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Hey! My name is Chris I’m 22 from England, I’m currently struggling with my identity and I know I love to be feminine and have dressed as a girl once before but I felt so ashamed and threw away everything away I bought to dress up like makeup, wig, underwear. I only dressed up in my room and tried to wear make up twice but did a terrible job even tho it felt empower and I loved being feminine but I was scared my parents who are quite closed minded would find out and I was ashamed. I can’t keep the way I feel inside anymore and I really want to become more feminine and dress but I need some advice on a number of topics 1. How do I keep it a secret? 2. How do I make my body more feminine 3. And how do I choose a name for my female self. Thanks for any advice in advance.
Hi Chriss
As a closet dresser myself, my answers are this
1/ Hide what you can, where you can, as most of our underwear is flimsy it can be folded small, I am lucky as my wife is much shorter than me and cannot reach as high as me.
2/ To make your body more feminine then you will need breast forms and maybe hip & thigh
pads, you may find Gaff pants a help, but I’ve never tried them myself so cannot verify that.
3/ As for the name, myself I jiggled with my middle name and came up with it. I have not given myself a surname (Perhaps ” Bum look big”) may not be the best idea. I am sure most of the girls on here have done the same sort of thing.
Feel free to chat
Hugs X
Wilma.
Well I’m new to this also and like you have gotten out of it ! I missed it so much i bought back in! I found this site and just decided to be bold! You gotta ask questions or say something to get a responce! I see you are getting some ! Be bold and friendly is my answer!
Welcome Chriss, we’ll you have a simple name that crosses both sexes Chris. Good way to start. As for being ashamed you simply have nothing to be ashamed of. We number thousands all at different levels of dressing and openness.. Many supported by love ones too. First establish times and safe places you can dress even if it’s only for a short time. Maybe stealth dressing many here do. Good luck,
Lol Amanda xx
Welcome there are a number of us in the UK you are not alone.
hug’s Tasha
Be careful about jeopardizing your male identity because it is your truth and you can embrace it and save some space for your female fantasy. It can be a protected secret that you share very discreetly.
There is an exciting sexual component the younger you are but there also a thrilling component (adrenaline rush) that accompanies secretly doing something so daring.
If you also are attracted to females with an expectation of marriage and perhaps raising a family you need to disclose your current mindset and honestly discuss how it might fit in the relationship. For some guys here it has worked out incredibly well. A relationship with a significant other deserves this too.
There is no reason to abandon safety or moral principles as you dabble in this lifestyle.
It’s not something you have to tell the world because it’s hard to take it back. Most people allow you to live as you please but in the real world of jobs and making a living it’s probably easier to be yourself.
Hi Chriss, it’s great to meet you! You’re not alone, and for what it is worth, I think it is most courageous of you to join and connect here in CDH – I assure you that you’re going to be glad you did and that you’ll find plenty of support and ‘like-mindedness’ in here….so take a breath and relax, you’re amoung friends here.
The event you described is commonly referred to as ‘purging’ and there are MANY of us who have done it, and often more than once…. We think that if the feminine ‘trappings’ weren’t here to tempt us that the desire, and the associated shame and guilt, would all just go away and we’d eventually feel “normal” again. The trouble is that this rarely, very rarely, seems to happen and that even if the absence of the clothes and makeup reduce the opportunity to crossdress, the desire to do so often remains…unabated by the unavailable clothing, makeup, etc…, and often even growing more intense as more time passes without dressing. Don’t be ashamed by any of this – you are a perfectly normal crossdresser :), welcome to the club sister!
As to your specific requests for advice, I would offer the following:
1. I haven’t had to keep my ‘stash’ of feminine things secret from my wife, but I do have to keep them secret from visiting friends, family, etc… and I have it all locked away in plastic tubs in various basement spaces that those folks aren’t going to be. It will be more difficult for you I know, and the only suggestion I would offer is to store it somewhere out of the house if you can in order to limit any inadvertent discovery of the items. Keeping your dressing secret has similar challenges and the key to secrecy there is doing a good clean up after your dressing session, especially if you’ve used makeup – stained lips or traces of eyeshadow or eyeliner are giveaways that you’ll want to avoid.
2. I assume you’re talking about temporary changes to your body, and if so, then shapewear is the answer you’re looking for. It helps if you’re not overweight too. A waist cincher, padded girdle, and breastforms will give you all the curves that I think you’d want. If you have a particularly masculine build with broad shoulders for example, then your choice of dress/top will also be important in projecting a feminine shape – certain cuts and styles will make your arms and shoulders look less manly, and a woman’s cropped jacket or cardigan can also be a great help there. Lastly, a set of heels will also help make your legs and behind appear more feminine, and once you’re comfortable walking in them, they will also help you with a more feminine posture (IMO).
