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  • #697836
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    Hello ladies. Looking for some advice here.

    I am a lifelong Crossdresser, now in my late 50s and having resolved to get myself out of the closet (albeit maybe just indoors) before it’s too late.

    I have been married to my wife for over 20 years and love her dearly. And I would love it if Gemma could be part of ‘us’, too.

    Previously, I have told her that I long to wear her panties. And she even made me put a pair on one evening in front of her. But she is unpredictable and I’m not sure how she’d take me telling her I wanted (or need to) take my cross dressing further.

    I have a plan though. I want to order myself some clothes and actually share this with her before I click the ‘buy now’ button. I hope that by being open and honest, I will help alleviate some problems that could arise if I don’t.

    This evening, I had my purchase in my basket and went to tell her before I bought it. I talked with her and got close but just could not bring myself to tell her.

    Any advice you can give me will be a great help. I love her and want to include her, but I’m just afraid of how she might react and what the fallout could be.

    Gemma. X

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    • #711422
      Michelle McQueen
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
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      Looks like things didn’t go so well for Gemma.

      Hopefully she can work things out and come back some day.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #711418
      Rachel Sometime
      Registered On: February 23, 2018
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      Since you have had such a hard time getting yourself to tell her. I would get that order all ready and then leave it out where you know that she will see it and then she will ask you about it and then you can talk

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #704339
      Maive O’Neal
      Registered On: May 18, 2022
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      Hi Gemma- I was in the same situation a few months ago. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell my wife. Unfortunately, she found out what I had been buying and confronted me. She felt I was having an affair and was devastated. I had to come out to her and that hurt her more as she felt I lied to her all these years and didn’t trust her. After a long discussion and tears we were able to talk, and I let it all out. She hugged me and we are on our way to working it all out. I tell you this because I hated the fact she was so hurt because of my silence. Find a good time and sit down and tell your wife. Be honest and make sure she knows it does not affect your love for her. I can’t promise the same result, but you have already broken the ice somewhat with the panties. I wish you the best Gemma. Take care and just be honest.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #704076
      Jill Edina
      Registered On: January 28, 2022
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      I’m in the same situation the need to share this with my wife is getting stronger after 40 years of marriage not sure how to start the conversation but I may just start by say dear I’m thinking  of expanding my wardrobe.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #704021
      Helene van der Tee
      Registered On: August 18, 2018
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      Be honest and tell her how you feel. There is never a good time for ‘the conversation ‘ but playing games by ordering stuff and at the time mentioning it? Not really honest. Being in the shadows is also unhealthy, you can never feel safe in your relationship if you’re always worried about getting cought out and could result in divorce. I came out to my wife in a fit of openess, I thought would result in our seperation at the time,it didnt go down well. We had a lot of struggles dealing with it, but after a couple of years exploring where I need to be and what is acceptable for her, we have boundaries that work for us. Strangely enough I am the one that has trouble  taking the initiative in my ‘being Helene’. Today was wonderfull as she had bought me an afternoon at the beautician as a  way of saying “ I see you, I see you need this and I’m supporting you being happy” it brought tears to my eyes as I find it difficult to accept myself.

    • #698421
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: April 15, 2022
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      Telling my wife was the most difficult thing I ever did. Not knowing your wife, I am not qualified to really offer advice to you on how to do this, or know what the result will be. I can only offer that when I told my wife, I was honest with her about my life long desire and no matter what, I loved her so much. Unfortunately it caught her totally off guard and she really didn’t talk to me for about a week. I didn’t the subject back up until she had time to process it. After about a week, she approached me and said she was not real happy about it, but if I wanted to do it, she would like to keep it private. That was two years ago. Over time, she has become more supportive.
      I recommend you find a place and time where you can have that difficult but candid and loving discussion with your wife. I WISH YOU THE VERY BEST!

