How To Make Youirself Paranoid…

[Holly Marie]

I’ve just ordered (and received!) a full makeup kit; not sure that I’ll be able to make myself look acceptable – but I’m sure going to try!  I’m also booked up for a professional makeover and photoshoot (see my profile about this – it’s not the first time, and I couldn’t be more excited about it!)  What I’m mostly worried about is a lot less of a “problem”… I’ve also ordered a few pairs of tights over the internet; I’m terrified about when they may arrive – will my significant other “intercept” the delivery?  I have a strong view that she probably already knows the “dark secret” but I can’t be sure (even though I’m sure she would more than likely be fine with it!)  I’m assuming that there are plenty of other ladies out there who go through this sort of terror on a regular basis, but… My question is – this terror; is there a way round it?  Should I just toughen up and hope for the better?  Or stop ordering stuff on the internet?  And most important – is it less terrifying to just go and shop in person (how terrifying would it be to approach the girl in the shop?) rather than hope my SO doesn’t find out?  Sorry to be so inchoherent on this subject – but even though I’ve been through the “delivery” problem so many times, it still terrifies me…  Holly XXX

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Janet Woodham, Susie Valle, Marlene Roberts, Kathleen, Sarah Kanter, Kate Sometimes, Lucy Bancroft, Tiffany Monroe, Tiny Tinkerbell, Tricia Dream, Kim Dahlenbergen, Kathy Jackson, Maive O'Neal, Suzanne Martin, Ashley Konners, Lexi Hart

Topic

[Kay Jackson]

One of those things that is easier to say than do….. You must speak with and tell your wife now you’re at thos stage. Chances are you will eventually get caught out.

In the meantime your mental health will take a bashing for one reason amongst others, you’ve already identified and is common to all in the closet.

Paranoia.

Good luck.

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Harriette

[Janet Woodham]

Hi Holley,

I cannot to this day work out how it happened but I found myself asking my wife how she felt about me dressing although I worded it along the lines feeling more comfortable and to my immense surprise she allowed it although within strict limits.  Sadly I lost her to cancer over two and half years ago and I know from random remarks family and friends would not be so accepting so I know what you mean. If have family to stay I dread them wanting to look under the bed!

Only you know what is best for you Holly and I dread anyone ever having reason to see my Amazon account. It might decrease your paranoia if you considered various scenarios and how you might handle them and that may give you idea of the way forward.

Janet x

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Connie Wittnee

[J J]

Just beware, it is more a matter of when our spoise finds that we dress, and not a matter of if they find out. This is especially try if you are having packages delivered. Sooner or late you will slip up and then you have to depend yourself agaisnt a likely mad, hurt, betrayed feeling wife. I feel it is best to discuss this on your terms. You can start small, “I liked wearing panties that I tried on the other day”,  and expand upon it from there, or not depending on the response. Which is better then her discovering you have been buying things for years and hiding them, in which case, the sense of betrayal can be far worse then the actual dressing.

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Connie Wittnee

[Sarah Kanter]

Here are my thoughts:

1. I think honesty is best, so telling your wife is probably best, but there are some situations where maybe that isn’t the right course of action. I have always tried to be as up front as possible, and I think that helps in the long run, but it certainly isn’t easy.
2. I don’t know what your relationship is like, but my wife and I both order stuff and don’t ask each other about it. To me, confidential packages seem like a normal part of marriage, but maybe that’s not usual.
3. As far as buying stuff in shops. I’ve never had a problem. I’ve never shopped in a small, personal kind of store, but I’ve used the fitting room in big stores and had people ask me if I needed help and no one has ever seemed to care what I took in there. No one ever asks me about my purchases or anything else. I read an account from a cross dresser who bought his first bra in a lingerie shop. They were super nervous until the owner of the shop said, “Honey, you’re not the first and you won’t be the last. I don’t care who buys them as long as they buy them from me.”

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Connie Wittnee, Holly Marie

[Holly Marie]

Thanks, Sarah; I really appreciate your advice.  Yes; honesty is usually the best policy, but I just can’t risk it.  I’m almost certain that K would be very supportive – but if there is even the slightest chance of losing her, I just can’t do it.  Deliveries aren’t normally a problem, but every so often a parcel arrives that isn’t in a “plain, brown wrapper:  why oh why does every fifth parcel arrive with something like “Your High Heeled Thigh Boots Are Enclosed!” written on the address label?  And buying in store… just not likely to happen here unless there is a self checkout till – sorry, but no.  Ho, hum:  I think my best bet is just to think long and hard – maybe K wouldn’t immediately leave me?..  Holly XXX

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Connie Wittnee

[Staci Gal]

Holly….   The best advice from me would be to just tell her.  Yes, it will be difficult but you said that she probably already knows, so that should help some.   Hiding from your wife / girlfriend is very difficult, plus for me, I just don’t like the sneaking around.

