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Hi Girls,
This is very long but I needed to write it
As many of you Girls know up until the end of December 2020 I was fairly active on CDH then something happened and for the most part I became very withdrawn and rarely participated here.
The only one that knows my entire story is Grace Scarlett and I give her permission to discuss that part with you. It’s too long of story for me to type it out on my phone, but I’ll tell you enough here so that you can connect everything together.
It all started 57 years ago when I met 19 year old girl/woman at a charity fair that I was working at. We hit it off pretty good. About a year later in March of 1965 I went into the US Navy. This woman and I got married in September of 65′ while I was in service. She went back home got her belongings and came back to my military base and we rented an apartment off base.
I had a military buddy that I introduce her to and we all became friends, except my now wife and buddy became more than friends. I was at base one day left and went home and as I opened the door there are the two of doing the Hoochy-Coo in bed. I totally blew up and literally and physically threw him out. She went home and filed for divorce. We were divorced and went our separate ways. We each married someone else. All during the time that we were apart and she was remarried she was seeing other guys and of course she got pregnant by another guy but told her husband that the child was his and he just accepted her story. 50 years later the child does a DNA test and the childs father turns out to be one of the guys she was rolling in the hay with.
Okay there is a lot more to this part of the story but it will only fill in some blanks and is not that important.
In 2017 my wife at the time leaves me because she just didn’t want to be married anymore. So I get the house plus $20,000. I couldn’t afford the house by myself so I had to sell it. Take the money and move. I had no idea where to move to but I knew that I couldn’t afford to live where I was.
The woman that I was first married to we had eventuality over time became friends again and suggested that I moove to where she lived because we had a son there. So I did. I packed up and moved 700 miles to Greenville SC from SW Florida.
Once I got here she decides that she doesn’t want to be married to her husband anymore and wants to move out but there is a problem she has no money of her own except a small Social Security ck. She now needs a car to move her things out of the house she is in to an apartment she hasn’t found yet. So what does stupid me do I buy her a car $7,000 cash.
Now she needs an apartment. She finds an apartment BUT they won’t rent to her because she doesn’t have the income to pay for the apartment but if she can pay a year in advance they will rent to her. Again she doesn’t have the money sooo stupid me again pays the year in advance for the apartment.
Ok now she goes to an attorney that she use to work for to get a divorce. He will do it but he requires a$1,500 retainer. Guess what she doesn’t have it. So you guessed it. I pay for it.
I also bought her a new $600.00 iPhone and let her use my account which she never contributed any anything to. Then for approximately two years I supplemented her bills by giving her $250.00 – $400.00 a month.
Now she has a car an apartment and she has retained an attorney and she starts moving out of the house she has lived in for 25 years. When she got finished moving everything all she had was a small path that she could walk through. She couldn’t even open up her sleeper sofa to sleep on. So i invited her to stay at my apartment because I had the room and a Futon that she could sleep on she accepted my offer BUT she didn’t want the Futon instead she slept in my bed with me.
Now she is living in my apartment, I’m doing 95% of the cooking, rarely will she clean, vacuum or even attempt to iron anything. I pay for everything ok she has bought some groceries but very little. I have gone through $80,000 and she has contributed very, very little in the three years she has lived here.
The culmination came the day after Christmas 2020. She was over at her apartment packing things up in anticipation of moving to Florida when she gets her $180,000 divorce settlement. I had earlier in the day was in our bathroom brushing my teeth and shaving. I noticed that the her side of the vanity that she uses was filthy and items that only she uses were stuck to the sink with spilled toothpaste and I had to clean it up because I knew she wouldn’t.
When she came home she looked at me and said what’s wrong and I started to explain comely without raising my voice to her but she knew that I was totally upset. Then she looked at me and said “That’s it I’m leaving. We, rather I should say I, discussed it for awhile and she finally went to bed and the next morning started moving out.
Out of the $180,000 she is supposed to receive from her divorce she is only willing to pay back to me $13,000 for repayment of the car, apartment, attorney and a small amount extra. I blew almost $80,000 on her and this is what I end up with.
My life hasn’t gotten better since she left but it has definitely gotten worse. First my laptop computer hard drive died on me so I took it to a Best Buy, an electronics store, to get it repaired and they can’t repair it because the hinges were broken and they would have to destroy the screen to get at the hard drive. So I have to buy a new computer. Then within a week my smart phone died. So now I have a dead computer and a dead cell phone. I don’t have the money for both so I buy the phone because I can make phone calls, take photos and get on the internet, send email and messages.