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #698411
      J J
      Registered On: September 13, 2019
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      You may want to consider a more subtle and progressive approach. You say you wore her panties in front of her, well maybe try that again and maybe add a bra and tell her how much you enjoy the feel. If it is a total non-starter, then progressing may not be wise. If she is good with it, then you might tell her you want to try more and see how that goes.

      That is basically how it happened for me, but it was not planned, just how it progressed. I started with her panties and we had great sex. Then I wore her bra and sex was even better. I added lingerie and eventually dresses over a period of many years and kept her informed along the way. My en femme life is very good and pretty much where I want it to be, at least for the time being. I never fore saw that I would be wearing heels, a dress and breast forms in front of my wife when I slipped into her panties for the first time nearly forty years ago.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #698003
      Kim Dahlenbergen
      Registered On: November 18, 2019
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      I would suggest having a conversation on your wishes without the presence of ordering something. Instead, tell her what you would like to be doing, and ask her how she would feel about it.

      • #704072
        Cece X
        Registered On: April 8, 2020
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        I agree with this advice. When you feel the time is right, just tell her that you want her to know this side of you. See where that goes before adding additional levels, like lining up purchases. Wishing you both all the best.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #697965
      Jane Don
      Registered On: March 4, 2020
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      You’ve already wore panties in front of her–You might start wear them more often Telling her they are more “Comfortable” Talking with her about how women are so Lucky to be able to have the freedom of wearing ndress ect because they are not so restricting–If you can sort of make a game out of it & keep her engaged every step of the way–It Might go smother–I mean–Help her with housework a little more & jokingly suggest you should be dresses as the maid–Light hearted talk while making her life easier could put her more at ease-

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      • #698032
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        Thank you Jane.

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #697896
      Stephanie Green
      Registered On: November 20, 2022
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      I’m not sure how qualified I am to offer advice on coming out to one’s spouse.  When I told my wife, things went terribly wrong.  I was in a situation similar to yours, Gemma.  I planned what I was going to say and when I would say it.  I chickened out a few times, and was feeling frustrated.  Finally, I got impatient and spilled my guts.  There was no easing into the subject of crossdressing.  I caught my wife totaly off guard.  I’m sure that didn’t help the situation.

      There’s no easy way to come out.  You’ve waited this long.  Take your time and do it when you both have time for a good, long talk.

    • #697895
      Fiona Black
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 23, 2019
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      Not knowing your wife, it is difficult to answer. Just make sure you have completely thought through all the pros & cons of her knowing before saying anything. Best of luck.

    • #697890
      Jessica Skye
      Registered On: October 27, 2022
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      Hi Gemma,

      This is something that is really scary, but as I recently found out once you open up and share your thoughts, you get a huge sense of relief. I have been married for over 20 years as well and I have found that after I told my wife we are closer. That doesn’t mean that she is all that into it, she is still processing and has many questions. That said, being honest with her and myself has only been positive. Kind of wish I would have done it sooner.


      10 users thanked author for this post.
    • #697851
      Allysa Grant
      Registered On: November 1, 2022
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      I would go ahead and be open about it. By including her in your purchases she may be a little more accepting. It will be better for you to be honest than to hide it and she finds out more later. Hope this helps. Hugs, Allysa

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #697845
      Paula Here
      Registered On: April 13, 2020
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      I would recommend reading the article on how to prep a turkey dinner, and follow the formula laid out in it.



      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #697843
      Angela Booth
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
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      You are the only one that knows your wife, her attitudes to things, likes dislikes etc. Unfortunately Gemma there is only one way to tell her to find out how she will react. Experiences vary so much it would be impossible to make any prediction based on the multitude of answers that you would get here. It would seem that you are really keen on doing this so a suggestion would be to sit down and work out what you are going to say and when would be the best time to say it. Have a list of answers to questions she may have if there are any then or at a later date. The main thing is to give your unconditional love to her and reassurances that it is only dressing and nothing more.

      That’s my thoughts and I hope you do tell her as keeping it a secret has its risks.


      • #697844
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        Thank you so much Angela. I really do appreciate this.


        2 users thanked author for this post.
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