Best to you, hope you get it sorted out.   Have fun, Staci…

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Connie Wittnee, Kate Sometimes

[Holly Marie]

I’m having so much fun it’s unbelievable; I just can’t take the risk that K might not fully understand. Sorry, but telling her would be too much of a risk;  if I (and she) were 20 years younger, I probably would – times, after all, have changed a little – but I’m trapped by chronology; time is the one thing that can never be defeated…  Holly XXX

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Kate Sometimes

[Staci Gal]

Everyones situation is different….   Best of luck, enjoy your crossdressing, I do….   Staci..

PS If it were me, and it is not, I would be so darned paranoid that she would find out and the resulting disaster would occur ….  smile… S

• This reply was modified 3 days ago by Staci Gal.

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Kate Sometimes

[Rachael Kane]

As a Navy Combat Veteran, I’m just shaking my head at the multiple use of the word “Terror” in this context…That being said, I agree with the use of the word “Paranoia” as probably being more appropriate….And I’m willing to bet many if not all my Brothers and Sisters who have served would agree…

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Connie Wittnee, Kate Sometimes, Staci Gal, Cathryn, Holly Marie

[Staci Gal]

Rachel…   Go Navy !!!  Former USN here too…

And, love your pics too…  You look great…  Staci…

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Kate Sometimes, Cathryn

[Rachael Kane]

Thanks Staci!!!

[Cathryn]

I’m sorry to whomever this offends, well not really. It’s a very sore spot for me!

Rachael, please remember that “we the people” are incredibly thankful for our services members.

Those across the pond should be thankful for American‘s service members as well, otherwise they would be part of the Third Reich now.

THANK YOU RACHAEL AND ALL THE OTHER SERVICE MEMBERS ON HERE FOR YOUR SERVICE !!!

It amazes me how the world looks to AMERICA for help in all emergencies, but when AMERICA has an emergency no one offers to help.

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Connie Wittnee, Kate Sometimes, Holly Marie, Staci Gal

[Holly Marie]

Hiya Cathryn:  this is the last I’m going to say on this matter, seeing as it’s guaranteed to be overly controversial, but NO!  “Those across the pond should be thankful for American‘s service members as well, otherwise they would be part of the Third Reich now.”  That is a comment that many people in Europe would find incredibly offensive – would you like it if someone pointed out that if it weren’t for the French you might all be speaking Iriquois?  And “America”?  That’s two large continents – or do you think you’re the only ones who matter?  I’m now going to sign off; I assume I will now be barred from CDH seeing as the paramount idea is “Freedom of Speech”… just as long as what you say and think is exactly what the U.S.A. tells you that it should be.  Third Reich?  Please remember that roughly 30 million Soviet citizens died in winning the Second World War; more innocent civilians starved to death in one winter of the siege of Leningrad than the total U.S. fatalities in the entire war.  NO death is acceptable:  please don’t try to make out that your country is better than any other…

Now waiting to be thrown off the site.  Still love you:  Holly XXX

[Cathryn]

Never said my country was better than anyone. Sounds like someone has a guilty conscience. I mean after all ya’ll did colonize half the world by force.

The French had nothing to do with US – Native America activities. The French did help us win our independence from the over taxing and detrimental governing of the British monarchy. This resulted in most Americans not giving a flying mosquito about the British since 1776 when we kick ya’ll out!!!

We have more than paid back the French for that help by liberating the from two oppressive German invasions, not to mention being the nuclear deterrent for all of Europe including you from Russian invasion for the last 60-70 years.

Now, let us address your statement about being a pacifist. As I stated if it were not for the American Soldier you would be part of the Third Reich. I can promise there were no American pacifist in foxholes across the European Theater during either world war. Even more so there were no pacifist running off of my Grandfather’s landing craft on D-DAY during the invasion of Normandy.

The United State has more than paid back our debt to any country that has helped us. If America is so bad why do so many thousands of people risk life and death to get here?

Now let examine what your country has contributed to the world. Oh, that’s correct ya’ll had a really huge navy going around conquering half the world. Killing the native people of hundreds of lands. Colonizing and conquering them under threat of violence and actual use of violence.

Maybe you should go look at the tyrannical and murderous history of your country before you start making up false claims about mine…

P. S. Learn how to spell Iroquois. No doubt you offended them not only with a lack of knowledge in their history but also without being able to google the correct spelling of their name.