Now I recently took a yearly blood test and they found that my PSA level was high so my doctors nurse practitioner has me go to a Urologist for further test. Yep he found some pollops on my prostrate and he finds a suspicious area that is no doubt cancerous. Now I have to go for an ultrasound. While all this is going on the nurse practioner does another blood test and finds that there is something odd going on with my liver enzimes and orders a second ultrasound. Both of those will be done next Friday.
Last but by no means least the head gasket on my car goes bad and now I need a new,used, car.
What’s next ?
Let’s see what happens tomorrow.
Sorry for writting a book but I needed to explain so you could understand completely. What I need now is a tremendous amount of support.
Kathleen
I would give you a hug if I could, sounds like you really need one. If I were the praying kind I would do that too.
If I said that things from now can only get better they probably won’t so I can only say that i hope things turn out Ok, and that I am rooting for you and so are everyone else here.
Keep us in the picture and smile if it doesn’t hurt too much.
Thank you Sally. xxxx
Kath…im not going to rabbit on…i just want to say this….
If any of you girls have felt down, and someone says….” Cheer up, theres always someone worse off than you”….. there’s a very good chance that the “someone” could be Kathleen !!!
Big huggs Kath….grace 💐💐💐
Thanks Grace you are a true friend and you are a beautiful person both inside and out.
Kath 💋❤💋❤ xoxoxo
Thank you Jamie xxxx
Hi Kathleen here’s one big mega virtual hug from me, if i could give you a hug in person i would,
Let’s hope your luck changes for the better,
Hugs Rozalyne x
Thanks Rozalyne. I appreciate your kind words.
Kathleen xxxx
Than support and encouragement you shall get.
Kathleen;
Allow Me first to say that although our path are different,it is possible for Myself to relate a great deal to your ordeal.
Allow me to explain.
My Mother and Father divorced when I was 2.I was than bounced around the country because my father was an OTR truck driver and was always moving from one state to another.I was never able to make friends.Never in one state more than a few years.As of now I have lived in 14 states and moved 70 times.No,that’s not a typo.
I was separated from my brothers and sisters.I was and still am hyper active.My mother did not want me because I reminded Her of my father.I was told this later in life when I re-connected with my siblings.
After 4 tears in the Air Force I re-connected with my older Brother and when I got out,ended up moving to where He lived in Washington state.
During basic training I was contacted through the red cross by my Mother’s current husband to inform Me that my Father had been killed in a head on collision.
So started my down fall.
My career in the military ended after 4 years even though I had wanted to stay in,I could not deal with it.I was always at odds with everyone.I got a chance to get out early through a reduction program and took it.Honorably discharged.
Moved to Washington.Got married.After 17 years my wife started an affair with someone she met at work.But I get ahead of my self.
Back to Washington.
My wife had 2 kids from her previous marriage and I did my best to raise them well,but it always seemed a battle with Her over what was right.
During this time I had a construction business,a Bed and Breakfast and a cleaning company that my wife ran.
During the 20 years in Washington my older brother who had moved to Montana,moved back and worked with me.He live at my house for a year until my wife could not deal with any more.He had three kids.
After a big fight on the job I decided I could no longer take the abuse He had been giving me and left the job.
It was shortly after that that He attempted to steal $6000 from my bank account and that ended our relationship.
My Wife decided She wanted to move back to Wisconsin to be near Her family who all lived there.
This were I started driving A truck OTR.And where the affair started.
I came home from 3 weeks OTR to the request for a divorce.It took Me 3 days to find out why.
I did every thing I new how,to save my marriage but She did not want to.
So on to Colorado.
For 6 years I was a wreck.I would wake up on the floor half way under my bed.
I was angry all the time.I had no friends and was living at my sisters house.
There is much more of the battles that I have gone through but I think you should be able to see that I truly understand how you are feeling.
So let Me say this.
In all that mess,I stood.I survived.I did what had to be done.I learned that I had the strength and will power to overcome all those tragedies and hardships.Yes I believe in God but He gave me the strength to survive all of it. It was Me who had to learn that I truly could.
In all the times I ended up living in the woods in a shanty or in my car with 2 dogs an opportunity came to me to get back on my feet.It will come to you as well.Be looking for it and take it when it comes.Never give up.Never quit.Do not wait for it to show up but hunt it out.As difficult as it may be,keep a positive attitude.You can get through this and you will.I sincerely hope that it comes quickly.
On CDH it is said that we are here for support and I hope that others will add their words of encouragement.
If all the above seems too much like a soap opera than take this with you only,
You are important.
