cindy.
          To answer your question, we are still at about the same place.

          Plenty of Really good days and the odd crappy day.

          In all honesty, much of it could be attributed to unresolved issues that existed prior to Rei, I think ‘coming out’ only added the icing on the cake!

          I’m working hard at being a great spouse, I’ve never had a problem admitting my faults, owning up and attempting to do better and be better.

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      • #419472
        Laura Lovett
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        Registered On: March 26, 2020
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        Hi Rei – I had that exact line about the “Deal breaker” from my wife.

        I wonder which fire-breathing dragon on Mumsnet thought up that horrendously bigoted phrase?

        Google “bigoted”, if you think I’m being overly harsh – it doesn’t mean what many people seem to think it means.

        So cross dressing trumps true love?

        That’s the big takeaway.

        I”I love you, but only in certain items of clothing?”

        Whatever happened to unconditional love?

        That thing we feel that makes us want to marry in the first place?

        If I turned round to my wife and said “Sorry, your jeans are a total deal breaker – I am totally in love with you, but I hate those jeans” – I would be laughed at.

        How about “I really hate that you stopped wearing makeup and wearing tiny dresses after we married – why didn’t you tell me? That would have been a deal breaker!”

        Yeah, everyone would totally get that, wouldn’t they?

        When was this deal communicated?

        For Better or worse, unless they cross dress?

        We get the sharp end for hiding our cross dressing – but someone has been hiding her hatred and non-acceptance of cross dressing, haven’t they?

        It’s not politically correct to be prejudiced on the basis of gender – and a jolly good thing too.

        I don’t even need to finish!

        It seems that there’s an evil source of buzz phrases like this which are based on nothing more than misunderstanding.

        Bigotry.

        These phrases make me feel sad – sorry for ranting again, I’ll work on the delivery when I shred these stupid phrases down to the nonsense they are…

        Not having a go at you, Rei, lovely – this is one of my most hated phrases, and I just got rid of a ton of hate by downloading, so thank you for reading.

        Back to normal!

        😁

        Love Laura

         

         

        • #420995
          Felicia Mars
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          ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

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        • #420508
          Rei Durden
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          Hi Laura, no worries girl, I never felt that was directed at me!

          When my SO told me that, it’s probably the first time in our relationship I’ve ever encountered that kind of resistance from my wife. It definitely caught me off guard and yeah, it stung for sure.

          I haven’t really delved too deeply there, I can’t be angry at her for being honest and I know that if she really had issue with it now, we wouldn’t be together right now.

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        • #419579
          Genevïéve
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          Well said Laura… 👏👏👏👏

          Gen… 💋

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        • #419522
          Cindy Lou
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          Dont you stop Laura, I love it when you get your Irish up, and you speak the truth. When I met my wife she wore high heels and mini skirts all the time. When she started working as an elementary school teacher her wardrobe had to severely tamed, much to my chagrin. Now then, according to the ‘Deal-breaker’ mentality I should have the right to demand that she dress like a bar girl every day right?

          • #419556
            Laura Lovett
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            Only based on the logic of the context in which the phrase is used, commonly with that other weasel phrase “it’s a 2 way street” – which is why I take such a position on it.

            It’s a phrase that breeds confrontation – and there’s no room for that either here, or in my world. It IS a 2 way street, so let’s keep it sweet.

            Love Laura

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        • #419521
          T.J. Byron
          Duchess
          Registered On: October 18, 2018
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          Love Laura…
          Great job girlfriend!!
          You really nailed it down…
          I write , I love Words. You expressed your thoughts so well, Bravo!!
          Love, Dr. T.J.

    • #395929
      Michelle Last
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      My experience is too complicated to go into detail here. It went from almost divorced to grudging acceptance, to seemingly complete acceptance, to full participation, and now back to “I can’t have that in my life. We are now separated and most likely divorced.

      • #419774
        Laura Lovett
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        “I can’t have that in my life.”

        Here is another gem.

        It smells of stock phrase.

        I have no doubt that the poor lady searching for advice felt like this resonated her.

