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  • #430212
    Kathleen 60454
    Participant
    Registered On: January 8, 2020
    Topics: 38
    Replies: 325
    Has thanked: 1825 times
    Been thanked: 1155 times
    Good Morning, Afternoon or Evening, my sisters,
    You are my sisters and I truly mean that.
    Two weeks ago my life was completely turned upside down, inside out and backwards because my SO left me the day after Christmas. Yes I have been quiet and posted very little on CDH because of it. I think Grace Scarlett said it right when I opened up to her. She said my SO was a “Gold Digger” and now I truly believe that. I’m not going to explain it entirely here because this forum is not what it is for. The story goes back 57 years. But if you PM me I’ll try to explain it to you in a very condensed message back to you. You may not get a response immediately but I will answer you.
    I am in a very deep down depression right now and I need my sisters support. I have seen my regular primary physician and I am waiting for some medication for my depression, but in the mean time I need some friends and sisters to talk to and I have chosen all of you.
    Thank you for listing, 
    Kathleen
Viewing 29 reply threads
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    • #431856
      Stevie65
      Lady
      Registered On: September 6, 2019
      Topics: 21
      Replies: 175
      Has thanked: 364 times
      Been thanked: 694 times

      Here is a song for you to listen it is called Lean on Me. Instead of me it is us. Lean on us when your not strooong we’ll be you friend….

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #431980
        Kathleen 60454
        Lady
        Registered On: January 8, 2020
        Topics: 38
        Replies: 325
        Has thanked: 1825 times
        Been thanked: 1155 times

         

        Stevie,

        I know that song and I believe it as it refers to this Group.

         

        Kathleen

    • #431823
      Anonymous
      Registered On:
      Topics: 58
      Replies: 1716
      Has thanked: 7773 times
      Been thanked: 9456 times

      Kathleen…

      Wow….the support and beautiful responses bought a tear to my eye…and I never cry ( not!!!!)…

      I so hope you are feeling the love….there must be a huge bank of pink fog surrounding you so deeply,

      Love grace xx

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #431833
        Kathleen 60454
        Lady
        Registered On: January 8, 2020
        Topics: 38
        Replies: 325
        Has thanked: 1825 times
        Been thanked: 1155 times

        Yes Grace I did find the Love and there was a GREAT deal of support here on CDH. I had no one to turn to except my sisters here on CHH and I am glad I did. All of you ladies are great and I know you all have my back. Thank you all for your support. I know that I have found a home here with CDH. Love to all of you.

         

        Kathleen

         

         

        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #431803
      Kathleen 60454
      Lady
      Registered On: January 8, 2020
      Topics: 38
      Replies: 325
      Has thanked: 1825 times
      Been thanked: 1155 times

      Kathleen,  You will get through this! You have done the right thing by reaching out for support and understanding. The lovely replies you have received will help bring back your confidence in time. A relationship can only work if there is meaningful communication.

      Sounds to me like the real loser here is your  ex SO.

      Stephanie P xx

      Sounds to me like the real loser here is your  ex SO.

      You got that right Stephanie. There is more to this story than what you have read here. I could write book after book about this.

      Kathleen

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #431793
      stephanie plumb
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 17, 2018
      Topics: 132
      Replies: 1622
      Has thanked: 2511 times
      Been thanked: 7107 times

      Kathleen,  You will get through this! You have done the right thing by reaching out for support and understanding. The lovely replies you have received will help bring back your confidence in time. A relationship can only work if there is meaningful communication.

      Sounds to me like the real loser here is your  ex SO.

      Stephanie P xx

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #431040
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 871
      Has thanked: 2796 times
      Been thanked: 4215 times

      Kathleen, honey, we’ve got your back.

      Keep coming back to chat with us – doesn’t matter what about – treat yourself to a new dress, tell us all about it, and don’t spare the details!

      👗

      Love Laura

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #431081
        Kathleen 60454
        Lady
        Registered On: January 8, 2020
        Topics: 38
        Replies: 325
        Has thanked: 1825 times
        Been thanked: 1155 times

        Laura I will come back and talk to everyone eventually, but not right now. I’m starting to come out of this miserable state that I am in but it is still going to be some time. I am not as bad as I was 2 1/2 weeks ago. I’ll be back to where I was before Christmas just bare with me and I’ll come around.

        Kathleen

        4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #431055
        Kathleen 60454
        Lady
        Registered On: January 8, 2020
        Topics: 38
        Replies: 325
        Has thanked: 1825 times
        Been thanked: 1155 times

        Thank you Laura, PM me anytime and I’ll talk to you. If I am tied up or occupied I’ll let you know and we can talk at a later time.

