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Fellow Pilgrims,
I just finished listening to a podcast discussion that emphasized the importance of humility in the fulfillment of our lives and our relationships. As I listened, I thought about the vast majority of crossdressers who will never achieve any reasonable facsimile of the feminine ideal. But we keep trying! There are certainly among us those who have been gifted with a spectacular physique, moderate size, appropriate poise, and the clear inclination to recreate a near-perfect feminine image. They are generally quite beautiful. I hope they know the joy they bring to those of us who admire them. I’m grateful to suggest that I’ve had a small taste of their success over several years where I managed, by exercise, discipline, and the employment of various shaping garments to get my torso pretty-darn-close to the proportions of a fit and alluring mature women. My legs have always been slender and my comfort with the high heels that set them off helped. But, my hands are too large and my face will never be attractive. So . . . when you keep trying something you don’t achieve, you’re either stupid, stubborn, or humble enough to accept approximation. What do you think?
FAM
You’re streets ahead of me Falecia, I might pass at a distance in fading light eventually but I think I have the humility to recognise that and I can live with it. I don’t plan to be a woman 24/7 or to come out to family or friends so yeah I guess I’ll humbly keep calm and crossdress.
Diana.
My passing standard is what I call the “galloping horse” standard. If someone riding by me on a galloping horse while I was dressed thought I was a woman, then I called that success! Hopefully I distracted them with my very feminine legs, a skirt, and hair from my wig that I can pull a little across my face as they ride by!
This standard achieved a few honks from truckers driving by while I was pumping gas or passing them on the roadway. Best I could hope for back when I was able to go out…
God bless,
StephI may adopt a similar rating system Stephanie, although in my case it would be the “out of control galloping horse” stage. Alas my legs could never be described as feminine so I’d need the added distraction.
Hugs
Diana
Falecia…
Like Stephanie… my standard is the 10 metre test! If people think you’re gorgeous from 10 metres (let’s say… three yards in old money and for the uninformed), you’re gorgeous!
Down to five metres… and you’re still gorgeous then you will have passed into immortality!
So, what are you?
I happened to have passed both tests but I have the same problems… big hands! I have inherited my mother’s mitts! Farmer hands and the skin has wrinkles and liver spots! Damn!
You can only be who you are and… well… bugger those who can’t see your beauty, inner or otherwise!
Dress for success… you’ve heard of that? It’s the key to the whole dilemma of wanting to ‘pass’ as a woman. Confidence… with that you are unassailable in your right to be a woman!!!Polly xxx
Hi Polly, I agree with your post. Sorry about your farmers’ hands. I’m very fortunate. Even at my age of 66, I pass from 1 meter (3 feet) away. I am very lucky to have been born this way. No adam’s apple, very little body hair, plentiful hair on top of my head, smaller than average frame & height. And my voice is in the alto range (which can be either male or female).
Take care, All the Best, Hugs, Krista.
Note: just one slight correction in your post: 10 meters is about 33 feet and 3 yards is 9 feet (I think you were thinking 10 feet is about 3 yards).
Hi Krista…
You are correct! My bad! We, in NZ, dropped the imperial system in 1965 and were completely metric by mid 1970s.
I’m born in ‘56 so the odd imperial thing creeps into the vocabulary from time to time…
I did take a peek at your profile and pics… you are a good looking girl you lucky old thing, you! This is the first time in my life where being tall has been a disadvantage… though my height has made my excessive male attributes easier to mask. I, too, have a less prominent Adam’s apple but suffer from male-pattern baldness so shave my head regularly.
So what Hockey team do you support… I’m a Habs fan and have played hockey though I don’t know due to a severe head injury!❤️ Polly
Hi Polly, Thanks so much for your kind words. So I had to go have a look at your profile. You are so lucky to have such a supportive wife. That’s terrific. And I liked the photo of you in the black outfit. You looked so relaxed and confident.
I’m surprised that a New Zealander has a favourite hockey team. Montreal is a good choice. I really don’t have a favourite team. My son is an Edmonton Oilers fan, my daughter likes the Calgary Flames and the San Jose Sharks. Growing up in the Toronto area in the early 1960s, I liked the Maple Leafs. But then again, at some point or another, I pretty much liked all of the original six teams. I tend to cheer for the underdogs. I do have an authentic number 4 Montreal Canadiens jersey autographed by Captain Jean Beliveau before he passed away. He was such a talented and fine gentleman.
Take care, stay healthy, stay safe, Hugs, Krista.
Hello Falecia.
Im very happy if i get a smile or a hello, from any distance, from anyone!!….
The strength you need to acquire is the ability to ” keep calm and carry on”, if people you meet realise just what you are up to!!….
( Here we call it” developing a thick skin” ).