        I do not blame women for wanting to find the language to express themselves when they encounter something that feels like a shock.

        But this phrase is uber-confrontational, designed simply to put the recipient on the Back foot. It is every bit as nasty as “I didn’t sign up for that”.

        It implies that cross dressing is on itself something that cannot be tolerated.

        Yet gender awareness teaches everyone that it is as acceptable as skin colour.

        No person in their right mind can find an argument for treating someone badly, or giving less than equal opportunities to someone on the grounds of skin, gender, sexuality, religion, etc.

        It’s a devisive, judgemental phrase, which also conveys a tone of disgust by distancing itself by using a freestanding pronoun.

        I can’t live with THAT

        Using THAT or THIS implies it’s so horrible, I have to replace the words with something that neutralizes them.

        Not sure about you, but I find that insulting – and it backs up everything I said about bigotry.

         

        I want to do a scalpel job on as many of these phrases as I can, and try to de-weaponise them – because they are weapons.

        The use of these horrible phrases is most likely what causes the arguments between a cross dresser and his wife – far more than the cross dressing itself possibly can.

        When attacked by a phrase like this, we either come back with righteous indignation, which makes us look like idiots, or worse, we go back into our shells and bottle it all up.

        Fight or flight – neither of which have no positive application in this scenario, since the goal is love and acceptance, not war or repression.

        Marital Arts, that’s what we need!

        Not a bunch of stock phrases to sock it back to ’em – we don’t want to end up fighting, which is all these phrases achieve.

         

        More thought needed on how to deal with these phrases!

         

         

         

         

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      • #419524
        Trisha Lilly Hibbert
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        Wow Michelle that sounds like one hell of a journey. Sad that it has come to an end. Hope things get better for you.

        Love Tish

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    • #395922
      Patty Phose
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      Registered On: May 7, 2016
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      My wife met Patty a couple of weeks after we met. She surprised me showing up at my place. I had been dressing a couple of years and had a lot of wonderful and sexy clothes. When she saw some of them lying around, her demeanor changed. She thought I lived with a woman. I decided to explain to her the clothes were mine. I enjoyed wearing them for fun and going out to parties or just going out for drives and getting out of the car and do brief errands or just walk around a bit. I know it’s weird but it’s fun and I get quite a thrill from it.

      She looked suspicious. She told me to show her. I went in the bedroom and put on one of my favorite and sexiest outfits, with makeup and everything. When I walked out, she was stunned. She was amazed at how pretty and sexy I was. After that, I was often dressed as Patty when she came around. One day she suggested we should go shopping together as girlfriends. Although I had been out many times to parties and driving around doing brief errands and walks, it was always on a college campus or private house, or in carefully chosen safe locations. I had never been out in full Patty mode in the real world. A mall on a Saturday just seemed like too much.

      I was nervous but mostly OK with walking from the house to the car. And I was a bit nervous but mostly fine driving to the mall. I had done that countless times. Parking the car and seeing all those people around really made me nervous. I didn’t want to get out of the car. It took a while and some coercing before I opened the door and stepped out. There was lot of people around. I was in my shiny pantyhose, platform wedges, short summery dress and my Daisy Duke style wig. I was sure I would draw attention and maybe not the kind of attention I would want. I stood there looking around. No one seemed to be reacting towards me. Maybe I could do this. I grabbed my purse, shut the car door and we began walking towards the entrance. I looked straight ahead. I didn’t want to see anyone looking my way. There was people all around us. I was very nervous. When we got to the entrance, I didn’t want to go in. I would be trapped. At least when outside I had a chance of escaping to the car. I was paralyzed with fear as I walked through the entrance. Now we were inside. I couldn’t believe I did it. Now I began to look around. I guess I was looking for approaching danger. I did notice some looks coming our way? What were they seeing? A pretty young girl and a guy in a dress? That thought really scared me. Or two pretty, young and leggy girls? That thought excited me.