        Love & Hugs xoxoxo

        Kathleen

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #430691
      Trisha Smith
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 24, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 116
      Has thanked: 47 times
      Been thanked: 512 times

      Kathleen

      I read your post yesterday and have thought on it ever since. I wanted to be able to respond in a manner that will hopefully inspire you. People never cease to amaze me when it comes to 2 things. 1 is cruelty the other is hope.

      Here is what I believe you need to understand the most.

      In times like this it is easy for us to only see the bad in our lives and dismiss the love and hope that surrounds us. But if we look beyond the cloud of pain that has engulfed us we will only see the beautiful smiles of those who care for us. Let the smiles be your guide and the knowledge that those smiles are genuine and offered to you with no strings be your joy. Make the choice to be free of those that may poison us. For it is only after that choice is made that those that love us can warm our hearts and free our spirits and allow us to be the best we can be.

      Trisha

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #431098
        Kathleen 60454
        Lady
        Registered On: January 8, 2020
        Topics: 38
        Replies: 325
        Has thanked: 1825 times
        Been thanked: 1155 times

        Trisha,

        As I said earlier my sentiments exactly and I couldn’t agree with you more. Its been just over 2 1/2 weeks and I am slowly but pulling myself out and up with my “Boot Straps”.

        Yes it hurt real deep especially because it was the day after Christmas. I’ll make it but it will just take time. I have friends here o CDH but they are all virtual. y nearest friend relative is my brother in NY which is 860 miles away.

        PM me of you want to talk,

        Kathleen

        2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #431059
        Kathleen 60454
        Lady
        Registered On: January 8, 2020
        Topics: 38
        Replies: 325
        Has thanked: 1825 times
        Been thanked: 1155 times

        My sentiments exactly. Your thoughts again are mine exactly .

        Kathleen

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #430600
      Alice Underwire
      Lady
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 20
      Replies: 2687
      Has thanked: 1863 times
      Been thanked: 5401 times

      Hi Kathleen,

      So sorry to hear your news.  As if the holidays aren’t very stressful, this was the last thing you needed.  Sending a big hug your way.

      Alice

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #430591
      Bettylou Cox
      Duchess
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 1823
      Has thanked: 3365 times
      Been thanked: 6237 times

      Kathleen,

      What a horrible way to end a year, and begin a new one; I’m so sorry to see you (or anyone) in a situation such as that. Your post, and your profile suggests that you, like me, are a Senior, who has been in a long-term relationship. I’m approaching our 57th anniversary, so I can relate. It was confidence that she would not leave after such a long time which gave me the courage to out myself when I did – and I was one of the lucky ones. I’m too far away for a personal chat, but if you wish, PM me and we can talk.

      Hugs,
      Bettylou

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #430608
        Kathleen 60454
        Lady
        Registered On: January 8, 2020
        Topics: 38
        Replies: 325
        Has thanked: 1825 times
        Been thanked: 1155 times

        Thank you BettyLou for your kind words. My dressing had nothing to do with the split. But it did have mainly to do with communication among other things. She couldn’t cook, clean and she wasn’t the cleanest person around. In talking to her she would not answer me when I talk to her and she would just stare at me and not say a word. then when I would say some some thing about her not answering she would get upset with me. Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship, married of not.

        If you want to talk PM me. But right now I have too many PM’s to answer, and yes we are about the same age

        Love,

        Kathleen

         

         

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #430687
          Bettylou Cox
          Duchess
          Registered On: May 26, 2019
          Topics: 17
          Replies: 1823
          Has thanked: 3365 times
          Been thanked: 6237 times

          Kathleen, I don’t wish to impose while you are going through such a difficult time; but I would like to chat with you later on, when things have calmed down. Always a pleasure to talk with ladies in our age group. And you are correct about the importance of communication.

          Hugs,
          Bettylou

          2 users thanked author for this post.
          • #430770
            Kathleen 60454
            Lady
            Registered On: January 8, 2020
            Topics: 38
            Replies: 325
            Has thanked: 1825 times
            Been thanked: 1155 times

            Bettylou,

            You can contact me anytime. I’m sending you a PM regarding you contacting me.