3. Pick something you like and that makes you feel good, and feminine. Some pick a bit randomly, others use names or variations of names of women in their lives or in the world who have inspired them in some way, some chose variations of their male names, and some go for something kitschy or that involve a play on words. For some, their choice of name is a profound and powerful thing, for others not so much – only you know how significant this is for you in particular and I’d suggest that you start there and then explore a few possibilities and ‘try them on’ privately for a few days before you settle on one and announce it to the world. In the end, you can still change it whenever you’d like, so this is a relatively low risk thing, yes? So have fun with it!
Again, it’s great to meet you Chriss – and thank you for so bravely sharing a bit about yourself in here, where you are welcomed with open arms!
Marcellette
Dear Chriss ,
I am still in the closet and only dress at home.
Here are some answers to your questions :
1. – By being very careful.
Dress when your parents are out for a longer period of time , and when you
know for certain they won’t come back suddenly.
And if they do for some reason , that you have enough time to change back in your male
attire.
– Underdressing is much easier.
You can wear a pair of panties and/or pantyhose
under your trousers and socks without anybody knowing about it.
– By hiding your Female stuff in a place you know your
parents won’t be able to access.
2. – I think this is the most difficult part if you want to keep it a secret.
3. – You can Feminize your male name.
– You could assume the name you would have been given ,
should you have been born a Girl.
– You could also pick the name of a Girl or Woman you admire , or just pick a name you
always liked.Hope to have helped you a little bit ,
Love Sylvia.
Hi Chriss,
I see you already have received a lot of great advice from the girls here, but I will have to mention something that you likely don’t want hear. All closeted crossdressers are at risk of being out regardless of how carful we are, it’s simply a fact of life that there will be things that are unpredictable. I followed a set of rules similar to the girls mentioned earlier, (my list wasn’t nearly as complete) but as careful as I was, I have had several close calls being caught dressed. Be prepared in the event that you are caught dressing. It’s not the end of the world, sure there will be a few narrow-minded people won’t take it well but remember that all your true friends and family that care about you will support and accept you the way you are. You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s nothing to be ashamed of being who you are. That being said, NOT all situations are the same so follow Heidi’s advice, never abandon personal safety. Above all, be yourself, have fun and welcome to CDH. If you have more questions free to ask, the girls here are very knowledgeable and have taught me a great deal.Rachel M
Start by being who you are in your head first. By starting there will give you the resolve to make the correct decision for your surroundings.
Consider buying panties that are feminine but not super feminine, cotton vs lycra or lace. There are all sorts of clothes being made that could be worn by either a man or a woman. Its all about intention. Wearing girl cut jeans with loads of bling on the pockets is an option, but why not just buy a pair of womens jeans from a thrift store that are just jeans. You’ll know but highly doubtful anyone else will.
Once you have your head right about what you’re doing the rest will fall in place.Hello Chris.
I’m pretty certain all of us CDH have gone through exactly what you are struggling with. Most of us have have found various ways to discover how to cope but it takes time. I would suggest starting slowly, don’t try and pretend you are a super-model yet. You will have plenty of time for that later.
I’ve been dressing for many, many years and still have the occasional doubts but have usually found ways to get by. Now this may sound weird but the Covid Pandemic might provide just a small window for you to at least get a start, specifically in the cold winter months. Now I’m not one who mixes my male and female persona but I figure a little femininity is better than none so I have started wearing panties and bra, with boobs, under some warmer garments and wear a warm, puffy jacket over everything. If you have a longer coat you might even wear a dress or skirt with leggings under it. If you wear a wig, wear a hat also. Paint your nails and wear gloves. The finishing touch, assuming you wear a mask, is applying lipstick. I would bring a spare mask in case a strap breaks. It’s certainly not perfection but it’s a start.
As for your name, just feminize Chris into Chrissy, Kristie, Christine or other variation.
Good luck and think pretty.
Hi Chriss! You’ve made a good start by coming here. I hope you stay. This is a very supportive community, and you’ll get lots of good advice here, as you’ve already gotten some! My first advice is to explore and seek our your true self, then you’ll be in a better position to express yourself. Hiding it all from your parents might be a challenge and I don’t know what kind of situation you live in, but there are ways that you can find that are going to be unique to your life and home. Underdressing is a great way to express yourself in a way least likely to be found out. You can hand wash panties, and dry them in your room at night to keep them clean too, that could help. If your actually interested in femonizing your body rather than using shapewear, then you may be already know more about what you want than you realize or are saying. Stick around here, there’s lots to learn.
Hugs,
Bridgette
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