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    Topic
  • #405257
    Catherine Anne Vos
    Participant
    Registered On: September 29, 2020
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 1
    Has thanked: 23 times
    Been thanked: 53 times

    Who Am I ?

    I am what my mind tells me I am.

    I am the woman I am and I believe I am just that! Nothing else.

    What am I?

    I am just another human being who wants to be happy and have my piece of sunshine in this world.

    I am who I am. My eyes speak of happiness since I became me but what lies behind that smile??

    Years of heartache. Years of suffering in silence and of abuse both mental and physical.

    What’s hidden behind a smile? All things lost and gone. A friend gone with just a goodbye. Where does that leave me? a Broken heart, an emptiness, a feeling of being lost in a wilderness. a Feeling of being thrown away like an old used up toy? The feelings of belonging and meaning something lost and the will to go on in life lost for now. What about tomorrow? I have to survive!

    I have to go on and be strong. For what?? Alone in this world and faceless virtual friends that tries their best to motivate and rebuild your broken heart. Faceless in that you can see them on video and you talk to them and you support each other but that’s it.

    Why? I’m asking myself. I have no one to hug, no one that can hug me, no one who can was or take away my tears and tell me it’s going to be okay. No one to hug me and comfort me. All alone in this world to fight my emotions all by myself. No one to take my hand and walk with me. Then it comes back to me. I lost my heart, I lost my soul and I’m broken.

    Then I ask myself again, Who Am I?? What am I and where am I going?

    I am a woman with the wrong parts. I am a woman in Mind and spirit and I am alone, going nowhere in particular but I walk into the future, unshure, still a broken heart and all alone!

    I am a transgender woman, newin this world and I have left the old world and the old life behind. My eyes shine with happines but behind that smile lies the pains of a lost friend, of lost family members and a life lost for the better. It’s not easy, but I have to be strong.

    I Am The Woman I Am! I am Ms. Catherine Anne Vos!

Viewing 16 reply threads
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    • #410559
      Kitty Van Curen
      Participant
      Registered On: November 3, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 53
      Has thanked: 63 times
      Been thanked: 151 times

      My gosh. That was beautiful! Thank you, ..there’s little that rouses me in this world other than expressed raw human emotion. Thank you for that share, and bless your beautiful soul. I too have suffered an unduly harsh number of devastating experiences, mental and physical abuse, so I can appreciate the struggles and what it means to overcome. …Left alone when you needed carried, left behind when you wanted to be pushed forward, all the conflicting harsh realisms and realities. All in all though, it has *eventually* made me stronger, resilient, focused and ferociously independent. So, …good for you for releasing your true potential and letting it shine and be your guiding light through unimaginable struggles! x

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #406091
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 26, 2017
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 4413
      Has thanked: 6874 times
      Been thanked: 7012 times

      Beautifully written Catherine.. missing the company of a true friend is a difficult thing,  not having someone certainly does cause hurt in having that intimate connections.  To do things together,  to hold hands and whisper those personal words.  Virtually we have many but truly not the same. To lose a friend in real life or virtually is an heart breaking experience one unfortunately happens way too much. Embrace the opportunities when someone suddenly does drop in,  you may never know how important this person may become to you… 🌷

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #406078
      Sandy Jayson
      Participant
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 249
      Has thanked: 588 times
      Been thanked: 1074 times

      Loved your post Catherine!  It made me smile and made me almost cry.  So sorry to hear of those who are ( or were) close to you are completely unaccepting.  Then so happy for you in accepting yourself as you are.

      Sandy

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #406054
      Suzette York
      Participant
      Registered On: September 4, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 83
      Has thanked: 1020 times
      Been thanked: 418 times

      Catherine,

      So many things – beautiful, touching, honest and reflective of so many of us.  Thank you for sharing your beautiful words and feelings.  i am sure it touched many and certainly did me.

      hugs,

      suzette

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #405983
      Teralynn Loving
      Participant
      Registered On: October 17, 2019
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 1006
      Has thanked: 6345 times
      Been thanked: 1626 times

