How soon would you tell someone that you crossdress?

This poll is aimed at trying to find out if you have done or will tell people about your crossdressing.

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  • Everyone knows already
  • No i have no intention of telling anyone about me crossdressing
  • It depends on who i was telling
  • I am not sure at the moment
  • I will tell someone this week
  • I will tell someone this Year
  • I will at some time in the future
  • Some people know already but i do intend to tell others in the future

This topic contains 23 replies, has 24 voices, and was last updated by  Janine 4 days ago.

  • Creator
  • #164311

    fiona moss
    Registered On: October 7, 2018
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    Hi Girls, this could be a tricky poll for you or perhaps easier for some. Maybe you will never tell anyone, or perhaps everyone does know already, lets find out! Fiona’s guess…. it depends who it was i was telling.

    This may seem like a mixed bag of possible answers. I have tried to cover all bases!! and to make it a fun poll too 🙂 . My idea for this poll was based on recent events at work. Have fun!

    Fiona xxx

  • Author
  • #168913
    Registered On: October 25, 2015
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    Having been closet crossdresser nearly all of my life l went on vacation last year away from anyone who knows me because I wanted to see what it’s like to live as a female for the entire time I was on vacation.
    I was in Marathon Florida and there are many different types of people who live there or vacation there.
    I met a girl who was there on vacation and she was definitely a crossdresser
    Unlike me she really didn’t appear as a passable looking female
    I take pride in looking as feminine as I possibly can but she didn’t seem to care about the way that she presented herself.
    After talking to her and listening to her story about how she loves to dress en.femme I decided to tell her that I am a crossdresser.
    At first she didn’t believe me. She actually thought that I was joking
    She is the only person who I’ve ever came out to about my crossdressing
    I don’t have any intentions of telling anyone else
    But I have to admit that after confessing to her that I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
    Having someone to talk to who knows that I’m a crossdresser has made me realize that there are many people who crossdress
    It’s helped me to accept that I am a crossdresser and there’s nothing wrong with it
    We’ve become great friends and text and email almost daily
    We’re both looking forward to going back to Marathon for the memorial day weekend this year and renewing our friendship
    It was definitely a great experience living as a female for the entire time I was there and doing whatever a girl who is on vacation would do

  • #166867
     Rami Love 
    Registered On: November 30, 2018
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    I have an asked do tell about my crossdressing. If I find myself single again my crossdressing will become a topic of conversation very early in the relationship.

    • #166887
       Bubblie Commen Loco 
      Registered On: February 12, 2018
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      I’m kinda in a place in my heart that,bei being that iam single,and find a girl who I feel wouldn’t mind I’d lrl her know and hopefully she’ll be into it and we’ll have fun yaknow!!.

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  • #166424
     Gerri Valentine 
    Registered On: July 27, 2017
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    For all intents and purposes I am an OUT crossdresser, I outed myself on Facebook about 4 years ago.  Some friends have distanced themselves,  their loss.  I go out dressed all the time and don’t care if I run into anyone from my vanilla life, I am what I am. I AM NOT ASHAMED OF WHO I AM.  If you’re ashamed and hate yourself for what you are,  your life can’t be that enjoyable.  Live your life on your terms, as far as I know, at least in the USA, crossdressing is not a crime.


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  • #165896
     Khloe West 
    Registered On: August 27, 2015
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    I have a rather similar, but different experience to @alison Anderson that lead to all and any knowing.

    A long story, but the pertinent facts?

    My first “girl’s night out”, and it never crossed my mind that the others there that I knew had dual FB profiles. I also thought that since htis was such a “hushed” subject, that there would be tighter boundaries and privacy than the way it played.

    Next morning?

    A bazillion pics on FB from that eve with me tagged in “boy mode” while wearing a pretty floral dress and fully “en femme”.

    Not knowing who might have already seen them? I thought it may appear cowardly and apologetic to “un-tag” myself. I just took a deep breath – uttered “Here we go!” – and rolled with it.

    Yes, I lost some FB pals, but says more about them than me. I gained many more than I lost. Utterly a great decision and end to things going sideways.

