- This topic has 20 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 7 months ago by Harriette.
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- August 22, 2023 at 6:17 pm #761774
Hi girls!
This weekend in my city is the Pride parade.
And the organization I work for claims to do the usual and since it’s a public service organization, everybody knows who we are – and unfortunately – a good part of the community is not so fond of us.The Chief of the organization is trying to promote diversity, which is good. He wants as many people to be in the parade as possible.
So here’s my conundrum – and keep in mind Rachelle has not been out in public – The whole organization is wanting to get people to march in the parade and try to be as diverse as possible, and I would LOVE to as Rachelle.
But what do I do?
Do I be the girl I want to be in an environment that should be welcoming? Or do I just suck it up for the next 364 days as I deal with everyone in the organization on a daily basis?
I don’t know. I want to be brave enough to earn my tits.
Any suggestions?
Rachelle
- August 22, 2023 at 6:23 pm #761775
Of course I don’t have your life – family, co-workers, etc. – but I would stillnvote for taking a deep breath and going for it. It’s that important. Talk to some more people, and see what you and they think.
Hugs and Kisses,
Fredrika Jones - August 22, 2023 at 6:58 pm #761782
Rachelle,
You should consider what you have to lose by marching in the parade as Rachelle. Will you lose friends? Will your reputation be damaged? Or will you be admired for being your true self? If there was a pride parade near me I hope I would have the courage to attend as Kerri.
- August 22, 2023 at 7:16 pm #761785
Go for it!
- August 22, 2023 at 9:23 pm #761788
Rachelle,
I can make an educated guess what type of organization you work for based on your description. If I’m correct, it’s unlikely you have to worry about what your co-workers think.
So lets say you do it….you attend Pride as Rachelle. You’re going to learn a few things….
You’ll find out just how accepting your co-workers and your community are. I think you’ll be a hero to most of them. You’ll also discover who, if anyone, refuses to accept you. That’s a good thing to know. They aren’t your friends….even if they claim to be.
You’ll discover how freeing it is to be OUT! It’ll give you a lot to think about. Where do you go from there? The physical experience is amazing! Feeling feminine when you walk about. Your inhibitions falling by the wayside. Affirming interactions with others. The realization that you should’ve done this years ago.
You’ll begin to understand why it’s so important to be out there. That’s what Pride is for. To show our communities that we’re normal people trying to live our lives. All the crap we worry about….what holds us back….it goes away when enough of us venture out of our closets.
When you look back at this opportunity 10 years from now, you’ll be glad you did it.
/EA
- August 23, 2023 at 5:39 pm #762131
Thank you Emily!
That’s a good perspective!
Rachelle
- August 23, 2023 at 12:23 am #761797
I guess there is the question of “are you ready to go out in public as Rachelle?” I don’t know if I would be up to going to such a large event! When I go out in public now but mostly out of town where I know very few if any and with minimal public contact. I still get very nervous when I do venture out when there are people about. If you feel you are ready to take the plunge then I say go for it as you won’t regret it. I took a huge plunge earlier this year going into a store dressed, it was something I had longed to do and I just took that plunge right then and there – Yes I was petrified, I was worried about someone saying something, getting looks but nothing happened, I just brought a couple of bottles of water and left. I think at times we just overthink things. Like you I work for a Government Department who in some circles in not loved by the public.
- This reply was modified 7 months ago by Clara.
- August 23, 2023 at 12:51 am #761799
Personally, I choose to be safe. You can’t put that genie back in the bottle. You sound very unsure, I would suggest waiting until you know it’s the right time.
- August 23, 2023 at 5:55 am #761828Anonymous
Sound advice, Madeline
- August 23, 2023 at 5:20 am #761823
Rachelle,
I firmly say”NO”. Don’t take that plunge. Not now, not in a public display where many will be watching, some with disdain 🙁. Especially if there are are coworkers in the watchers or if they find out. You will never live it down and once the cat is out of the bag, you can’t capture it and put it back- if you tell them or see you they cannot ‘unforget’. Wait until a private moment when you feel confident and look passable to go out briefly alone , take baby steps and feel it out and feel confident on your terms ‘privately’ on Your Terms and choosing, not a public display like a parade. Just my humble opinion 👄Meghan
- August 23, 2023 at 5:54 am #761827Anonymous
I agree wholeheartedly, Meghan..
- August 23, 2023 at 5:45 pm #762133
Thank you for your thoughts, Meghan.
I’d be in the parade WITH my co-workers, So that is the big thing with me.