      Thanks Rachel! Excellent and poetic. -Blessings from Teralynn

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #405970
      Rachel Cross
      Participant
      Registered On: October 13, 2020
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 186
      Has thanked: 1104 times
      Been thanked: 944 times

      take my hand and follow me. i will lead you out of this misery. into to the light where everything will be alright. you got friends that you never met. we are all here to help you to forget the pain you feel. dont look back, just look ahead. things will get better in time. 100’s of cds cant be wrong. youll forget all your troubles, it wont take long. and soon youll be singing a happy song. put on that dress and your fancy shoes, where we are going you have nothing to lose.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #405941
      Jessica Wilde
      Participant
      Registered On: October 5, 2020
      Topics: 29
      Replies: 122
      Has thanked: 154 times
      Been thanked: 899 times

      Ok that has brought a tear to my also. I’m on the verge of not posting or actively participating on this site as my SO has made me feel horrible about myself and this has lifted my spirits by bringing me to tears.

      Catherine do not try to get to know me as I will disappear soon. Thank you for your post.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #405905
      Stephanie Roberts
      Participant
      Registered On: May 20, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 372
      Has thanked: 2946 times
      Been thanked: 1213 times

      Welcome Catherine!!! Thanks for sharing a wonderfully written and thought provoking post. You are who you are… … you are Catherine.

      Please accept this virtual hug. Love, Stephanie 💖✨

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #405775
      Emily
      Participant
      Registered On: April 30, 2016
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 633
      Has thanked: 3384 times
      Been thanked: 1755 times

      Thank you for sharing these intimate, beautiful thoughts. You are definitely a gifted writer. Proud to have you as part of this community!

      Hugs, Emily

    • #405740
      Stevie Steiner
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 27
      Replies: 661
      Has thanked: 3047 times
      Been thanked: 3340 times

      Quite often I’ll read a post that makes me smile, some warm my heart, and every now and then one connects and I begin crying over it.  This was one of those.  That was beautifully written Catherine and you have company in how you are feeling and thinking.   Alone, yes, but never feeling lonely when you’re here I hope.  Yes.  You are who you are, and I am very happy to meet you!!

      Stevie

    • #405414
      Rei Durden
      Participant
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 577
      Has thanked: 3593 times
      Been thanked: 2202 times

      Catherine, it’s a poor substitute for the real thing I know, but I’m ‘virtually’ squeezing you in an embrace as hard as I can.

      You are not alone.

    • #405392
      Dani CD
      Participant
      Registered On: September 10, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 44
      Has thanked: 168 times
      Been thanked: 165 times

      Beautiful!                                                                  Catherine , thank you so much for sharing that with us. No matter how alone you feel there will always be someone here for you.     Big hugs Dani👩🏻‍🔧

    • #405385
      Evelyn
      Participant
      Registered On: June 18, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 33
      Has thanked: 161 times
      Been thanked: 107 times

      You are an inspiration xxx

    • #405277
      Grace Scarlett
      Participant
      Registered On: July 26, 2020
      Topics: 27
      Replies: 707
      Has thanked: 3909 times
      Been thanked: 3838 times

      Catherine

      Tear jerkingly beautifully written.

      While the girls here cannot physically ” hug you”….they can offer so many other things. There aren’t many who come here and are not amazed at the support and love they receive, me included….

      you are among friends here girl, so ask anything whether it’s serious or fun.

      Biggest hugs, grace 💋

    • #405270
      Sa•man•tha
      Founder
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
      Topics: 319
      Replies: 1483
      Has thanked: 6424 times
      Been thanked: 5303 times

      Easily one of the most beautiful and touching things I’ve ever seen written here.  And I understand where it came from.  Thank you, and welcome to CDH Catherine Anne ❤

    • #405267
      Catherine Anne Vos
      Participant
      Registered On: September 29, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 1
      Has thanked: 23 times
      Been thanked: 53 times

      Thanks Teralynn

      I’ll keep that in mind.

      Love and hugs

      Catherine.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #405265
      Teralynn Loving
      Participant
      Registered On: October 17, 2019
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 1006
      Has thanked: 6345 times
      Been thanked: 1626 times

      Well written and said Catherine! A better introduction post I have not read. Most of us pay a price for embracing our feminine persona but you my dear appear to have paid that price and much more! Welcome to an online community that will welcome you with open arms. If I can ever be of service please feel free to contact me through this site and let me know how I can help. A post on my home profile page wall will get the fastest response. – Blessings from Teralynn

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