How to tell my SO about joining CDH

[Anonymous]

Sorry ladies but this is a long one and pretty much my story leading into my quest for advice.

I joined this website only a few days ago and I have been hooked since. I have been updating my profile, reading stories of others in similar situations as I, shopping for clothes and looking for ways to fulfill my need to Crossdress. In these few days though, I have hid it from my SO. If she walks into the room, I quickly change my phone screen to another app because I feel ashamed. I’ve been a little distant with her and hesitant to tell her about it as I explore this site (and my own thoughts).

I have crossdressed since I was a teenager, mostly panties back then. I told her when we started dating that I liked to crossdress and was bisexual, but that I leaned more towards liking women. She said she was ok with it and as long as I didn’t lie to her and she appreciated me being honest with her. I never thought that my tastes would evolve past panties but of course, they did. As time went on though, I thought if she was comfortable with it then “hey, I want to explore this fully”.

When I’m dressed as Ashley, I like guys. I like girls too but when as Ashley “she” (I’m a gemini so I feel that I have that split because of it) prefers to be the girl and I liked to be the submissive. I liked for my wife to be the dominant and play the role of the guy and am totally fine with her playing that role.  I have never cheated on my wife (with a male or female). We have had threesomes in the past so I could get my “fix” because she would say that they could give me what she couldn’t, but only once while I was dressed. That time was fun but it also was not. He laughed when he first saw me and then she did not want me in the room when they had their time together for the first few minutes while they had sex. It was very awkward when trying to join in then and I felt like the third wheel. I was not dresssed then because the first night was just him and I (I was dressed) and then he came back the next night for the three some (I was not dressed). We have spoken about doing a threesome since, but we have not had that type of experience since then almost over 4 years ago.

When I would get into my Ashley mode, I would buy lots of lingerie and toys online. I progressed and moved up to purchasing breast forms (large ones too because I’m a tall person). Well one night when I was being Ashley, she saw me wearing my breast forms and something in her changed. She told me she was sick of Ashley and wanted her husband back, she was tired of having to share me with another woman even if I was that other woman. She didn’t want to find my panties in the laundry anymore and so on and so on. Because I love her, I packed Ashley up and put her away. I told her I did so, but that I couldn’t keep her locked away forever. Ashley has that way of eventually getting out and doing what she wants. My wife said she understood but that she didn’t want to see it anymore. I felt horrible that it had gotten to that point. I didn’t think I was neglecting her needs because I would always ask her what she wanted and would do it regardless of what that was. I felt if I was honest with her, that she would be with me. I always felt trying to find out what she wanted from our relationship was like pulling teeth to find out. Where I am the opposite, I will tell her exactly what I want and how I want it.  I don’t know what to say to her when it feels she doesn’t want to say what’s on her mind. Our relationship hurt for a long time.

Slowly, she started to come back around to me dressing. It’s not something she really wants to discuss but we do go out to thrift stores and flea markets together, there she will help me pick out jewelry that I can wear and will deal with the sales people so that I do not have to deal with the possible judgement. Recently we were in a consignment shop where there was no men’s clothing, I was looking at purses (my female tastes have expanded to dresses, jewelry and accessories). I had found a black coach bag that was marked to be $35, I saw that a certain color tag was marked down 75% making the bag just over $10. Ashley got ecstatic! I grabbed the bag and my wife was happy too of such a good find. (Real coach bag as well). On the way to our next stop she was excited that we had found it and bought it and I told her that she was going to have to share it. My wife got a little quiet and didn’t say anything, I went on and said that we have been buying jewelry for me for quite some time and I have quite the collection. I will eventually want to wear it out somewhere. Again, silence. We end or shopping trip and had a fun day but I want to get her to talk with me about my wanting to dress out in public at least once a year. I felt if I joined this website that maybe I could ge the courage to be able to fully talk to her again about this. But I’m affraid to even tell her I joined the website…..

sorry for the long drawn out story but that’s what I’m dealing with right now. There is more to my story that I have not included but if you have read this far then I’m not sure you would have continued much further with more. Any advice on how to try and get my wife to open up more to me about this and possibly about this website, would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Ashley

[Dame Veronica Graunwolf]

Hi Ashley! Thank you so much for sharing your issues with us……it must have taken a lot out of you. Ashley….don’t worry about opening up to us girls….we are sisters and that is why we are here. A lot of us have traveled that road too. First of all……I would say your S/O is fairly open minded but maybe things are happening a little too quickly for her to assimulate. I advise backing off on the shopping trips and full dress mode for a while……add something here and there gradually.  The genetic female has been raised quite differently from us and they did not marry because you were another girl. The world is changing life styles and attitudes so fast that humans are having real trouble to quickly adapt and this is causing all the strife we see to-day.  Women want attention and your time and you thinking about them and buying little things just for her….buying for Ashley may be getting her nose out of joint. Am thinking of purse episode….that is a clue right there. I would not mention CDH yet but if she does see it….don’t feel bad…just say be have been with it for while. In the near future ask her if this making her uncomfortable and if she thinks both of you talking to a psychologist might make things better for you both. I picked up a list of things from one of the wives about why cross dressers make better lovers. I am intending to put it on CDH but have been procrastinating. 2 things…men who CD make better lovers are are more attentive to mates. Hubbys’ who cross dress are not going to be chasing secretarys’ due to their lingerie and office gossip. Men pay much more attention to their lingerie and hand wash and fold stuff…mate get hers done too!  Men are much more fussy over make-up and she can share and not have to buy it!

Ashley…..if you wish to confer with me privately…let me know…I will send you my e-mail that is totally secure. Wish you luck.

Dame Veronica

[Anonymous]

Hi Ashley, your description sounds very similar To what I have been and am going through. It is up and down between my wife and Danielle. My wife has purchased panties for Danielle in the past and is fairly accepting of my dressing in panties, hose, garter belt and heels but that was it. Now I have added bras and that is okay too but no breastforms. The only thing that I can suggest is to have patience and let her have her space. If you push she may close off all communication with and about Ashley.

For me personally I told my wife before we married that I am a Crossdresser and she appeared okay with that. A few months later I had a purge but not of my own choosing. 6 years later and only dressing in a limited fashion a few times later I had another talk about the future of Danielle with her. I located and sent her articles about Crossdressing by psychiatrists, psychologists, and Crossdressers/TGs who have walked where we dare to tread. I asked her to read them, she didn’t and we had a heated discussion about Danielle. I asked her again to read them, she did, and our talk was better. There’s still doubts for her and I give her time to work through them and this is working better. So as you can see I am doing the patience thing and it seems to be better. Good luck dear and we are always here for support and advice. Do get in touch with Dale Veronica as she is definitely a wise lady. TTFN

Danielle

 

 

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