I have found my end point the road has run out…

[Anonymous]

Just as I can look back over the graph of my daily weights for the past two years, actually goes back for several years, you can see the ups and downs and see the long slow trends and drop offs over time.

So it is with my expansive gender nonconformity…gender fluidity over time. I am sure I would see a long trend of fems and masc’s and androg’s problem is it is far too difficult than a daily weight and would fail to tell the entire story because I may get up after sleeping in my t shirt and briefs (what I have typically slept in since childhood we were never pajama wearers…too hot). put on male stuff…then shift to feminine until about 2pm then may wear male jogging kit then back to male for the evening and wearing a nightgown to bed!

And so it goes… I may spend 24 hours or more fully enfemm…but I do spend many more days fully in male clothing. But over the course of even a few days or a week…I may mix – androgenous … under dress or go one way or the other.

It is great to have the freedom and not have to hold my gender in check most of the time. I believe I have found my balance.

My sex and sexuality are fixed: male, heterosexual – attracted to women, but my gender is not. I do not believe hormones or surgery SRS would be the correct choice for me, certainly not at … will be 60 years old on the 8th of March after having been conditioned, socialized and forced to live as a man my entire life for education, career, marriage, and it is all so ingrained into me. I only have perhaps a third of my lifespan left now so I believe if I am able to find another woman once my wife succumbs to her Alzheimer’s…and if I am still young enough to do so it is probable that a new partner would inspire my manhood, my masculinity and my masculine side to be a man for her…but NOT ALL OF THE TIME! I do have a gender that pulls me over to my feminine side I cannot help loving and enjoying being a woman and what that entails is unique to me. It is this internal sense of who I am, and the feelings and desires are to be with other women and to simply enjoy being and relating with women within their same realm excepting much of their world which men being men are excepted from…the biology, the instinct, and all of what goes along with all of those things. But biology does not make up all of who women are it may preoccupy part of who they are but that still leaves a great part of who they are and to which we as feminine on occasion…men can relate to when we are in our feminine mode/gender.

So I may continue to work to be more open, more openly gender nonconforming at times, but not all the time…People who come to really know me will have to get used to seeing me as a man one day…then something else the next because this is what our gender…the gender of those who are gender fluid is like…it shifts around. It may be maddening to some but for us it just happens to be who we are. Even as we continue right on being physically attracted to our partners no matter how we are dressed.

I have found my end point the road has run out and here I am now looking at the rest of my life going as the gender flies….

[Anonymous]

Wouldn’t it be a wonderful world if people were just accepted as who they are?

I do think, though, that such a time draws closer every day.

[Author]

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