- This topic has 9 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Lucinda Hawkns.
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- October 6, 2022 at 1:49 am #681484
I wish I had no interest in Crossdressing!! I wish I never every dressed in female attire. I have no real close friends. I do not, and can not trust anybody because of my crossdresing. Crossdressing has made very secretive. I did have a live in girl friend for 3 years. She knew about my crossdressing. I told her right away. I believe in being truthful. What ever your agenda is or what sexual fetishes you have, you must tell your partner right away. Lol!! We broke up. I have other issues also. Lol!! Back to Crossdressing. Crossdressing is very sexy and erotic for me. I use to dress kinda like a prostitute. I would wear high heeled over the knee platform boots. My heels height would range from 5″ to 7.5″. I could could get away with this beacause at 5 foot 3 inches tall. Btw platform heels are actually easy to walk in. I would wear these boots various types of leggings or skin tight jeans. For tops I would wear thong bottom bodysuits over the leggings or tucked in tight jeans. This look worked for me because I have a large butt and alot of sweep on my outer thigh. My lower body would be noticeably wider than my waist. Then I would put on a cropped pvc or fake fur jacket. When I was dressed, I looked hot. This is what I really love about crossdressing….looking like a hot slutty girl. Then it was off to my favorite LGBTQ night club for final approval. I got lots of attention. I had lots of fun. There were other girls dressed like prostitutes also. Some them were actually working girls. Crossdressing like that provided me with, night time social life, excitement, sexual intrest from others, compliments and free drinks too. Lol! I am not gay. This is not a good way to meet attractive real girls and that is a problem. Most of my adualt social night life centered around me being a girl. I like the creativity that goes into planning an outfit, makeup hair and nails and some times jewelery. It is easy for me crossdress and look good because I have no overly male facial features and very little hair. I have almost no eyebrows, I have to fill them in. Lol! I can not generate that stuff as my male self. Have not been able merge both sides of me. Btw I am a Gemini (the twins). So I just fight with myself. Right now I have a very strong desire to girl. The thing that its holding me back is that night club I mentioned is no longer. I have not been out and about for a couple of years now. Covid did not help anyone’s social life. I felt very safe at that night club. I have one foot in different worlds…..one foot in macho male and foot in I want to be a girl. I think I would be off with out the girl stuff. This is why I think crossdressing has ruined my life. I am alone. Take care everyone, stay safe and have lots of fun.
- October 6, 2022 at 6:46 am #681508
I can totally relate to this. The deeper I go into crossdressing, the harder it is to turn back. And it has become an insatiable desire. I know (from trying) that I can never turn it off.
I was secretive for far too long. It made my over-cautious and afraid to trust even my closest friends. Ultimately I think it led to my marriage and subsequent dating relationships failing..
for me it came to that ultimate choice. Give up something that I can’t truly live without for the sake of a ‘normal’ relationship, or just embrace who I am and wait for the right person to come along. I chose the latter. No more secrets. It really does reduce the anxiety. It’s lonely sometimes. But I’m ok with that.
As far as dating…I’m not gay, but definitely am bi now. Being approached by a nice guy that treats you like a lady really does feel great. I eventually just went with it and thoroughly enjoyed the experience.
I guess, after rambling for far to long,… the hardest thing is to decide who you’re going to be and then just go with it.
- October 6, 2022 at 7:18 am #681513
Hello Tracy I think most all of us can relate in one way or another in are struggle for self acceptance and many still do. I do at times it is not like just flipping a light switch. Tracy you are not alone in this community there are many here that will listen and can understand what you are feeling inside. Hang in there and realize we all have wonderful qualities as human beings we also have faults we are all unique and special people. I will send you a private message.
Hugs April
- October 6, 2022 at 8:22 am #681519
Hi Tracy,
I can’t say cross dressing has ruined my life and I hope it never does, but I can see how it’s taken more control over my life than I had ever imagined it would. And that’s where my fear of it ruining my life comes in.In June of last year I told my wife that I wanted to wear panties and bras. After a lengthy discussion about whether or not I was gay (I’m not) and why didn’t I tell her sooner (I thought it was just a phase) she asked if I wanted to fully dress as a woman and go out. I said “no” I just want to wear panties and bras.
But after reading so many stories from the girls here about how much fun it is to go out en femme, I felt myself wanting to try it. Now, I’ve only been out once, but it was at 4:00 am and I drove around and went to a park. But I wasn’t fully en femme as I didn’t have a wig, forms, or makeup. I just wore a dress, heels, a bra and a pearl necklace. In fact, I had a goatee and looked just like what I was, a man in a dress. Still, it was fun!
