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hi everyone. now I think everyone can relate to this topic, whether its good or bad, lets hope its good! is your wife or SO, supportive or non-supportive with you dressed femme? maybe they are neutral, maybe they disapprove, or hopefully they support you through and through. be honest! lets find out!
love fiona xxx
Had two lovely ladies over the my “3 score and 1o”. Told the first one not long after we were married and she hated it with a passion for the next nigh on 30 years. Probably made the miserable marriage more miserable.
My wonderful number 2, “knows but does not want to know”.
So I still dress in private either at home or when I have the chance to stay overnight on “charity volunteer business”
Caty.
PS But it does not stop me from underdressing almost 24/7. Y.see we sleep in separate rooms.
I disagree because you have a right to also be happy.
To me being in separate bedrooms is like a roommate relationship for starters.
I do understand that it does affect the S/O but that really isn’t a solution.
The strongest communications between you and the s/o is at its peak. She may not agree with or like it, but you know what?
You was honest about it! You didn’t lie to the s/o.
That alone speaks volumes as you as a person. How long did it eat at you before you came out with the “ oh btw I’m a cd..” it took me years to come clean about it to my wife, my daughter, my sisters few of my cousins. And they all support me, because we as a collective are discussing the pros and cons of my “possible” transition. This group is all genetic females.
i can say that for everyone here. Sometimes you need to give space other times you don’t .
You may have found someone who does really let you follow your heart , then are those who really think its doom.
The point is you are making this path this journey it is your calling. Ultimately you will have to decide what’s best not for just you but the others involved.
You shouldn’t have to compromise, be treated different for BEING YOURSELF.
sorry rant over lol 😘
To me being in separate bedrooms is like a roommate relationship for starters.
Response to Sasha,
With the utmost respect Sasha the separate rooms in my loving relationship have nothing to do with me being a CD. OK in the end it sure helps from my perspective cos I can underdress every night, except of course in the middle of an Australian summer.
But with my SO and myself it 100% stems from the fact we are both not very good sleepers. So we choose to have separate rooms so we do not disturb each other’s sleep
Caty
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Fiona I believe we all look at our SO’s in some sort of absolute and so I will read the responses with a great deal of curiosity. So here we go…
First off my wife of over 20 years is my best friend and I love her with all my heart and do not ever wish to be without her. Now that the lovey dovey stuff is done. I told my wifey BEFORE we married about my cross dressing and she at that time tried going out with me and even helped with makeup and wardrobe. After we married she began to see Carolyne as “the other woman” and started having issues with her. We reached a blow out point around year 3 of our marriage and she demanded I quit. Me being the selfish jerk I am announced I wanted a divorce and found someone who would accept my feminine side even to a point they said they didn’t care if I was out to everyone and dressed full time. Over the course of a couple of weeks I realized how much I loved and had wronged my wife. It has taken a lot of work and talk but we are still together and stronger now than ever before. So where did we end up? I have had laser hair removal on my face and keep my legs smooth and nails long and manicured. She obviously notices that! When I am on the road she knows I dress and go out shopping, dining and occasionally clubbing. Does she approve, no not really. Does she accept this as reality, yes. She does not wish to be involved with my dressing but through our talks we have both realized I am much more of a transgender soul than anything and we work hard to respect each other as we know I can not nor will I ever change. I wish I could go further, she wishes I would go less. Yep, we are a couple that has issues, but we talk and even joke about it now so we accept each other, but don’t necessarily participate in it together.
Well that wasn’t short, but you did say “be honest”! 😂😂
🍷C
What an interesting survey and thank you all for your responses. My experience with my wife was at first was one of acceptance.. We went shopping together and she picked out stockings, cami’s, and panties for me… We even went for manicures together…. Kathy knew I underdressed and slept in panties and cami’s…but when she found my breastforms…. To her I crossed the line because as a breast cancer survivor, they were to “perfect” ….. I thought our 47 year marriage was over as she took her wedding/engagement rings off..and must process my “choices” .move forward 3 months to now and my going to therapy and a vacation together, we are a couple again … However, when The opportunity presents itself (Kathy is not home) Leonara becomes her femine alter ego.. Kathy plans lunches and outings with her friends and comments that “you will find something to do”.
