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The SO here again, just wondering;
As I travel forward on this journey with my CD husband, a life long closet dresser who only a few months ago came out in full to me, I have done some contemplation.
Let me preface to say, I am not against CD, I support my husband, and his turning us in this direction has had some positive effects all the way around.
In watching my husband transform, observing the rituals and processes, seeing him go through the range of emotions, I can’t help notice how much like a pubescent girl he is. The trepidatious expression when going to the salon, the squeal of delight when the shoes he has been waiting for are delivered, the longing to have the giggling camaraderie one would see among friends at a teenage sleep-over, all behaviors I went through and witnessed raising my girls.
What is the key ingredient that fuels these silly teenage emotions? Estrogen.
Think about it, our aging bodies (many on this site seem to be older), our changing balance of hormones, is this why CDs are so driven to let their female selves blossom? Is it the drop in testosterone that pronounces the estrogen already present in the male system?
If so, and as some CDs have chosen, wouldn’t it seem backward to use female hormones? What would happen if the drop in testosterone in the CD’s body was boosted instead? If a balance could be attained all those silly pubescent tendencies might disappear along with the extreme desire to present.Since the majority of CDs here seem to be coming fully into their extreme femininity at this point in life, one could logically correlate the imbalance of hormones could be contributing.
Being married to a CD, I can say for him, he was happy, confident, satisfied with occasional dressing, and quite stable. It is only recently and just before he came completely out of the closet, he began to change, become moody, negative, dissatisfied with his weight and appearance, not unlike a moody teenager with self image issues.
All this teen angst along with his naturally dropping testosterone, and medication that increased his absorption of environmental estrogens nobody can get away from, leads me to speculate his CD behavior may well be augmented by hormone imbalances.
It just makes me wonder what effects supplementing testosterone hormone levels would have.Sincerely, Birdie
Hopefully I can word a reply that will make it past the moderators. But I have wondered the same thing. When I did have this “thing” come over me a few years ago, I also started having ED issues. So THAT is where the discussion went with the nurse practioner that was giving me my yearly physicals. She did think it could have been triggered by testosterone levels getting lower. Before just giving me some hormone supplements, she ran some tests. I really hoped this might “cure” me. Turns out my levels were well inside of standard ranges, so no supplements. I was given a sample of a generic viagra which did cure THAT. So I didn’t have the explaination I wanted.
Plus hormonal levels shouldn’t explain why those started at least having the desire to crossdress at an early age. Puberty should have taken care of that, and for some it may have pushed it down the road. I’m sure science will have an explanation, but I believe it’s really just something we want to do. For various reasons, but still it’s a desire.
Just my 2 cents.
Thank you, Gwenyth, I appreciate your sharing what might be a similar situation as my CD husband who has had CD experiences since he was a seven year old boy, grew up to be a well-adjusted man, then felt these CD desires intensifying as he aged.
I think the desires that come on at an early age are an interesting aspect of human development, not unlike masturbating and any behaviors for that matter, and we learn from parents/society about acceptable behaviors and the difference between what we do in private and what is expected of us in public.
Interesting, too, are the scientific facts, human physiology, and like it or not, societal pressures that squelch the development of a balanced human being be they genetically male or female. Society is what needs to change, not us. If it is the only thing we can all learn and take away from what we share here, it is to rejoice in our uniqueness and be our true selves.
Sincerely, Birdie
Birdie,
Recently I have been experimenting with supplements. I took an entire bottle of Natureday with absolutely no results. I am now taking a bottle of Transfemme. So far with no results. I don’t think I would ever take estrogen but I wouldn’t mind being a little more feminine.
Kerri
When the fertilized egg starts out it starts as a female, if you have the xy chromone you develop testes which then make testosterone, which changes you to a male, there can be timing issues (too Late too Early) amount issues(too Much, too Little) and interference from out side factors.
This Dr. has some interesting thoughts on the issue. Some swear by him and some at him. YMMV.
A bit from a lecture.
the complete lecture.
Interesting post, Birdie. You make some good points. I’m not a physician, psychologist or psychiatrist. I don’t claim to have any expert knowledge about what causes one to be a CD or TG. I can only speak from personal experience and general layman’s knowledge about medicine and biology. I believe that hormone imbalance could be what drives an older CD to be more feminine. I think that there are other factors too. I’m in my mid-50s. It’s only within the last 5 years or so that I started going out en femme and presenting myself as a woman in every way possible. However, I started wearing lingerie in my early twenties. I remember thinking about what it would be like to wear feminine clothes and do feminine things as a chile and teenager. If a hormone problem is the main driver of my behavior, I must have had it for well over 35 years. Maybe I have. I don’t know.
I think other factors driving older CDs to express their femininty more include finally being tired of fighting the urge to dress up and getting over the guilt and shame about crossdressing that they felt in the past.