            Kathleen

    • #430590
      Rozalyne Richards
      Lady
      Registered On: March 10, 2018
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 365
      Has thanked: 665 times
      Been thanked: 1234 times

      Hi Kathleen I’m so sorry to hear about your plight and the pain you are going through,

      We are all sisters on here and with our help I’m sure you will get through it ok,

      I’m going to give you a big hug because i think you need it x

      Hugs Rozalyne x

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #430572
      ChloeC
      Duchess
      Registered On: November 5, 2019
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 266
      Has thanked: 528 times
      Been thanked: 1061 times

      Hi Kathleen, I really do feel for you and understand many of the feelings that accompany a split.  My ex walked out on me and our infant  son after more than 5 years of marriage.  All sorts of emotions flooded through me when that happened, although I admit I had seen some of the warning signs, but didn’t understand all the rage she had for me.  At that time in that state, one could not just get a no-fault divorce like is so prevalent now, one had to show major problems, such as physical or verbal abuse, infidelity, among others, none of which I believed could be proven, so I had to wonder what she would claim. It turned out two of her friends – who we seldom saw after the wedding – were ready to back her up in court on emotional distress.  Remember, I wound up with temporary custody then and eventual full custody later, met another decent young woman and have been married for over 40 years.

      Although I was devastated upon her abrupt departure which was accompanied by a sheriff’s deputy serving me papers, I still had a job, a rental, and a small child to care for, so I just carried on the best I could, working out sitters, scheduling, and an absence of any social life. And as it all turned out it was probably the best thing for me and our son, as he has turned out to be someone I cannot be prouder of.

      The only suggestion I can possibly give as I don’t know all your circumstances, is take it one day at time, see if there are any members of your family that can at least give you verbal support (my mother was 40 miles away and was working full time so she was able to help a little here and there), focus on what you want and need to do for your future, and most importantly don’t give up on any of your dreams.

      I can’t tell you what your future may be, but from what I’ve read of your various posts, I think you’re intelligent, sincere, a decent person.  That and the support you get from here hopefully will help you through this.

      I should mention one other thing, since we shared the life of a child together, I purposely remained in contact with her and our child growing up even visited her and her parents, often. But her rage only increased as I continued to not let the divorce weigh upon me or my child. I soon accepted that I had to move on, without her, and continue working towards the success of my and my child’s future life. Her life continued a downward spiral and others have slowly seen what she was really like.

      I only hope the best for you and can offer just my thoughts, support and hugs.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #431784
        Kathleen 60454
        Lady
        Registered On: January 8, 2020
        Topics: 38
        Replies: 325
        Has thanked: 1825 times
        Been thanked: 1155 times

        ChloeC

        Thank you for the support that you gave me in your message. I see that you also went through some trying and difficult times.

        I know I’ll end up coming through this eventually but it is very difficult. One of the major problem in our relationship was the fact that there was no  communicate on her part with me. I’d try to talk to her and have a conversation with her but to no avail. When I tried to talk to her 90% of the time all I would get is a dead stare then when I would say something about her not answering she would get upset with me.

        There were many, many other things that caused the downfall but I will not talk about them here. If you want to PM me or call me we can talk.

         

        Hugs and Loves

        Kathleen

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #430519
      Sandy Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 391
      Has thanked: 813 times
      Been thanked: 1723 times

      So sorry to hear your troubles.  I hope you have someone close who’s shoulder you can cry on and give you a hug to help you get through this.  Sometimes we all need the human touch, covid be damned.  Just know everyone here cares and are praying you get through this.

      Hugs, Sandy

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #430565
        Kathleen 60454
        Lady
        Registered On: January 8, 2020
        Topics: 38
        Replies: 325
        Has thanked: 1825 times
        Been thanked: 1155 times

        Sandy, I’m about to make dinner so I will send you a PM after I eat.

        Kathleen

         

    • #430410
      Polly Stewart
      Lady
      Registered On: January 2, 2021
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 564
      Has thanked: 710 times
      Been thanked: 1606 times

      My darling Kathleen

      What an awful thing to happen to you!

      Christmas is such a shit of a time for many people because of stress… real or imagined. Many people find Christmas a time where they can’t cope with whatever is going on in their lives. Say a prayer for your former SO and… I could say something cheery but that goes against common sense and is rather a slap in the face.
      My wife gets super stressed at this time as she wants to provide for everyone even if that means her own demise. Personally, I hate it and tend to retreat…

      But… I say to you… dress in your best and step out sister! The world needs you. Without you the world will be a poorer place!

      Love //Polly

    • #430408
      Clara Cross
      Lady
      Registered On: December 7, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 133
      Has thanked: 350 times
      Been thanked: 606 times

      Hoping for all the best for you. From adversity will come your strength. You have a lot of love and support behind you here.
      Clara

      • #430414
        Kathleen 60454
        Lady
        Registered On: January 8, 2020
        Topics: 38
        Replies: 325
        Has thanked: 1825 times
        Been thanked: 1155 times

        Thank you Clara, I appreciate your comments. Kathleen

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #430400
      Kathleen 60454
      Lady
      Registered On: January 8, 2020
      Topics: 38
      Replies: 325
      Has thanked: 1825 times
      Been thanked: 1155 times

      Thank you Ladies I really appreciate all your support and love. I know that you are all thinking of me.