My wife has many girlfriends and prefers not to have “me” as one…..thank you all for listening. LeonaraSame here, I’m more transgendered. My wife is on board no hassles except the occasional whistle 😉
I feel really free.
Good poll! I’m very interested to see how it plays out. I’d have to say it’s a mix of a few for me. At the moment I’m 25% out of the closet and 75% in. I’ve answered that I haven’t told her, which is the most true.
Without re-writing War and Peace: An Origin Story, my wonderful wife (and I sincerely mean that) found a stash, we had a talk, and out of that I’ve got about 16 pair of nylon panties I wear nearly every day that she knows about. At that time, that was the extent of it, she had found the entire stash. Now its six months later and I’m wearing clothes, looking at wigs, and watching makeup tutorials online. While the pace for me is a little surprising, it’s not unfamiliar. Like all these puzzle pieces I’ve got are starting to come together here.
It makes her uncomfortable because it’s something I’ve hidden from her as if it’s wrong, in addition to her finding me presenting as female a turn-off. It makes me uncomfortable to share because I know she’s attracted to my male image, and that she finds crossing a turn-off. I like turning my woman on (both of us, ha!) so I don’t involve her when I dress outside of the panties. That’s “me” time right now. I just wish she could know I did everything I did last weekend just in a dress and I had a great time about it. Even got the house clean! See?? I’m a good girl! Okay maybe for her that’s too much, but I feel like a good girl and I’d love for her to just smile and say “okay baby, but what are we cooking for dinner”.
In a holding pattern…
I could never tell my SO about my dressing. The lyrics to Billy Joel’s song, The Stranger, really hit home….”Well we all have a face, that we hide away forever…” For years I’ve had deep feelings about wanting to be a woman but suppressed them. From a young age I followed the societal rules like a good boy. Find a girl, get married, have kids. It was easy in a way to suppress my feelings cos you get so wound up in the daily grind of a job, raising kids, etc etc. But all along I felt different inside. I would squat on the toilet to pee and fantasize about being a woman and having to squat. I would just wish to God to please let me just wake up one day and find myself in a woman’s body, even if it’s only for a day. So I would wear womens underwear in fitful moments of enjoyment. Time goes on, I retire a bit early at 60 a year a year and a half ago. She leaves the country for 10 days on a trip. I look at crossdresser sites on the internet….order breastforms, etc….down the rabbit hole I go and so glad I did. But after all these years, I know she will not accept this about me. I have too much to lose financially and I have to much to lose if I were to get cut off by my adult children and from my grandchildren. So I stay closeted, frustrated and dress when I can.
AnnePreuss
Anne Preuss If she has been at your side all these years then she is not going to leave you for something as petty as crossdressing. I really don’t like the word crossdressing it sounds like a serious problem. It is just clothes for god sakes. If one day she could never have sex again would you leave her? I hope not. As for the money part of it, If you can’t be yourself and express yourself, then forget the money. Life is to short to live it in a locked up state. If she truly loves you then she would stand by your side no matter what. Being married that long she has to love you. Tell her your wishes and don’t shove it down her throat. Worst case she probably will say not around me or out in public. Best case she accepts it and helps you. I think the latter would happen.
My wife’s reaction to discovering I had been under dressing with knickers and Camis was so intensly negative that I will need to keep my broadening interest in the wearing of “female” clothing firmly to myself.
My wife and partner also best friend have been together for over fifty years and have A very close relationship. I told about my dressing before marriage and she had no problem with it. we agreed that neither of us would be A jailer or warden when it came to our activities so I let her do her things and she let me enjoy my dressing as well as my collecting old cars and guns . She hates the sight of men’s underwear and insists I wear panties and fem tank tops, she really does not care for pajamas even the lacey satin kind but loves to have me sleep in nighties both short and long ones. We go shopping together and I make sure she picks out cloths for her self as well as me. Last Christmas she gave me kilt skirts and leggings and some new panties. I don’t know what to expect this Christmas but I know it will be something nice.
Sarasue
My answer is not in the list… My wife knows, doesn’t like it, doesn’t participate, but she is aware of it. It is not that she “lets me” do it.