    Never been happier, everyone paying attention knows, and I need make no excuses or dodges. Am sure that many think I’m utterly nuts, but they would get no argument from me on that front.

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  • #165877
     Chareen rowan 
    Registered On: January 8, 2019
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    Hi all

    Maybe someone will understand the why. It feels to me that I cannot trust anyone on this, just so you know, not even another CD which makes nme a “loner” to the max. Why? I guess shame and guilt have a lot to do with it. So the consequence is that I fight myself with it. I pass through a store which has fem dresses and my inner self wishes and desires to have some of them, yet I do not see myself entering the store and buying. I was an extra shy teenager even to talk to girls. Rejection was always there, especially if you grew up in the hippie era as a nerd. All the girls went for the “in” guys and I was left out. So it is a lonely lovely walk for me. I see the pictures and let me say that most of you are beautiful, yet I think myself as not so.

    Thank you all. Love to all


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  • #165857
     Brooke Childs 
    Registered On: March 18, 2019
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    I for one worry about second and third order affects of me letting the world know. I don’t want to add stress to my friends or family. I chose to dress, not my family. Sure many of them would be fine with it maybe with time.

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  • #165184
     Val’sheril Starsong 
    Registered On: March 3, 2019
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    So far it’s a cherry-picked few who know.  Both of my exes who I opened up to shortly before the respective breakups and my current SO who knew years before we started dating, several of my online buddies who I knew were open to the idea.  And of course all you lovely ladies. <3  So far (aforementioned exes aside) the response has been an overwhelmingly positive one, but I’ve tended to pick my audience with acceptance in mind.

    What scares me to death is opening up to my real-life friends and family.  Most of them would likely accept it, at least eventually, but I can think of a few who just get dogmatic about things of that nature and it could potentially kill the friendship.  Maybe at some point I’ll work up the nerve to tell them or they’ll find out through other means, but I have no immediate plans to rock the boat on that front.

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  • #164901
     Smartina Fonteyn 
    Registered On: December 14, 2017
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    only people whom i am confident will have a positive reaction. if there’s any kind of uncertainty, no, no, no.

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  • #164890
     Michelle Liefde 
    Registered On: May 27, 2018
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    I am still trying to decide so other than Gwenn, who does know, I do not see myself telling anyone in the near future.

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  • #164668
     Davina Evans 
    Registered On: March 23, 2019
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    G’day Fiona,

    Lily’s answer is pretty close to what I was thinking. I have only recently been dressing en femme and only at home. My wife lets me but she is not sure about it at present.

    I do not know who else I could tell at present. It is not that I am ashamed but more the impact it would have on my wife and others.

    In answering these polls I am finding that it is helping me to define myself.  So thank you all for the questions and keep them coming.


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  • #164633
     Alison Anderson 
    Registered On: October 15, 2018
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    Perhaps the better question is “Who is going to find out?” Here’s what happened to me in the last few months.

    I was supposed to go to the Renaissance Faire last fall with the woman who did my first makeover and runs events at her house. I was planning on going en femme. She ended up not going. But my daughter and three of her friends from the Pride Center were going to go, so I ended up going (en femme) with them.

    With no fore-planning we ended up in colors that looked like the house colors from Harry Potter, so someone took our picture. While we were at it, they also used our phones to take pictures too.

    About a month later my daughter was at the pride center and wasn’t feeling well. She needed me to bring something to her. It took a while before one of her friends recognized me as the one who had been to the Ren Faire.

    Come Christmas time my daughter (who works in retail) put up the Ren Faire photo in the office. Her manager said, “Who is that? They look familiar.” My daughter told her “That’s my Dad.”

    Later another of her Pride Center friends had come over to my house to see my daughter. As it was the day of my support group meeting, the first time she met me I was en femme. She has subsequently seen me en homme as well.

    Last week I had tickets to see Kinky Boots with my daughter before it closed on Broadway. I planned to go en femme in my 4 inch heeled boots to see the show. But my daughter also had to do an art project for school and needed to visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art beforehand. (It was a mistake to wear the boots all day and have to walk around in them, but that’s another story.)