Hi Birdie.
I’m sure that more than a few will identify themselves with your theory.
However, a few things to consider.
A) for many of us, crossdressing started way before puberty, so hormonal levels would have played a minimal role, if any.
B) for way too many, crossdressing is tied up to sexual arousal and drive which both males and females is related to higher levels of T. (Adding more T to the mix would likely be like pouring gas on fire)
C) somebody mentioned already. It isn’t that there is no drive to CD in the late 20’s-early 30’s (at the peak of the T levels for most men). But factors like the lack of self-acceptance, more limited amounts of cash (earlier in our careers, more family expenses) and lack of available personal time seriously impede the “development” of this aspect of our personalities. By 50, kids are either at college or moved out already, we tend to have better jobs, more free time, etc.
Anyway, more T? Not for me, thanks!! 😉
Hey, Birdie!
Ya hit the nail an the head! That’s exactly my experience too – low T and more E flowing through my system.
Sure, I/we started young, but my feminine presentation blossomed as I got older and never have I enjoyed the thrill of shopping as much as I do now!
The things I do worry about are obesity, a decrease in bone density and a loss of muscle mass. Luckily, I’m healthy enough and have a very good exercise base that lets me workout often, especially weight bearing exercises. And I do watch what I eat.
Also to keep in mind, if one is on a testosterone supplement, then there is a risk that some of that T can be switched to E.
I find my feminine journey fascinating and a blessing!
Barb
Eeewww, testosterone, ick!
I’m an estrogen junkie myself.
That said, interesting theory, not without merit but with shades of conversion therapy mixed in and i don’t think it’ll hold water.
The heart wants what it wants.I tried fighting it. Really did. Always came back.
I don’t fight it anymore, i embrace it. And i am much happier now. Yay.Hope this helps.
-joanne
?Hi Birdie,
I’m several months in to HRT myself. I intend to socially transition and that puts me in rare company on this site. I had been cross dressing for something like 6 decades up to last year. Another thing that makes my experience even more rare is I had my prostate removed just before my 40th birthday in 1995. My wife and I tried IVF a couple of times after that, but were not successful adding to our family.
I recount all that to give context, if there is any to be had. I never had a strong sex drive to start with, but after the surgery (I did have a nerve-sparing procedure); I have dry orgasms – not a totally bad thing – but it did alter the experience in addition to the procedure not being 100% perfect result. I had been privately indulging in my dressing before the cancer was removed, and if I knew then what I know now, I’d have come out to my wife then. I think I was beginning to feel stronger gender dsyphoria, but didn’t know what was going on. I just felt damaged and abnormal.
I couldn’t take testosterone supplements because it is fuel for prostate cancer. I did get periodic checks, though, and my T level was just below the middle of normal range. When I started HRT, my estradiol and other feminine endocrine markers were also in normal male ranges.
Recent research shows that trans men and women have brain scans that are very close to the “cis” gender that they identify with. So, in my case, my brain likely processes things similarly to women with ovaries and a uterus. I am (or was) 100% physically male, but my mind and “heart” are decidedly female (about 80% if the online gender tests are at all reliable). I believe if cross dressers were to take T supplements, it may give them more bulk and energy, but it may also make us crazier and less fun to be around. Our brains would rebel at the unwelcome changes in mood and body. But I doubt there is any study or evidence to support either of our thinking.
Your theory is not a bad one, but I think in my case my gender identity, cross dressing, and similar patterns are not just hormonally-driven. I suspect many of us have genetic markers that got a little (or a LOT) skewed away from the 100% male “norms”.
The one thing that troubles me about this is the conclusion some may draw – that CDs can be “fixed” if the hormones are just altered. It’s way too complex to even go there! I know you didn’t imply that, and I am not critizing you. This has been a GREAT discussion topic, for sure. It’s made me think a lot about how I got where I am now.
Hugs,
Brie
Yes, Brielle, this is exactly the angle I was coming from, your experiences are probably way more prevalent than you think. In my observation, many CDs would like to ‘socially transition’. The struggle comes from the socially ingrained concept that men look a certain way and women look a certain way and never the two shall meet.
When my CD husband asked me to dress all girly, completely out of my personal style, with dresses, hose, heels and tons of make-up, I felt so uncomfortable and had I been forced to do that day in and day out, I could see I would have been frustrated, unhappy.
Bottom line, we all need to be who we are on the inside, the outside is just packaging.I hope my message doesn’t come across that CD can be ‘fixed’, I don’t see it as something that is ‘broken’. My participation on this site is motivated by a desire to be educated, to have well rounded knowledge, to know more than the Medical Professionals and Mental Professionals who have little to offer in helpful ways to ease the struggle. I want to be the best SO I can be because I love my husband from inside out.
