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    • #765217
      June Holl

      While trying to raise open minded children in this day and age, it has gotten me to ask how my life would have been different had I had a more accepting society to grow up in.

      I believe I’d have transitioned fully in my late teens, but I don’t think many of my relationships would have been much different.  But I’d probably been much happier, not spending so much time trying to fit in or wondering what is wrong with me.

      I’m doing my best to show myself to my children and to let them know that there are many like me that don’t align with what society thinks they are. I just wish we would all stop hiding, if for nothing more than trying to raise that society that could have helped so many of our sisters, brothers and children to know that they are not alone.

    • #765239

      June –

      I understand what you’re saying.  I’ve thought how different my life could have been if I had been able to express this part of myself when I was younger. Unfortunately I can’t turn back the hands of time so it doesn’t do any good to ponder that too much.  I’m happy I’m able to do what I am able to do now.  Tough it may not be exactly what I’d like to do it is more than what I’ve had the opportunity to do in the past.  Slowly society is changing and maybe at one point it won’t matter how people express themselves.   Looking back in history there was a time when men wore make up, heels, lace and wigs.  Who knows what the future holds, all we can do is ride the wave and enjoy the trip.


    • #765242

      Well I know what I went through back in the early days.  Feeling I was the only one that had the urge to wear pantyhose and other femme things. No one to turn to , no internet, actually no resources at all for me at that time.  Not sure how things would have been different if society was at the time as I still had to accept myself which took years in my case.

    • #765243
      Alli Katz

      How would my life be different? I think I’d have a lot more friends. Friends like me. Friends I could talk to about dresses, and make-up, and go shopping with, and go out with. I think I’d have had much more fun.

    • #765254

      I have pondered at this thought many times. What if? I am fortunate now for the internet that has opened our eyes and has allowed us to have a social media. So that to connect with others and so many more around the world. I live and express myself fully as a woman now publicly. I try to present myself in a positive and fitting manner to my age by going about my business doing my normal thing. By being an active member in church I raised my family in, along with being responsible and by performing my required duties at my full time job. I do So that others can see the joy in me that comes from being free and able to express myself. I lived my whole life with that desire and envy to be a girl while young and in school. Then watching them grow into a women with so much fashion of clothing plus the special attention. I hope to educate others by seeing the joy in me and by being inquisitive to ask me about myself, which many have. For they have never met or been around a transgender person.  All most know about us is what is shoved on them from the media. I am not a lgbtq thumper towards others that do not understand or know us. I am just trying to live and get through this life like everyone else. I have no more shame, guilt or anger from fighting against not being normal or the frustration of living for others to have acceptance. I live for myself now and except who I am. Which has given me a love and calmness in myself that I never knew existed. Hopefully others will see enough of us or possibly by being inquisitive enough to ask us about ourselves. Then getting educated about us and living around us it will give them some understanding. That possibly someone they know or have a relation to they can try to give understanding and support to. From there relating from our representation to the world those young people can have the opportunity to live most of their full life gender conforming. An opportunity that we never had. Thinking back what if only brings sadness to me for the expression I feel in myself now living as a woman. I would have loved to have had that opportunity. But now we can help others to have. Excuse me for getting a little carried away. But it does sadden me to think. What if. I love you for your posting June and this opportunity to express. Love Janice Todd. P.S. I am also found on Facebook & Flickr

      • This reply was modified 10 months ago by Janice.
      • This reply was modified 10 months ago by Janice.
      • This reply was modified 10 months ago by Janice.
    • #765264

      Of course I have thought about it. I recall actually fearing that if I ever gave in to the temptation to dress fully as a woman I would never be able to turn back. Hard to know it that is true, but I do know that many many years later I did finally yield to temptation and found it very appealing to go full time. I haven’t because it seems my sense of obligation to others is even stronger than my desire to live full time as a woman.,

    • #765266

      I would have transitioned, found a partner, adopted some children and enjoyed it all.