    She told me her friend was also coming in by bus to New York to see a different Broadway show. So we head back to the bus station to wait for her – and her mom! We had a quick dinner together before going to our respective shows. The friend had told her Mom that her friend’s (my daughter) Dad cross dresses. So her Mom knew I was a cross dresser. With my daughter and her friend texting from our respective buses on the way home, we found out that her Mom didn’t realize that I was the Dad; she thought I was just a cross dresser that my daughter knew.


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  • #164512
     Laura Lovett 
    Registered On: November 18, 2018
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    I wonder why we all fear telling others?

    It’s not like we’re telling them about  something illegal, in most countries .

    We’re not even doing anything wrong!

    Why do we think it would negatively impact our relationships with others, especially children?

    Why would it be bad for them to know?

    Wives seem to believe this too, without any evidence of psychological harm except to the man who has to hide his secret away, fearful of discovery… but why?


    So what?

    Embarrassing situations happen.

    We move on.

    Why do wives struggle to accept?

    It’s hard to accept that climate change is happening, it’s hard to comprehend the suffering of people in Afghanistan and other countries, it’s hard to accept that some cultures live very differently to us, it’s hard to accept another person’s religious beliefs – what is the big deal with men in women’s clothing?

    I have so many questions… sorry, this was supposed to be a fun poll :0)

    I have told my wife and an ex-work colleague, and my back therapist.

    And fully intend to let others know who I really am.

    But without upsetting the wife too much.

    Love Laura



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    • #164961
      Registered On: August 26, 2018
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      You make a very good point Laura. For me its not fear of telling people but rather that people who I want to know – plus a few others who have discovered for themselves – already know and anybody else, non of their business.

      I was however very secretive about dressing many many moons ago but that was due to threats of physical violence and other negative responses by some bods in my local community. Thankfully, those idiots have long gone. Good riddence to them.

      Perhaps gives some insight into why some of the girls are reluctant to come out though.

      Take care girls.


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  • #164456
     Jasmine Fletcher 
    Registered On: September 7, 2018
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    In one state of mind I would just get on and tell everyone.  I’ve had a transgender flag badge on my “man bag” for a few months now.  It wouldn’t be difficult for someone to Google what that was, or just ask.  Nothing seems to have happened yet but one part of me is stubbornly proud of who I am and this is a way of subliminally waving at everyone.

    However, I remember what happened while I was still married and I confessed to my wife.  She was accepting at first but after a week pointed out that she was now burdened with my secret, and was worrying about where it could all lead to.   I felt rather selfish: I had gained a huge wave of relief, she was concerned & troubled and eventually the whole thing blew up a few months later.  It then became the “don’t ask, don’t tell” arrangement.

    As such, I’m off to visit my parents this weekend and once again I’ve got a wrestling match in my head whether to tell them.  They are in their 80s but still fret and worry about me and I would feel guilty about giving them something else to be concerned about.  Plus if my Mum knows then shortly afterwards everyone else in the family and in their village would know…

    I ought to have a word with my neighbours.  I’m often outside so I am surprised that they haven’t noticed yet (perhaps they have?)   The last three chance meetings with them I just happened to be en homme due to having just got back or about to depart home.   My only concern is that I rent my cottage from them and if they don’t like it, they might find some other reason to end the tenancy.

    So I find myself sitting on a fence (not easy in this frock!)  wondering which way I should climb down.  Perhaps a gust of wind will topple me one way or the other…

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  • #164435
     Camryn Occasionnel 
    Registered On: December 10, 2018
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    Well, I chose “…have no intention of telling anyone about me crossdressing” because I am so committed to the closet, I cannot imagine anyone I now know, or have ever known, who would accept me as a CDer.

    Of course, who knows what the future holds. Never say never, as they say. Maybe if I ever met another crossdresser in this LGBTQ wasteland I inhabit, I would very probably own up to it, even if I were in drab at the time.