      After several minutes with seemingly no threats to deal with, I began to relax a bit and become more focused on the thrill of being out dressed. Then we began going in stores and looking at clothes. I began get excited about getting some of those wonderful and sexy clothes. The fabulous pantyhose, the wonderful bras and panties, the pretty dresses, the sexy lingerie. I had to have them all. The fact I was shopping fully en femme and with a girl, just enhanced the experience. That day we both ended up with a lot of new and wonderful clothes. Overall, it had been so much fun and so exciting, I couldn’t wait to do it again.

      I enjoyed wearing he clothes she had chosen for me when we were at my place. She thought we should just go out as girlfriends. We don’t have to just go shopping. We could do other things. Maybe even the same things we might do as boyfriend/girlfriend. Before we would go out, I would ask her if I should go as Patty or my male self. She told me to do what ever I wanted. More often then not I chose being Patty. After a while I stopped asking. Unless it was a special social situation where being Patty might not be suitable, I would just get into Patty mode. It seemed we had more fun when I did , and there was often that special, if even brief shopping trip for some more special clothes.

      So, we were not just boyfriend/girlfriend, but girlfriends too. We are still that way today. I become Patty pretty much every day at home, but we go out a lot less then we used to.

    • #395911
      Penny Jay
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      Registered On: August 4, 2020
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      I voted, its been enhanced. My SO and I have been together for over 30 years, with a strong relationship. We didn’t know it through all these years until recently, that CD was what was inside me. With our two kids now grown up, more attention is focused on ourselves, and one birthday weekend away we got talking, a lot, and that’s when PennyJ came into existence, and we are very open about it (to each other). With all new things, its work in progress, finding each others boundaries etc., always together. And then we found CDH, with more information and friendly people on similar journeys. Love it all.

      PennyJ

    • #395730
      T.J. Byron
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      After 38 years of 2nd  marriage, kids, & grandkids we are good.

      Me, dressings in early years, out in public at 21, still all that 1st marriage, no one knew about my CDing.

      Physical satisfaction for us was great until ED set in around 2005. At about 2014 the wife came home early and…busted!

      She was devastated. The man she knew was dead . We went together to 2 yrs. Of PH.D. counciling. I continued with seeing the doctor 3 more years, dressing for the visits.

      Now, 6 yrs later , my wife , a Chef, is giving a Formal Tea for my many girlfriends And THEIR WIVES! Needless time say I am thrilled. Also, she has given me items to enhance my dressing. She critiques my outfits before I leave the house.

      We are in a much better place now and I have never been freer ….

      Love, Dr.T.J.

      P.S.I got a beautiful black, Alligator Bag for Christmas!!

      T.J.

      • This reply was modified 2 months ago by T.J. Byron.
    • #395507
      Alison Anderson
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 393
      Has thanked: 220 times
      Been thanked: 1532 times

      My situation deteriorated for quite a while after she found out.  Any time she was losing an argument (not even related to crossdressing), she would blackmail me by threatening to expose me.  We were having plenty of problems before, and this just added fuel to my fire.

      At one point, with counseling, she asked me not to crossdress and I asked her for something really minor and inconsequential.  When I saw that she wasn’t willing to change anything, I went back to crossdressing and found a place near me that does transformations and had my first real outing.  Within 6 months I started attending parties (at the home of the woman who did the transformation), and she became a bit tolerant.

      But by this time we had already decided to divorce, although it didn’t happen for another 10 years, first due to waiting for my youngest to reach 18, and then because of the housing market collapse, we would not have been able to sell the house and pay off the mortgage, let alone other fees, movers, etc.

      It’s funny how she was so against my crossdressing, despite always telling me how she liked “man-tailored” clothing.  It was perfectly all right for her to want to wear men’s clothing, but not for me to wear women’s clothing.

      • #419586
        Genevïéve
        Lady
        Registered On: July 28, 2020
        Topics: 22
        Replies: 815
        Has thanked: 7389 times
        Been thanked: 3418 times

        Alison wrote:

        “It’s funny how she was so against my crossdressing, despite always telling me how she liked “man-tailored” clothing.  It was perfectly all right for her to want to wear men’s clothing, but not for me to wear women’s clothing.’

