• This topic has 26 replies, 21 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Candy.
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    • #719294

      This is probably more geared to those that dress in private, and are not out to their SO’s and family, but I thought I would put it out there anyway.

      I have a rare weekend on my own coming up as my SO is going away, and all I can think about is what I’m going to do and wear. However, as usual, I have a mix of impending excitement and guilt. On one hand, I am enjoying thinking of the various outfits I can try, perhaps even experiment with a little make up, but even the thought of “planning” creates a massive internal conflict as I have to come up with a whole story for the weekend. It sometimes feels like I’m in my own spy novel, with a completely different persona that comes out every now and then.

      Does anyone else go through this? It just feels so devious/cunning that I often struggle to rationalise it in my own head.

      Katie.

       

    • #719297

      hello. i too am home alone for the week or 2 and i can see the pink fog a coming. i can dress with her here but i still like a little alone play time too. feel free to respond i would like to make some friends here too. have fun

    • #719331
      Emily Alt
      Managing Ambassador

      I went thru this for a few years after I came out to my girlfriend.  She would go on week long business trips 3-4 times a year.  While she was planning her trip, I was planning my week of crossdressing.  All without her knowledge of course.  We had a DADT arrangement, so maybe she suspected what I was up to.  Regardless, it was still a deception.

      I got my first makeover on one of those weeks.  It was the catalyst for taking things to the next level.  I joined CDH and started socializing with some local girls.  Instead of hiding it, I started telling my GF when I was going out.  Just the essentials so she knew I would be gone for a few days.  This worked for both of us.

      If you’ve read many of my posts, you know I’m a proponent for transparency.  Sure, your SO deserves to know.  Do it for yourself.  Hiding is a burden that festers the longer you allow it to continue.  Depression is often the result.

      /EA

      • #719539

        Thanks Emily.

        I totally understand where you’re coming from in terms of transparency. I guess in an ideal world, I would obviously try and come out to my SO, but the reality is that it probably isn’t going to happen – no matter how guilty I feel, or how devious it makes me look.

        Sometimes, you’re so entrenched and invested in a relationship you don’t want to rock the boat, no matter the internal struggle it creates. In my situation, the risks just totally outweigh any perceived benefit. I suppose, in a purely selfish way, I was trying to make peace with myself, and justify that my secret weekends are not impacting on anyone else, even if I’m being untruthful.

        Katie

    • #719351
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess

      Katie, I think most of us did do exactly as you described, and being secretive about it can enhance the excitement, but it also enhances the guilt. I agree with Emily, that you are going to need to come out to your SO. It is almost a certanty that sooner or later she is going to find out. Most here have found if they come out they can control the narative a little rather than their SO jump to lots of conclusions when they find your stash or find pictures of you dressed.

      . Cassie

    • #719368
      Lucy Bancroft
      Ambassador

      Hi Katie,
      I had this same situation a couple of times last year, and I’m not out to my SO, and so I know how you feel.

      And yes I did have a plan.

      I will message you to discuss if that’s ok

       

       

      • #719668
        Misty M.
        Lady

        Hi

        i really am in the same situation and i would be glad to talk it out as well.

        thanks

        xoxo

    • #719556
      Caty Ryan
      Baroness

      I do so every time I have an overnight charity volunteer stay. Usually once every 3-4 weeks. I stay at the same place and they know me well. But beforehand, I’m thinking of what I’m going to wear and how my Caty time will play out.

      Sometimes I extend it to two nights and that’s when it’s “go public” time. Always in the cooler months of the year, cos when en femme I “overheat” very quickly. So there’s heaps…. more planning goes into that. EG Personalised en femme bra fitting. (See my article here on CDH on that one…)

      My beloved and I work on DADT, she “knows but does not want to know” and I ‘fess up”. I do tell “porky pies” about what I’m doing and who I’m seeing on the “two nighters”.

      But as much as I know that aint right, for us its just easier this way.

      Happy dressing, (and planning if you have to)

      Caty.

       

    • #719588
      Anonymous
      Lady

      You had better work out a good plan if you’re going through with it.
      What to do and where are important to know. You need to dress appropriately, clothes, hair, makeup, accessories. Then plan for the weather.
      Normally the challenge is to blend in.

      I second Emily’s advice that the longer you are secretive the harder it will be on your SO. Professional therapy might really be worth the expense.

      • #719660
        Caty Ryan
        Baroness

        Good afternoon “Oz” time to all who commented on my post on this topic. I appreciate all your good intentions and advice, but in these types of situations, “one does whats best in one’s own circumstances”

        Just to recap, many years ago, via me leaving some jewellery around where I “should not ougtha”, plus the occasional photo, me darlin’ knows about Caty, but as I said’ does not want to know”.

        She even commented after one “overnighter” that I had not got all my make up off.!!

        We’ve both bee around the marriage/ divorce” merry go ’round” and therefore understand the stresses that can complicate a relationship. There are other personal factors at play here as well, but if go into detail, they aint personal anymore…….

        But as per above, thanks again for trying to help.

        Caty. (With a C and a Y!!!!!)

         

         

        • #720110
          Caty Ryan
          Baroness

          OOOPPPPSSS… i did not look at the name of the originator of this post. “Katie” and thought some of the responses were about me “C”aty with a c and a “Y”

          So sorry if I got anyone’s knickers “slightly misaligned”

          Caty.

           

    • #719595
      Syndee
      Lady

      Katie,

      I will say what the others have said. If it is possible tell your SO about you sooner than later. I am blessed that I have a fully supportive wife and she is the one that helped me find Syndee. As far as your question, as I said my wife is fully supportive of Syndee and I can pretty much dress whenever I want to. I still find myself planning my dressing on the weekends. With my job and the hours I work dressing fully (make up, wig, clothes, jewlery) is not really an option for me during the week. I have a standing dinner date with good friends every other weekend and even though they know of Syndee I am not ready to be public yet. I only get to fully dress about twice a month so I plan these out. I tell my wife I plan on getting dressed up tomorrow so don’t make any plans. We do the best we can with what time we have I guess.

