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Hello girls and boys.
Just a little about myself. First I have known I was a girl since I was 4 years old. I guess my mother knew too as my very first memory in my life is of my mother calling me over to her and telling me to get undressed. Once I undressed she told me to raise my arms above my head and as she put a pink and white dress over my head she said “if you are going to act like a girl you might as well dress like one”.
She thought it was a punishment, but I LOVED it so much. I went into the next room and would twirl around or sit on the floor and spread the skirt out around me. I was in heaven and from that point on I knew my life would be different.
I did all the buy and purge routine as well as trying to end the pain several times in my early teens and even up to when I was 16 and wound up in a coma for 9 days. My mom kicked me out of the house at 16 too and I have been on my own ever since. I tried being a man several times in my life even to the point of getting tattoos as well as getting married 3 times. As most all you know that never works out. I even was diagnosed with ulcers at 17 and had 3 peptic (holes in my stomach) when I was 25. Doctors could not believe I was so young with such bad ulcers.
My dad was never home and he even caught me one time he did come home at about 2-3am and I was 12-13 in the basement with my moms dress with petticoats on. He just told me to change and we never discussed it again. I only remember him being home maybe 20 times while he was married to my mom.
A little more about my mom. I came home from 1st grade and a teacher set a note home with me saying I was having a little bit of a hard time reading, so my mom sat me on the couch and she sat to the right of me as I read my “Dick and Jane” book and if I messed up or did not know a word she took a belt across my bare legs. Things like that never changed my entire life till I was maybe 15 and she was chasing me around the house with a broom and I started heading up stairs but just stopped and looked back at her. She brought the broom down on my but I put my arm up to block it and she broke the broom handle on me. I just looked at her a she at me and then she just walked away. That was the last time she ever hit me. She has never said I love you or gave hugs. She was good to her friends but she did not like her own kids.
I just hope to be able to live the rest of my life as who I have known I was since. I was 4. I am still married to my 3rd wife for over 20 years now. She has known about my dressing just 4 months into our marriage. She was supportive at first but not so much now. We are more like friends now as we have not had coitus in over 14-15 years now. A year after we stopped having sex I started taking hormones on my own for over 11-12 years before I finally got a therapist over 2 years ago and then an endocrinologist about 6 months after seeing the therapist as well as a electrolysis about a year ago for facial hair. Have almost 80 hours in so far. I have fairly large breasts to where I have to wear a bra now and that makes me so very happy, but I need to go much farther now and have been dealing with severe depression lately. My wife says she will leave if I go any farther but I MUST. Will probably do my vocal cords next and then FFS and if I can ever afford it SRS.
If I can help anybody please feel free to just ask
Hugs,
Joanna Nicole Lamb
Thank you so much 💋
Joanna Lamb. Hello dear, and welcome to CDH. My, my, you have quite a background! I am sorry that you’ve had a rough upbringing and a rather tough time with marriages. I do hope you have gained strength from all your trials and found happiness in being en femme. I had a relatively Ok life except for 2 1/2 years in Vietnam. Only married once and had 2 children, one who died early and another who gave me a grand-daughter. All thru my life I carried “the dis-association” desease and now I live alone but for the first time I am content……I joined Knights Templar and went en femme and found happiness. I hope to hear more from you and that happiness and joy will be yours. My door is always open….do come in….set a spell and let’s chat.
Lady Veronica
Joanna welcome its so nice that you have taken the time to come here and join us. Sorry hearing about the difficulties in your growing up times. Much pressures and unnecessary turmoils . Well I’m happy your here and now you have a whole community here to help in every way. Meet many of our lovely ladies, make conversation with and share many stories and experiences. You my dear have much on your plate so sit back, kick off those heels and enjoy all that this place has to offer. And I know your journey will begin here on calming waters. Looking for friends many here always looking to meet. Very nice getting to know you. And as one of your ambassadors if you need help in any way please be free to PM me. Love to help. 🌹
Dear Michele,
i really appreciate you writing to me and making me feel excepted as who I am and not how society thinks I should be. I work at least 70 hours a week and more so I don’t usually have a lot of time. Not only to get on this sight, but enjoying being Joanna in a more feminine manner and dress.
Even though 99% of what I wear everyday I still like to get dressed up as I truly enjoy the process and outcome.
I like when men watch me but it is still scary as you never know what way the looks are for. Either thinking sexual thoughts or if they want to kill me. Even so if I could I would go full time if I could. My therapist thinks I should get my legal name change but since I drive truck I would have to let the company I work for about the name change and I can’t afford to lose my job as it would put a halt to my transition and that is something I will not and can not stop ever again EVER.
I just meant to say thank you but I have a habit of droning on and I hope you are not annoyed about it as I don’t mean to upset anyone. See I just keep going.
Finally Stopping and wanting to be a Friend,
Sincerely,
Joanna Nicole Lamb
Joanna, Be careful I drive a truck of years, I have known Trans gender drivers, Gay drivers both Male and female. So were hated, but they stick with each other. If you look around you will see others that are CD or transgender. Just be careful.
Thank you 💁🏻💋
Joanna-
Welcome, and I hope you find happiness, acceptance, and friendship here. I’m pretty sure you will.
Something you said about your upbringing brought me back to mine. Your story about reading and how your mother handled it I can echo but with a step-dad and it was math. Every time I’d get a wrong answer he’d hit me in the head with a big stick he kept just for beatings. It never helped with math or anything else for that matter.
People can be so stupid and cruel. Anyway, I wish you happiness.
Jess.
Joanna, first off Welcome to CDH ! You will find friends here and peace. That was a very touching story also. Thank God I didn’t go through all that but did have problems in school.
Never ran away, Never got hit or hurt but never told any one I was a cd but started early.
Was married also 2 times and none of my exs knew I was a CD either would dress when they weren’t there. I have traveled fare and wide and was suppressing my inter feeling for many years, I, have come come to Accepting who I am. So I understand your plight wish for you only the best. So welcome to the sister hood.
Hugs
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