Since then, I’ve bought a wig (cheapo Halloween wig, but it works) and breast forms. But when or where does it end? Will I go too far and upset my wife? I dread that more than being caught. It just seems like the more I buy for Jill, the more she wants; more clothes, more shoes, purses, makeup, wigs…….. and on and on…
I still like being a guy, so I don’t want to lose myself in my cross dressing. I fear THAT could ruin my life as it is right now. So, I just try to take everything slowly and talk to my wife about this stuff, and so far that has worked for me and for her.
I’m sorry you feel alone, we’ve all felt that way at some point, usually for many years before realizing that there were others like us. But that’s not the kind of loneliness you’re referring to. You need a woman to share your life with and that can be hard to find given who we are. My hope for you is that you will find the right woman for you very soon.
Hugs, Jill
- This reply was modified 1 year ago by Jill Quinn.
- October 6, 2022 at 8:23 am #681520
Tracy lots of girls here can relate to your experience. I’m one of them. Self-loathing, isolation, mistrust, sexual fantasy….and acting on those fantasies. Yep. I checked all those boxes too.
TBH, I wouldn’t wish this life on anyone.
But I am who I am. I can’t change that. And I have a choice. I can live the rest of my life hating that person….and being miserable. Or I can embrace her and make the most of the opportunity….yes opportunity. An opportunity to be happy and maybe pay it forward a bit. That’s what I’ve decided to do.
Living the rest of my life as a happy girl is way better than being a miserable guy. Those are my choices in a nutshell. Of course, making that leap isn’t easy. But it does get easier as you go along.
And you know what? Being a girl is pretty cool! There’s no way I’d go back to being him.
I would suggest you talk to a good gender therapist. It helped me a lot.
Welcome to CDH!
Emily
- October 6, 2022 at 11:31 am #681556Anonymous
I second the Gender Therapist recommendation. I’m seeing one and am slowly accepting myself while still arguing with myself occasionally to be the man I thought I was. Those back steps are happening less and less though. I am finally feeling something that makes me want to stick around and importantly, that feeling is finally coming from within. In the past I kept alive by focusing on loved ones. It’s a worthwhile struggle, keep trying to find yourself.
— Abbie 🥰
- October 6, 2022 at 1:30 pm #681571
Emily,
These three comments I listed below that you made in your post are truly words of wisdom. And I mean that sincerely. If many of the CD’s who are confused, conflicted, worried and depressed over their dressing and what it means would just take a moment to reflect on what you said and determine if it is applicable to their situation, I believe many would have a much easier time on their cross dressing journey. Your thinking reflects mine 100% and these days Fiona is one happy girl.
– Living the rest of my life as a happy girl is way better than being a miserable guy.
– I can embrace her and make the most of the opportunity….yes opportunity. An opportunity to be happy.
– And you know what? Being a girl is pretty cool!- This reply was modified 1 year ago by Fiona Black.
- October 7, 2022 at 7:54 am #681734
Thanks Fiona. Any wisdom I might offer took decades of personal struggle. I wish I’d gotten where I am 30 years ago. Better late than never.
To the girls out there that are struggling, it does get better if you’re willing to take a hard look in the mirror and work with a good therapist.
- October 6, 2022 at 12:19 pm #681563
I can also relate to this dilemma. I am married but had never told my spouse. Before I was married and sometimes while I would let myself explore the feelings. Then I would quit. Repress the feelings and hate myself. Sometimes for years.
Then two years ago I started dabbling, again. This time I became more open to exploring this side of myself I had seen and hidden for many years. I had the “Ann” time due to my schedule. I began buying clothes and makeup. Had a few wigs. I loved how dressing made me feel. I began to do it as much as possible. I found this site. As I became more comfortable as Ann, I started thinking about telling my wife. I could see it going different ways. I had disclosed to a therapist what i had hidden from all my entire life. Anyway, to cut to the chase my spouse found out unexpectedly. She was not happy. I purged and was fine for a time. However, the feelings and urge came back. I revisited it with my spouse again. She made it clear her feelings. Again, I stopped, but recently feel the need and desire to let Ann be herself. I have let myself be me a few times this week.
I sometimes wish I could go back in time. But what would I do? I know I can’t have Ann as part of my everyday life (only in secret) without sacrificing everything I have. So yes, it is a curse. However, I am glad I was able to let Ann out, and feel she is a part of me even if there is no acceptance. (Still hoping maybe there will be a change someday.) But it is just day to day for me and my feelings.
Ann
- October 7, 2022 at 11:27 am #681775
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hang in there you are not alone in this world of cross dressing! my wife knows but will not help me with make-up. she has seen me getting dressed up and already dressed up, she knows i have more female cloths then she does. i even wear bra and panties every day under my male cloths. there are times i under dress and go out. no one can see that i am wearing a dress or skirt, blouse, nylons. i love dressing up for the fact that the clothing feels nice and great fit and also pretty. i have been cross dressing since about i was about 13 or 14. had to wear tights for a school play. i was hooked. my desire to cross dress went away for many years and came back later and came back stronger. i am now almost 60 and love dressing up when i can.
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