[Staci Gal]

Cathryn….   Well stated, and so true….   Thanks, Staci…

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Cathryn

[Holly Marie]

Hiya, Rachael, I’m a Pacifist and could never participate in any act of violence whatsoever, but “Terror” to me is exactly that:  I’ve just looked it up and the most common definition I can find is “extreme fear”.  I don’t try to minimise what you may have been through, but neither can I view it as being a badge of honour.  Sorry if this offends you, but I can’t see that serving in any navy is either good or bad – I still believe in the old adage “Make Love – Not War” and I’m pretty sure that all ex-servicewomen would agree with the general sentiment.  We may not agree on this – but I still love you!  Holly XXX

[Kim Dahlenbergen]

The most obvious way around the paranoia is to come out to your wife before the thing you fear occurs. Its almost inevitable that some purchase will arrive when you aren’t there, or when both of you are how. There will be some awkward moments when you insist on opening the delivery alone.

If that is too much for you, there is always the old fashioned shopping in a store. The clerks likely won’t give much of a thought as to whether you are buying tights for your wife or yourself. They are there to make sales. And of course, you will be far from the first male to enter their store for the purpose of buying stockings.

I would suggest that the first option remains the best. Your wife is going to find out eventually. Better that she learn of it from you rather than stumbling upon a cache of makeup and stockings.

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[Holly Marie]

K is going to find out eventually… well, I recognise that that is probable, but I have to hope that’s a problem for my future self.  You’re quite correct – there will have been loads of men buying tights and stockings… and the shop assistant will be perfectly sure that in 99% of those cases they are not “for my wife”.  I think I may just have to have the conversation with her… but the postman has just delivered my package and I got there before she did!  Crisis (temporarily) averted; now I just need  to worry about those shoes I’ve just ordered…  Holly XXX

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Kim Dahlenbergen, Jill Edina

[Harriette]

I can’t think that this going to end well, Holly. You are tempting fate on an ongoing basis.

[Kim Dahlenbergen]

Its possible, even likely, that future self may deeply regret the avoidance behavior of present self. In my own life, procrastination and avoidance seldom led to better outcomes than dealing with issues in the present.

Good luck!

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Harriette

[Maive O’Neal]

My wife found out when she looked at my Amazon account and was devastated because she thought I was buying for another woman. After confessing to everything she said she understood and accepted me. Her support has slowly grown. In fact we had a makeup discussion the other day. It is always best to be honest I learned. If you already feel she knows then it’s time for the talk!!!!

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Connie Wittnee, Jill Edina, Suzanne Martin, Stephaniewy, Kathy Jackson

[Stephaniewy]

Hi Holly, for me it came to a point where I was so tired of hiding it from my wife that I decided to tell her.  Immediately the paranoia (at least of her finding out my secret) went away.   As a result I am able to shop online or in person (preferable for me) with out to many worries.  I find thrift stores less intimidating as no even notices what your up to.  Sometimes nice to go shopping now with my wife to a real store like a Torrid or something when in another town.   They all know its for you..but some think its great when your wife is with you.

 

good luck and best wishes

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Connie Wittnee, Marlene Roberts, Jill Edina, Suzanne Martin

[Cassie Jay]

Hi Holly

Maybe part of you wants your wife to intercept the packages so you can’t avoid the talk?

When you get around to it you’ll be surprised how easy (and fun) shopping in person can be. I only dress in private these days so shoppings always done in drab but I find if I’m honest about it being for me majority of the time the SA will be extremely helpful which puts me at ease and makes the whole experience positive and I become a repeat customer. If they give a bit of a cold shoulder, they don’t deserve my money and I go elsewhere.

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Marlene Roberts, Jill Edina, Ashley Konners, Harriette, Stephaniewy, Holly Marie, Suzanne Martin

[Holly Marie]

Hiya, ladies:  there’s been some great advice posted in response to my original note, but I think Cassie may have hit closest to home:  “Maybe part of you wants your wife to intercept the packages so you can’t avoid the talk?”  This prospect is terrifying – but I’m beginning to think it may be what I really want.  I didn’t need this latest package of tights, but I felt I had to do it anyway…  I thnk I need to have a long period of contemplation and then decide – to be [Holly] or not to be [Holly]?  The only problem there is that I know that Holly is a (more than) major part of my overall being – but I don’t want to offend K…  I thnk a few glasses of red wine need to be introduced into the equation…  Thank you:  I love you all:  Holly XXX

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Marlene Roberts, Jill Edina, Stephaniewy, Cassie Jay, Harriette

[Caty Ryan]

Here in OZ we have both Amazon and Australia post “pick up” lockers. The latter is where all my Caty stuff gets delivered to. (And some male things too!!)

Years gone by I had a PO box and that worked just as well. (With the possible exception of big packages with the senders details and contents described on the outside. But the PO I used was 40 k’s from home.(we lived in the “sticks” back then..

In the words of the Nike commercial. “Just do it”.

Caty.

 

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Suzanne Martin

[J J]

Sooner or later she is going to see” the package”, so best to deal with it on your terms rather then wait until she discovers it and starts asking questions. Be proactive rather then reactive.