In any case, I’m glad for all of you who have accepting/supportive/tolerating spouses and significant others. 🙂
Gaby ♥
My wife’s reactions to Zoe vary. At one end of the spectrum, she wants a break from Zoe and doesn’t want me to dress at all. Many times, she offers no reaction to me while in Zoe mode. Other times she participates in my dressing and on occasion supports going out on the town (obviously my favorite). My challenge is to try and figure out what I can do. Not always easy. She definitely has some lines in the sand. No makeup while in the house and prefers that I don’t tell any of my close friends. Z
[quote quote=135765]hi everyone. now I think everyone can relate to this topic, whether its good or bad, lets hope its good! is your wife or SO, supportive or non-supportive with you dressed femme? maybe they are neutral, maybe they disapprove, or hopefully they support you through and through. be honest! lets find out!
love fiona xxx
[/quote]
I’ve only had one partner that didn’t approve. The other one’s I’ve had were fully supportive, they stood ready and willing around the 24 hr. clock.My wife gets completely involved in this side of me. To be honest, she has struggled less with it than I have and has been more accepting than I. Her only real concern was if I would choose to get permanent changes made and go full time. I’m not and we’re good.
I have finally come to grips with me and my being and it has made us both happier.My Girlfriendish has been very supportive.
She has bought me lingerie as a gift, and she was furious when the lady at the ulta wouldnt help me out. Of course I was open with her from the jump. I told her on the second date. So yeah lots of role playing and toys, lots of face masks and pedicures.
My wife knows but doesn’t really approve. Over the years she has let me sleep in bed with French knickers and camisole but not all the time.she once did my makeup and dressed me in stockings and suspenders . When she asked me what I wanted for Xmas this year I suggested some lacey silk lingerie but I didn’t get it. So I had to buy it myself !!
I came out to my wife of 30+ years relatively recently (six months ago). I don’t feel like I’ve been hiding my cross dressing from her, because I haven’t been dressing at all for the past twenty years. So I just figured it was something in the distant past that did not need to be brought up now.
Anyhow, she was pretty surprised to say the least. All she says to me right now is that she can’t talk about because she’s still trying to process it. I’m giving her all the space she needs and I’m ready to be completely open about anything she wants to know, whenever she is ready.
Like many wives I think she is less concerned about the activity itself and more concerned about threats to our family, our children, how I/we might be perceived by others if I was outed, etc.
So for the time being I’m keeping it completely under wraps and we’ll talk when she’s ready. I’m strictly in the closet because I don’t really have any desire to go out and try to pass. It’s enough work just to get dressed let alone go the extra distance to pass.
I want to add that I just finished reading the book called My husband Betty by Helen Boyd. and highly recommend it to those not familiar. An honest look at the effects of cross dressing on relationships and the approaches taken by different couples. Written from a wife’s point of view and it echoes many of the responses that others have written here.
Hugs to all of you beautiful girls,
Mona
I voted “supportive, my partner gets a little involved” … Ex partner.
Also, toward the end of thee relationship, any support there had been was gone, and I felt, even though it had been discussed at length and many assurances given, that I was being actively denied time or chances to dress once I moved into her family home.
Imogen X
My wife’s position on this is total support, as long as it’s perfect and no ‘half-attempts’……….our life’s routine demands that Mikki needs to come out, during cold months, and in hot months, the normal life style returns……due to a big family, outdoor activities, pool duties, and since I’m too tall, I could never try to pass…………..but THAT is all reversed around Oct 1………..and the parties start to happen, usually week-end nights, and maybe a mid-week evening. As I said, it’s ALL in, everything that we can find to perfect the presentation is OK. Over the years, we’ve found that female-to-female love is as exhilarating as the normal way, and both my wife and myself, get the deep satisfaction out of our exploration of both.
My wife enjoys very smooth skin, and then she loves the hairy legs, chest and beard……we have a time-related schedule that meets both our private lives and our public lives. It’s so normal for us, we don’t even talk about it anymore. We both go for the ‘over-the-top’ sexy style, very sultry, alluring, teasing, all that comes with short dress’s, mini skirts, revealing tops, and bouncy, highly teased wigs. As she says, “If you’re gonna do this, DO IT RIGHT”……………..and gee, I try hard to please. We are both in our 60’s and WE CAN pass for two hot women, in their 40’s………..thank you tube videos for that !!!
