Hello girls and boys.
Just a little about myself. First I have known I was a girl since I was 4 years old. I guess my mother knew too as my very first memory in my life is of my mother calling me over to her and telling me to get undressed. Once I undressed she told me to raise my arms above my head and as she put a pink and white dress over my head she said “if you are going to act like a girl you might as well dress like one”.
She thought it was a punishment, but I LOVED it so much. I went into the next room and would twirl around or sit on the floor and spread the skirt out around me. I was in heaven and from that point on I knew my life would be different.
I did all the buy and purge routine as well as trying to end the pain several times in my early teens and even up to when I was 16 and wound up in a coma for 9 days. My mom kicked me out of the house at 16 too and I have been on my own ever since. I tried being a man several times in my life even to the point of getting tattoos as well as getting married 3 times. As most all you know that never works out. I even was diagnosed with ulcers at 17 and had 3 peptic (holes in my stomach) when I was 25. Doctors could not believe I was so young with such bad ulcers.
My dad was never home and he even caught me one time he did come home at about 2-3am and I was 12-13 in the basement with my moms dress with petticoats on. He just told me to change and we never discussed it again. I only remember him being home maybe 20 times while he was married to my mom.
A little more about my mom. I came home from 1st grade and a teacher set a note home with me saying I was having a little bit of a hard time reading, so my mom sat me on the couch and she sat to the right of me as I read my “Dick and Jane” book and if I messed up or did not know a word she took a belt across my bare legs. Things like that never changed my entire life till I was maybe 15 and she was chasing me around the house with a broom and I started heading up stairs but just stopped and looked back at her. She brought the broom down on my but I put my arm up to block it and she broke the broom handle on me. I just looked at her a she at me and then she just walked away. That was the last time she ever hit me. She has never said I love you or gave hugs. She was good to her friends but she did not like her own kids.
I just hope to be able to live the rest of my life as who I have known I was since. I was 4. I am still married to my 3rd wife for over 20 years now. She has known about my dressing just 4 months into our marriage. She was supportive at first but not so much now. We are more like friends now as we have not had coitus in over 14-15 years now. A year after we stopped having sex I started taking hormones on my own for over 11-12 years before I finally got a therapist over 2 years ago and then an endocrinologist about 6 months after seeing the therapist as well as a electrolysis about a year ago for facial hair. Have almost 80 hours in so far. I have fairly large breasts to where I have to wear a bra now and that makes me so very happy, but I need to go much farther now and have been dealing with severe depression lately. My wife says she will leave if I go any farther but I MUST. Will probably do my vocal cords next and then FFS and if I can ever afford it SRS.
If I can help anybody please feel free to just ask
Joanna Nicole Lamb
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