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The only person who said it would be easy was me. I was wrong. I thought I was past the confusion of who I was. I was wrong again.
Here I am 60+ years old and still learning about myself. Letting the inner girl escape and be free to experience life was something I thought I had a real understanding of. Sitting in front of my mirror applying my make up I suddenly didn’t know who it was that was looking back at me. I stopped and stared, tried to shake off the feeling, and looked for the familiar face of myself in the mirror. An overwhelming feeling of sadness and fear gripped me. I paced around my house with half my make up on and tried to figure it out. When a feeling of doubt about who my true self was, invaded my thoughts, I started to cry.
I reached out to my sister friends for help and several replied. I’m so thankful for my caring friends who helped me talk through my sadness.
I learned 2 important things.
Just when you think you have it all figured out *wrong* the journey that I’m on is a life long learning experience.
When you’re a member of the “Crossdresser Heaven” community you’re never alone.Hi Wendie…………….just want to say thank you for sharing that. Will write more but cannot …….because……..I too …..am crying…………..I felt something similar ……..right now my mind is racing with thoughts ……………when it settles down ………….I will write more……………..karley
Karley,
There is nothing wrong with what you’re feeling, but I know how feelings can be overwhelming. You and Wendie have a huge support group here of girls who are sympathetic and empathetic, and many of us have gone through this already or will someday. I wish you and Wendie all the best.
Hugs, Jill
I’m happy you found support here and I hope you’re feeling better about who you are. My best wishes for you, Wendy.
Hugs, Jill
Whatever you saw or were looking for the truth is it was you. It can be disconcerting and quite scary but I am so happy that you have found friends here to guide you through it.
Dear, there are thousands of us here to listen, and most of us have had fear, apprehension, doubts about our world. These are normal feelings for everyone, others have different events to trigger them.I like to think we are the luckiest people because we get 2 lives to live not one.
Wendy, I agree this CD/Trans journey is such a scary thing. None of us really know where we are going and it really scares me too. When I started at CDH the question was asked when did you first realize you were transgender. The question scared me I was only a cross dresser NO WAY was I trans. Now I am not so sure, I am so close to ‘socially transitioning’- presenting as female 24/7. So far no desire for HRT or surgery, but who knows??
. Cassie
Hey, Wendie, I’m sorry I couldn’t reply sooner to offer support to my sister in the Bayou Belles, but I am grateful to all my CDH sisters who stepped in and offered counsel. I knew from day-1 that CDH is a community built on supporting its members in every way possible.
As to “figuring things out”, well, I myself never have, and don’t think I ever will. Other girls, like yourself, are troubled by this quandary, but I’m one of the lucky few who accepts myselves as I am (whatever that is).
As Lorraine said, we are lucky in that many of us get to live two lives. I feel sort of the same way, and both of my identities are independent of the other and one don’t try to psychoanalyze the other.
Bayou hugs,
— CamrynHi Wendie,
I’m glad to hear that you found support when you needed it. You are definitely not alone in your confusion about the journey you are on.
I think so many of us have those times of confusion, and doubt. I know I sure have. It is an emotional roller coaster ride at times. I’m sure of who I am and where I’m going, and then, not so much.We are very lucky to have this wonderful place to come to find the support when we need it!
💕Lara
My dear Wendie,
You really struck a nerve with me. I have been there so many times. I posted a picture a while ago that I titled “The woman in the Mirror”. It’s my reflection in my makeup mirror with my makeup on the table beside it. I LOVE wearing makeup and usually adore my feminine face looking back at me. But sometimes the old insecurities…the ones I thought I has conquered…come rushing back. You are not alone my friend. So many of us understand and experience the same feelings. I hope you find some comfort in the responses from your sisters here, and please know that your words also help the rest of us when we are feeling the same way.
💖Lola
I like to live my best CD life, but in my current schedule it’s once a week, this week fading out completely. However I have a couple of dress projects on the go which I’d love to share with you all later. That is, Introspection per se can get me a little lost. My love of clothes, dressmaking and modelling, and now makeup, brings me joy. I rejoice in beautiful dresses and looks. It’s a hobby that’s part of me like my interest in trains, spaceships, or fashion dolls. I’m not breaking any laws (where I am) and have nothing to hide if anyone wants to know. Sometimes that’s awkward and embarrassing, but it doesn’t interfere with my livelihood and relationships. CDH meanwhile is an astonishing resource for all of us to reaffirm the primacy of panties.
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