FYI, I am not slim, but not overweight, with some help I can create a flat tummy, and have a little natural breast size comprable to an A, don’t like the huge breast thing, so I can enhance that A to a realistic B, with a little silicone pads, and gonna go after that NU Bra, since I don’t have it now. I can fit fit most XL sizes, and most ebay sites offer very current and hot styles of clothes in that size……….easy. I have many wigs, mostly in the brown shades, then comes blonde, over the shoulder and I very much like the lace edge versions……….While I don’t use a gaff, I can get a very realistic ‘flattening’ in the front with tape, which of course, was preferred by the ‘real her’…………matching string bikini, VSECRET push-up, or maybe a cheeky style, and I also prefer a very short under slip ( 13”) under my mini’s……
What I don’t get is all the fuss out there, to the point of divorce. I’d hate to have to live a DADT life. I am as masculine as my wife needs, when she needs that, AND if someone would just list those masculine traits that define that, then I would likely meet or equal all of them………I’m just NOT a beer-guzzling, dirty nailed, smelly kind of man…………….but I do have the motorcycles, boat, camper, four-wheel drive (2) vehicles, know how to wrench them, have a welder, have a garage full of tools, and I’m republican and believe in traditional constitutional issues………..totally. On opposite, I also have this god-given quirk to seek out the fem………….and like my wife………I also like to PUSH the edge to surpass the presentations preceding…………..We both are believers that God gave us to each other, has a plan for both us ( actually everyone) and not to be ‘what we are’ would be a mistake. Absolutely, NO HIDING in this household……………at the least between the two of us. I’m new here, just began to look around at these kind of sights…………..actually to see some tips on improving our events, and maybe find others who kind of fit what our world is about…………not for meeting, for now………….just to share, and maybe make someone else’s life a little less clouded. Sincerely. Mikki
thanks for your story….and life experiences…im a born again Christian….i got saved back in 1971…been in the ministry bible college licensed minister..worked with drug addicts, prostitutes, prison ministry…God knew before i met Him who i was….God loves me…i have a prayer life everyday…and talk to Him….read the word which strengthens me…im a conservative…pro life…married with four children …five grandkids….i praise God first thing in themorning Kings of kings, Lord of Lords, mighty God….He is the shepherd and works with us everyday of our lifes….the armour of God gets stronger as we experience trials , temptations, and weaknesses….ive been a private crossdresser all my life….for me dressing is a sensual thing…ive worn wigs, undergarments, dresses, shoes makeup, to experience what a woman feels is my exploration goal…my wife is not supportive of what i do…never in front of her…just her finding things from time to time…she says it makes her skin craw and im some kind of pervert….she stopped sex completely because of her finding feminine cloths…i have always been private and hide what i have….only because she is unforgiving…does not respect my privacy…however i believe God will work a miracle for our marriage of 30 years….i believe in solutions…im not a quitter…she had threatened to leave me…ask me for a divorce many times ….wont seek counciling…she says councilors are a scam…
i know who i am…i believe in the power of prayer …i know God has an answer….my wife was raised in church….but her heart has hardened and waxed cold….she has many wonderful attributes…i hope she will return to God
love has to be first….judgements last…your story was very interesting…thanks alot…
That is awesome Anonymous I was with a lady for 15 years and had pretty much the same kind of situation she was a beautiful person. we were in our mid twenties I had a very nice job and home we were perfect together she would come home with things for me to wear much like yourself except when we would go out I would under dress because my job was so much in the public eye but she had a few girlfriends that were cool with me dressing and it wasn’t a big deal for them. We had them over many times for BBQ or dinner and drinks. At first I was reluctant to expose myself to them but after assuring me they were ok I went for it and it was nice being able to be me around other people. That was some of the best years I ever had. I loved her very much for her understanding and willingness to let me indulge in my feminine ways it all came to an end when she contracted terminal cancer and shortly thereafter she was gone,but I have the fondest memories of that special Lady and think of her often. I am so happy to hear that their are other couples that can enjoy what life has given them. I wish you and your wife continued happiness. Coral
Coral,
Your late wife sounds like an awesome person, and I’m so sorry for your loss.