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  • #164430
     Elise Michelle 
    Registered On: January 3, 2018
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    This is something I’ve really struggled with. Been dying to tell my eldest daughter as she’s always been a huge LGBTQ+ supporter, so part of me thinks she would accept it. On the other hand, I’m her “Daddy”, so I worry she would never look at me the same. It’s one thing when your girlfriend borrows mascara, but quite a different thing when your father does. I also worry that she’d be so excited that she would tell someone, and soon everybody would know. I’m not ready to have that discussion with my son, my brothers or my 85 year old mother. But the secret is killing me…

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  • #164407
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    I have only told my two wives.

    No-onee really knows. some are suspicious. I think my daughter would accept it quickly no way she can keenp a secret.Im not going to live life as a’s just fun. I’m two different people. My private lives don’t need to mix completely keep dressing

    Christie Marie

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  • #164401
     Nora Grace Fergason 
    Registered On: March 7, 2016
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    Do you mean how much “Jabbering” will I do?  Well then it might take me 40-45 years.  “When I was a small child………….”  No wait, you don’t mean how many words?  If I tell you how I was feeling at each step along the way, well, then, that could take forever.  How do you have to sit & listen?

    For real, We had a vote transgendered rights in my state (MA, USA).  I think I am pretty well regarded around town, so I thought I’d out myself so as to use myself a positive example.  Anyone could ask me anything to help persuade people to vote.  Step one, tell Mrs. Fergason.  That did not go as I had hoped.  She does not want to know or see any part of “That”.

    But, when I want to go to a meeting en femme, she will ask start time, & I’ll say only “I need to change”.  Mrs. F will go out & stay away for extended time or go up-stairs.  I’ll shower, get dressed & leave, announcing loudly, “I’m going now”,  peaceful co-existence.  Having a 35yo lesbien daughter, & her lovely wife, very much helps my cause.

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  • #164395
     Marika Jaye 
    Registered On: August 4, 2018
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    Everyone close to me already knows. I’ve also told a few casual friends (all female) while impaired by alcohol. So far, every reaction has been positive. I’ve even made besties with a couple ladies I was only lukewarm with before.

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  • #164376
     Amy Myers 
    Registered On: February 11, 2019
    Topics: 3
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    I with Lilly, a have the urge to tell more people, but not sure if its’ a good idea, and what will it change anyway?

    My wife, and a couple of others know, and I’ve become a member of a local cross dressing club, so of course they know, but everyone there is, so it would be strange if one was a member, and didn’t dress.

    So for now, the circle will stay like it is, amoung current friends and family. Secrets can be burdensome for some people, and I don’t want to put people close to me though that either. There might come a time where it would be better tell certain family members, rather than have them find out for themselves, but I don’t think that I’m at point.


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  • #164352
     Davida Mae 
    Registered On: January 14, 2019
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    HaHaaa whether I’m changing my briefs or my panties for the day I doubt anyone would or should care. I’m a Closet Gurl for multiple reasons but mainly to protect those associated with me. Should I actually get a chance to be my Gurl in a Public setting… by that time…I doubt “I’d CARE!”

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  • #164348
    Registered On: December 12, 2018
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    Hi Fiona, nice poll! Very curious to other’s answers as well.

    My wife knows, and my therapist knows. I might tell some old friends of mine I’m seeing this weekend if it’s relevant during the outing though I doubt it, but otherwise I’m happy cracking the odd joke in the office about wearing “my dresses” which usually gets a good laugh. Little do they know… Funny how cross dressing is comedic gold, not sure how I feel about that being someone who likes to cross dress, but I won’t pass up an opportunity for a chuckle.

    I was thinking of coming out to other people recently but I haven’t the foggiest who I’d tell. Co-workers? Friends? Family members? I ask myself, what would it change? Am I asking them to accept me as I am, or does the thing I’m asking them to accept ever impact their lives, making it moot? Probably, but for some reason I still feel called to tell people.

    Who knows. Either way I sincerely wish anyone who’s thinking of coming out nothing but the best. It’s hard!

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