        Yeah… how does that work… Seriously… 🤷🏼‍♀️  GG’s wear masculine clothing nobody says a word…. a GB wears fem clothing and he is labeled a ‘sick pervert’. 🤷🏼‍♀️

        Gen… 💋

         

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #395452
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 913
      Has thanked: 2939 times
      Been thanked: 4378 times

      Hi Diane, our relationship suffered at first – although not as much as when our 3rd child was due and the post-natal depression that followed.

      However, it’s bounced back, 2 years later – I was determined it would and put in a lot of effort to ensure our relationship would work, our family would grow, and other thongs, such as work, would improve.

      I felt split into my male and female sides, so I got into splitting everything else too, and to just throw myself 100% into whatever was important in the moment, without looking back, except for brief reflection, or forward, except for orientation (ie, how does what I’m doing now help bring about the broader objective? Can I do better, if so, what?).

      This isn’t about pressure, it’s about making the most of and enjoying the current task as much as possible, with rewards for less pleasant activities (toilet cleaning, you know, basics).

      This might all seem rudimentary, but when I had no definite cross dressing to look forward to except stolen moments, I was far less motivated.

      Now that it’s understood, my wardrobe isn’t confined to bin bags, but is in an actual wardrobe, and I have definite, allocated time to be Laura, the worries, the secrecy, the shame and guilt are no more.

      That is priceless.

      Any woman who decides to divorce over clothing, well, that is a very, very sad indictment of a conditioning society.

      How many husbands have divorced their wives because they stop dressing in pretty clothes? What would people think if they did?

      My wife and I briefly talked about divorce, but quickly found out that neither of us wants that at all. We want the person we chose to marry.

      For better or worse. As promised in front of our families and God.

      Love Laura

    • #395448
      Giselle Reeves
      Lady
      Registered On: September 27, 2017
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 144
      Has thanked: 578 times
      Been thanked: 431 times

      great question Diane , in my case when i came out to my wife 9 yrs ago we both suffered nervous breakdowns and divorce seemed to be a very strong possibility.

      my wife has become somewhat tolerant over the years and even attends support group

      events with me. however our marriage has never been the same and our physical relationship really died the day i came out to her.

      the disadvantages of telling my wife i crossdress far outweighs the benefits

    • #395442
      Anonymous
      Registered On:
      Topics: 19
      Replies: 700
      Has thanked: 8063 times
      Been thanked: 3830 times

      I voted enhanced. My wife was accepting when I came out to her. All my life I have felt like a woman and approached life that way. That has been a strength in my life, family, relationships and career. My wife says she still needs me to be a man at times. That she doesn’t want me to have surgery. I would love to have the surgeries, but they are not in the plan right now anyway. I have explained to her that I am sensitive, emotional and nurturing and that has benefited her and all our kids. She does understand that.

      Hugs,

      Kay

    • #395432
      Rachel Williams
      Lady
      Registered On: November 3, 2019
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 117
      Has thanked: 253 times
      Been thanked: 364 times

      Hi Diane

      Unfortunately none of the options in the poll fitted my situation. My wife discovered my crossdressing and our relationship deteriorated but we have not separated but a purge needed to take place and I am taking measures to avoid a repetition by denying myself the ability of any personal expenditure.

      The fact that I am still on CDH means to myself I am being realistic that I  am unlikely to permanently drive the interest from my mind but for the foreseeable future I need to be able to genuinely say that I do not possess any ” ladies underwear”

       

      Rachel

       

      8 users thanked author for this post.
      • #395453
        Diane Crow
        Duchess
        Registered On: October 21, 2019
        Topics: 9
        Replies: 191
        Has thanked: 1562 times
        Been thanked: 904 times

        Rachel,

        I am so sorry that you are going through this struggle in your life. I sense that you purged because you felt like you had too. I am so so happy you are still here with us. I have a few recommendations for you.