    • #719669

      I used to plan in advance all the time.  I also got in the habit of giving my car a once over if I planned on going out en femme.  We do not want to get pulled over for something so easily avoidable like a broken tail light or license plate light.  Have a good time!  XO – Julia

      • #719785

        Julia,

        Whilst I’ve never walked out in public dressed, I have tried it going out in the car (which involved all kinds of contortionsm in the front seat to get ready before I set off). However, I always had a bag of male clothes next to me in case something like that happened.

        Katie

    • #719684
      Anonymous
      Lady

      Absolutely! For the very little time that I get I try and make the most of it. This when I usually aim for my new clothes to come and enjoy trying them all on!

      I planned on going outside a few months ago but lost my nerve. Must stick to the plan next time!

      x

    • #719732
      J J
      Lady

      Plan? no, but I do think about options and day dream a lot of the possibilities. I have been dressing long enough that I don’t plan much of anything, and just do what I am in the mood to do. It may be just sitting around the house and yard in a skirt, or getting fully dressed and go shopping, but these days it is rarely planned.

    • #719753

      Yes to point that I would wake up thinking about what to wear and what I could do so I would write it down hoping that would let me sleep better.  Even if not dressing I would think about what i might want to do when home alone such as food trucks at a local tap house sort of thing.  But it was usually a blend of both.  It was also these times were I would think something like “I need a belt with that outfit or earrings” and get those sorts of things.

    • #719758

      Hi girls

      Katie was just asking g a simple question if any of us girls plan ahead when the opportunity to dress presents itself.
      no where in her question did she ask for advice about coming out to her wife.
      Many of us here have spouses or SO’s who we know for sure will not accept our desire to crossdress. I’m sure most all of us closeted girls would love to have an accepting partner. I know what’s it’s like to come out to a wife who rejects the whole idea of crossdressing.  So I don’t need to hear over and over that someone has an accepting spouse , especially when the posting has nothing to do with it. I find it very  insensitive and in my opinion borders on bragging.

      that said, yes I love to plan ahead when I know I’m going to have private time.
      if I know I know we’ll enough in advance I will often but something new. It could just be new panties or a bra or even a new outfit. I sometimes feel it’s like the old travel phrase, “getting there is half the fun” and sometimes I get so excited that I’m almost let down when the time arrives.

      Natalie

       

      • #719782

        Natalie,

        I know what you mean about “getting there is half the fun”. Usually, in my case, I’ve bought some items on line in preparation, and am then let down when they don’t fit properly. For me, that can be the biggest mood killer.

        Thanks for your insightful reply.

        Katie

        • #719807

          Miss Katie

          After all the anticipation it’s always disappointing when a new purchase doesn’t fit. And since I’ve never tried items on in a store and most of my purchases nowadays are made online it seems to happen more than I like .
          just yesterday I received two bras through Amazon , both 42C
          one fits perfect ( I’m underdressing with it today) the other not so much.
          It’s  even worse when you have a weekend planned like you have coming up. Maybe we shouldn’t set our girly expectations so high !
          enjoy your Katie time . I’ll be curious how it went

          Hugs & 💋💋💋💋

          Natalie

    • #719805
      Anonymous

      Katie,

      I regularly plan for my alone times. My wife takes several business trips each year and several long weekends to visit her mother in a neighboring state. Shopping for something special only occurs if I see a special ad or if I’ve run out of a makeup item. When I do buy something it usually fits as I have a pretty good idea of my fashion and size. Every time I go to the store I peruse the women’s section for something that strikes my fancy. And I’m never let down because after a time of anticipation I can breathe deeply and just be happy dressing. Celebrate your time and enjoy being who you really are. No guilt, Katie, just happiness.

      Phoebe ❤️

    • #720122
      Lea
      Lady

      I often waste too much alone time trying to create an outfit to go out dressed in. I have now started thinking ahead of time so that the outfit choice is ready faster.

    • #720154
      Emily
      Lady

      I try and make the most out of my girl time, so yes I plan and have the outfit laid out with shoes, jewelry and the hair I intend to wear that outing. I only dress and go out with my wife in-tow so I always get her opinion on the outfit too.(she thinks I have a better sense of styling outfits than her though)

    • #720179

      Katie, Do not be bummed if things don’t go as you hoped. This is your chance for a grand experiment. This is the testing ground. See what works and learn from it. No guilt, just learning from the results. We’ve all been there and that is how we got our style. Have fun, enjoy your weekend and don’t worry. It’s all good. Hugs, Marg

    • #721225

      Absolutely. I have a business trip coming up in a couple of weeks and have added a day on the beginning and an overnight onto the end. Booked two makeovers, one on the first day and one on the last. Planning to do my own makeup in between. Bouncing from excited to absurdly crapping myself. Plans are already unfolding as the event at the end of the week has changed dates so I’ll have hotel and dressing appointment with no-one to go with and nowhere to go.  Feel very guilty and slightly stupid, interspersed with desire to look fabulous. I hope I don’t chicken out.

    • #721801
      Anonymous

      I have the luxury to dress pretty much whenever I want. I do, however, enjoy planning outings around an activity, whether its a dinner or visiting some place of interest (museum, historic site, park or some funky old downtown area.)

    • #721808
      Candy
      Baroness

      For me those kind of opportunities are few and far between. I always plan to take advantage of every minute. I’m still kicking myself for the opportunities I let get away.

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