    • #765267

      I definitely would have transitioned and built my life as a woman. I’m sure my career choice would have been much different as a minimum and the relationships I forged would be different also. I’m not sure if I would be in a relationship with a woman or a man since I am bi, but I do know I would be a better partner since I would be much more comfortable with myself.

    • #765288

      Wow, you have really posed a great subject for me.  I had not thought of  a trans life at the beginning.  I have considered it in the last few years, but am convinced it would be a family losing situation.   Your question  really made me dream of that life from say  age 24, after military service  when I became an adult.  That was over 50 years ago and acceptance was unknown in the general public.  I would have been relegated  to limited job opportunities, ( welcome to a woman’s world), and certainly where  I could live, big city, maybe Europe.    My circle of friends would be small, but the best kind, loving, understanding, and supportive.  My love of all things feminine would have been strong enough to take that step.  BUT,  I met the love of my life and best friend.  For 54 years, could not live a day without her.  If I had gone trans, would never have met her.   I know  I made the right decision,  not looking back.  Thanks for listening

    • #765297

      I grew up in a very small town, where “men were men”, and anything less was something less, and the bullies of the world liked to let you know that.

      I was very much one of the more “sensitive” types, and had to deal with jerks several times. It was not easy.

      The funny thing was there was what I would consider a substantial underground group of gay people, mostly men of course. Isn’t it always that way?

      My life would have been very different had I followed my desires as an early and later teen.

      I know where I would have worked (I had a summer job where most of the people working there were gay), and I had fun being with and around them, and was very accepted. Not in a sexual way. I was “popular” with them, but they all respected me. Even they did not know about my dressing however. Had they known, things would have been very, very different.

      Two of our “kids” (early 20’s) still live with us. They see how I dress and have never reacted one way or the other. It may be different were I to be completely femme, wear makeup, wigs, etc., I would like to but don’t mostly because is my SO.

      I love my family, my kids, they are wonderful people. But as I get older I find myself having regrets, where I never did before.

      I feel like I missed out on so much and find myself wishing that everlasting and long thought wish.

      “I wish I had the opportunity to do it all over again.”


    • #765299
      Ellie Davis
      Managing Ambassador

      Hi June

      Would life have been any different had I had a more accepting society to grow up in?

      Well yes, of course.

      But of course the truth is that society WASN’T like that.

      Given this inconvenient fact, if someone gave me a time machine and opened up the possibility of transitioning in my teens, would I?

      The answer is possibly not.

      I’ve always felt female inside. In my teens I was massively confused by that, and by my desire to dress as a girl whenever I got the chance. I didn’t know what that made me. There was no internet and libraries certainly wouldn’t have had any books on the subject. The only information that you ever got was through the media, where the portrayal of crossdressers (at the time pretty much always termed transvestites in a rather sneering sort of way) was pretty much skewed towards the notion of perversion and sexual deviancy. Think Anthony Perkins in Psycho. Apart from that, in the UK pretty much the only time you saw a man in a dress it was someone flamboyant and very obviously gay such as Danny La Rue. Gender-bending pop stars such as Boy George were yet to hit the public consciousness.

      Because of this, throughout my teenage years I was plagued by the notion that I must be EITHER gay OR a pervert. There didn’t seem to be any other options! I knew that I fancied girls, but that only added to the confusion. Today, I could have quickly found out that I was trans. You can find the information on the internet in seconds. We teach it in schools. In my own secondary school classes there are several students who are transitioning. To my teen self in the late 1970s and early 1980s, that information and that level of acceptance would have been priceless.

      Given the lack of acceptance in society at the time though, even if I’d understood myself better I would have had a very rough time indeed had I transitioned in my teens. It seems like an attractive idea on paper; in reality, in the late seventies, it really wouldn’t have been.

      And then there’s the question of ‘what would have happened next?’.

      I think about interviews I attended, jobs I was offered, opportunities that I had. Would everything have been the same if people were confronted by a trans woman (with all the assumptions that would bring) rather than by a straight guy? I strongly suspect that the answer is ‘No’. I very much doubt that I would have even been accepted as a PhD student; bigotry and bias may well have prevented that.

