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  • #380035
    robin sproul
    Registered On: August 14, 2018
    Topics: 6
    Replies: 22
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    I have a summer place that I go to as often as I can. When I am there alone I have may opportunities to dress. I hang around the house all day en femme but it since I am in another state I am able to do more public outings like shopping. I even spent some time in July laying out in public in my bikini. It is a wonderful experience and my confidence grows with every outing. Wearing the mask has also really helped my confidence.

    Here is my small problem. On one of my outings to the grocery store I bought beer. The store requires ID for everyone purchasing beer. That means that I had to produce my PA driver’s license which still had my mustache in the photo. The store associate that was there to check ID’s at the self check out looked at the ID then looked at me. She was clearly flummoxed. I said several times “It is me” but she still was confused as to what she should do. Here was a woman buying beer with a man’s ID. After a few more moments of this uncomfortable situation another store associate came over. She gave the ID to the male associate who gave the ID and me a quick once over then gave the green light.

    On the one hand I do find this to be a humorous situation. I can imagine the surprise the associate had when confronted with incongruousness of my ID and my appearance. Fortunately both associates and I were able to handle this quietly and agreeable. And that leads to my greater concern. What happens if the associate opposes who I present myself as for what ever reason and now we are in a bit of a situation. When I drive to this place I often enjoy driving en femme. (More on that in another post). I use cruise control to be safe speed traps. But what happens if I am pulled over while en femme?

    Finally I use a cash back card for all of my purchases. But this is also in my male name. I often wonder when I sign with my male name while en femme what would happen if I were challenged on that.

    And that is my ID problem!


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    • #382933
      Alison Anderson
      Registered On: October 15, 2018
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 310
      Has thanked: 152 times
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      I’ve had two encounters with the police in the last few weeks.  First, dressed in a black satin top and a short red skirt and wearing breast forms, no wig or makeup, the police came to my home late at night (11:30 PM) looking for some info.  (It’s personal so I don’t want to go into the reason, but it wasn’t anything serious.)  I was in the garage at the time, and the window to the garage is broken, so I talked through the window.  I needed to get my phone, and had to head back into the house to get it.  I’m sure they saw what I was wearing, but no comment was made and I was treated with respect.

      A few days later I was going grocery shopping.  I had just come back from the beach, changed but was still en femme.  While driving down the road to the supermarket, someone made a left turn right in front of me.  There was no way I could stop, and I hit the other car.  Thank God for the safety features in the car, I only suffered some minor bruises.  Someone was right there who happened to be a firefighter, and he ushered me out of the car and treated me like a lady (I don’t believe he thought anything but).  Funny, I went back to the car for some things after the smoke from the air bag cleared, and it was then that I discovered my wig was knocked off.  Fortunately, my own hair is long, and I was still wearing my bangs from my trip to the beach.  But I put the wig back on.  Anyway, when the police came I gave them my stuff as did the other driver, so I never had a chance to exchange info with the other driver.  They also called an ambulance, just to check me out.  Inside, I gave my male name to the paramedic without any undue effects.  I decided I didn’t need to go to the hospital.

      Of course, now that the police report has been filed, the letters from lawyers looking for business are coming in to me and I assume the other driver as well.  And on the police report in those letters is my male name, even though everyone at the scene (other than the police and paramedics) believed I was female.  I wonder now if the other driver is confused.

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    • #382060
      Paula F
      Registered On: August 7, 2019
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 518
      Has thanked: 882 times
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      Robin, I have been through more situations like you describe than I care to think about.  I came out totally 40 something years ago, and it was very difficult when I needed to ID for liquor purchases.  At one time I had an ID that was issued by a CD group out of Dallas.  All I had to do to get one was attend 2 meetings, one to get the picture taken and fill out some information for the card, the second was to pick up the card as they would not mail it, but that was okay.

      Someplace like WalMart or similar, if an associate can’t handle who they see versus the ID, ask for an assistant manager in a very calm voice, and that should get it worked out.  If it doesn’t, turn up the volume just a bit and ask if they are discriminating against you for some reason.  That scares an asst manager to death usually and they pass you.  Don’t get offensively loud or threatening, just a little louder than normal will usually do the trick.

      I have been pulled over only two times by law enforcement.  The first was by a state trooper and he handled everything very professionally, it was a burned out tail light, and let me go with a promise to get it fixed as soon as possible.  The other was a regular uniform city cop in the town where I live for a license plate light being out.  Again, he was very professional when we talked I was let go with a warning and made a promise to get it fixed the next day when the parts house was open.

      There really isn’t a reason to be nervous about an ID check as long as you are in the right and not causing a problem.  To me, it’s like one of the fears we face when first venturing outside the first few times.  In our mind it can be a holy terror, but in reality, it is just a wall of smoke.



      • This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by Paula F.
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    • #380475
      Registered On: May 17, 2016
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 140
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      The days of vendors asking for ID when using are basically over except for alcohol and large dollar purchases. I basically use one credit card and check my purchases online frequently. I really cant remember when I was asked for ID except for alcohol purchases.