       

      Kathleen

    • #430374
      Regine Rich
      Princess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 21
      Replies: 600
      Has thanked: 6284 times
      Been thanked: 2588 times

      Im so sorry, Kathleen, but as you say, you are better off without her.
      Sending you warm, tight hugs, we are all here for you, reach out whenever you wish
      Hugs, Regi

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #430361
      Dawn Wyvern
      Ambassador
      Registered On: February 23, 2019
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 236
      Has thanked: 227 times
      Been thanked: 960 times

      Hi Kathleen

      truly sorry to hear your news but you have done the right thing in shouting out to all of us on here.

      We are able to listen and give you our advice but you may need more than that if you are getting depressed. Maybe have a chat with your GP and arrange for some counseling support.

      This is never going to be a good time but you are not alone and have somewhere to come when you need some time away from the day to day issues.

      hugs ands best wishes

      Dawn

    • #430345
      Dani CD
      Lady
      Registered On: September 10, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 58
      Has thanked: 273 times
      Been thanked: 253 times

      Hi Kathleen,                                                                                                                              hang in there and when you need to lean on us we will be there for you.                          Dani👩🏻‍🔧

    • #430343
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 62
      Has thanked: 65 times
      Been thanked: 313 times

      The sisters here have said it all. All I can add is a hug. I have plenty more if you need them….

    • #430335
      Cindy Lou
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 18, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 431
      Has thanked: 1852 times
      Been thanked: 2000 times

      So sorry to hear you going though hard times Kathleen, but you’re well rid of someone like that. There is a very bright side to all this, you will no longer be wasting the precious days of your life on a selfish self centered person that was not meant for you. Now my dear you are free to find your true partner, which you eventually will do. The good news doesn’t stop there because the journey to finding that special person will be a fun time as well while you meet new people you otherwise never would have known, and simultaneously discover yourself as well.

      It hurts like hell, we can all understand that. Whether you’ve been dumped by someone as a teenager or after 20 years of marriage, it hurts just the same but you’ll recover and that recovery can begin as soon as you’ve moved past the shock and decided to actually move on, because as much as it may seem like you’re not in control, it is your decision to do so.

      Depression is a familiar theme here for many of us at some point in our lives, I’ve dealt with it most of my life thus I can offer you a bit of advice. Don’t just sit there and wallow in it, as hard as it may be you must actively do whatever you can to push past it. Sometimes the inertia brought on by depression can seem impossible to overcome, if that’s the  case for you might I suggest to start by using music to help you along. I’ve often found that when I’m depressed at home I will sit there in silence which is the wrong course to take. Here is a link to get you started;

      (3) Positive Mood JAZZ – Sunny Jazz Cafe and Bossa Nova Music – YouTube

      Good luck Kathleen, you are not alone.

       

    • #430322
      Trisha Lilly Hibbert
      Baroness
      Registered On: December 8, 2020
      Topics: 23
      Replies: 438
      Has thanked: 2645 times
      Been thanked: 1552 times

      Hi Kathleen, the day after Xmas, wow that rough. There’s a saying I have it tgot me though tough times. If I could get though (insert biggest challenge here) then I can get through this. Even if your current situation is harder draw on the strength you gained previously. I’m here for you if you ever need to talk, I’m always on the site.

      All my love and hugs Trish

    • #430313
      Bianca Everdene
      Lady
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
      Topics: 22
      Replies: 716
      Has thanked: 2749 times
      Been thanked: 2757 times

      So sorry to hear are struggling just now Kathleen. Keep your chin up my friend. Things will get better. My divorce was my darkest hour, 6 years ago now. Only then did I start to realise I had been playing the role assigned I me, trying to look how I am supposed to look, be ‘normal’ to try  to attract a girlfriend, partner, wife, and if I didn’t do that I would be a failure. When married again I was who I was supposed to be. Only when I survived the maelstrom of the divorce I realised I  was free to be me for the first time. And realised that when I don’t put ‘being what women want’ at the top of my list, the real me surfaced. And I realised the real me was overwhelmingly feminine. I then discovered this site, and this wonderful part of me was named ‘Bianca’. Went from the depths of depression and dark places, to the joy of exploring all things feminine. At the stage now I don’t think I could suppress Bianca again to start dating again. So lonely but happy to be able to indulge my favourite obsession often. Nobody to stifle the better part of me.