Catherine
Thank you Catherine for your positive words. And I can relate to your situation and what you were put through. There is the saying “God doesn’t give you any burden that you can’t handle” and I believe that but sometimes it is very difficult to accept the challenge that you are handed and you can’t see the forest through the trees. I’ll get through this I know that I will but right now it is very difficult.
Kathleen
Thank you Stephanie. I appreciate your kind words.
Kathleen xxxxx
Thank you Alice.
Kathleen xxxxx
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Sometimes our compassion gets in the way of thinking clearly. It is evident that she is a taker and will never be a giver. I’m sorry this happened to you. Helping someone should not have this much pain and financial sorrow in return. I was married for 15 years, then came home from work and she casually announced that she wanted a divorce. It came as a shock because we had no money issues, great home, nice vacations and two happy children. But I found out later that she had been having an affair for over 10 months. We divorced and I moved out, I bought a very inexpensive home because I left with very little money. Within 3 months I realized that the money I was making while married was being wasted by her and my bank account started going up dramatically. I at that time decided that I would never get married again and focus my life on my two daughters and their well being. So for the next 13 years I was able to put my girls through private school, college, become debt free including my home and give one daughter a paid for condo in Orlando. The other is now in graduate school and after I pass will get my home to sell and cover her cost of graduate school. I made 3 real estate deals that allowed me to make some really good money to do all that. So hang in there Kathleen, live small and over time your situation will not just get better but will completely turn around to having a happy life. Just don’t pay for any other persons living style or arrangements. Your money is your money and not theirs.
Sandy
Your words of wisdom are an inspiration to me and I agree with you. The only difficulty is that I am 76 and time is not on my side. You are right though. I just hope I have
enough time left in this world.Kathleen
Hi Kathleen…………Firstly, a very big , strong and long HUG from me…………………………Thank You for sharing…………my troubles pale in comparison……………so I will buck up and make the best of it…………….Thank You for your Service in the US Navy. I’m not the praying type of girl, but will send Positive Energy your way……………………Hugs..Love…Support……………..karley
Thank you for you kind words and your mention to my military service. There are words that I could use to discribe the kind and type of person that she is and everyone of them would be true but I know that I’d be banned from CDH. Just use your imagination.
Kathleen xxxx
Yes………..the words to describe that person………. and your anger…….. the immense hurt of someone taking advantage of your good heart……….kindness…….forgiving nature……………cannot put into words……………I have had small doses of that over 68 years……….so I know a mere 0.000001% of your hurt. Again………..Hugs………….and …….Thank You for your Service in the United States Navy………………..karley
It doesn’t matter how much of my hurt you realize. My point is that you were there for me at my worst time when I needed your support.
Kathleen xxxxx
Hi Kathleen, i have read your story several times, it’s just a heartbreak .I find it difficult to comprehend! how someone you new and felt for could be so wicked, i like you have been going through a very emotional and stressful time over the last 2.1/2 years for completely differing reasons. I shared your situation with with my wife and her words were, lets hope the 3 of us and anyone else who is finding life difficult at the moment, can turn the corner soon and see some light at the end of the tunnel. Kind wishes from us both and big hugs from Scotland. Pyxx.
Py,
Thank you for your kind words to me and at the same time I sincerely hope thatyou and your wife can work things out for the best. My one word .to both of you is communication. If you don’t communicate nothing and I mean nothing will be resolved. That was the problem with my SO. I would talk and ask her opinion and all she would is sit a nd stare at me and not answer me. She would not communicate with me and just stare.
Kathleen xxxx
Hi Kathleen , I should have possibly elaborated. My wife and i are still madly in love we will be coming up for half a century in a couple of years and she has been my teacher my stalwart and my best pal throughout my crossdressing and my married life. Our problems were ill health, we both took ill at the same time and ended up forty miles apart in different hospitals me for 5.1/2 months and her for nearly 8.My problem is my nightmares, the consultant informed me after about 7 months into her stay ,that it would be unlikely she would survive the night and to notify the family . that was almost 18 months ago ,i am her full time carer and she is making slow but good steady progress. But i cannot get his face or his words out of my head. hence pretty strong meds for stress. I hope this information does not add to your upset, just remember what she said “round the corner and the light at the end of the tunnel. Pyxx.
Hello Girls/Ladies;
I want to thank each and everyone one of you for your responses and comments to me in my support. You don’t know how much it has helped me. I cried every time I read a post from everyone of you. The love and support you have shown me was truly unbelievable and I truly appreciate each and every post you sent me. I may only be able to talk to you virtually but I know you are my true friends. If you are not on my friends list already and wish to be send me a friends request and I will accept it.
