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I’ve had a very unsuccessful dating career. I’m 27 and my only real relationship, which lasted a whole of two months, was with a straight woman who I dated before I came out who abused me for not being manly and tried her best to make me the man she thought she deserved. I then realized I wasn’t sexually attracted to women and started dating men. Gay men found me too feminine and never showed any interest in me. Bi men found my femininity appealing, but the bi men I dated had a very fetishistic appreciation for it that gave me a dating history of a whopping one date with all of them. I’m since out and about as a cross dresser and realize I want to date straight men or bi men who will not treat me like a femme boy. But I’m happy being basically male and call my body a male body and don’t identify as a woman. I’ve been waiting for a boyfriend to basically drop out of the sky because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not looking to immediately go out into the dating world but some comfort or advice would make me feel a lot better about doing so in the future! Are there others of you who feel the same way? I really don’t feel like gay describes me but straight feels equally weird. I don’t feel the need to label myself though. All I know is I like being treated like a girl without actually being one by men and don’t want to date women. I just confused admiring them my whole life for wanting to date them I think.
One of the things that many of us struggle with when we accept our feminine selves is what it might mean for our relationships or those we’d like one with. Crossdressers are as varied as any other group in society so within our community we’ll have those who are attracted to women, those attracted to men and those who are comfortable with either or both. As consenting adults there is nothing ‘wrong’ with any of those feelings.
Sometimes the difficulty lies in the fact that when en femme we feel feminine and woman-like and that sometimes makes us feel attracted to those who would treat us as such. At other times the awareness that we are (mostly) male-bodied leads us to being attracted to those we’ve previously been attracted to, no matter what we are wearing.
I’m sure you’ll find others here who experience similar confusion. We here at CDH are always willing to help each other to understand who we are.
Best wishes.
Thank you, Stacey!
I have thought about that, and would definitely like to. I’ve also come to a realization that I need to value myself more, and when I allow someone into my life they need to have earned that place. It’s scary though for me. It’s sad, but being attractive to guys, even before I came out, has been my only way of feeling like I had any control over my life. At this point I’d rather be alone though and have people dislike me for being assertive and happy with myself. I’m already finding I’m starting to make friends who actually like me and treat me well. Hopefully this leads someday to a healthy relationship.
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