        Go to     https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/groups/keep-or-return/

        This is a group that sisters post photos and other sisters respond with Keep or Return. It is a wonderful way to get and give advise on what looks good on a person. But most of all it is fun and you dont have to post any photos at all. You can just read the responses or put your 2 cents in.

        Go to    https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/groups/where-is-she-dressed-to-go/

        This group is so much fun. A sister post different looks and the other sisters imagine where she is going to go in that outfit. The working of your imagination muscles is wonderful and the responses have been so much fun and creative.

        The last recommendation I have for you is by far the most important. I would recommend that you find someone who you can talk too. Someone that understands your situation and is qualified to listen and help. The person I have in mind is a licensed couch and a member here on CDH.  You can see her on the web site here https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/video-sessions/videos/august-2020-live-sessions-with-sophie-and-char/

        Char is a wonderful person and I spoke with her and she would love to hear from you only if you want to talk. https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/members/charee/

        Her website is https://myzenstone.com/

        If you want I am also here to talk with you. We know what you are going through. We have all been there.

        Hugs Hugs and more Hugs

        Diane

        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #395407
      Anonymous
      Registered On:
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 105
      Has thanked: 2019 times
      Been thanked: 457 times

      I voted stayed the same… we were 19 when we Married…32 years ago, our marriage is very strong, raised 4 kids, we have a farm and both work off the farm. I underdress- no bras, corsets for health reasons, panties, silk and satin camis for bed, ladies cut jeans. We enjoy spending time together as a couple and with family. Our relationship is as strong as it has always been, we also have a strong faith. I dream of fully dressing , to try it, but honestly, I am content with where I am… I won’t do anything to harm my relationship. It’s give and take… more give by each of us then take… that’s why we are so great together.

    • #395404
      Stephanie Bass
      Princess - Annual
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 1326
      Has thanked: 13232 times
      Been thanked: 4316 times

      Hi Diane great question as i answered inhanced  our marrige and relation ship as im so sorry for all you girls here with wifes and SOs who dont approve im almost ashamed to say i have a great relationship with my wife and Stephanie also. When we were married withen first few weeks i knew i could not keep this from her and  came out as Stephanie and her husband togrther  she got two in the  deal with the ring ..LOL.. Well it took a lot of talking as maybe a month or 4 or 5 weekend chat sessions when she asked to meet Stephanie so as it goes it took off from there and havent turned back in 37 years of marrige , we have fun shopping together on line as Stephanie dosent go out side the house  . We still shop when we go to big city shopping as wife likes to shop for Stephanie and she buys Things for her from time to time as a supprise as this past week Stephanie recieved in mail a pair of Thigh High black boots a blue blouse  and three new bras as she said . She saw they were getting bad looking from her doing the wash she sees all Stephanies clothes  there so better quit hopes and prayers goes to all of you with cant say problems . All you girls that have situations waiting to be resolved  thats better good luck and .

      Love you all

      Stephanie

    • #395396
      Kelly Terry
      Lady
      Registered On: February 26, 2018
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 186
      Has thanked: 183 times
      Been thanked: 733 times

      I don’t know what to answer since it’s changed over time.
      Before we got married I told my wife that I like to wear womens clothing. She said something down the lines of “ok, just keep it out of my sight”. I don’t think she really knew what I talked about and it was kind of late in the game but at least I told her and did it before we where married.

      Then came life, kids, and all that stuff. I kept Kelly in the closet and did it only when I was home alone. Sometimes I let kelly out late evening/nights but I was always alone.

      As the kids did grow up and I got some more time the urge grew stronger. I did at some point (15-20 years later) “have the talk” where I reminded her about it my female side. It was short talks that became longer and then I started having heels on while kids where in school. I then added a skirt and a little more as time did go on.
      Kids have now moved out and I’m now able to be Kelly more or less full time, at least when we are home (and even done some outings, see my other posts).

      I pointed out that I always want to be completely truthful with her and that keeping Kelly from her did feel very wrong. She is accepting Kelly but not much more.

      Based on above my answer was both “same” and “improved”. It’s about the same over all but me not having to hide anything from here makes it a little better, at least for me.