Hugs,
Bettylou
My wife is fully supportive. It’s taken a few years, but she’s comfortable with us being out together when I’m dressed. Obviously early on she was worried about us being seen together and it having negative implications on family or work, but as time has gone on and I’ve pushed my boundaries little by little with no adverse effects she’s seen those potential problems as less and less of an issue.
Over time we’ve kind of reached a degree of understanding as to when it’s suitable to dress for things and when it’s not. Some stuff we do she’s happy for me to dress or not as I see fit. Other things we discuss, and decide if dressing would be OK or not. And some things we mutually agree are no-go areas at this stage.
The key thing is that she knows and understands that dressing is important to me, and that in many ways it has made our lives exciting and interesting – there’s things we do and people and activities we are involved in that we wouldn’t have otherwise done if I wasn’t a crossdresser . And I know that I have someone I can talk to about my dressing if I need to.
One are a we are still working on, though, is holding hands. We’ve been together for nearly 30 years, and generally hold hands if we’re out together. But when I’m Rachel, we mostly don’t. It seems a bit weird, and I know my wife worries about how me might be seen. That’s not to say we *don’t* hold hands from time to time, but when I’m a guy we do it without thinking. When I’m Rachel it’s kind of something we agree to do. Still, as issues in a crossdreser/wife relationship go, it’s a pretty minor one.
Seems like most people here are talking about their wives, but I’m currently seeing a guy… I’m usually dressed whenever I’m with him. Sometimes I show up fully on done up. Sexy dress, Victoria’s Secret bra and panties, heels, make up all done, hair done. With the earrings and purse he bought me. And other times it’s just short shorts, a cami, with my hair in a bun and no make up. But he loves that I get to just relax and be a girl when I’m with him, and he tries his best to treat me like a girl. Even though I don’t really have very feminine features. But he tells me I’m beautiful. Sits next to me with his arm around me, or holding my hand. Lights my cigarettes. Gets me drinks. Holds the door for me. Cuddles me. Rubs my head, and my butt. I can tell all of you, if you really want to feel like a girl, you need to have a man treat you like one.
I haven’t told my wife about my life long infatuation with women’s clothes. I can also say that she completely disapproves of the notion of me wearing women’s clothes. On one occasion; she suspected I had tried on a pair of her panties, which I had. I’d washed them but they didn’t dry completely and she came home before the end of the second dryer cycle. I hid them in the laundry and she found them. She told me to stay out of her clothes and that a man doesn’t wear women’s clothes.
Since then; I began buying my own intimates, started exploring why I desire to wear women’s clothes, realized that I’m gender fluid with a female spirit, and have build a medium sized ladies wardrobe; including a wig, heeled shoes, and breast forms. Again, I haven’t told her about this new activity and revelation because I know she wouldn’t be supportive or want to be involved.
An amalgam of the first 2 choice. My wife is very supportive, but I do my own shopping and coordinating. Due to arthritis, she helps me with doing some things that I have difficulty with (back buttons, back zippers, wigs, etc.). Sometimes if I am torn between 2 outfits I will ask her thoughts about the overall, but not the individual elements.
My wife is very supportive of my CDing. She has bought me very nice DG2 jeans and tops. She has helped me with makeup and we have even gone out together with me in all femm. We have gone on two week vacations with me in femm the entire trip. Now we are older and she is very disabled she loves watching me dress and she says I should do it more. At her request I only wear panties and women’s socks when going to work. Weekends it all dressed as a woman. It’s easier for me now that I have a B going to C cup size now due to medications I’ve had to take a few years back. We have been together for 37 years. When I retire in 5 years she wants me to dress as a woman full time. I can’t wait to retire. She has taught me to act like a lady and to do makeup and helps me with the Missy side of me all the time. And in the bedroom we both enjoy being very feminine. My wife has brought Missy out of the dark shadows into the light. She has made what I like into something I can’t live without. I was on the fence about my body changing to more feminine but my wife has found ways for us to truly enjoy my feminine grates and enhance them even more. I think I’m becoming a shemale. I’ll never have surgery but I’ll never stop being feminine either. I’m just enough man for my wife’s needs she tells me.
I’m really a cross between my wife know and will not be involved to she disapproves of my dressing. So I feel like when I do get to dress it is in secret. My only way to express myself has truly been talking to all of you on here with the hopes of maybe finding a way to go in public at some point in time.
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