      As Lorraine has said, being openly trans would have restricted future job opportunities (I doubt I would even have my current job), where I could live, friendships and a whole host of other things.

      Asking ‘What if? is interesting in theory. In practice, I’m actually happy as I am. I don’t think I’d change anything. My life has had LOTS of bad times (actually some horrendous times!) as well as good, but it’s been just that … my life. If the things that have happened to me hadn’t have happened, I wouldn’t be me.

      While feeling female, I’ve been able to live my public life as a man with all the benefits that it shouldn’t bring, but does. Now, single for a number of years, I’m free to spend the majority of my time as my true self, Ellie. Things are working themselves out, in their own pace and at their own time. I’m enjoying where I am at the moment, even if I don’t entirely know where I might be heading or how fast I’m heading there (something I call ‘Ellie’s Uncertainty Principle’).

      One thing you can be sure of. Whatever way my life had played out, I’d still have written absurdly long responses to forum posts.


      Ellie x

    • #765303

      Would’ve should’ve could’ve, we all look back sometimes, but I want to personally look to the future and completely enjoy the great life I have.

      • #765304

        Amen!  You and I are living our dream in most respects. Glad you pointed it out.

    • #765307

      I guess this topic would qualify as a do-over.  Maybe, but it would have to be one with absolutely no memories or thoughts or anything concerning the life I am now living.  The lives of at the very least of two others would have been totally different and 7 heavily loved, successful, marvelous people now living would not have been.  That’s a lot of baggage…or loving memories to carry around.

      Some here have mentioned what might have been, others have suggested don’t even think about it.  I’ve tried to live by the past is what has already happened which can’t be changed, the future is for doing what is best not just for you but for any loved ones in your life.  And of course, if they truly love you, I would certainly hope they want the best for, as you do for them.

      Finally, we’re all human, so I think it’s all right to imagine, dream, think about what if’s. Just don’t let any of that rule your life. Remember, whatever happened in the past, got you to where you are today, but as covered in Back to the Future, the future is still there to be what you want to make of it.

      Hugs, ChloëC


    • #765326
      Cassie Jayson

      This is a similar question that comes up here from time to time. Either if you could have transitioned much earlier or if you could have been born a woman?? If I could have transitioned after High School (over years ago for me), that was a much different world. I don’t know???

      My head goes back to a poll here about wanting to be born as a woman. My thoughts went to a couple of my favorite movies, It’s A Wonderful Life and Back To The Future. If I were born a woman or had transitioned out of High School,m then I would have no kids or grandkids or at least things would be soooo different. Just thinking about the potential loss of these kids brought me down to tears.
      So my thinking goes to see where I am RIGHT NOW and where I want/need to go.

      . Cassie

    • #765347
      Angela Booth

      It would be different had we changed anything about our past. I have had this conversation with many when asked the classic’What if you could have come out earlier’ question. The first answer would be that I would not be having this conversation with that person for starters as my life path would have changed. There are many things we could have done differently which would have changed how life pans out. I do not regret any decision I have made, sure I may rue some but overall it has all worked out fine.

      If we had a time machine to go back will we be satisfied after one trip, how many trips would you need to get it right?

      • #765356

        Dear Angela,

        Well said, I especially love the line “how many trips would you need to get it right?”

        What a powerful statement. I shall make a mental note to use that in my daily. Though it would be nice to travel back in time to fondly re-experience our “firsts” knowing they were the beginning of a long journey.

        With appreciation for your wisdom and glamour,
        The Bluest Belladonna

    • #765466

      I certainly have no regrets with the way life has gone but looking back I may have transitioned and hopefully found a husband I could share life with as his wife but times were different back then

    • #765482

      Hi June
      What if can apply to a lot of things in life you can only live for now, you doing things right by getting your children growing up to be open minded.
      Sarah xx

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