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I have been on this wonderful site for a couple of months now. I have not really posted much but I thought maybe I could share a bit about my journey so far. I have been dressing since I was around 6 years old. I am not in my 40’s.<span style=”mso-spacerun: yes;”
Like many of you when I first started there was much confusion about what I was doing and why. Then my teen years hit and it became a sense of sexual gratification. In my early 20’s I was able to purchase my own clothing. Of course I got everything on line so that nobody would know. I had my first “purge” when I was 22. Just like everybody else I was ashamed of the fact that I had purchased clothing and was wearing items of the opposite sex. It wasn’t even a year later when I acquired more clothing. Bit by bit I got more and more clothing, mostly lingerie. I decided at that point that I was a cross dresser, if not transgender. Strangely I made peace with myself and everything about me. No longer was dressing about sexual gratification it was about feeling the same inside and out.
A few years later I realized that I am more transgender than I am a cross dresser, and there is nothing that is going to change that. So either I bury those feelings and live in pain or agony or accept it. It has been easier said than done. Like many of you there have been times when I felt ashamed of my feelings. In time I have worked through many of my feelings. When I turned 40 I decided that I would live my life for me and face the ups and downs that came with it. At this point I am not transitioning but am researching every aspect of it.
The biggest lesson that I have learned so far in my journey is I have to love all aspects of who I am. Being a cross dresser, transgender or whatever label that you choose is just one small part of who you are. We all have things we choose not to revel to the world. If you choose not to revel this to the world, that’s OK. When I turned 40 I decided that I don’t need to run up and down the street scream who I am but I can tell who I want. My choice is to openly acknowledge that I am transgender to people who ask and a few have. Some of those have distanced themselves from me, while others have accepted me with open arms.
The moral of this post is to be genuine to yourself first. When you can do this you will learn to accept life and its challenges.
If I can provide any support please let me know
Hi Chrissy and welcome to CDH.
Rachel
Hi Chrissy;
My own story is similar, but my conclusion is identical to yours: I have to be authentic and comfortable with who I am. This I am doing fairly well. Dressing up is no longer just for sexual stimulation, but more in the spirit of expressing my femininity with joy and love. Likewise, I am learning that I can also lovingly express my femininity in ways other than dressing. All, together, it is a more complete and honest existence.
In love, Erica
Hi Chrissy! Loved your article! I really hate being pigeon-holed or assigned to a “group” by others. Why do people need to be categorised? OH….your…gay, lesbian, black, white, Muslim, Christian, crazy, nuts, wacko, one of those people and so on and so on. Why can’t we just be who and what we are……human beings??? Maybe that is the key to all around peace and acceptance into the human race. After all…who were the worlds first cross-dressers???? Children of course……parents and society need to knock off the categorizing business. Live and let live. Oh, I forgot…my ideas are BAD for business right. Look at all the lost money in protest signs and ink markers and spray paint. Any how, my sister….be free, be what you want, be happy and enjoy life.
Lady Veronica Graunwolf – Knight Templar
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