Im humble enough to realise i wont ” pass” eyeball to eyeball, at least not when the facemasks disappear!!!…to be seen from 10 yards i feel gorgeous…..but the bottom line is…. I’m here to be the best i can, once I’ve achieved that….you really must just take me as i am….if you dont like my efforts….cross the bloody road!!!, haha…. but just let me get on with my life…..girls, you really do only live once!!!!!
humbly, grace XX
I picked that you only have one life to live. Be yourself and what makes you happy.
I checked off a few starting with we only have one life to live, I’ve had 2 brushes with death and it gives you a whole new perspective on what’s important and what’s not, live everyday like it’s your last and savour every second. Next I don’t ming the humiliation or ridicule, I’ve been called so many names in my life I think I’m immune by now, extra thick skinned as Grace says. Finally, why me? I love being who I am now that I’ve accepted myself but that voice of human curiosity keeps coming back, why? I don’t know, hereditary, not that I know of cross wired that’s about my best guess, our creator got bored and said lets see how they handle this, possibly. I think that will always be mankind biggest question about everything, Why?
Great question,
Shame unfortunately has played a bigger role initially then humility. Being so afraid of CD that I would not try, hide the feelings, feel embarrassed, etc… Really all the fun things in life. Humility just taught me perspective that allowed me to trust more. It helps me see what is important in life and how certain things fit together. The healthiest parts of my CD have definitely involved humility.
Sivvi
How many women that you meet each day achieve the feminine ideal? Most are not gorgeous, not stick figure thin, not hourglass shaped, have perfect makeup with not a hair out of place, or any other “ideal” fed to us by magazines, TV or the movies. And those who we would die to look like still find some small thing wrong with themselves that they wish to change.
I have big hands, have a belly, and have a male looking forehead. A few years ago while I was taking a picture with a female friend who is 5 or 6 inches taller than me (I’m 5’5 or 5’6, she’s 5’11), another friend as a joke took a picture of our legs. I think my legs are probably my best asset, yet I could see my legs were thicker than hers when viewed in a one on one comparison.
Despite this I have been going out walking through my neighborhood dressed for the past year. I have been through weather from all 4 seasons. In the summer, I’m wearing a short skirt and a tank top, while in winter I have an ankle length coat to hide much of my imperfections. I usually have on women’s sunglasses, and only the minimal amount of makeup (beard cover on my upper lip and chin, and sometimes some bronzer and concealer). I wear a wig with bangs to cover my forehead and the grey that I haven’t been able to color out since the pandemic.
Despite all these imperfections, I don’t believe anyone who sees me believes me to be anything but female. My face is plain, and I am only rarely wearing a corset. But my posture, my attitude, my clothing, my walk, my overall deportment are all feminine enough. Over the year, I have seen many of the same people, men, women, even kids. A number of them wave as we pass by (usually just across a narrow street). Once the postal worker stopped to talk to me because he had seen me walking on numerous occasions (he started doing some walking for his health recently). For these brief encounters, even though they have seen me many times, I don’t believe they think I am anything other than a woman.
I can’t be concerned whether someone reads me or not. When I have been to restaurants with other CD’ers, I’m sure the servers know, yet I am treated with respect as a lady. This is good enough for me.
It has taken a long time for me to find the internal comfort within myself that I have today. Sometimes I wish I could find the young girl I once was and borrow her attitude. Between when I was about 7 or 8 until my mid teens (and discovering the male of our species), I seemed to never be afraid of being out in daylight where I could be easily seen. One advantage I had then was the bike I shared with my sister. I was never sitting still long enough for anyone to truly read me as a boy. Only in my teens did I first experience being read, and insulted or humiliated. That caused a lot of problems at times as I would not handle it well. Some people find out that I may be wearing panties and a skirt, but there was going to a very physical reaction.
My first BF taught me a lot in controlling my temper and to stay focused on who I was going to become. He stressed that only I could make my life truly happy, noone else was going to do it for me. Sometimes I strayed off of seeing my way ahead and it took some drastic incident to put me right again.
About 10 years ago, the light bulb came on, then again with my cancer. Only I can make this dream into reality. The cancer really made me question how much time I really had. I was no longer invulnerable to life. The support and love of my family and friends would always be there, but I still have some very important things that only I can do for myself.
PaulaF
I voted “you only have one life to live” and CDing is great therapy. I began my exploration into why I enjoyed wearing female clothes shortly before my wife revealed some hurtful information about how she viewed the state of our marriage. It almost led me to have a mental, physical, and spiritual breakdown. I had to focus on myself and learning to love and accept my feminine side got me through that difficult time. I’m also striving to be the best woman I can be, as I’ve realized I’m gender fluid; a male body with a dominate female spirit.
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