Love you all so very much.
Kathleen xxxxx ❤💋❤💋❤💋
Kathleen
We are all here for you! Please remember that you are not alone and just sing out when you need to vent or sob.
Thinking of you and hope that things improve on all aspects of your life !
hugs
Dawn x
Thank you Dawn. I know each and everyone of you Girls are here in support of me.
Kathleen
Hi Kathleen,
I was busy all day and just saw this post. A giant warm hug for you!
Eva
Hi Kathleen sorry I didn’t see this earlier as computer on the fritz not so broke as yours but really needed to be run over a few times .. You hang on girlfriend as a military veteran you have the strength to win here as it has been a very bumpy road and could be again you are strong and can pull this off.. We all here at CDH are here for you in every way we can be possible im spirit and sole for you just ask and you will receive two fold over as ive been thru a few things in my life as some of you know 17 year old daughter died wife has a pacemaker and had a softball size cancer removed ive had a heartattack and type 2 diabetes but im more caring for your struggles right now please one day at a time take it as Miss Grace has to S-L-O-W please and allways remember we are here for you just ask never be shy big hugs girlfriend ..
Stephanie
Thank you Stephanie I appreciate your words of support and encouragement. All of the Girls here have been so supportive to me. I can’t begin to express how good it makes me feel that have so much support and some AWESOME Girls supporting me. Ty all from the bottom of my heart.
Kathleen xoxoxo 💋❤💋❤💋❤💋❤
Hi Kathleen, you have been in the wars haven’t you, it’s amazing how everything seems to happen at once – as the saying goes “hell is other people” sadly there are people out there who delight in taking advantage of others good nature and you have had your share of them I think.
I have just been through the prostate rigamarole and I hope and pray that you will get through it too.
Nothing I can say will make the past less painful but don’t beat yourself up for being a kind and caring soul, the world needs more folks like you.
Giant hugs
Diana
Diana, thank you for your words of encouragement regarding my prostate test. My younger brother had the cancer about 12 years ago, had it treated and is now a 12 year cancer survivor. He was 60 at the time and now I am 76, we will see what
happens.As for my current problems I know all you Girls are supporting me and I say a huge Thank you.
Kathleen
Hi Kathleen,
Sending a great big virtual hug. As others have said any time you need to vent just let it out.
AliceThank you Alice you Girls have been so AWESOME to me today i am so proud to be associated with such a great group of girls.
Kathleen xxxxx
Well, Kathleen…
My head’s turning inside out trying to digest your misfortune! Ohh, you poor thing…
Take hold of this… ‘Even the darkest hours has only sixty minutes!’
Big Hugs to you all the way from down under… Polly
Thank you Polly. I can’t believe what she has done and what you have read I just a short synopsis of everything and what has happened.
Kathleen xxxxx 💋♥
Kathleen… I have had similar things happen to me and in what does seem the darkest moments… the phrase ‘this too shall end’ always resonated!
My Swedish wife turned out to be an alcoholic which disguised a serious psychotic condition! Ohh, that time was the worst of my life… sleeping in another bedroom with a locked door as I feared she would thread a knitting needle through my ears one night! Sort of like a scene out of ‘Grudge’!
Even my step-father, when he visited, couldn’t/wouldn’t help! I left Sweden with enough to by a cheap car and left the rest of my life in Sweden!
The cheap car lasted a journey of 200 kms the blew a head gasket as well! End of car… $100 for junk!
Ohh, I can empathise and sympathise but in the end… we have to pick ourselves up, rearrange our dresses, straighten our stockings, into the handbag and reapply the lippy, adjust the wig, flick of the head and Voilà!All is good! 💄👄👗👠👛💋💋💋
Hugs Kathleen.
I like you always see the best in people usually at a cost to me. It is a good trait. You have a good heart and are a good friend to everyone that you know. I believe in karma and all of the good things that you do will payoff in the end. I wish that you were closer. I just got a car for getting it out of her driveway. I have $500 in it now and it runs great. I gave it to my 16 year old.
Life kicks us in the ass but with a positive attitude we can do it and thrive.
Keep your head up and know that the girls are here for you.❤️
OctaviaThank you Octavia your words are inspiring to me and helpful.
Kathleen xxxxx
Rita, I know about Karma and I believe in it. Im just waiting for it to come back around.
Kathleen xxxxx
That’s what I aam trying to do LisaT but it is very difficult.
Kathleen xxxxx
Laura I do have hope I just wish it would hurry up and get here.
LOL
Kathleen
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