      Just look to the opportunities that lie ahead of you, a new beginning.

      ❤️Bianca

    • #430272
      Stephanie Flowers
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 26, 2017
      Topics: 26
      Replies: 4807
      Has thanked: 8317 times
      Been thanked: 8333 times

      I’m so sorry for your situation and you don’t need to explain. Please take care of yourself and get the help and support you deserve. Cdh  this community is in waiting to help,  support and most importantly to listen when you need it. As for me and the many friends your never alone 🌷

    • #430267
      Stephanie Roberts
      Princess
      Registered On: May 20, 2020
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 461
      Has thanked: 3744 times
      Been thanked: 1547 times

      Thank you Kathleen for sharing this part of your life with your CDH sisters.

      Rest assured that your CDH sisters are here for you!

      Love and hugs, Stephanie 💖💖

    • #430259
      Serena Stevens
      Duchess
      Registered On: December 30, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 85
      Has thanked: 96 times
      Been thanked: 297 times

      I’m new to CDH but more than willing to simply offer a ear to listen. Please feel free to reach out. This site is here for us in good times and bad. We’re a sorority and we stand together.

      We got this Kathleen

    • #430258
      Bridgette VonSmirff
      Lady
      Registered On: October 18, 2020
      Topics: 17
      Replies: 445
      Has thanked: 7231 times
      Been thanked: 1770 times

      I hate that this happened to you, nobody deserves that. We’re all here for you, we all care for and about you, and if you ask any of us, we’ll do all we can. We’re all stronger together.

      Bridgette vS

    • #430253
      Carolyne Sherman
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: February 20, 2018
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 324
      Has thanked: 142 times
      Been thanked: 980 times

      Kathleen prayers your way. I was mid 20’s when my first wife left me for “a real man” and quite frankly it was a blessing after I got through the shock and depression. I am now married to the love of my life. When God closes one door he(she) opens another that is usually better. I wish you the best and will put you in my prayers.
      🍷C

    • #430248
      Julie Sky
      Duchess
      Registered On: December 19, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 8
      Has thanked: 36 times
      Been thanked: 79 times

      Hello Kathleen,

      I’m new here and I don’t know you personally, but it’s very sad to read this… I’m sending you lovely thoughts and wish you the best for the future.

      Julie.xx

    • #430246
      patty williams
      Lady
      Registered On: January 19, 2019
      Topics: 68
      Replies: 1259
      Has thanked: 2105 times
      Been thanked: 4357 times

      HI Kathleen,

      I am so sorry to here about your marriage.

      I am sure you are devastated and I feel for you sweety.

      If there is anything I can do just ask Ok.

      Hugs Patty

    • #430243
      Gloria Renee
      Lady
      Registered On: July 7, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 156
      Has thanked: 2086 times
      Been thanked: 749 times

      I am so sorry to hear what happen. You are better off now that she is gone. I know that it doesn’t seem that way right now, in the end you will see.

      I wish you that best of luck, and that you are seeing a physician to watch over you.

      We are all here for you.  Feel free to reach out for what ever you need.

      Gloria

    • #430223
      Robyn Devine
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 24, 2020
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 580
      Has thanked: 1843 times
      Been thanked: 2478 times

      Kathleen

      WOW!!

      For anyone to that to you is disgusting.  The actions of your SO prove that you deserve better!

      Regardless of anything,  we all have a right to, and deserve to have people that LOVE, RESPECT, and APPRECIATE us for who we are…faults, dressing choices, etc.

      Its part of a list of things that read back to myself every year…a kind of mantra.  One of them is that I will give toxic people none of my time whatsoever.  I will surround myself with people who LOVE and UPLIFT ME.

      Reminds me of how I asked for a divorce roughly 3 years ago, right after the New Year.  It’s also why I advocate so much that one has to live their life as their TRUE and Authentic self…and dont ever, EVER apologize, feel ashamed or humilated for it.

      Stand tall and proud of who you are!  LOVE who are.  The people out there who cant handle it are probably jealous and envious of you!  They’ll wish for the privilege to kiss your @$$!!

      XO Robyn 🤗💋🤗💋

      • #430312
        Krissy Richards
        Registered On: June 11, 2020
        Topics: 2
        Replies: 147
        Has thanked: 348 times
        Been thanked: 433 times

        Be proud you have the strength to be who you want to be. We are people that are strong due to the many hurdles we will overcome to be the women we want to be. It makes me so proud to see so many girls like us happy and living the life they want to live instead of burying these feelings and desires deep as I know for a fact if you bury things it will eat you up. So be happy be proud be you!

        4 users thanked author for this post.
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