My husband had a prostate reduction procedure a year and a half ago after having BPH for almost 15 years. There was some non-aggressive cancer cells, and when he finally had surgery, they removed the majority of the prostate that had grown to four times it’s normal size. The enlargement was something to contend with and manifested in bladder and ED issues. The meds messed with his hormones. All that alone was quite a roller coaster over the past decade. I am nothing but grateful he is virtually cancer free and done with the health risks of an enlarged and encroaching prostate, he was in hospital 4days a few years ago after a bladder infection that turned sepsis, his bladder never fully emptied and the doctor figured it was at 80% capacity even after eliminating!
There are many similarities in your story and my husband’s, I admire you for taking the path to your true self and hope to get my CD husband where he needs to be to be completely and wholeheartedly happy.Sincerely, Birdie
Hi Birdie, I’m so sorry your husband had such a rough time with their prostate! I was totally asymptomatic and when the surgeon took mine out, he said it looked perfectly healthgy and normal. But the pathology found microscopic cancer cells in all but one node. At 39, I doubt I would have seen 50 if it had gone much longer – as you probably know, when a tumor emerges, the lymph nodes get involved, then it’s a matter of control, not cure. Prostate cancer is exteremely agressive in younger men. It was definitely a God thing. I escaped everything but the surgery and a few weeks with a catheter bag – yay, 40th birthday! But at least I’ve seen almost 27 more since then!
Anyway, I didn’t feel like you were “fishing” for a way around the CD involvement. I can definitely feel the love you both have for each other, and I’m envious of your willingness to learn and grow. You are a rare, beautiful SO and I wish we could “bottle” your attitude and give it to the other SOs and spouses that aren’t even interested in seeing or hearing about it.
Even before I told myself and my wife I had to transition, I knew she would never accept my CD persona, at least not down deep. She said in therapy that I made her “cringe” when I tried to sit close or touch her when I was dressed. Months ago, she said if I had bottom surgery she wouldn’t stay because she thought two women together was “deviant”. I understand her stance, but our own daughter is in a lesbian marriage and very happy. I was so shocked to hear my wife say that out loud! It was then I realized the only compromise would be if we could stay together as roommates, never as a married couple. I was so saddened because I still love her as my wife, but she didn’t marry me as a woman and she can’t help her view on it any more than I. I just had hoped she could fall in love with Brielle, maybe not sexually, but as best friends and SOs.
Like so mant others here, my main focus is on her happiness. I know that may seem counterintuitive to me doing HRT, but I was making us both miserable before and it was mainly because I was so unhappy in my own skin. If I had it to do over, I’d have confided in her at least when I had the prostate surgery, if not before we got married. At least she’d have had forewarning that CD was part of my past. The funny thing is, if we hadn’t married, I doubt I would have found oiut about my prostate until it was too late. She literally saved my life – so that makes the current situation that much more poignant. And why transitioning is so improtant to me.
Wow – didn’t mean to get into all that! As I said, I really like your question – it leads to so much deep thinking and convos.
Hugs,
Brie
Hi Birdie,
I think there may be something to it at least in my case. Although I remember being a bit more sensitive, and emotional most of my life, I don’t recall having any desire to dress like a woman, never felt feminine at all until I was 59. That is when this really started for me. Since then a day never passes without my at least fantasizing about being feminine.
I have been wondering the same thing about lower testosterone levels myself.
I would not take any testosterone supplements. I don’t think it would be worth the health risks, or mood swings.
I’m also enjoying these new feelings way too much to try and stop them!Thanks for this topic!
💕Lara
Hi Birdie,
Thanks for the excellent question. For me personally, I don’t think it would change anything. My T levels are normal for a man in his seventies and messing with hormone levels in either direction can increase health risks. I too have an increasing desire to dress as I age but I think T level reduction only plays a minor role in that. The primary driver is that, after all this time, I have finally come to accept that this is who I am and while I want those I love to be happy I deserve happiness as well. I have wanted to dress like a girl since my earliest memories. Not be a girl but dress like one and I have had guilt and shame about it my whole life. I tried hard to change myself and have lived a very manly life and played ice hockey, joined the marine corp. Etc. I have tried unsuccessfully to stop crossdressing and have had several clothing purges over the years. I now realize that this is wired into my brain and it doesn’t make me a bad person.
My wife and I have had a don’t ask don’t tell relationship with my crossdressing for over 50 years. Her health is not good at this point and I am her caretaker so the opportunities for me to dress have pretty much dried up. Given this, I asked permission to do a transformation at a local crossdressing service and she reluctantly agreed. I was pleased with the results and this gives me the desire to go out into the world as Michelle on occasion but my wife is not ok with this. I am hoping I can change her mind and she will allow me to attend cd get togethers at the crossdressing service once every couple of months. Would increased T levels reduce my desire to do this? I don’t think so. I think it’s more about my finding the courage to ask for what I need to be happy than a reduction in Testosterone.