You say she may already know, and she might, or she suspects something, and that suspicion leads to her thinking there is another woman.

My wife knows, so it is not an issue, but I would rather she knew and had to live in a DADT situation then the constant worry of her finding out and then having to deal with the fallout. Hopefully, she is fine with it and supportive, or at least accepting.

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Alison Anderson, Suzanne Martin

[Alison Anderson]

This doesn’t sound to me like how to make yourself paranoid. It sounds more like a recipe for disaster.

Your plan is to hope to intercept packages before your wife gets them? To hope there isn’t some kind of delay on your way home? To hope it comes when they say it does and not a day early or later? To hope she doesn’t decide to take that day off?

Yes this can work occasionally, but it is by no means a long term viable solution to anything.

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Connie Wittnee, Marlene Roberts, Harriette, Suzanne Martin

[Lucy Bancroft]

Hi Holly,

For internet shopping it obviously depends where you’re buying from, but if shopping from Amazon you could use one of their hub lockers.

I have one 5 minutes from home, which proved very handy when I first started shopping for Lucy gear.

Also M&S and Next do in store collection for online ordering.

But to be honest, shopping in person isn’t as bad as you may imagine, especially somewhere like M&S where you can just pick up what you want without having to ask anyone for assistance.

Sure, you’ll be nervous at first, and will probably try and convince the person behind the counter that it’s for your wife, but you’ll find that they don’t really care. You’re just another customer. Before you know it, you won’t actually care yourself

Lucy

 

 

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Connie Wittnee, Marlene Roberts, Suzanne Martin, Harriette

[Venus Envy]

Post office boxes
We have one in town and almost always the one who picks up mail.
There be one you can get to discreetly and easily.
Many UPS shipping centers also rent boxes.

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Suzanne Martin, Harriette, Michelle Wayne

[Lorraine Lowry]

My wife knows, so I don’t have this issue, she is not happy about it, but knows.  I suggest strongly if you are going to order items which are to be delivered, do one of the following:  Easy  out, order her something on the same shipment.  Then when you open it, she has to hide her eyes, surprise,  it’s for her. She doesn’t see the rest of the contents.    Tougher out:  have the “ reckoning “ conversation.  Don’t wait to be outed, do it on your turf, your time, your place, your conversation before the “awful” surprise happens.   If you are a feminine figure,( not me, 6’3” , 215 lbs.)  you can easily shop out saying it’s for your SO, but shopping in your size.  Last if you have any sisters near you , dress and shop with them, you would be amazed at the courage a friend gives you.  Hope I made sense. Hugs. Lorraine.  P.S. if none of this works, take 3 Johnnie Walker Blacks  on the rocks, and swear you will never dress again.

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Suzanne Martin, Michelle Wayne

[Ashley Konners]

I shop in person way more than online now that I’ve overcome the worries of shopping for women’s clothes or shoe. At first I always Used the shopping for my wife line and worried standing in front of the pantyhose rack picking out what I wanted , or trying to sneak a shoe on to see if it fits. Now it’s easy as I don’t care what people think. I’m straight up with the sales associates and let them know I’m shopping for myself.  A crossdressers money is just as green as a cis gendered woman is.

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Connie Wittnee, Natalie Jones, Suzanne Martin, Marlene Roberts, Harriette

[Lexi Hart]

You would be surprised how helpful women in shops will be when they find out you were buying these things for yourself. I’ve never had an issue I’ve even giggled and have a little girl talk with them. Also I know it’s not easy to do but if you’re honest with your significant other, she might respond very well to it. I mean, I ended up divorced lol but that’s my story

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Connie Wittnee, Suzanne Martin, Holly Marie, Harriette

[Holly Marie]

Lexi (what a great name, by the way!) I think I may have to try it – find a shop somewhere a long way away from where I live and then just hope… surely, as long as they will never see me again, I can’t feel too terrible?  I think I may have to do it – no matter how terrified it makes me feel…

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Connie Wittnee, Suzanne Martin

[Lexi Hart]

Hi Holly ! I’m a simple girl lol I go to Walmart a few towns over and use self pay or if I go to the mall it’s a bit far from home but I’m becoming much more open I go out en femme quite a bit now I’m attending Divas Las Vegas this year and I’m so excited to meet other women like us !

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Connie Wittnee, Stephaniewy, Suzanne Martin

[Harriette]

What about letting your SO know about your crossdressing?

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Suzanne Martin

[Holly Marie]

Harriette -I wish I could!  It’s all part of the same problem – “to tell, or not to tell”…  Do I behave more like a woman and confess?…  Or just carry on being terrified most of the time?  More than worried… Holly XXX

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Suzanne Martin, Harriette

[Harriette]

Getting packages with female attire in them is also telling her, though. Be prepared for questions.

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Suzanne Martin

[Author]

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