I know a lot would be supportive, and coming out in in a parade is a real dichotomy – while it is very public, it’s also a good place to hide in a crowd.
I’m still working on it in my head, and I REALLY thank you for your thoughts. 🙂
Rachelle
- August 23, 2023 at 5:52 am #761826Anonymous
Good rule of thumb, not just in this instance, but in all of life….It’s NEVER going to be just about you….so, don’t embarrass yourself, and don’t embarrass those you love and/or care about…Like it or not,and whether you are aware of it, or not, you WILL be judged….
- August 23, 2023 at 9:52 am #761857
The conundrum faced by many girls who are screaming to get out but stand behind the door waiting for the moment but balks because they heard a noise.
The first important thing here is that you have an employer that is supportive of the community. It has an employee who wants to come out and join the parade but has fears and no allies to help out.
My suggestion is to have a chat with your human resources and let them know about yourself and would be sure that they would fully support you and help you attend.
Pride events tend to be well attended and you would just be another figure in the march especially if it is a big one. Once there your co workers will of course be surprised but bet they will support you and then find friends and allies who will be onside when back in the office. Despite what you say about the department you work for the crowd will briefly see your group and in a flash you are gone. If anyone attending know you how will the recognise Rachelle? It seems as safe a place, in fact more safe a place than going down the mall on your own.
The way I see it if you open that door and go in to talk to H.R. it could be the opening of many more.
It’s easy for me to say and I know difficult for you as I have been there and opened the door and gone through and so glad I did.
You make the decision that is right for you .
- August 23, 2023 at 1:13 pm #761885
There are both good and bad things that can happen to you when going out in public. You can cut the odds of something bad happening, especially with a group of co-workers, by going out on your own privately. You may do it once or twice and then discover that it’s really not for you after all.
My feeling is that if you were 100% sure what you wanted to do, you would not be here asking us our opinion; you would just go do it. If that’s accurate, then you are better off waiting and going out on your own.
- August 23, 2023 at 3:26 pm #761918
I would suggest don’t do what makes you VERY uncomfortable, but maybe push the envelope a little bit. Maybe wear some feminine clothing, maybe a nice top?? Anyone that asks you say you know and support some in the trans community. Maybe in a year you will be able to push a little more.
. Cassie
- August 23, 2023 at 5:34 pm #762130
Hi girls
I so thank you for all your feedback and input! It means a lot to me to get these many ideas/opinions/thought on this!
So my update is that I’m still on the edge on which way to go.
I’ve got a meeting tomorrow with the group who is dealing with the organization’s presence.
I’ve read all the concerns about friends and family and I do understand. I’m in a pretty unique situation as I’m about 400km from the closest family and only have a few friends outside of work, so those are not an issue. All of the friends are known to be trans friendly as are my sisters.
And IMHO, for the work side, I don’t know how big it would be getting dressed for Pride. My boss’s boss is openly gay and nobody cares.
It may be different day-to-day for some, but for the most part the people I deal with every day would be good with it. My management chain would be supportive as they know if they call me at 0300 for a problem, I will answer and get the problem fixed no matter what I am wearing.
I don’t know if I could the day-to-day stuff throughout the organization right away as crawling under a desk in a skirt might not be the best idea. LOL Maybe just so some underdressing with some low heels on.
It also helps that I’m about the only one in the city that can do my job. 😉
The support I have got from this site is just so AMAZING!
AND THANK EVERYONE WHO HAS REPLIED! It means a lot to me!
Rachelle
I SO do appreciate your thoughts and after the meeting tomorrow, I’ll do another update.
<HUGS!>
Rachelle
- August 23, 2023 at 6:21 pm #762140
Since this never came up before I retired, I can’t help. I worked in a super testosterone filled world of automotive for 40 years. Since I can’t give advice I will give you my heartfelt support and encouragement in whatever road you choose. That’s what we are about here.
- August 23, 2023 at 8:45 pm #762160
Hi Rachelle,
I agree with Cassie in that if you have never been out as Rachelle before then go to the parade, but only wear something feminine that does not drop you into the deep end.
Mind you, jumping into the deep end is one way to do it as then you are committed.
In such cases, I usually take the middle path.
I hope that this helps.
Aurora
- August 24, 2023 at 9:04 pm #762365
Another approach would be to create a drag persona. Drag is over the top entertainment, but it doesn’t necessarily say much about the person. It’s all in fun with minimal aftereffects.
- August 27, 2023 at 7:35 pm #762968
Whatever you decide, wear comfortable shoes. 😉
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