      /kt

      9 users thanked author for this post.
    • #395395
      Amy Myers
      Baroness
      Registered On: February 11, 2019
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 1205
      Has thanked: 3384 times
      Been thanked: 3206 times

      I replied that it has enhanced it. We have always been a close couple, and she has known I’ve had a fondness to wear lingerie from time to time. Then 2-3 years ago I really wanted and needed to do what I had dreamt of for the last 20 or more, to get completely dressed up with makeup and nice wig, etc.

      It took a bit of getting used to since like so many other people seem to, I was gay, or leaning that way, which is totally not true.

      Since then we have gone out girl and girl style on occasion, but the big thing is we are so much closer now. It is very cool to shop together online and in person, and bounce ideas for clothes and outfits off of each other.

      Amy

    • #395393
      Diane Crow
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 21, 2019
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 191
      Has thanked: 1562 times
      Been thanked: 904 times

      So is there a possibility you two will ever get back together? Or are you open to new relationships? Just being nosy.

      Hugs

      Diane

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #395360
      Diane Crow
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 21, 2019
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 191
      Has thanked: 1562 times
      Been thanked: 904 times

      So Genevieve, I have a question. It sounds like you two are still an item. Is it possible for you to get back together?

      Just being nosy

      Hugs

      Diane

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #419707
        Genevïéve
        Lady
        Registered On: July 28, 2020
        Topics: 22
        Replies: 815
        Has thanked: 7389 times
        Been thanked: 3418 times

        Hey Diane…

        So sorry for the late reply (two months)… just saw your post today.

        Not exactly an ‘Item’… howerver we do see each other most weekends. Still very good friends, however living together again is probably not in the cards for us.

        We are soulmates and confidants… would do anything for each other. I wouldn’t totally dismiss discussing sharing living quarters again, but at the present time I’m quite content (as is she) having our own space…

        Huggs…

        Gen… 💋

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #395316
      Emily
      Lady
      Registered On: April 30, 2016
      Topics: 21
      Replies: 782
      Has thanked: 4453 times
      Been thanked: 2524 times

      Our relationship (33 years of marriage) has evolved over time as relationships do. When she found out I was CD she was at first supportive, but not excited about the idea. Over time that tolerance has morphed into don’t ask don’t tell. She knows I dress because all my clothes are in my closet and drawers. I also wear perfume daily so there is always that lingering scent that is undeniably feminine. She occasionally goes through my things to see if I have anything new. She never says anything about it. She has told me in the past that she prays daily that God will remove this demon from my life (her words). That hurts more than I can say. We have reached a truce where we just don’t talk about it and she never gets to see Emily.

    • #395299
      Debbie Werner
      Lady
      Registered On: September 12, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 48
      Has thanked: 338 times
      Been thanked: 195 times

      After 42 years of marriage I came out to my Wife. I got first dibs on clothing that she no longer wants [if I can fit in them], but after that she is not involved in my Debbie side. I will make a move to change that as my dressing evolves,but at least I am done with purging.

      Debbie

      • #395358
        Diane Crow
        Duchess
        Registered On: October 21, 2019
        Topics: 9
        Replies: 191
        Has thanked: 1562 times
        Been thanked: 904 times

        Debbie, That is progress. Perhaps you could go to bed in you night gown or ask her out for a coffee, just you girls.

        Hugs

        Diane

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #395294
      Genevïéve
      Lady
      Registered On: July 28, 2020
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 815
      Has thanked: 7389 times
      Been thanked: 3418 times

      Great question Diane…

      After 30 years of marriage, I recently (Aug 2020) came out to my wife (separated actually). She is still my soul-mate though.

      She was surprisingly non judgmental. She loves/accepts me for who I am. However… she does not want to see the full ‘Genevïéve’. She can tolerate nail polish and panties… but thats about it. Recently I wore a pair of red thigh-high stockings. She made a comment but did not ask me to remove them.

      To answer the question… my love of wearing feminine clothing/bling has not affected my relationship with my (ex)wife. She said she will always love me no matter what.

      Gen… 💋

       

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