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Usually every weekend I go out in the public dressed en femme I go to the mall, grocery store, target/Walmart. Regardless of where I go, I don’t usually dress too fancy as I’m tying to merely “blend in“ I’ve picked up on something I’ve never realized before when I’m out in public in just guy mode that men more often then not stare or look at me versus women barley give me any looks at all. I even had a gentleman come up to me yesterday to ask me where the bathrooms were in the mall!! It was a scary moment as it was my first time speaking to someone dressed en femme. I paused for a second then spoke in my best feminine voice that I didn’t know where they’re located and he walked away but I thought it was interesting he came up to me randomly like I was going to know?? I just seem find that I get more looks or stares from men versus women when I’m out which I don’t mind too much but it can be a little unnerving seeing I’m still very new to going out and they usually stare or look at me much longer then maybe a quick glance from a woman. I can see now what women do put up with on a daily basis but all my experiences have been positive so far regardless of a few uncomfortable stares.
Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear what others ladies on CDH have encountered in their outings in regards to this topic?
Have a great day everyone!
NatalieEn femme, I get far more stares from women than men, quite often followed up with a complementary comment.
Men have seemed a bit uncertain what to make of me – until my recent makeover, since when I’ve also had guys making nice comments too! Thank you, Poppy Tallulah!
No-one really treats me like a lady, though, which is slightly disappointing, but only slightly.
I get it that a 6’4″ guy isn’t going to pass with all the surgery in the world and I’m good with that – I usually get treated like I’m a nice human, and that’s how I treat others too.
Gender isn’t my favourite topic of conversation, so I’m happy to just chat about anything with anyone who wants to chat – and that seems to be most people!
I kinda like the fact that, if I find myself staring at a woman who is beautifully dressed or has beautiful makeup, they will come up and start talking to me like they already know me, and I can say aloud what it was that I was admiring, and it’s taken exactly as intended.
Try doing that in guy mode… no, don’t – I was kidding (obvs!).
Love Laura
Men are wired differently then women… Men are usually aroused by sight and touch… it is only natural to notice a lady, even more so a very good looking lady. Some guys notice but have no issue with flat out staring to the point of disrespect and making a lady uncomfortable… this I expect has to do with upbringing and societal standards. There are men who struggle with this and those who don’t.
You are, by far, not the first to have noticed this and to have commented on it. For cross-dressers, especially those who are only newly ‘out’ this is disconcerting as they feel they have been ‘made’ and are being categorized as perverts or some other disparaging judgement.
I have also seen quite a few (not as many though) assurances from females that this sort of scrutiny of femininity by males is normal. Annoying, but usual. They further assert than cross-dressers being so examined by males are likely being considered as possible sexual conquests. So, in a way, the attention is complimentary and you are likely ‘passing’.
On the other hand, you may not be actually ‘passing’. I have to admit that whenever I look at a female the thought of being sexually involved flashes across my mind. I can’t help it, it is likely instinctual and I apologize for any discomfort. However, this is not precise.
People believe that a ‘proper’ sexual orientation is where a person of one sex reacts libidinously to a person of the other (not opposite) sex. I have stated before that I do not believe that sexual attraction is based on one’s sex but on one’s gender. Part of the evidence I offer is that:
If it was true that it was the other person’s sex that activated the observer’s libido, then males attracted to femininity would necessarily be attracted to all females as it is the fact that they are female that is the basis of the attraction.
However not all females are attractive. In fact some are decidedly unattractive even repulsive. Therefore it is not their sex that provides the basis of attraction but their beauty or, fundamentally, their femininity. Note, for example, that some males, in masculine presentation, are not particularly attractive but with a bit of effort are delicious paradigms of feminine pulchritude.
When I had access to the internet I found that I saw feminine males as sexually attractive. I was concerned. Had I suddenly become ‘homosexual’? It was some time before I realized that I found them attractive because they were beautiful. Their sex had nothing to do with it.
So, when males are ogling your femininity speculatively it is most likely because you are, at that time, a woman. Even if they recognize your maleness they may still be aroused by your femininity. I suppose that, so long as they maintain a certain degree of decorum, courtesy and propriety, it cannot be helped and may even be acceptable. In return I feel that a certain degree of kindness and consideration towards them should be applied as a response when approached. After all, we have yet to develop the appropriate social conventions for such interactions and a certain degree of confusion, discomfort and, therefore, even hostility may arise.
I do not believe totally in the necessity of ‘passing’. Pretending to be female when you are not is not the same as being a woman when you are. If someone asked me, when athenased, if I was a man, I would likely respond that I am male trying subtly to make the distinction. To me that sort of openness and frankness is essential to the ‘normalization’ of gender variation and gender presentation. That’s why these forums are important as we are exploring new, social circumstances and finding ways to deal with the confusion, discomfort and ignorance of others. As ladies it is incumbent upon us to dispel their confusion, ease their discomfort and educate them.
Araminta.
