This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Tori Rochester 2 weeks, 6 days ago.

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    Tori Rochester
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    Registered On: November 21, 2017
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    So my wife is awesome, seriously awesome, we met and I told her about my fem side before we even starring dating. She was cool with it. I was clean shaven head to toe. I showed her pictures she was impressed. So fast forward two and half years I have only dressed a handful of times all my hair is back and I have a beard. But I want to start dressing again and I want to shave my beard for a week or so to do so. She seems cool, we actually go to Torrid and try on dresses and bras together, but I can’t find anything. Then ULTA, she helps me find some makeup and we go home. Later thst night I go upstairs and dress a bit and ask if she wants to see even though i haven’t shaved my face or body. She sees me, criticised my style and said I look ridiculous with a polka dot head band in my boy hair with a beard. So after this she seems really hurt by my actions and is having a really hard time with the thought of me dressing now. She has always let me use her dresses, but now she seems weired out by the whole idea. What do I do now. If I push it I fear she will continue to have issue with it, but I really need this too.

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  • #74447
     Tori Rochester 
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    Registered On: November 21, 2017
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    Tuesday she met with her counselor and he was totally understanding of CDs and apparently has meet with several in the past.  All he said to her was that we needed to setup some ground rules and go from there.

    Rule one was her dresses are off limits, which she had said in the past was totally cool, so now I am a little upset, because when I lost 30 pounds I threw out most of my dresses as they we a little too big for me. Now with the new rule I really wish I hadnt gotten rid of them.  Oh well.  Also when I tried to order some bras on Amazon she got upset about that too, stating that I should get my own account for that.. so it seems thats Traci/Tori is going to have to hide more then I ever was up until this point.  at least for the short term.. We will see.

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     CDH JS 
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    Hi Tori,

    As Veronica says, it’s hard to know exactly what advice to give without having more information. There are a couple of things to consider though.

    You stated:

    I told her about my fem side before we even starring dating. She was cool with it. I was clean shaven head to toe. I showed her pictures she was impressed.

    I am assuming that the pictures you showed her were of you en femme. That would have put a particular visual image/memory in her mind.

    Then you go on to say that you’ve only dressed rarely since then. You didn’t mention her so I gather she didn’t see you dressed then, so there was nothing to change the picture in her mind.

    Then:

    I go upstairs and dress a bit and ask if she wants to see even though i haven’t shaved my face or body. She sees me, criticised my style and said I look ridiculous with a polka dot head band in my boy hair with a beard.

    Of course she knew that you’d allowed your body hair and beard to grow again but perhaps she was expecting that you’d shaved before calling her up to see you dressed. I’d imagine what she saw was very different to what she remembered and what she expected.

    Many wives/partners can accept a partner who makes an effort to look feminine but there is something confronting and incongruous about seeing a hairy man with a beard, wearing feminine clothing and makeup. Some people can accept it easily enough, others see it as looking ridiculous. Perhaps that’s why she said that you looked ridiculous, but chose the head band as a point of focus.

    You need to sit down with her and talk about what you want to do, ask why she reacted as she did and come to a form of arrangement that you both can be comfortable with.

    If she seems disturbed by the thought of you crossdressing now perhaps that’s because of the image of you that she now has.

    Talk to her Tori, it’s the only way.

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    #74075
     Terrisa Washbourne 
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    Registered On: October 29, 2017
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    Hey Tori, I’m going through the same thing myself and am exactly where you are now.

    It does sound like there are some deep issues going on for her to lash out like that. I wonder if because you grew out your hair that perhaps she thought you were going to stop. When you proved that you weren’t; she is now upset at this and you have to remember that at the beginning of any relationship there are lies and false acceptance.

    You have to be able to communicate your need. Tell her the truth of your need and how it isn’t a passing phase. When you tell the truth you have to be able to live with the outcome of it.

    There is a SO only chat forum on this site perhaps she also feels trapped because she has no one to really discuss this with. It may help.

    Honesty to your self and honesty to your SO and she needs to be honest to you.  There is no easy way,  but drunken honest communication is a start.

    I wish you all the best.  Hugs – Terrisa

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    #74074
     Lady Veronica Graunwolf 
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    Registered On: May 8, 2017
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    Hi Tori!  Your situation is not unique, I have heard/talked to people about this very issue before.

    Number one on the hit parade………..do not upset your wife (s/o) any further. I can make suggestions to you but need much more information before I can assess your conundrum. It would seem that she was ok with you clean shaven at first, then you have gotten body hair and a beard and are doing unusual wardrobes after 2 years. People do change but 2 years seems awfully fast. Please do not think that I am criticizing you….I am trying to sort thru basic info you have mentioned. Did you have cross dressing thoughts/ideas before you met your now wife? Did both of you sit down and discuss fetishes, unusual hobbies and what not before you married? It might be and I stress might be that she just doesn’t care for you as a hairy en femme person. Again, this is conjecture on my behalf…..don’t have nearly enough info to base a guess about what has happened. If you wish to give me more info, please send me a e-mail on the “Private” message connection….I will try to help you sort this issue out, if you are willing. It is very difficult to assess a problem without more info.  Let me know what you think.

    Regards………….

    Lady Veronica

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