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    • #380463
      Bettylou Cox
      Registered On: May 26, 2019
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 1337
      Has thanked: 2055 times
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      Hi Robin,

      I haven’t had that problem, yet…and perhaps I should be concerned.  I shop regularly as Bettylou, and I pay with a male-ID credit card.  Nobody has given me a second look or asked for ID, and with so much identity theft going on, this seems very careless of them – and a potential problem for me, should I become a victim of ID theft.  This has me wondering:  Should I appreciate the convenience and forget about it, or is my concern legitimate?


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    • #380288
      Laura Lovett
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 306
      Has thanked: 824 times
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      My attitude in this sort of situation has hardened through experience.

      I get that it’s an odd situation for the person trying to ID you – a fully cross dressed or trans is not a common sight, and the media are still keen on either pretending we don’t exist, or are the legitimate butts of humour.

      However, this is the 21st Century, and we are still going through COVID-19.

      The word is a different place. Gender, race, women’s rights – the rights of all individuals are better exposed and becoming a bigger part of everyday conversation.

      My attitude is more like “What, you’ve never seen a cross dresser before?”, and I try to gently drive the scenario with humour.

      “Yeah, I grew my hair”, “I don’t use that name when I’m dressed like this”, “He’s very close to me – you can call him if you like”.

      When faced with this sort of blatant humour, people tend to smile or even chuckle, rally magnificently, and come to terms with the situation really quickly.

      I book my hotel rooms for “someone else” – Premier Inn give this option – and always sign in as Laura. I’ve developed a nice, girly signature now – but since many of the staff in Brighton know me by sight as Laura now,  hasn’t been an issue. Rather, check in is something of a pleasure.

      This level of acceptance does rather drive me to expect it elsewhere, and this shapes my attitude to others – I expect them to accept me for who I am. Revelation! Not at all unreasonable.

      However, I am sympathetic to the fact that it might be unusual for them, poor dears, so I try to help by making them as comfortable with me as possible.

      I love seeing people smile at me!

      Love Laura

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    • #380254
      Registered On: January 27, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 57
      Has thanked: 1026 times
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      Pre- 9/11, there were IDs that TGs could use with their passports to board planes. After 9/11 that was no longer possible. Google it and find out what those IDs look like and if anyone is still making them.

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    • #380125
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
      Topics: 200
      Replies: 1320
      Has thanked: 5578 times
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      Hi Robin, I ran into a similar situation at a gas station this past December, except there was no other associate and just like in your story the clerk either couldn’t get his mind around it or else just didnt want to.  So I took my business elsewhere and continue to do so.

      My license is several years old and looks quite a bit different from how I usually look now.  When it comes up for renewal next year, I’ve thought about showing up at the bmv in fem, but that might present another set of problems…?  The bmv here was set to begin issuing “non binary” licenses but apparently our state attorney general (who has plenty of problems of his own) doesn’t like that, and our state legislature doesn’t seem to either.

      As far as the police tho…it hasn’t been an issue…at least not in two instances of talking to state police officers… I can’t comment on how small town would respond but the state police have been good to me.

      Having said all that… I think the whole issue of licenses, name changes & gender markers etc is a huge and ridiculous problem for the community…

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    • #380113
      Registered On: May 17, 2016
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 140
      Has thanked: 120 times
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      In most states they ask for proof when you are buying alcohol. In the supermarkets i go to they ask for proof and im 71. As far as when driving. If you get stopped just give the officer what he asks for. If he questions your ID just tell him your are TG/CD. Believe me they have seen this before and it is not against the law. I am a retired law enforcement officer.

    • #380075
      Alexis Tresse
      Registered On: March 27, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 65
      Has thanked: 681 times
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      A few weeks ago here in California I too got carded when en femme and paying with a male-name credit card for groceries including beer. Flattering as the thought is, I cannot believe that even all made up I looked anywhere near young enough to need to prove that I was at least age 21. So, I figure that I was passing sufficiently convincingly as a woman for the young male cashier to question my use of this credit card. He was entirely polite and said, “thank you, ma’am,” but may have mentioned me in the employee break room.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #380041
      Sandy Craig
      Registered On: March 18, 2018
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 212
      Has thanked: 105 times
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      You should be somewhat happy they scrutinize your id. With all the CC identity theft going on I feel it’s better to have this happen then not even look.

      I can assume you look different enough that the 2 person check was deemed necessary. I have been this situation where a manager at a fine gift shop was asked to check-no problems of course. My CC all say to check photo id and I would be happy to show additional ID if asked.

      If your uncomfortable with that store you might try a different store the next time.

      Most businesses are aware and may have had some training regarding this and police certainly are aware. I would not worry myself about any. I have been stopped by police while I was on foot once but did not need to show ID. Several people I know have been stopped and even a DUI in at least one case. All said they were treated with respect.


      Live life and enjoy,


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