Neither our children nor grandchildren know that I crossdress and I plan to keep it that way. If there was a pill or shot I could take that would eliminate my desire to dress up and act like a lady I would take it in a heart beat. I want to be the man my wife would like me to be all the time. Unfortunately, I don’t think that T level boast is that magic potion. So, Michelle is a part of me that we both have to deal with and Michelle needs some time out to be for me to be happy. My wife and I both love each other very much and if I can’t convince her to give Michelle some space I will grin and bear it since her happiness is most important to me but I’m really hoping we can find a way that we can both be happy.
Hugs,
Michelle
Thank you, Michelle. I admire your devotion to your wife and encourage you to continue keeping the balance so you and she can each be happy, marriage is about compromise.
Your honest and heartfelt reply, like many words I have read on this site, remind me of what marriage is, the give and take. I need to hear this message as it is the key for me and my CD husband as we move forward on this new and unfamiliar path.
My questions are being answered respectfully and knowledgeably and I thank you and all the wonderful people here.
Sincerely, Birdie
Birdie,
Not a T-level thing here, either. I’ve probably always had lower levels of testosterone, or higher levels of estrogen, if degrees of machismo or amount of compassion are a measure.
Sure, I’ve enjoyed growing up doing “boy” things, hanging out with my four male siblings. But, I have always been the sensitive one. And while I don’t know if any of them had the urge, I’ve always had it, but hidden it.
Around 10 years ago, I also sought treatment for a sagging libido, with testosterone HRT. It really hasn’t helped much for that, or given me any of the other promised results (not that I had lower energy, or trouble sleeping, or any other symptoms of low T). It also had no effect either way on my desire to CD.
So, while it sounds logical, it doesn’t really seem to be the driver for most of us. Thanks for being a supporter, though, and not a hater. 😘
Much love,
Raquel
for me, I started dressing when I was 5 years old. Far before any hormones kicked in. My testosterone levels are normal for my age. So I do not really think hormones has come in to play at all with my dressing up.
The biggest factor has been with my current wife being accepting of my dressing which has given me opportunities to expand my wardrobe significantly. I think we all wonder what is different about us compared with other males as to why we desire to dress up.
As others have mentioned, this is a good question and observation. I’ll throw my experience in as another data point.
I’ve been dressing since pre-puberty, so I knew the origins of my crossdressing aren’t hormonal. I’m not transgender, and have no desire to transition at all, so I won’t be taking estrogen. In fact, I’m autogynephilic – a man with a (sexual, but also psychological) desire to view myself as a woman. This gets interesting because two years ago I found out my testosterone was very low, and I wondered if it was that way from the beginning and maybe “caused” my autogynephilia. I started testosterone therapy, and low and behold – my desire to dress INCREASED! The testosterone gave me more energy, took away some depression, and increased my libido. Since my libido is tied to my dressing and viewing myself in a female role, and it takes energy and get-up-and-go to transform myself, my dressing desires were intensified. Funny how things work sometimes.Hi Birdie…
I will only speak for myself…
As a former Alpha-male (!) and a person in transition I can only add my little mite… I take testosterone blockers and I apply oestrogen patches twice weekly and these medications have literally changed my life… and for the good! I now say that this medication has liberated me from the tyranny of testosterone! All of my friends have remarked that I’m calmer and far more interested in equality issues than ever before (irrespective of my life long desire for equality for all).
I’ve not gone through puberty issues when I started my transition probably because of my age and my own puberty was a distinctly uncomfortable time… if I remember correctly (hating my penis but being forced to use it!). So I cannot gel with the idea of a pubescent girl squealing about new shoes! I feel happiness when I buy shoes or clothes and my ex was wonderful for documenting my transition! However, I don’t subscribe to the notion of extreme femininity and acting all girlie! A little overdone, perhaps? Oestrogen doesn’t do this unless your ‘man’ is overdosing in an attempt to come to womanhood faster… I would call it doping!
I think you must talk and talk and… talk again in order for you both to come to a ‘modus vivande’.
cheers to you both… Polly
I read nothing to criticize, one suggestion would have the Dr. test both your T and E. It sounds like your working on guesses and suppositions. I would want to know just what was happening, the more solid facts you have the better your decisions will be.
Zenn
What an intense journey for you, Alice, thank you for sharing.
Our human bodies can be such the enemy to our spiritual well-being, hormones are such a pain in the… well, a pain in pretty much every physical aspect in which they play a governing role.
From your experience, I can glean that being our true selves; physically, emotionally, hormonally, spiritually, naturally, and honoring our own uniqueness seems to be all we really can strive to do. Happy is the goal, any path that leads us there without imposition on someone else shouldn’t be too much to ask.
Take care, Alice. I wish you peace ❤️
Sincerely, Birdie
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