Well its a natural instinct of a male to look at a female, a study was done many years ago, with special head gear that recorded where the eyes look. Obviously the bust was overwhelming the single most part looked at first. Followed by the legs and then the face.
Women tended to look at the hair, then the clothes.
CD’s sex orientation is masked by their dressing, therefore many on the surface to all intensity are female.
Again some men will like what they see even if they twig its a CD, some will not, again this happens with women too.
As like any woman we like to be admired, and most females don’t see us as a treat, but most men see it as test on their masculinity to admit they like us or fancy us.
LOL Amanda XThank you all for sharing your experiences and knowledge on this topic, it’s all very helpful as I’m still so new to it and I inevitably knew that people (women or men) were going to look at me when I finally decided to go out in public but it’s just a different perspective when I am out presenting as a woman but a few stares aren’t going hinder me from going out in the world as my true self!
When I’m out in guy mode, I might as well be invisible. No one looks at me or maybe I just don’t notice or look for anyone looking at me.
In Patty mode, totally different story. Maybe it’s because I’m often dressed to be noticed. Shiny pantyhose, heels short dress and pretty hair tends to draw attention, and I get it. From men and women. Sometimes a little too much. Still there is and excitement, thrill and rush that comes with it.
Well with your gorgeous legs Patty I am not surprised you get a lot of attention sweetie.
I get stared at a lot but that is what’s to be expected I guess be kinda eccentric in my clothes as a guy, I have several facial piercings, wear platform boots and have a naked fairy tattoed on my right arm. I also have really long curly hair and love black nailpolish. Mostly people don’t know what to make of me as a guy other than throwing homophobic slurs at me.
While as a guy I generally recieve negative attention it is more positive when crossdressing, at least as long as they don’t figure out that I’m not actually a woman (mostly men has a problem with this). Although I dont like the random butt-smacking and strangers trying to rub my thighs. I find that men stare a lot and especially older men (60+) can be rather pervy.
When I’m en femme in public, women often flirt with me, but only in situations where I can’t do anything about it. For instance women is passing cars (or bicycles) have whistled at me or shouted lewd comments at me as I walked along the side walk or waited at a bus stop. Men however? Never.
I am Out in every sense with the exception of confirmation surgery and changing my name. I’ve lived in SoCal for 4 1/2 years and very few have ever met Don. I have held office in local non-profit and political organizations. Currently I hold office in my car club, our local Pride Organization and a city commission, all as DeeAnn.
As far as I’m aware, the only stares I get are from people with a bit of a puzzled look on their faces. However, I’ll admit that for the most part, I’m oblivious as to who is looking and who isn’t…
That’s just what men do, right? They look at women, and most of us have likely done that as well when we’re in male mode.
I have got looks and also been chatted up a few times, and I’ve even had a couple of offers!
The most obvious time was when myself and a few friends (fellow CD’s) had to go through a lobby and there was a group of men sitting together. We were well dressed, and I think we generally passed quite well. So, we got some long looks as we walked by, no comments and of course no idea what they were thinking.
Amy
In a lot of my posts/responses, I’ve shared a lot of what is me, but there’s still a whole lot more. While venturing outside of my home in dress, I’ve never gone anywhere near where others might even slightly be in close proximity so I can’t comment on the original question. But as for me (and as me), I’ve found I’m very self-aware, that is, I’m constantly evaluating what I’m doing and especially around others, how I’m interacting with them and they with me, and how I should be acting and/or responding, not just verbally, but emotionally, physically etc. So I tend to watch rather closely, without trying to be obvious, and maybe try to pick up cues from others I’m interacting with.
And I notice that with some women (not all, but some, single and married), I get the feeling that I’m getting a lot more than just the cursory glances and acceptance of my being part of whatever group. Like more smiles directed my way, more attention being paid to what I’m saying, or suggesting, more so than to other males in the group. I don’t think it’s anything like flirting as such, but I do think women do pay attention to men, just not necessarily in the same way or to the almost leering degree that men seem to do to women. Maybe it’s something women do over time, that the little time most cross-dressers are able to spend, it’s not something that is readily noticeable. Or, maybe they’re picking up that I’m paying attention to who they are, not what they are and they’re just naturally returning the favor, but I do wonder sometimes about what’s going on.
Oh, and I’ve never, ever felt that about other males I’m around – as far as I can tell – we’re all just ‘guys’, hangin’ around, spittin’ and chewin’, cussin’ and leerin’, except I don’t do any of that, because I don’t find it interesting in the least. When I do look at other women, it’s to see how they’re dressed, how they hold themselves, how they just go through life…and I sigh.
Thanks for all the great responses ladies keep them coming!
In the end I think that both men and women look because maybe seeing me peaks their curiosity and I do see a puzzled look on their faces but I tend not to make eye contact with them and I don’t let it phase me. We’re all guilty of looking from one time or another but I’m always taking cues/notes on how a woman carries herself or current trends/styles they’re wearing.
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